Category Archives: Babblings

This is not madness. THIS. IS. FOOLISHNESS!!!


Today’s Music: PJ Harvey – One Time Too Many

Thank. God. I thought I’d never make it this far into the week. Ridiculously busy at work! Rough commute! It snowed!!! Sheesh! Good thing I had blogs to get me through. Here’s some of what I saw…
Susie Lindau Smooshed Her Boobs. DJ Matticus’ Prince fought a Great Battle! And WhiteladyInTheHood had a run-in with…well… Bunny Tails. Sort of.

Thanks to them and everyone else for a whole lot of great reading this week!

Wrong. For ANY gender.

Wrong. For ANY gender.


But last week, sex was on everyones minds. Especially when we asked about turning into the opposite sex. And wow, did you people have some interesting thoughts on the subject. (Seriously, get help!) Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are androgynous in italics.)
Figure out if it’s really all that hard to aim into the BOWL (Samara)
(Of course it isn’t. Sinks are wide! Oh..waitaminute..)
Words can’t describe the assault I would lay siege to my new apparatus (Samara)
(For that, grunts are better than words.)
Say feck loudly and in a deep voice, while scratching my balls :-\ Indecisive Eejit
(RuPaul? Is that you?)
make sure the snozberries still tasted like snozberries. thematticuskingdom
(That’s the last time I’m checking Urban Dictionary for definitions.)
immediately steal The Queen’s title. thematticuskingdom
(CATFIGHT!!!)
check the calendar to see if it was some sort of Freaky Friday. thematticuskingdom
(Doublecheck that it isn’t 1976.)
Poke someone… Yes of course with my finger ;) lol Andro
(Whew! Because you can take someone’s eye out with those other things!)
Flirt a lot more than usual, hey I’m kidding :) Andro
(What is more than an “infinite” amount?)
Slap myself twenty times… Shouting get me out of here – Andro
(Two men enter. One man…umm…nevermind)
prove that men can have multiple orgasms. Aussa Lorens
(We don’t because of the dehydration risks.)
Finally be able to kill my own spiders. The Sailor’s Woman
(Well that’s not taking very good care of your pets…)
become a militant feminist and chide my former self for intense dumbness (Trent)
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
Fart and blame it on the dog, yell at the TV and pretend to fix stuff. Kayjai
(Even better if you don’t own a dog!)
Listen to the song “If I were a boy” by Beyonce? #WeirdIKnow
(So…bad taste in music regardless of gender?)
Slap myself across the face repeatedly just so I could wake up from this horror
(So you’re still into that, regardless of gender?)
take a duckface selfie (Stacy)
(At least you’ll be able to hide it behind facial hair.)
scream
(Like a little girl?)
wear kilts and suits! NBI
(You can get a mankini. Good for any gender!)
have serious balls. (Nadia)
(If you’d grown up with them, they’d probably be more playful…)
Do a pee, leave the seat up and think HARD about WHY I do something so annoying! Miss Lou
(Or revel in doing it the right way!)
Be dumber than I was before I went to sleep Elyse 54.5
(Yes…but you wouldn’t care!)
Scratch myself in public and then spit on the ground in front of myself
(Hmm…not sure which gender you’re changing to…)
get a big set of fake boobs!! SnB
(Oh, I have a pair of those mounted on the wall.)
(Zoe) Wonder why I had a man in my bed
(Because if he were under it, it would lead to a whole lot of questions…)
(Zoe) I would have a new toy to play with.
(Careful it doesn’t go off while you’re cleaning it…)
Be boring as hell! SnaapyG
(We prefer to think of it as “being introspective”.)
Find out which organ I really think with… (Gretchen, drifting through.com)
(No thinking involved.)
(With either of them.)

