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I guess everything is in here…
Silly old Wordpress…

A head is an awful place to live.


Today’s Music: Ravel – Bolero

This seems to be the time of year when exhaustion, apathy and wtf all collide in a perfect storm inside my head. It happens every so often. Nothing for me to do but ride the wave and find my moments where I can. On the bright side, it finally feels like spring here. Only seven weeks late.

So I’ll be playing with my trains, reading books about Roosevelt and Taft, the Mediterranean, and rereading a stack of books before reading (what better be) the final installment of a ten book cycle.
I’ll still be cooking, and maybe I’ll even try baking bread again.

And eventually, I’ll snap out of it. The Hawaiian shirts, the music, food, stories – all of it adds up, and it’ll re-anchor me to the world. I’ll come back and tell you about the Motorcycle Safety Class, and whatever happened with Big Brothers/Big Sisters. We’ll listen to some great music. Oh, and I’ll try and finish writing the hanggliding adventure. Maybe I’ll give you the story about when Steve screwed his hand to the ceiling. That isn’t a metaphor, by the way – he literally screwed his hand to the ceiling. And there might even be more polls.

The last few months have been exhausting. I’m taking a short break. You’ll still see me reading and commenting on your stuff, because I love the stories, but I doubt I’ll be posting for a bit, aside from the random one-off (I have a beatnik Poetry Slam I don’t want to waste).
Mostly, I’ll be spending time with TMWGITU.

And as so often happens, Shakespeare said it best:
“If we do meet again, why, we shall smile. If not, why then this parting was well made.”

Rock on.
Goofy

Ten Inch Bamboo Cigarette Holder and Black Patent Leather Gloves


Today’s guest blogger – Word Masseuse, Countess Wrangler, Dilettante – Helena Hann Basquiat  explains how difficult it can be to give a proper musical education to the next generation. So what happens when indomitable will meets immovable object? Education never sounded so good!
Enjoy the post, and check out her blog at Memoirs of a Dilettante, and on Twitter.

TODAY’S MUSIC: Elvis Costello: Watching the Detectives

Penny doesn’t like Elvis Costello.

Well, that’s not entirely true, darlings. Thanks to me, The Countess Arcade has the most exquisite musical taste, and could therefore never utter such a heresy as “I hate Elvis Costello” without good cause. Penny doesn’t like Elvis Costello in the same way that someone who once got food poisoning from a bad hot dog doesn’t like hot dogs. She obviously likes hot dogs, otherwise she wouldn’t have gotten food poisoning in the first place, but now that she’s had a bad experience, she just can’t even stand the smell of hot dogs.

In the case of Elvis Costello, I’m afraid the fault lies with your favourite dilettante.

Mea culpa, darlings. Mea maxima culpa.

Shortly after Penny and I got our place together, as a sort of christening of the apartment, I set up an office for myself, and build my shrine of music — hundreds — literally hundreds of LPs, cassettes and CDs — certain albums I own on multiple formats because… well, just because. Penny laughed at the folly of me trying to organize them, and issued a bold declaration:

“There’s no way you could ever listen to all of this music!” She decreed. “Not in a million years!”

Challenge accepted, darlings.

But how to approach it? Well, silly as it seems, some Greeks and Latins (work with me here) and later Anglo-Saxons developed this system called the alphabet, and who am I to argue with a bunch of dead guys? So I decided that I would leave my collection in utter disarray, only shelving an item once I’d listened to it, and that the best way to do that was to listen alphabetically.

We made it through Ryan Adams, Laurie Anderson, Arcade Fire and Joseph Arthur, The Beatles, Bjork, Kate Bush and Bowie, and even the Bangles Greatest Hits (don’t judge me — like you aren’t right now, as we speak, looking up Walk Like an Egyptian on YouTube). Penny cheerfully endured Cake, The Clash, and even the Cocteau Twins — but then we got to Costello, Elvis.

I admit, I may be a little obsessive about Elvis Costello. I have every album, every bootleg I could get my hands on — hell, I’ve even made my own box set of various live recordings, organized by decade. What can I say — other than writing, all I ever really wanted to do was work for a record company.

So after about a week of listening to Elvis Costello and nothing but Elvis Costello, Penny finally conceded defeat.

“Enough! No more!” She cried, cringing. “I give up! Listen to something else! Anything else! I can’t stand it anymore!”

