Category Archives: Limerick

A Literary Limerick: The Seneca Scourge


Today’s Music: Glenn Morisson ft. Islove – Goodbye
*Note on today’s music: Song picked by today’s Limerickee*

Carrie Rubin’s – Doctor, Mother, Chronicler of all things offal – published her first novel a while ago, The Seneca Scourge, combining medicine, science fiction, a bit of romance and more into a great storyline.
The heroine, Dr. Sydney McKnight has to juggle a viral outbreak, pressure from her boss, and a new co-worker who she really doesn’t trust. Carrie brings all these threads together in a delightful read that I really enjoyed. At no point did the medical jargon throw me out of the story, and from the way she wrote it, I didn’t expect the twist at all. I don’t want to give it away (because Carrie may beat me up), but it was brought together in a way that served the story and brought it all to a satisfying conclusion.

Look Inside!

Look Inside!


And it’s my pleasure (burden?) to present The Seneca Scourge in Limerick form.
(Please don’t let the horror of my wordplay reflect on the book at all, and I hope you all grab a copy of her book and enjoy!)

The Seneca Scourge
Two doctors both seeking a cure.
But is one of his motives impure?
His secret she finds,
Leaves her of two minds.
But can they find peace in the…fu-ture?

Trust me, the book is definitely better than the limerick.
So go say hi to Carrie, and then go read her book!

A Literary Limerick – The Hobbit


Today’s Music: The Dangerous Summer – The Permanent Rain

Today, we return to the playful corruption of great literature, in a piece requested by the much loved (she paid me to say that. Even though it’s true.) Ginger Snaap.
The main story will follow at some point (I should probably reread…nahhhh), but this is the first piece to begin the epic.
(No, The Silmarillion doesn’t count. Because I’ve never read it.)

So pull up a mug of that fine hobbit wine, sharpen the tips of your elven ears, and threaten your neighbors into silence with your Dwarvish axe.

As we limeri-cize…The Hobbit….
HobbitFeet
The Hobbit
To him, being hungry was the worst.
He stole Precious and made Gollum’s heart burst.
The Dwarves sought to bag him
To help beat the Dragon.
That’s how Bilbo spent his eleventy-first.

You’re welcome.
(You can see all the limericks by clicking Limerick above the banner.)

And as a palate cleanser, please, enjoy this.

A Literary Limerick (And Haiku!) – Star Wars: Return of the Jedi


Today’s Music: Brian Hyland – Itsy Bitsy Teenie Weenie Yellow Polka Dot Bikini

Well, we’ve come to the end of our journey. The final haiku/limerick combination for Star Wars.
Thanks to Kayjai for thumping me on twitter and finally getting me to write the damn thing. (Plus, now I can rag her until she finishes the Kevin story. Seriously, it’s been a while since the last installment.)
And a special thanks to Mike Calahan for reminding me that this could only end with Ewoks.
(For those interested, it started here, and continued here.)

But now, we return to a time long, long ago, in a galaxy far, far away…

And because this is the third movie of the trilogy (Trilogy. Those horrible bits called Episodes 1, 2, and 3 are dead to me), we’re giving you three, yes three limericks to send this one off!
So without further ado, here we go.
And may the force be with you!

Star Wars
Return Of The Jedi

Beware, It’s a trap!

That Luke finds good in Vader

Leia is not Han’s sister.

It ends with a big funeral pyre,
bathrobes as mystical attire
Good defeated bad
By all, a great time was had.

Oh George, couldn’t you then just retire?

Turns out Vader wasn’t such a big meanie.
Son Luke used the force like a genie
The plan from Akbars squid-head
left the Death Star for dead,

And we saw Leia, in a gold plated bikini

Vader stopped lightning, with his deft agile blocks.
The new Death Star – reduced to burnt rocks
The force was at rest.
This tale could’ve been the best,

but alas, it was riddled with Ewoks

A Literary Limerick – Reapers With Issues


Today’s Music: Kings X – Black Flag

I’ve been going pretty strong with the limericks lately. Mostly, they’re a fun way to poke fun at cultural icons. Out of all of them though, there has been one so far that I actually wanted to work well.
It was for a blogger I like, and I wanted to convey some of the fun and story of the book she’d written.

Well, she’s written another. And it’s hilarious.
She’ll tell you straight up, it isn’t for the dogmatic. It pokes fun at Jesus. It pokes (maybe bludgeons would be a better word?) at god and at the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
About the only character in this ensemble that comes off like I would expect is Lucifer. Except for the track suit. Too hellish even for him.

I’m not even going to try and explain this one. Think of it as a view of quite possibly the worst middle management situation under…well, under heaven and earth.

Everyone that stops by here has a great sense of humor, and y’all have been able to take some of the most inane jokes. I think you would enjoy reading through the book.