…be glad to give my brain a break from doing all the thinking. (Miz Yank)
(Or start thinking about important stuff!)
Make my husband, 37, get a sex change — Linda Vernon
(Just don’t let him do it with his own tools!)
In my best Corleone way I would yell out “I GET TO ACT LIKE A MAN” Marie Nicole
(I thought every man acted like a boy?)
play with my new boobies… Twindaddy
(You wouldn’t return them when you changed back, would you.)
earn 20 cents more on the dollar and never again wait in line for a restroom!
(Wait in line? We just pee outside when it’s crowded.)
PMAO… be glad I have long, sexy legs.
(Nono, this is after the sex change.)
still write about my naughty bits – Rutabaga
(What, no video?)
Refuse to answer the question for fear of reprisal. (Frank)
(If these polls have taught me anything, it’s that there are no right answers.)
Enjoy peeing standing up. (Deanna)
(Why not? I often enjoy it then! Or while walking…)
see if scratching my junk is all that it’s cracked up to be. Polysyllabic Profundities
(Once you scratch junk, all else is…bunk!(?))
Relish having one thought at a time. Bliss! – Sandy Mitchell
(Mmm…relish…)
I would never reduce myself to a single orgasm entity. – Sandy Mitchell
(There’s an amoeba joke in there somewhere…)

Congratulations to Trent for this weeks winning answer! (And we hope he uses his prize to work out his issues.) And from the offered choices, the most popular was still look great. So congratulations on all the self confidence!
ChocoBunny
This week, Easter is coming right before Passover leaves. But instead the end of the weekend, this poll is about what happens at the beginning. Good Friday! What could be better than that.
Well, that’s what we’d like to know.
Answer often, but answer soon, because this one closes at 2359 EDT on Tuesday, 22 April. Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.


And since the new Captain America is out (good flick. Stay til the end of the credits.), enjoy this as we head into the weekend.

See you…out there.

And Goodnight, Mrs. Foolishness, Wherever You Are!


Today’s Music: Brody Dalle – Don’t Mess With Me

Once more, unto the weekend! Last weekend, I had my Big Brothers/Big Sisters interview, which was an awful lot of questions. Presumably I’ll hear back from them soon. Also spent a great day knocking about with TMWGITU – always fun! Throw in a little live music, and it wasn’t too bad of a week.
Oh, and I got to read blogs! Here’s some of what I saw:
Lance Burson wrote about Changing Music. Dawn posted about facing down Shame, and Linda Vernon gave us the biblical origins of Goat Hotcakes.
All in all, a very satisfying week of reading, from them and all of you.
RealityTV
But last week, we asked you for the most satisfying thing on TV – the next great reality show. And wow, are your realities stranger than fiction! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are getting their fifteen minutes in italics.)
The Farmwives of Hot Coffee, MS~~Addie
(Watch as they consider moving to the sunny side of Two Eggs, FL)
My Cat Meme Addiction (Nadia)
(While you google them, you can haz cheezburger!)
Housewives of Whoville – Linda Vernon
(On a heartwarming episode, they all adopt Horton.)
Are You My Brother/Sister? Amy R.
(You’re going to put Maury Povich out of a job…)
Gene Pool: Make Your Own Baby Amy R.
(Watch as these artisans hand-create what the rest of us just order online.)
brickhousechick: “Naked & Fried” follow the life of a naked tan man…
(Now I know why that camera van is stalking me…)
Stacy’s Living Room Revelations (Stacy) ha!
(On the Thanksgiving episode, Norm realizes he can carve the turkey from the couch!)
experienced by turning off the TV. sandylikeabeach
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
How I Learned to Play the Harmonica with my Nose
(With very special guest, Stevie “The Shnoz” Wonder.)
Duckface Dynasty
(Tonight, Darlene cleans the bathroom before snapping a selfie in the mirror!)
Life With The Hotspurs
(Hotspur and wife both dress up as Miyavi. But who’s prettier?)
Confessions of the Chick-Fil-A Cow – Curvyroads
(The truth will turn all four of your stomachs.)
Real Red(State)Necks of North Georgia – Curvyroads
(In the episode that changes everything, Dwayne’s “Mom” tattoo is misspelled right before he starts his run for Senate.)
Bloggers Reveal How to Keep Yourself from Growing Onto Your Computer – Benzeknees
(On the season finale, Benze catches a virus from her PC.)
“DYIs: Hipsters On the Loose” KBerrios
(Hipsters go dumpster-diving, then redecorate one lucky person’s house!)
Or, the actual un-dislexic version, “DIY: Hipsters on the Loose.” KBerrios
(Hey, they were misspelling on teh internet be4 it was kewl.)
a show about me… trying to get on this blog… PMAO
(Watch as PMAO’s account is shut down for spam.)
(Again.)

