Category Archives: Stupid

Stepping Out Of The Box


Today’s Music: The Shook – Window
(Because how often do you hear a banjo on a wah-wah pedal?)
Days Til Spring: TWO!!!!!
And if you can, please help out Merbear.===========================>>>

Tomorrow I’m going to step way out of my comfort zone. I’m going to an orientation for Big Brothers Big Sisters. They are an organization that pairs mentors with children who, for whatever reason, could use one.
It’s not a tremendous time requirement – they ask for four hours every other weekend. They want the mentors (Bigs) to provide support, counsel, friendship, reinforcement and constructive examples.
(Fortunately, I have a whole bag of GOOD LORD, DON’T DO THIS!!! examples.)

Like this. But completely different.

Like this.
But completely different.


I don’t know if I can clearly articulate why I want to do this. I don’t see myself as particularly altruistic, or someone who thinks “I must give every last bit to help everyone else!!!”, and there are those who could probably put forth good arguments that I’m a dick.
I don’t know. I’ve always thought of myself as “just this guy”, and that’s enough for me.

I’ve had my struggles, but overall, my life hasn’t been overly difficult. As a Straight White Male, I live on what John Scalzi calls the easy setting. But I know that’s just because of luck. Spin the wheel in either direction, just a little, and either by birth or consequences of a myriad stupid decisions, my life could have been a lot harder. I don’t begrudge anyone else their success, and I’m not competitive enough to want to keep anyone else down so I can do well.
I think if you do well and I was there to help you out along the way, that’s enough for me. So why not lend a hand to a kid that needs one?

At the orientation, they’ll give us an idea of the kids we might be dealing with, of what we can do with them, and I probably what the boundaries are. They’ll pair me up with someone that shares my interests – hopefully the kid will like science fiction, (good) music, food. Maybe I’ll have something useful to the show the kid.
I have no idea.

But I know that however it goes, it will be worth the effort.
Who knows, maybe he’ll even have a thing for Hawaiian shirts!

Stir crazy. Possibly fried.


Today’s Music: Calexico – Two Silver Trees
Days Til Spring: NINE!!!

And if you can, please help out Merbear.===========================>>>

(*A note – Seasonal Affective Disorder is a serious malady that effects a lot of people. This isn’t intended to mock those that suffer from it, or to make light of a very real condition.)

The snow is still melting, but the real warm hasn’t shown up yet.
It’s grey outside, threats of rain and snow.
We went to Canada last month, and found an indoor Monster Mini Golf (glow in the dark!) this weekend.

Can you believe the dragon was only a par two???

Can you believe the dragon was only a par two???


And yet, as this interminable cold and gloom continues with no end in sight (except the ticking of the calendar into a new season), I find myself with the less serious version of Seasonal Affective Disorder: the dreaded Cabin Fever.
Soon... (Or else!)

Soon…
(Or else!)


It gets me towards the end of every winter – the knowledge that spring, sun and warmth are coming coupled with the fact that they aren’t here yet has me gnawing at myself for a way to escape.
So in the interest of preserving whatever sanity we still have, here are some (whatever the opposite is of) Sure Fire tips for beating SAD.
PILLOW FORTS!
Defend yourself from the invasion of this dreaded condition! Outside light (especially grey) looks much better when diffused through flannel sheets strung a few feet above the floor.
TELEVISION!
Immerse yourself in stories that take place somewhere else, preferably somewhere warm.
Your insurance may cover a Netflix subscription to stream the Complete Gilligans Island!
BLOG!!!
Look, you know you’re going to do it anyway. Why not use it to repair your mental condition? (That way you can also get a medical waiver to do it at work!
HAWAIIAN SHIRTS
Seriously. They exude spring, summer and warm weather climes. Plus, if it’s a good one, you’ll need to wear your beach sunglasses so you don’t blind yourself.
INDOOR PICNIC!
Who doesn’t love a picnic? Plus, fewer ants!
(If that’s not the case, I don’t want to know.)
(Nor do I want to come over.)
MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE FOOLISH THINGS YOU’LL DO IN THE SPRING AND SUMMER
My old ones are here and here.
My next one will be up next week.

If I last that long…

A Literary Limerick – Goblet Of Fire


Today’s Music: the Cranberries – Loud And Clear

Welcome to yet another round of Guap has nothing good to write and is taking it out on you the finest in poetic literary synopsii, where we reduce a quality text to inane drivel.

Today, we turn our eye to the next book in the Harry Potter series, Goblet Of Fire.
If you haven’t seen the rest (or blotted them out of your mind to escape the trauma), I invite you to click Limerick above the banner and experience the horror experience anew!