“How can you not love Elvis Costello?” I asked, aghast. “I mean, listen to the lyrics to Miracle Man, and tell me who he’s singing about.”

Baby’s gotta have the things she wants
You know she’s gotta have the things she loves
She’s got a ten-inch bamboo cigarette holder
And her black patent leather gloves

“God, Helena, is your personality completely manufactured?” Penny asked, as if that were an insult.

I acted wounded for her benefit, and then told her that fictional heroine Lizbeth Salander had called, and said that she needed her look back.

The Countess Penelope of Arcadia, which is apparently located in the heart of London, circa 1977, flipped me the V and spat Bollocks! and then pulled the needle off of the record that I was listening to and enjoying, and replaced it with The Sex Pistols’ Never Mind the Bollocks.

“Did you know that Elvis Costello’s infamous appearance on Saturday Night Live only happened because Malcolm McLaren forgot to get the Sex Pistols’ visas. It’s true. The Pistols were supposed to play, but Elvis filled in at the last minute. It was Elvis & The Attractions’ first big US television appearance. The drummer, Pete Thomas, wore a T-Shirt that said THANKS MALC in reference to Malcolm McLaren’s fuck up.”

“Gee, Helena, that’s really fascinating,” Penny said in her most patronizing voice, and then cranked the music up to an intolerable volume and yelled, “If I never hear the name Elvis Costello ever again, I’ll die happy!”

Imagine her delight tonight when I tell her who we’re going to see at Massey Hall in June.

IMG_5417

Helena Hann-Basquiat dabbles in whatever she can get her hands into, just to say that she has.CIMG1123 

Her book, Memoirs of a Dilettante Volume One was published April 1st, and is available in paperback HERE  (if it’s not available in your region, try HERE) or for Kindle HERE

For more Helena, go to HelenaHB.com

Give My Creation…FOOLISHNESS!!!


Today’s Music: Berlin – Metro

Did you feel it? at 00:00 today, something glorious happened. Friday began! And as we look forward to the upcoming weekend, let’s also look back at some of the great writing from the week that was… Over at Tipsy Lit, Mike Calahan wrote About Passion. Tikk Tok continued the saga of Cooper, Bonnie and Clyde, and Lizzie Cracked told a story about a woman Discovering she Was Sick.
Fantastic writing, from them and everyone else!
Oh, and for those still missing Trifecta, there’s a new weekly story prompt at Light and Shade Challenge. I’m looking forward to reading their entries, and joining in from time to time.

They'll have a much improved lineup next season!

They’ll have a much improved lineup next season!


But even further back in the week that was, was last week’s poll, where we asked as a Mets fan, how you would spend this baseball season. And, much like the rest of the MLB, you guys enjoyed mocking the Metsies. Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are taking their seventh-inning-stretch in italics.)

Wait…..the Mets have fans? When did that happen? – Revis
(It’s just the Curling fans, passing times til their season begins.)
Watching more games with Kentucky Bourbon Ale at my side (Frank)
(I prefer to watch with the bourbon inside.)
Watching the spinning because there’s nothing like a Mets brand ceiling fan -Linda Vernon
(The Mets stand still. It’s our heads that are spinning.)
with the trees – more exciting (Stacy)
(Not near as exciting as the Paint-Drying finals!)
In therapy. Just like the past 2,376 seasons. (Miz Yank)
(Much cheaper to scream at the players through your tv…)
eating cake and pudding in bed. Amy R.
(Where’re the peanuts and crackerjacks???)
being grateful for beer and loudly proclaiming I’m not a Mets fan Lizzie C
(Sorry – I missed everything you said after “beer”.)
making my mascot costume “UnderDog” Jessica
(I think you’re shooting a little high for the Mets…)
watching hockey – Curvyroads
(Why? Is it doing tricks?)
So I Mets this guy and well ya, you know where the story goes.
(It goes up, up, so close to the top…then…nothing.)
sending more pine tar to the Red Sox. Polysyllabic Profundities
(And maybe some discreet players?)
as a Canadian…we watch HOCKEY not baseball….SnB
(So it’s your fault this winter hasn’t ended!)
(Zoe) Where’s spring?? The Mets play baseball? When do I win?!
(You remember that bit about “there are no stupid questions”?…)
(Zoe) What the hell I didn’t win again? Who’s ass do I kiss don’t say the Mets!
(Funny, the Mets ask that first question after every game!)
(Zoe) What’s a Met? I’ve “Met” people before does that count?
(No. The Mets don’t recruit people as talented as “ordinary”.)
drinking copious amounts of vodka. thematticuskingdom
(Hey, save some for the umpires!)
trying to remember why I still watch baseball. thematticuskingdom
(For the Shakespearean levels of tragedy. And beer.)
looking for bigfoot – as likely at being successful as their season. thematticuskingdom
(No, he plays for the Mariners.)
pretending to be ANYTHING else – Benzeknees
(Jamaican bobsledder, maybe?)
to not be a mets fan
(There is no cure.)
(Sigh…)