Pork Dynasty: Swamp Pigs
(Bringing home the bacon. One bucket of mud at a time.)
Your question implies there was a 1st “great” reality show. Elyse 54.5
(WE HAVE ANOTHER WINNER!!!)
Real Bloggers At Home (SilkPurseProductions)
(Wait – bloggers are real people???)
Zoe:How the rest of the world survives Hawaiian Shirts
(Spoiler Alert: There’s a lot of rum involved.)
The Life and Times of Guap. (thematticuskingdom)
(That’s better suited for a PBS slot in the early am hours.)
(When everyone is asleep.)

My Child Thinks They are a Vampire. (thematticuskingdom)
(Wow, that…sucks.)
Following a $20.00 bill as it changes hands and opens doors.
(Isn’t that the entire schedule of Fox Business News?)
Mine was the $20.00 reality show – Susie Lindau Duh!
(And here I was expecting the $1,000,000 idea.)
Stop! Or my mom will shoot. (thematticuskingdom)
(Settle down there, Palin jr.)
Turning Brony: A trip deep inside the bowels of Bronyism. *NancyTex
(Those colorful, colorful bowels.)
The Secret Lives of GIF Makers
(Feel the drama – one flashing frame at a time!)
Real Villains of Gotham City – Thing Two aliceatwonderland
(Doesn’t our gov’t get enough media coverage already?)
IBS Unleashed – Rutabaga
(On tonights episode, Bill…toots…his own horn!)
Buckaroo’d! A show about zoophiliacs ditched at the alter by their horses – Joe Hoover
(I’d like to think that show has a small audience. But it’s probably huge…)
I Peed My Pants While Watching Sex Sent Me To The ER – Twindaddy
(Sponsored by Depends Undergarments.)
Twilight Sent Me to the ER- “Thing One” aliceatwonderland
(Spinoff of “50 Shades sent me to the Proctologist”.)

Congratulations to sandylikeabeach and Elyse 54.5 for this weeks winning answers! (Catch the behind the scenes action of their acceptance on “Accepting Inane Awards“, this week on TLC!). And from the offered choices, the most popular was I Wore The Foam Burger Suit at McDonalds. So congratulations to everyone self confident enough to admit they did that.
Strip Poll
This week, spring is very much in the air, including the birds! And the bees! So obviously, it’s time for a sex-related poll. And you don’t even have to worry about catching a disease from this one! (Carefeul, Benze.)
Answer often, but answer soon, because this one closes at 2359 EDT on Tuesday, 15 April. Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.


And since the poll wasn’t really about sex, enjoy this video that isn’t quite about sex either.

Have a great week everyone!

Spam. A Love Story.


Today’s Music: Israel Kamakawiwo’ole – Somewhere over the Rainbow asdf
*Note on Today’s Music: Song picked by NancyTex, who was suspiciously keen on me posting this.
*Note on today’s post: All the links are safe. Sort of.

I have never denied being a sappy romantic at heart. Sometimes, as I’m deleting my spam comments, I like to wonder, what if these people met? Would Ray Bans Wholesale enjoy the company of the Christian Dating Site? Could Webmaster SEO and Fancy Cat Pictures ever make a go of it? Do BabelFish and Google Translate ever find a common language (since neither of them seem to speak English)?
Let’s sit in on one of their dates, told in their native language and see what happens…

It's a spicy kind of love...

