A Literary Limerick (And Haiku!) – Star Wars: Return of the Jedi


Today’s Music: Brian Hyland – Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

Well, we’ve come to the end of our journey. The final haiku/limerick combination for Star Wars.
Thanks to Kayjai for thumping me on twitter and finally getting me to write the damn thing. (Plus, now I can rag her until she finishes the Kevin story. Seriously, it’s been a while since the last installment.)
And a special thanks to Mike Calahan for reminding me that this could only end with Ewoks.
(For those interested, it started here, and continued here.)

But now, we return to a time long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

And because this is the third movie of the trilogy (Trilogy. Those horrible bits called Episodes 1, 2, and 3 are dead to me), we’re giving you three, yes three limericks to send this one off!
So without further ado, here we go.
And may the force be with you!

Star Wars
Return Of The Jedi

Beware, It’s a trap!

That Luke finds good in Vader

Leia is not Han’s sister.

It ends with a big funeral pyre,
bathrobes as mystical attire
Good defeated bad
By all, a great time was had.

Oh George, couldn’t you then just retire?

Turns out Vader wasn’t such a big meanie.
Son Luke used the force like a genie
The plan from Akbars squid-head
left the Death Star for dead,

And we saw Leia, in a gold plated bikini

Vader stopped lightning, with his deft agile blocks.
The new Death Star – reduced to burnt rocks
The force was at rest.
This tale could’ve been the best,

but alas, it was riddled with Ewoks

61 responses to “A Literary Limerick (And Haiku!) – Star Wars: Return of the Jedi

  1. Ah Ha!! Success…Yay you! And I was kinda hoping you didn’t notice my Kevin story has stalled. Dammit…I guess I’ll get to writing, then. Right now I’m delving deep into the bowels of attempting to understand American Politics…so far, I’m confused…

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  2. Did people think Leia was HAN’s sister?

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  3. This is excellent work. You even managed to squeeze in the gold plated bikini. (No! Of course I don’t mean YOU, Guapo, put on that bikini — although now that I think about it, I might like to see that? LOL!)

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  4. Hahaha! Too funny. There is nothing better than a morning that starts out with Ewoks and gold plated bikinis!

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  5. free penny press

    Ok, you can stone me.. I have never seen Star Wars..I know, I’m weird…
    But I love your Limerick :-)

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  6. Making another comment for no particular reason, am I!

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  7. First and third ones rocked!

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  8. Great stuff, but I was hoping for a ‘weenie’ to rhyme with genie, meanie, and bikini…

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  9. “Akbar’s squid-head” –> nice! I see what you did there. :)

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  10. I don’t know, Guap. I think even Ewoks have there place in the design of things. Maybe. <3

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  11. *their (Oh, the horror!) <3

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  12. Ewoks! I love cute & furry – please don’t hate on Ewoks!

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  13. And a Haiku?? Wow…you are really branching out! I love it!

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  14. I’ve actually met people who thought Han was Leia’s brother. But they were idiots. Also, Ewoks!!!

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  15. Brilliantly done oh Knight of the Limerick!

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  16. I would like to suggest that you now do this with Gone With The Wind…that classic tale….I would love to see what you could do with, “Frankly my dear, I don’t give a damn”…..Oh and also…” I don’t know nothin’ about birthin’ no babies”…….

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  17. “Oh George, couldn’t you then just retire?” – Hilarious!!! I couldn’t agree more! The first 3 installments were the best. Great work, Guapo!

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  18. I really liked these!!!
    Sooz

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  19. but alas, it was riddled with Ewoks

    Yeah, I thought they were cool as hell as a kid, but I can do without them now. I agree with you on Parts I, II & III–it’s better to pretend those abortions never happened. I have mixed feelings, because I believe that a creator (i.e., Mr. Lucas) should have control over his own intellectual property, and do with it as he likes. HOWEVER, when you create something that resonates with a broad segment of the population so intensely, I think you have a responsibility not to eff it up.

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    • Every so often, I still enjoy watching them, Smak.
      It would be nicer if George still made the originals available instead of pulling the old every time he tweaks them.

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  20. I hope you’re working on that compilation …

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  21. I love limericks, and Harry Potter, too. :) well done.

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  22. I like it, now try this little jingle…
    You have to try saying it as fast
    as you can okay? :)

    One Smart Fellah, He Felt Smart
    Two Smart Fellah’s, They Felt Smart
    Three Smart Fellah’s, They Felt Smart
    They ALL Felt Smart Together…

    Now say that out loud… And fast…
    Then get your wife and her friends
    on with it, I guarantee you will have
    a few laughs with this one Guap :)

    Have a fun rest of evening and thank you
    for your generous comment over at Red’s :)

    I appreciate it :) :)

    Like

Ahem *best Ricky Ricardo voice* Babble-OOOoooo!!!

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