Supporting the White Sox. ~~Addie
(I thought they had garters for that?)
blogging. Because baseball is soooo boring (Elyse 54.5)
(Next you’ll come out against apple pie and personal shoulder-fired RPGs.)
I live in Canada…we are still watching hockey…PLAYOFFS!! Kayjai
(Doesn’t the arrival of the Stanley Cup herald the start of summer?)
The Mets? Is that like a sad opera? -Marie Nicole
(Exactly! If only we knew what it was about…)
The Mets? Is that like a sad opera about hairnets? -Marie Nicole
(I believe you’re confusing the Met(ropolitan)s with the Metroplitan – singular.)
explaining to you that I’m not a Mets fan. jaklumen
(Ha! Next you’ll say your a Mariners fan!)
saying, “I’m not a Mets fan, GO Mariners!” jaklumen
(Now I feel better about rooting for the Mets…)
Who’s watching the Mets when playoff hockey is on- said the indignant Canadian
(Umm…hockey is played on normal ice, Mayor Ford, not the “ice” you’re looking for…)
eating $1 hot dogs…that’s how they make us O’s fans feel better, anyway -LaLa
(Only seven bucks a pop!)
Buying stock in Pine Tar, of course. brickhousechick
(Do you really want to stick your neck out on that?)
imagining how much better it would be if it were on ice. And called hockey. NancyTex
(The Hockey Pokey? You put your front teeth in, you leave your front teeth in…)
A Met’s fan? Why would I do that to myself when I have the Reds? Twindaddy
(It’s like a double header of sad!)
We are with the Red Sox. Argh.
(I think they make a pill for that…)
I’m more of a Stem fan…and hockey – it’s all about hockey!! Rutabaga
(But…but you’re not Canadian!)
Did I mention hockey? If they played Baseball on Ice, I’d care…..Rutabaga
(It starts as baseball on ice. Then it’s a Disney ride. Then a Johnny Depp movie.)
(So no.)

Dreaming about Tug McGraw. Ya Gotta Believe! Mamma Mick
(Hasn’t he been dead for about a decade? Much like the Mets pitching…)
Rooting for the Orioles! (sorry, Guap! ) – Not A Punk Rocker
(Don’t apologize – Oriole is a synonym of Mets.)

Alas, as Mets fan know all too well, there is no winner this week. But from the offered choices, the most popular was Laughing at Yankee fans who can’t buy beer after the 7th inning. So congrats to all of you who know there’s always another fan that has it worse!

I say, would you keep it down out there? I can barely hear myself rattle!

I say, would you keep it down out there? I can barely hear myself rattle!


This week, we delve deeper, deeply, into your darkest secrets. We all have skeletons in our closets. But what else is there? Well, this week, that’s what we want to know.
Dig up your answers, but do it soon, because this one closes at 2359 EDT on Tuesday, 6 May. Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.

And as we head into the weekend, I hope you enjoy this.
Even if I’m really not sure what it is…

Have a great week, y’all!

Conversations In Bars: The I.R.A.


Today’s Music: Neil Young – Keep On Rockin In The Free World

*Note on today’s post: As with everything that happens to me in a bar, this is as true as I remember it. However, unlike most of my bar stories, I was sober for this one.

Ah yes, here we are again...

Ah yes, here we are again…


It was a Tuesday afternoon when I showed up to hit on the bartender.
I’d seen her a few nights before, working the Sunday night shift. This particular bar, in a working class neighborhood, was an Irish hangout. Saturday night, the place was awash in uilleann pipe music, cameraderie and pints of Guinness.
A friend of mine brought me there. I had a blast. That night ended early the next morning at someone’s apartment, with a rum-soaked dash into the neighbor’s pool for a quick dip before the neighbor came out in his boxers to yell at us.
But that’s another story.
This is how it always starts.

