Once again, my wife (The Most Wonderful Girl In The Universe) asked me what I’d like for my birthday.
- World Peace.
- More common sense. For everyone.
(She thinks empathy should be added in, I think “common sense” implies empathy.)
(What? When TMWGITU asks you for something, you do it.)
- A new bike.
- The ability to play guitar.
- More time to sleep.
- More hours in the day.
- The ability to understand stupid people.
- Fewer stupid people.
- A winning lottery ticket.
- The next season of Dr Who.
- A long weekend with TMWGITU, spent entirely in bed.
In a few days, I’ll wake up a whole year older.
And as long as I’ve got my girl beside me, the rest of the stuff on that list can wait.
“Welcome to the fall season of Beatnik Poetry Slam. As a reminder, please, no cell phone calls during the slam. Though really, when was the last time anyone used a cell phone to make a call? Seriously, of all the features on my phone, the calling one is probably used least next to- What? Oh, sorry…
Anyone, welcome, and we hope you enjoy.”
Luciano Lovetro strides to the stage in his red crushed velvet smoking jacket and takes his place next to the acoustic-electric rainstick.
El Guapo mounts the dais. The smoke from his clove cigarette loops around the twirled ends of his chai-tea scented mustachio. He slides his Ray Ban Wayfarers to the tip of his nose and begins.
The eyes and ‘stache of a poet. A strange, strange poet.
lie on the battlefield. *shkkkkkkkk*
blows over them both. *shshshshshshsh*
His pale hand reaches out
the corner *shkahshwk*
The blankets now covers them both. *shwkshwkshwk*
But the battle has just begun. *shhhhhhh*
Sun rises, sun sets. 7 times, in fact, since the last time we did one of these. And in that week, I had a lot of fun bouncing around reading blogs. Here’s some of what I saw. Momshiebdialed it down. Cayman Thorn and his son discussed Fenway Park, and GingerFightBack did something about institutionalized bullying.
Oh, and LifeConfusions gave me a Versatile Blogger Award! (She really deserved it. I got it from her because of tithing. She has a great site, and I hope you guys check her out.)
Thanks to them and everyone else for some time well spent reading this week!
Oh what I could have read if I were immortal. But what would you have done? That’s what we asked in last weeks poll. And now, your answers are burned into my brain forever. Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are eternal in italics.)
see Hangover 13: We Promise, Last One sometime. (Some things just don’t improve with age.) piss on the front steps of several politicians, then knock the door. (If you were a politician, it would be knock on the door, then piss on whoever answered.) Sleep some. Then some more. Then maybe a nap. butimbeautiful (Even immortality wouldn’t give me enough time for all the beauty sleep I need.) …try to kill myself around the age of 120. (Is that thousand or million?) Amass enough wealth to visit all my blogging friends – Benzeknees (At my current income, I’ll be dead by then.) I would learn to tap dance without falling in the sink… Andro (Maybe you should learn to tap dance outside the kitchen…) Live a very long time Andro (You call this living?) …guide humanity towards greatness. – Hotspur (At last! Hot dogs and buns in the same size packages!) probably commit suicide – calahan (I don’t think you understand how this works…) Grow a ZZ Top beard (Frank) (I’m already doing that with my ear hair!) brickhousechick says, eat as many mac n cheese burgers as possible (Immortality means you’ll be able to live with the indigestion. For a long long time.) read every book ever written (I’d be an immortal nerd) Stacy!! (Because of a similar mindset, WE HAVE A WINNER!!!) Start my diet in 6,999 years…zannyro (What’s the rush?) Eat poison straight from the jar. Linda Vernon (80s music comes in jars?) show up at Vera Farmiga’s door with flowers every night until she said yes (You realize she isn’t immortal, right?) want to die. (Umm…it’s good to have goals?) Try one of those convenience store hot dogs, till then – forget it – Alex A (Half the great taste comes from the risk of death!?) Have more time to write stuff clever enough to get posted here… PMAO (Wait – clever stuff gets posted here?!?) Take a nap. If I’m going to be around that long I want to be at my best. (SPP) (Just outlive anyone who says you don’t look great. Suckers!) Have lots of sex with strangers… wait IMMORTAL or IMMORAL? (UndercoverL) (If you’re having sex with them, they probably aren’t strangers anymore.) does that mean that you are not? (SnB) (Ask me in one thousand years.) Spend more time on this answer than what I just have. Kayjai (I’d probably still not spend any time coming up with these answers.) Continue to avoid Dostoyevsky.~~Addie (Crap! Is he immortal too???) Still not bother reading depressing Russian lit. Elyse 54.5 (Ah, so you’ll be reading Chekov instead) finally win at blogging. thematticuskingdom (That’s just crazy talk. Next you’ll want to win these polls.) hide away from the world so as not to be studied like a lab rat. thematticuskingdom (*puts away cameras and hides cheese*) hate reinventing myself every generation. thematticuskingdom (You could just join the Rolling Stones.) take some heads while saying “there can be only one.” thematticuskingdom (Where would you hide your sword when you’re naked?) I would BASE jump off the roof of my house- Susie Lindau (More rewarding than laying second BASE for the Rockies!) be immoral. Rutabaga (I was supposed to wait to be immortal for that?!?) Start rock climbing and conquer “impossible” climbs. Immortal means you bounce? (Sounds like you’re planning less on “climbing” and more on “falling”…)
Congratulations to Stacy for an excellent use of immortality! And from the offered choices, the most popular were I don’t know. But I could afford to do it sloooowwwwwly… and DO THESE POLLS FOREVER!!!!!!. So congratulations to all of you who take your time answering these. I really do appreciate it.