At the very least, you’ll be able to understand the limericks!
The first actually holds to the plot. the second…well, reread it after you’ve read the book. It’ll make sense then.
And possibly make you feel a bit ill while you laugh…

Reapers With Issues
Reapers known as the Apocalyptic Four,
overworked, downtrodden and sore
Lucifer trapped Jesus and his pup.
Managed to gum almost everything up!

But Grim, on his horse, settled the score

Reapers With Issues (for those who’ve read it!)
Each Reaper had a favorite meat-suit
For acting in ill-repute
Jesus would have none of it
While Lucifer made fun of it.

Oh, and Genghis thought the doggie was cute.

And I hope you go check out H.E. Ellis and her Reaper cohorts

A Literary Limerick (And Haiku!) – Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back


Today’s Music: Blues Traveler – Runaround

We continue our epic saga of love and war, fathers and sons, brothers and- no, forget that last one. (For part one, go here.)

Suffice it to say that we are up to our second of three installments in our Star Wars Limerick epic. So without further complaints about being subjected to still more of this, we now proudly present, in both haiku and limerick form, Star Wars: The Empire Strikes Back.

Star Wars
The Empire Strikes Back

Seek out Yoda, you will

Rescue your friends, you will try

Learn grammar, you will not

Yes Brain, but if I marry Pippy Longstocking, what will the children look like?


On Dagobah, Luke learned about living.
“I love you.” “I know.”, began Leia’s grieving
Finding out Vader’s his dad
Almost drove poor Luke mad.

And it makes for an awkward Thanksgiving.

We hope you enjoyed this trashing of two literary forms and beloved film.
Now i just need to figure out how to end this…

A Literary Limerick (and Haiku!) – Star Wars: A New Hope


Today’s Music: Meco – Star Wars Theme/Cantina
Note on today’s music: If you’ve never heard this disco version, you should click the link.

Continuing in the tradition of disrespect for the classics, El Guapo is proud to present his latest invitation to be sued by the copyright holders of great works.
Today, we turn our literary Tourette’s on the Star Wars saga.
(There was a novelization of the movie I owned as boy. So there.)

This one is actually based on a request. Love & Lunchmeat asked if Star Wars could be done. Possibly in Haiku.
As we are ecstatic that anyone pays any attention to these at all, we are happy to oblige.

A note on Haiku: it is a venerated Japanese art form. The traditional structure is 17 “on“. On are not the same as syllables. I have no idea what they are, so I don’t feel bad about the meter here at all.

One other note on this series: This will be episodes 4, 5 and 6. Not 1, 2 or 3.
Star Wars. Not Star Wars: The Quest To Cash In.

A battle of good versus evil.

A son inherits more than a lightsaber.

Dude, don’t kiss you sister.


Star Wars
A New Hope
He grew up fast, in confusion and blur.
“For luck” she said as he kissed her.
In the trench he shot true
No more Death Star for you!

But dude, you just kissed your sister!!!

And just to cleanse your palate, here’s Bill Murray’s lyrics from an old old Saturday Night Live skit.

A Literary Limerick – The Harry Potter Saga


Today’s Music: Nina Simone – I Put A Spell On You

As promised (threatened?) here is the Harry Potter Limerick Omnibus! (Sounds so much more dignified than it really is…)
None of the limericks have been edited, except for the titles to make them more consistent.
Enjoy!

Book One: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

A young boy with a scar on his head
His parents, both sadly were dead
When he reached age eleven,
thought he’d been admitted to heaven

But had to fight the “2 headed” teacher instead.

Book Two: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Everyone said that it was a secret
But Harry’s interest was piqued
Guilderoy was no help -
At his own shadow he yelped.

But with a phoenix, the basilisk was beated.

Book Three: Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban

The dog in the bushes was mysterious.
Harry though that he might be delirious
There were a wolf and a mouse
In a very haunted house

but the hero, in the end, was Sirius

Book Four: Harry Potter and The Goblet Of Fire

For Harry, the competition was grim
When it got down to Cedric and him.
They went from the maze
to a field full of graves

Soon-to-be-sparkly Diggory died on a whim…

Book Five: Harry Potter and The Order Of The Phoenix

The fighting was close and intense
Splinters and dust clouds so dense
Sirius turned quite pale
As he went through the veil.

Wait a minute – Love is Harry’s defense?!?


Book Six: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Sirius had gone through the veil.
In Dark Arts, Snape threatened Harry with “Fail”
But Harry did more
Hangin’ with Dumbledore.

If only he’d built the balcony a rail


Book Seven: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part One

Find the Horcruxii was what Harry must do.
Set off with friends to defeat You Know Who…
But just like the flick -
though it might make you sick -

this limerick will be split into two.


Book Seven: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part Two

Poor Dobby, he laid down his life.
And Ron pissed off his soon-to-be wife
but Harry stood tall,
one (ring) Wand to rule them all

The epilogue: Harry, with happiness, was rife.