Goblet of Fire is the heartwarming tale of a boy who struggles through life’s travails in search of the perfect treacle tart. Truly, this book has it all. As well as, after this limerick, the extra credibility of a hack knocking the stuffing out of it.

*One note before reading – I have absolutely no idea what the syllabic requirements of limericks are. And I’m too damn lazy to look it up. But I’m pretty sure this one is even further off than usual. And you’ll have to read in 1/16th notes at the end to keep the meter.
It’s a limerick folks. You’ve been warned.

The Goblet Of Fire

For Harry, the competition was grim
When it got down to Cedric and him.
They went from the maze
to a field full of graves
Soon-to-be-sparkly Diggory died on a whim…

If anyone needs the website of a reputable mental health professional, let me know.
And you’re welcome!

Friday Foolishness – Working Late Edition


Today’s Music: Tennessee Ernie Ford – Sixteen Tons
Days Til Spring: 4!!!

It was a looong week. Actually had to work at work. What’s that all about? And at night too! Oh, the guapanity…
But that doesn’t mean I wasn’t lurking about online when I had the chance. And I saw some stuff that made all the work issues a little easier to bear.
ODNT harassed asked Alec Baldwin for a tweet. And he replied!
Ginger Snaap and Lizzie Cracked made some horrendous hilarious additions to the language. And Asplenia was invited running! (This might be the last we hear of her for a while…)
Thanks to them and all the rest of you. You made a long week a little easier to get through.

Of course, some of the extra work was from administering last weeks poll. Because some of you have very…odd ways of waking in spring. And here they are, WhatYou Like To Be Woken By In Spring: (as always, my comments are in italics).
Kisses. Awwwww… ~flame
(Why wait until spring for that? (And great to see you, flame!))
My heart restarting yet again. (BrainRants)
(That doesn’t sound too bad. And here I was thinking it was next to impossible to make you happy!)
the smell of ribeye on a bbq and a freshly opened beer. John Phillips
(Damn, those Canadians like a very hearty breakfast!)
Silence and yet another snow fall (Kanerva)
(Great to see you, Kanerva! And you realize we’re talking about spring, right?)
lilacs, the lovliest and most short-lived scent of beauty in spring… janet
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
Hotspur says: sex.
(Sounds like Hotspur is all talk!)
3 naked Argentinian guys, same as every morning – Alex A.
(But I thought you went to bed with 4 Bolivian me– OOOOOOOH…nevermind.)
Sex, a mimosa & sound of someone else cooking our brekkie in bed. Red
(If someone is cooking in your bed, then where are you having se– OOOOOOOH…nevermind.)
a nice (fill in the blank) – barking in the dark
(A humorous (fill in the comment))
Neighbor’s running whilst I medicate the hangover & scratch things
(Neighbors running from you? That’s one hell of a hangover!)
Coffee…and a good book calling my name.
(Books can say so much. So loudly.)
The Spring Fairy Bitch Slap! –Linda Vernon
(Sounds like someone is getting a little punchy waiting for the equinox!)
The sound of my baby trying to talk. How I wake up everyday.
(Every day? ETERNAL SPRING!!!)
the sound of gunshots when my neighbor tries to silence those chirping birds!
(Please make sure there are no branches by your bedroom window!)
A marching band comprised of mice playing their tiny instruments….
(Ok Cinderella. Stop showin’ off. Or the neighbor from above might come after you…)
A special someone who has BRRRRRAAAIIINNNNSSS and is horny. A Frank Angle
(Let’s see…goats have horns…moose…unicor– OOOOOOOH…nevermind.)
I like to be woken by *blushing* NEVERMIND!!! lizziec
(You too?!? Cripes, you people are obsessed with fu- OOOOOOOH…nevermind.)

So there you have it. Apparently spring brings out the inner bunny in a lot of folks.
Congratulations, Janet on picking the winning answer.
And for anyone wondering, the most popular offered choice was “Don’t know. But if it’s too early, it’ll be the last sound you ever make, buddy!” So obviously, you aren’t all about the love.

Which brings us to this weeks poll.

I hate working late. Sometimes it’s unavoidable. And at one point or another we all have to do it.
So here’s this weeks question. If you write in “Other”, leave your name in the answer too and I’ll link back to you.
Just do it before 2359, on 22 March, because the poll will close forever after that!

And to keep you busy until next week, I leave you with these excellent workday time wasters…

Enjoy your week everyone. But don’t enjoy St Pats too much, or you’ll miss the start of spring!