It’s a spicy kind of love…


Am I to be meeting him above the street upon which the light shines down. Noticeable at first is the way hair upon his eyes covers. The hand offered to me? I take it.
“Greetings”, spoke him his words. “The felicitations and announcements to joy upon our reconnaissance are truly of mine”.
I could not help but be swooned at the playerness of his strong welcome. The dapperity of his appearance did speak to me, from his Ray Ban Wholesale Online sunglasses to the Fine Italian Leather of his toe garments.
He did the speaking again “I am Tjhke90587fuyhn^*%jk, but you can call me &*8/”. Enrapturous as the encounter was, I knew this was to be more thereof.
“Acquaintanced of you, I am” was my cautionary reply. “Please to call me Sheila, as I am called Sheila.”
We were too strolling forwards near the restaurant of foods mouthwatering and good-smelling when at once, we were accosted by people from sales with finest delights!
Rolex Watches!
Laptop Cases!
Premium Electronics!
&*8/ was for the purchasing of these exquisitness one red rose that placed he fetchingly above the brow which is my forehead, and we sat the both of us for eating.

To wit of the many undertakings of conversationalisms, there was much of verbage to passing twixt us both, as though the speakage must continue. For job, of which he said there was a lots of pursuant to the makings of bucks, and the various things to selling, including
Adidas cheaper than wholesale!
Premier Spanish Handbags!
Women seeking mates in your area!
Though as concluding, I felt forced to remind him that as webmaster, his SEO usage was costing him page views, which I would dearly love to speak with him about to provide him much better placement within search engine results.
Worried need I have been not, for it was as though collaborations were with my own heart!
After all consumption had concluded and we returned insofar as going back to the place which in this country for many years my bed has been, he attempted the nicely to put kiss upon me. Truly, in lust of brightness, I did wrap arms under him and squeeze as though the first beginnings had started.

Together we have been of since, as for much time.

I hope sincerest my tale will be of inspirement to you, and to know that if you click now, all my story will be as though it were told by my cousin who only knows me as well as to relate this.

You Can’t Always Get What You Foolishness


Today’s Music: The Whigs – Waiting

Why hello there. Welcome to Friday. Hope you all had a good trip. My days this week were at turns productive, frustrating and filled with ennui. Fortunately, there were some plenty of blog posts to keep me company on the way. Here’s some of what I read…
Rollergiraffe told a great story about how her extended family deals with Autism. DHonour wrote a beautiful piece to about her second son on his Sixth Birthday, and KBerrios explained Expressing Yourself to a young boy.

Great stuff all around, from them and everyone else!
hoarder
Last week, the polls were a’flutter with the question “what do you do with your extra stuff“? And judging from your answers, you’ve hoarded a lot of thoughts on this topic. Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are a messy pile of italics.)

A charity dedicated to helping stars of the show Hoarders – Curvyroads
(Maybe it can be administered by U-Haul?)
My hips, apparently. That’s gotta be why they tripled in size. (Miz Yank)
(My hips don’t lie. They would honestly like another slice of pizza.)
Maybe be like grandparents. Hoard until dead and let others deal. Quirky
(It’s all those meals you wouldn’t let them feed you…)
A company that will recycle it into Hawaiian shirts!! Polysyllabic Profundities
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
The attic. And I don’t have to deal with it until all falls through the ceiling.
(I hope you didn’t just jinx it…)
…”all falls through the ceiling.” (List of X)
(Should have hoarded some load-bearing beams….)
flea market – cha-ching! (Stacy)
(Careful – fleas are renowned for their haggling.)
The Human Fund. The Sailor’s Woman
(If you give them even a scrap, they’ll follow you around forever.)
There’s a hidden vortex on my lawn. I put my stuff out, and it’s gone by noon.
(You’ve been dumping freezing cold in that vortex, haven’t you.)
(I can tell you where it’s been going.)
(Hmph.)