This is how it always starts.


So after a bit of discreet investigation, I found out the bartender also worked the Tuesday day shift. I got there around 1 pm. The place was just about empty. I ordered a pint (mmm…afternoon drinking…) and waited for her to come back over so I could strike up a conversation.
While I was waiting, the guy who was sitting a bit down the bar wandered over and started talking. He’d started his afternoon drinking while it was still morning.

What followed was quite possibly the strangest real-life conversation I’ve ever had.

The Other Guy: Hello. Who are you?
El Guapo: Hey. I’m [name redacted].
TOG: Did they send you?
EG (looking a bit confused): Sorry?
TOG: Did they tell you where to find me?
EG: (Even more confused): Sorry, who?
TOG: Would it be easier for you if I turned around?
EG (Bewildered): Would what be easier?
TOG: To shoot me.
EG: (Lonnnng pause) Sorry man, I’m just here for a beer.
The guy makes one of those “oh, so that’s how it is” expressions. I, still bewildered go back to my beer, trying to figure out what the hell just happened.
But The Other Guy wasn’t done.

TOG: I’ve been here over ten years, but I knew they wouldn’t forget. Now with all these peace talks, I knew they’d send someone over to clean up.
EG: Listen man, I’m just here to hit on the bartender
TOG: Sure you are. I guess it wouldn’t help if I tell you about my life here since I’ve been gone…

So for the next while, we chatted. He told me stories of the old country, of his kids. He told me about the construction business he’d built up.
The drink flowed freely.
I must have opened my mouth and spoke at some point, because eventually, he realized I was too much of an idiot to be anyone’s hit man.

The evening (yeah, we were there for a while) ended when he said he had to head off. I told him I needed food. He offered to give me his construction business.
I heartily agreed.

And that was the last I ever saw of him.

I could have built my very own Assassin HQ!

I could have built my very own Assassin HQ!


And the bartender? Apparently The Other Guy scared here and she didn’t want to mess around with any of his friends.
Meh.

Speak Now, Or Forever Hold Your Foolishness


Today’s Music: Taj Mahal – Stagger Lee

Take a week, Throw it in a blender. Add confusion, paperwork and flourescent lighting, and what do you have? Relief that it’s finally Friday!!! And while you’re at it, add great blogs to the mix to help you get through the week. Here’s some of what I saw…
Are You Finished Yet talked about Gender Stereotypes. The Preschool Mentor discussed Children’s Dreams vs Their Parents, and Cayman Thorn reflected on the Boston Marathon. Oh, and Budget Cooking Blog finally vanquished his culinary nemesis, Brown Rice!
They, and all of you made a very good week of reading.
ChocolateBunny
But last week, we were focused not just on Friday, but on how to make the very best Friday! And wow, do you people love avoiding work. Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are waiting for 5pm in italics.)

Would only be 2 hours working long so we could get to the weekend sooner! Benzeknees
(Wait – I’m supposed to actually do work at work on Fridays???)
be followed by “Punch A CoWorker Monday” Samara
(And then, an exciting “Post Bail Tuesday”!)
not celebrate a man getting beaten, tortured and then nailed to a cross. Samara
(Hey, even fetishists deserve a special da- Oh…nevermind…)
flow in jazz-flavored sharpsexy tones of a muted trumpet.
(I hadn’t realized Miley released a new album.)
be BFF, Best Friend Friday. We’d both get to ditch work (and still get paid) to Jessica
(Fridays off are the best use of sick days.)
be when you give up guilt for Lent and eat bacon donuts all day! (Miz Yank)
(Better than giving up donuts and lending bacon all day.)
not involve a human sacrifice.
(Nono – those are Tuesdays.)
be every day of the week SnB
(I don’t think I can do a daily Foolishness.)
(Well, not in blog form, anyway.)