Friday Foolishness – Extra Bright Edition


Today’s Music: Eddie Rabbit – I Love a Rainy Night
Days Til Spring: 18

Welcome back all. This was a busy week for me here in the blogosphere. On Wednesday, The Hobbler and all her plethora of many co- conspirators tried to set up both myself and the inimitable Edward Hotspur with some silliness.
Which we of course foiled in comments here, in most of the links above, and really, on a nice hefty chunk of the ‘sphere.
Thanks to Hobbler for (trying to) set(ting) us up. I had a blast, and really was laughing out loud as it all went horribly, hilariously wrong…

Of course, I wasn’t the only one babbling online this week.
A Gripping Life talked about live music, a topic close to my heart. Eric Murtaugh asked if the quest for adventure was Religious or Insane, and I was ecstatic to find out that a blogger I have an awful lot of respect for, She Speaks, has a brain! Seriously, I hang out on her site. It has to make me look good by association!
No?
Not even a little bit?
Sigh…

What the hell is normal around here anyway? Oh yeah, this is...


You should check out their posts, then hang out for the rest of their blogs. Really, they and all the rest of you are what gets me through the week.

But do that later. Because we have some old bidness and some new bidness.
In old, I gotta say, you all surprised me. When I asked last week about earworms, I expected that Toni (I don’t want to put the whole name in case I trigger painful flashbacks) would take the most abuse in the comments, and she did, but she was not the winner of the poll.
The most hated earworm was, to my surprise, It’s a Small World After All, with Itsy Bitsy Spider a close second.
Which reinforces what I’ve always said – children are evil.
Yes, I’ve always said that.

In the comments, Alex Autin, having won previously, disqualified herself with Barney.
Barney? Really? I lob a couple of friendly hand grenades, and you come at me with nuclear annihilation?
There were also some great picks in the comments that I really don’t want to drag out into the light of day, and I laughed my way through the week (and my medication) because of them. But this weeks winner from the others is Weenie Girl, with The Mister Softee Jingle!!!
Thanks, Weenie Girl. My shrink will be contacting you for payment.

So, now that that is thankfully behind us, lets get on to the new foolishness…
Last weeks poll only had a few choices. And none of them were BRRAAIINNNSSS.
So to make it up to you this week, not only do you get those fantastic images from She Speaks, but this poll.
Feel free to leave your favorite recipes in the comments, just do it before next thursday, 23:59.
And as always, leave your name next to your Other answer and Ill link back to you next week..


Finally, to get the winning song from last week out of your head, I offer you some quality Jamaican piano jazz. Seriously, I saw this guy last night, and my socks are gone. Because he blew them off. Don’t say it, Hotspur.

And for those of you that have already seen the Walk Off The Earth cover of Gotye’s Somebody That I Used To Know, I offer you this hilarious parody. I’ve been laughing at it all week.

Have a great weekend, all. See you on the next pass….

Friday Foolishness – Evil Edition!


Today’s Music: Talking Heads – Psycho Killer
Days Til Spring: 25

*A note: Today’s poll is evil. Really, it is insiduous and may very well scar you for the greater part of the afternoon.
You’ve been warned.

Yes, Van Halen rocked.
No, I have no idea why I went to Indianapolis to see them.
But I did have a blast. More on that to come…

Her’s a few posts that caught my attention from around the ‘sphere this week:
SightsnBytes told us about his friend Josh. Brian Westbye threw up another great short piece, this time mocking hipsters.
And Eric Murtaugh embraced the nervousness of his first time.
You should check them all out, then mosey on through their blogs. It’s all good stuff!
But not right now.

Because what you really want to know is the answers your fellow commenters came up with for last weeks poll, Who should be honored on President’s Day.
Well ask no more! Here are the other answers. (Comments in italics, as always, are mine).
John Q. Shopping…that’s why everything is on sale.
(With the amount of sales throughout the year, he’s got to be the most honored man in history!)
Thomas Crapper…for bringing all the crap inside. Red.
(Thanks Red – I had him confused with WC Flushington)
Me, of course! Mrs. Cap’n Firepants, future President of the United States
(How would you direct the Secret Service to respond to Wonderbutt?)
Masterchief. Nuff said.
(Cortana would still be the woman behind the man.)
Charles Nelson Riley — LindaV
(I should have known you were a Matching game fan!)
Add Thomas Jefferson and James K Polk because they had the most BRRAAIIINNSSS!
(Wait – had as in “possessed” or as in “ate”?)
Guapola – for his coolness…whitelady
(Thank you whitelady! but there’s no way I’d survive the background checks.)
(hehehe)

Captain James T Kirk
(Sure, he’ll get the green woman vote, but how does he do with the rest of the population?)
The Brain (No, not BRRAAIINNS, but The Brain, from Pinky and The Brain. Alex A.
(THE WINNER!!! I wish I’d though of this!)
Congratulations Alex! And from the list of answers in the poll,the most popular was Zaphod Beebelbrox. Just more proof of how cool you all really are.