Using it to hide from zombies sounds good. At last a reason! Elyse 54.5
(If you make the zombies dig through that stuff, it’ll cost you an arm and a leg.)
To needy sexy people!
(But I don’t want it!!!)
Extra???I have nothing as EXTRA!(Although my mom seems to disagree)Life Confusions
(Oh, Mama Confusions, where did you go wrong???)
ME of course, who else? Puft! Life Confusions
(I’m not sure you understood the question…)
nobody. I hoard, hoard, hoard. jaklumen
(Maybe donate it, to the lord, lord, lord?)
(Or throw it in the river, near the fjord, fjord, fjord!)

It joins the missing socks from the laundry-(Zoe)
(Why are you stashing your stuff in the washing machine???)
Zoe-I eat some,pack some, wear some,sleep in some,mow the lawn,bbq,clean up poop
(Wow, that’s versatile! Is all your stuff a Swiss Army Knife?)
Let’s trade. You take mine. I’ll take yours. -Penny Lane Seriously
(UPS (United Psychology Service) wants hazard pay to transport my stuff.)
my hips, where else? Benzeknees
(I really don’t think there’s a safe way for me to reply to this…)
You spelled stuph wrong… Twindaddy
(Sorry – my speak n spell was buried under the old betamax tapes.)
The dumpster my husband keeps threatening/promising to rent. Susie Lindau
(Mine are only used for the bodies…)
that depends on what your definition of “extra” is. thematticuskingdom
(I DID NOT HAVE RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN!!! Sorry, what was the question?)
my local black hole: the attic. thematticuskingdom
(Your attic is Congress???)
flowers, long time passing. thematticuskingdom
(Sounds like you’ve sown the seeds of discontent.)
I don’t have extra stuff, or much stuff at all. Send it my way!
(What, and ruin your Zen groove?)
Uranus….or someone’s anus – Rutabaga
(Is that storage charged by weight or volume?)
… the previous polls muffin (Frank)
(At this point, it’s probably a crouton.)

Congratulations to Polysyllabic Profundities for this weeks winning answer, and thinking outside the (storage) box! And from the offered choices, the most popular was NOWHERE! IT’S MINE, DO YOU HEAR ME?!?! MINE!!!!!!, so congrats to all of you who really need to cut down on the caffeine.
RealityTV
This week, the unbridled polling collective stands in solidarity with Alice At Wonderland in her battle against the forces of Big GIF. Beknownst to all, Alice is a huge TLC Reality Show addict – Sex Sent Me To The ER, My Crazy Obsession, Untold Stories of the ER. But sometimes it’s not enough.
So this time around, we’re asking what the next great reality show should be.
Answer often, but answer soon, because this one closes at 2359 EDT on Tuesday, 8 April. Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.


And until next time, enjoy something bizarrely awkward.

Have a great week, y’all!

Into The Valley Of Foolishness Rode The Six Hundred…


Today’s Music: Cowboy Mouth – Jenny Says

The wheel has gone around and once again landed on Friday! Another successful week in which I kept my opinions of office goings-on mostly to myself, thereby ensuring my continued employment.
And how did I distract myself from the banality? Why. by reading blogs, of course! Here’s some of what I saw…
REDdog told the story of his First Tattoo. Girl Seule wrote about the joys of Crowd Funded Breasts!, and DJ Matticus and co-authors are giving away copies of Fauxpocalypse, so grab a copy of what I hear is a great book!

Oh, and Helena Hann Basquiat bestowed a Liebster Award (because of my crushed velevet smoking jacket), and That’s Ron To You gave me a Versatile Blogger Award. Probably because I type all my posts with my toes. (Yes, I’m that versatile!)
I hope y’all check them both out. They really have great sites!

But before you head over to them, let’s talk about last week’s poll. We asked about English Muffins, and what was going on with those nooks and crannies. From your answers, it’s clear they’re not big enough to contain your cleverness! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are toasted in italics.)