I’m on a quest!
Next week, I’m going to disappear. Not in a David Copperfield “where’s the elephant” kind of way. My girl and I are going to make up for a crappy summer by condensing ours into one week in the Caribbean. And the internet where well be is apparently so bad that I’ll be completely offline until we return.
Fortunately, The Most Wonderful Girl In The Universe and I won’t be leaving til after this post goes up, so you have plenty of time to make suggestions!
And just to give you something to do, this one will be open late than usual, until Tuesday, 5 November, 2359 EST.
(And if you leave an “Other” answer, leave a way to identify you, and I’ll link back to you next week.)
And until we meet again, enjoy these.
In honor of Apple releasing yet more iStuff:
And I was reminded of this while reading the latest post from Lily In Canada. Because the classics never die.
For those in the US, don’t forget to change your clocks on the 2nd. Revel in that extra hour, and have fun until we meet again!
It’s not quite 9 am as I write this.
Here is a list of things I managed not to say to people today. I admire my restraint.
But it’s early, so I’m pretty sure that will fade as the day goes on.
Do you know how much restraint I’m using to not open it and let it all out?!?
“Then you’ll look like a piece of pink Swiss cheese.”
“What’s that smel-… Oh, it’s you, isn’t it.”
“Do your parents know you ate lead paint as a child??”
“Hey, you’d get a great price for me on Ebay!”
“Explain to me again why getting out of bed this morning was a good idea.”
“You didn’t pay for that haircut, did you???”
“How is that my problem, and why should I care?”
“You’ve been listening to Reason and Logic? Is that a band? Because I know you’re not talking about the company.”
“You don’t expect me to actually do that, do you?”
I expect my inner voice will get loud enough break through as the day goes on. Fortunately, my boss is laid back, and as long as I keep actually doing work, I should be fine.
And to restrain myself, I just keep reminding me that come Saturday I’ll be away and offline totally for a week.
Finally, the week is almost over! I’ve been waiting for this since…well, Monday morning. How did I get through the week? By reading blogs! Here’s some of what I saw… Aussa Lorens posted tips about recognizing and dealing with a stalker. Giggles McJillturned up, and Mike wrote a fantastic reinterpretation of Goldilocks. Great stuff, from them and all of you.
Last week left us looking back at some of the more foolish things we’ve done, and what, in fact, we regretted. And wow, do some of you have some sad tales! here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are remorseful in italics.)
Not wearing leotards in the winter when I was a teenager – Benzeknees (I don’t regret wearing the leotard. I regret not wearing anything over it.) Farting without a gas mask Andro (If only you had learned from previous mistakes…) Not calling in sooner… again Andro (I regret not calling out sooner.) Shouldn’t have broken the Multimedia projector in my uni&ran away(Lifeconfusions) (You ruined the lesson on the socio-militaristic implications of SpongeBob…) Dating a Man Twice My Age (Aussa Lorens) (As long as the next one doesn’t have just half your IQ.) sleeping with kato kaelin. but since this will never see the light of day….. (I regret knowing who kato was.) Taking off a slip before gym class. Finding it on class flag pole after. ~Maddie Cochere (I’d have just given gym class the slip.) Watching the Dexter finale. ~~Addie (Spoiler alert: Walter White did it.) A song by the Gazette! Yeah! Hotspur
(I regret not finding out what hair gel that guy(?) uses.) regressing into regret. – calahan (At least you weren’t addressing an egret.) Never really taking a stand on plain or peanut. Linda Vernon (Where ever you stand, wash your feet after.) Not entering last week’s poll. Elyse 54.5 (Just when you thought you were out, they pull you back in!) It’s hard to have regrets when you’re perfect. -Lily In Canada (I regret my modesty.) spending five minutes trying to think of something to say here. thematticuskingdom (I regret my stats don’t incrememnt by the minute.) not having any regrets. thematticuskingdom (Showoff.) Washing down that cheeto burrito with Crystal Pepsi. (I regret not being closer to the bathroom when I did that.) not taking that left turn in Albuquerque! sandylikeabeach (Just don’t go there during wabbit season.) not changing my name to Guapola and becoming a famous blogger (SnB) (Crap! Does that guy know I’m using his name???) my ambition to be 5’9″ will never come to fruition – Rutabaga (I regret I didn’t stretch myself for that dream…) This is just an excuse to quote “My Way”, isn’t it? Not A Punk Rocker (I regret having a Frankie Says shirt with that on it.) Not being Canadian so I could have won last week’s poll (Frank) (On the other hand, that means Bieber isn’t your fault.)
Another winnerless week, so Congratulations to everyone who avoided that stigma! And from the offered choices, the most popular were a tie between trying New Coke. and It was a weekend in Paris. The sun was warm…the wine had nose…the babies were smoking… So congratulations to everyone who can admit those terrible things to themselves! I think it’s obvious that I don’t spend a lot of time crafting these polls. But if I had the time, would I? And more importantly, if you had the time, what would you do? That’s what the inquiring minds at Guapo Labs want to know this week. But you don’t have forever to think about it, because this one closes at 2359 EDT, Wednesday, 23 October, so get your answers in by then.
And until net week, because of the general crapiness of the world, it’s noce to be reminded that there are still some of us romantic saps out there.