But now it’s time to move on. I’ve talked several times about my girl on this blog. But the reason I love her and think she’s so fantastic is summed up in today’s poll. Because it was her idea.
And again, I have to say that if anyone has anything even remotely productive they want to do today, don’t read any further
There is no “Other” answer this week. Leave your choice in the comments so everyone can suffer enjoy them without having to wait.
You’re welcome!

And until next time (when I do the concert review), here’s a song I don’t mind having stuck in my head.
From the show I was at. Seriously, most of the concert is on You Tube…

Friday Foolishness – Glorious Leader Edition


Today’s Music: Animaniacs – Presidents (A bit outdated. And a cartoon. But a great song!)
Days Til Spring: 31

I had an okay week – nobody got hurt, nobody died. I’ll chalk that up as a win.
There were a few posts that caught my eye this week.
H.E. Ellis had an in depth sit down with Cupid; Edward Hotspur waxed philosophical on blogging while using the longest non-technical word in the English language, floccinaucinihilipilification; and Ginger Snaap regales us with her Valentines Tweets
Thanks to you guys (and everyone else out there) for making the days a little more fun as I traveled through my week…

Oh, and we all made it through Valentine’s Day! Now I can get back to my normal irreverent frame of mind.
And for Valentine’s Day, y’all had a lot say in last weeks poll.
Here are the “Other” answers:
(As usual, my comments are in italics)
Going to the beach! Chocolate always tastes better dipped in sand.
(Um…where did you get that recipe from?)
Time to break out the special Valentines evening wear. John Phillips
(I did too! Latex – ah, the smell of it…)
I’ll be here
(And it was appreciated! Hope I didn’t syrup-overload you…)
i’m sleeping all day. -Goradde
(Nothing says romance like bed-pigging!)
Help! I’ve got 3 humans & 1 cat counting on me. Now Accepting Ideas!
(Hearts with names written on them dangling from a long string of red silk?)
I’m painting hearts with a folded toilet paper roll. No, really.
(No name with this, but I think it might have been Jell Jell – or more accurately, the adorable EB. Who does much more interesting (and acceptable) things with commode accessories than I ever did!)
Blogging
(Sorry, was that blogging or flogging?)
Lots of really hot masturbation.
(So is that self abuse, or self love? And does one make the other even hotter?)
Im going to decide where to shop the next day to get 50% off stuff. Hobbler
(It’s like Christmas! But with shorter lines!)
What about chocolate covered brraaiinnnsss!!!! Linda V
(THE WINNER!!!!)
(This prize is shared with ThoughtsAppear, who came so close to the same answer in the comments)

Aphrodisiac dinner and sex…you know, another Tuesday. Red
(Hey, we’re all invited to dinner at Red’s next week!!!!) (hehehe)
I’m giving her 2 tickets to the Monster Truck Rally!!! Rich Crete
(Because you are romanc- Wait – tickets for you and her, right?)
I hope to break the 358 days straight of no sex… ~flame
(I believe all of us are rooting for you! Oh, and pics or it didn’t happen. (hehehe))
All of the above (except Meg Ryan, and football, and sex – what’s that? Kanerva
(So…chocolate, and shooting people with a compound bow. Wow. PARTY AT KANERVA’S!!!)
I will ignore it in order to see if she notices.
(Oh, I can’t see that going well at all…)
I’m having sex with someTHING. I hope… G Snaap
(That line above about pictures? Yeah, ignore that one…)
Buy myself flowers and thank Hubby profusely for getting them for me!
(Better yet, thank someone else and really get his attention!)

Thank you for broadening (and occasionally assaulting) my definition of Valentine’s Day!
Congratulations to Linda and Thoughtsy on picking the winning Other answer, and the most popular of the choices offered was “I’m eating chocolate!!! Maybe I’ll even share…”
Congratulations to all of you too!

And now (continuing the series of polls that seem like they are related to something but really really aren’t), this weeks poll!
With Presidents Day coming in the US, I thought we might consider widening the scope of the holiday. So…

So, until next time, I leave you with these two videos.
I think this is a very cool thing for a President to do:

And the Presidential Oath of Office – FDR to Obama

Have a great weekend everyone, and for those that get it, enjoy your Monday off!