The one where I win the lottery. Elyse 54.5
(As long as you win enough for the whole class…)
be “stay home, and wear your pajamas and eat Nutella out of the jar all day” day radiochick74
(What if you sleep in your birthday suit?)
…be clouded by purple haze. And wine! (LVital7019)
(Fill the humidifier with Merlot. Win-win!)
(Zoe) Have me win this pool, geeze what does it take? Do you need bowing too?
(Lets be honest, does anyone ever really win these?)
(Zoe) See Guaps become famous
(Someone would have to give evidence against me for that to happen…)
(Zoe) Be the beginning of the end of ever having to work again cause rich
(And then we could afford grammar lessons!)
do a Rebecca Roll — jaklumen
(It’s like a Turkey Roll, but with less flavor!)
would be ..better? Lizzie C
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
Have to fulfill my every desire… lol Andro
(Several of your desires are against the law.)
(And the health code.)

Did someone mention orgy? Oh… Andro
(Sorry, typo. Should have been “ogre”. Still interested? ;) )
Be a picnic after midnight with… Hey nosy :) Andro
(That’s a terrible nickname for your picnic partner.)
be filled with bacon. Not that bullshit Canadian bacon (it’s NOT Canadian!) NancyTex
(You’ll cheer up when spring thaw comes to Canada.)
(In August.)

The day I tell my boss to go fuck himself … twice. KBar3
(Double Jeopardy precludes you telling him to fuck himself twice for the same thing.)
Come with a butler and personal hair stylist. The Sailor’s Woman
(The butler did (hair)do it!)
Best Friday would take place on the beach with margaritas! Susie Lindau
(I’d prefer it if that were an average Wednesday.)
allow me to think of a quick & good answer to these questions (Frank)
(There are no good answers, Frank. At least, not in italics anyway.)
be Saturday … all the time! -Judah First
(But SNL has enough trouble being funny one night a week…)
Live music of all my favorite musicians/bands…for free…in my yard. Rutabaga
(Careful – I hear Karen Carpenter hogs all the snacks.)

Congratulations to Lizzie C for this weeks simple, eloquent answer. (Plus I’m pretty sure this week’s winner will just confuse Zoe even more, so bonus!) And from the offered choices, the most popular was be chocolate covered!!!. So I guess the fetishists know how to spend this day after all.

He's in shock over how badly they play.

He’s in shock over how badly they play.


This week, calendar wise anyway, we are deep into Spring, which brings us to the joys of Baseball. Unless you’re a Mets fan. If you are, then what do you do? Well, that’s this week’s poll.
Take a swing at an answer often, but do it soon, because this one closes at 2359 EDT on Tuesday, 22 April. Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.

And to send you on your way, enjoy Simpsons Lego!

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Worst. Theme Park. Ever.


Today’s Music:
Tom Petty – Runnin Down A Dream

Windowless. So the fun can't escape.

Windowless. So the fun can’t escape.


The fun starts in the parking lot! Grab a ticket. Drive up towards the guy who presumably works there. (The “Attendant” jacket is a clue.) Then find out that he either doesn’t, or doesn’t care. Find four spots. See that the other idiots have parked in two spots at three of them.
Wedge your way into the fourth spot.
Success!
Now the real fun begins.
The attendant at the DMV actually does pay attention. Unlike the old days, there is a kiosk. Tell the nice man what you want, and he’ll tap the correct key and a ticket will spit out, with a number.
If you’re really lucky, he’ll even have the form you need!

So I get my ticket and fill out my form. Then I wait. And wait. And wait.
Finally they call my number! I go to the window and tell them why I’m there. They say great! Make sure when we call you back, you stress what you’re here for, even if it’s me. Because I certainly won’t remember. Oh, and your wife can’t wait with you.
(Fortunately, I thought there might be waiting and asked her to bring her book.)
(Which she’d have done anyway.)
(God, I love that woman!)

So I sit.
And wait……..

Eventually, they call me again.
I sit down to take my test.
Twenty questions.
Over half of them are about driving and alcohol. I’ve been driving for over twenty years. I answer those questions easily.
Two of them are on road signs. I guess. Seriously, does anyone actually read the signs, or do we all just check the shape and color? Three of them are motorcycle-specific. I did study, so I answer those carefully and correctly.

Hand in the test, and…wait!
Sigh.
To recap: Enter, get a number ticket, sign in, take the test and hand it in.
Time to do this: 18 minutes.
Time spent at DMV so far (including waiting): 107 minutes.

Annnnnny Daaaaay Nowwwww................

Annnnnny Daaaaay Nowwwww…………….