Wormholes left by Ancient Astronauts ~ Stephen Hawking (of Reno)
(That’s why the taste is out of this world!)
just air because some nitwit whipped them too much – Benzeknees
(Arthur Muffin the Fourteenth says it’s not so easy to program those machines correctly.)
Crumpets are for the night after the midnight picnic… Not as juicy though… Andro
(And crumbs in bed for the morning after that…)
I always enjoy a bit of crumpet, actually I prefer lots… Andro
(Gee, I prefer strumpets.)
Yes Crumpets that man and remember that okay, rant over… Andro
(So…I’m thinking you mean…crumpets?)
Air. Nothing clever. Just air. (Stacy)
(English Muffins are know for their dry…wit.)
wanna be donut holes -Linda Vernon
(Who knows what dreams lie in the hearts of baked goods? The butter knows!)
A place to stash my diary in which I curse everyone I know-Life Confusions
(bitter anger never tasted so good!)
Sweet lakes of butter, for me to lap up, and they butter up my muffin tops! Dawn @ TFTM
(You’re going to get me re-ranked as an explicit blog.)
Little bread elves take bites out of your muffins while you sleep. Amy R
(So…good drugs then?)
The Catholic Church’s explanation Elyse 54.5
(The Slather, the Bun and the Holy Toast?)
crabby old women who finally discovered e-readers. JakLumen
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!! Seriously, I rarely hit such surreal heights as this.)
We can’t tell you. It is a state secret. Merlinspielen
(In Russia, the English muffins YOU!)
just dyslexic crooks and nannies. – calahan
(Oh for dog’s sake.)
Places to stick your ABC gum. Kayjai
(Younger me is glad it’s no longer stuck in my hair.)
the sexiest part of a woman’s body (SnB)
(A balanced part of a complete breakfast!)
to hold the masses of peanut butter and honey, YUM! – Curvyroads
(I thought jelly was the opiate of the masses?)
addictive little pockets of crack cocaine. thematticuskingdom
(You mean those aren’t deliciously healthy nubs of fiber?!?)
Zoe here…Nooks are the creators cheaping out on a full piece of circle.
(Sounds like the beginning of a great story…arc.)
Zoe here again:Crannies are the filler, to make you think you’re full.
(Filler…like seasons two through five of Lost?)
how should I know? I’m a writer not a scientist! thematticuskingdom
(Michio Kaku says “why not be both?”.)
(And “buy my books”. He says that a lot too. )

a typo. It was supposed to be crooks and nannies. thematticuskingdom
(It was also a typo that left them stranded with a warehouse full of puffins.)
crooks and grannies-inventors of the Eng. muffin. The Sailor’s Woman
(I prefer books and jammies – anchors of the bedtime routine.)
PMAO. We call them ‘freedom muffins’.
(the only meaningful contribution of Congress to society in the last twenty years.)
I’m not sure, but he can spread butter on my toast any day! Susie Lindau
(Umm…what kind of muffins are we talking about here?)
The cellulite in my thighs. brickhousechick
(I can’t believe it’s not butter!)
places to hide more alcohol! Twindaddy
(I like to leave the alcohol out in the open. On muffin coasters.)
peanut butter holders – Rutabaga
(Just like that automatic tray on my computer!)

Congratulations to JakLumen for this weeks winning answer!!!, proving once again that polls are stranger than fiction. And from the offered choices, the most popular was They’re called “crumpets”, you bloody Yank!. So congratulations to all you English xenophobes out there too!
Clutter
This week, My girl and I have been closing up an estate. There was a ton of packing and sorting and arranging before donating it to a variety of charities that will hopefully hand the stuff off to people who could use it.
It got me to thinking about all the stuff I have and, of course, all the stuff you have. So This weeks question is what do you do with it all??? Let us know as often as you like, but let us know by Tuesday, 1 April, 2359 EDT, because that’s when this one ends.
Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.

And til next time, enjoy a quick behind the scenes view of every sitcom casting session ever,

Have a great weekend, everyone!