I’m now waiting for them to grade my test and call me up to sign the form and tell me if I passed.
There is a woman doing this with a trainee. The two of them are having a grand old time, laughing and telling each other stories. In twenty minutes, four applicants are processed.
The trainee gets up to get another chair. He leaves the woman at the counter by herself for 9 minutes. Six more applicants are processed.
My turn!!!
“Did I pass?”
She looks back at the form.
“You did. 100%. First one on the motorcycle exam today. Now, sign here, and wait for your name to be called at the register.”
YIPPE– crap.

And I (sing it with me!) wait…

Finally they call me to pay.
“Can I use cash”
“Mumble mumble”
“Ok…how much do I owe you”
“mumble mumble”
“Sorry, how much?”
“TWENTY TWO FIFTY.”
I drop my money on the counter.
She makes change and hands me my permit.

Three hours after I arrived, I leave the DMV.

Next is the Motorcycle Safety Foundation two day course.
At least that ride has seats.

Hey, if Marcia could learn to not break the egg... (Please tell me you get that reference,)

Hey, if Marcia could learn to not break the egg…
(Please tell me you get that reference,)

This is not madness. THIS. IS. FOOLISHNESS!!!


Today’s Music: PJ Harvey – One Time Too Many

Thank. God. I thought I’d never make it this far into the week. Ridiculously busy at work! Rough commute! It snowed!!! Sheesh! Good thing I had blogs to get me through. Here’s some of what I saw…
Susie Lindau Smooshed Her Boobs. DJ Matticus’ Prince fought a Great Battle! And WhiteladyInTheHood had a run-in with…well… Bunny Tails. Sort of.

Thanks to them and everyone else for a whole lot of great reading this week!

Wrong. For ANY gender.

Wrong. For ANY gender.


But last week, sex was on everyones minds. Especially when we asked about turning into the opposite sex. And wow, did you people have some interesting thoughts on the subject. (Seriously, get help!) Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are androgynous in italics.)
Figure out if it’s really all that hard to aim into the BOWL (Samara)
(Of course it isn’t. Sinks are wide! Oh..waitaminute..)
Words can’t describe the assault I would lay siege to my new apparatus (Samara)
(For that, grunts are better than words.)
Say feck loudly and in a deep voice, while scratching my balls :-\ Indecisive Eejit
(RuPaul? Is that you?)
make sure the snozberries still tasted like snozberries. thematticuskingdom
(That’s the last time I’m checking Urban Dictionary for definitions.)
immediately steal The Queen’s title. thematticuskingdom
(CATFIGHT!!!)
check the calendar to see if it was some sort of Freaky Friday. thematticuskingdom
(Doublecheck that it isn’t 1976.)
Poke someone… Yes of course with my finger ;) lol Andro
(Whew! Because you can take someone’s eye out with those other things!)
Flirt a lot more than usual, hey I’m kidding :) Andro
(What is more than an “infinite” amount?)
Slap myself twenty times… Shouting get me out of here – Andro
(Two men enter. One man…umm…nevermind)
prove that men can have multiple orgasms. Aussa Lorens
(We don’t because of the dehydration risks.)
Finally be able to kill my own spiders. The Sailor’s Woman
(Well that’s not taking very good care of your pets…)
become a militant feminist and chide my former self for intense dumbness (Trent)
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
Fart and blame it on the dog, yell at the TV and pretend to fix stuff. Kayjai
(Even better if you don’t own a dog!)
Listen to the song “If I were a boy” by Beyonce? #WeirdIKnow
(So…bad taste in music regardless of gender?)
Slap myself across the face repeatedly just so I could wake up from this horror
(So you’re still into that, regardless of gender?)
take a duckface selfie (Stacy)
(At least you’ll be able to hide it behind facial hair.)
scream
(Like a little girl?)
wear kilts and suits! NBI
(You can get a mankini. Good for any gender!)
have serious balls. (Nadia)
(If you’d grown up with them, they’d probably be more playful…)
Do a pee, leave the seat up and think HARD about WHY I do something so annoying! Miss Lou
(Or revel in doing it the right way!)
Be dumber than I was before I went to sleep Elyse 54.5
(Yes…but you wouldn’t care!)
Scratch myself in public and then spit on the ground in front of myself
(Hmm…not sure which gender you’re changing to…)
get a big set of fake boobs!! SnB
(Oh, I have a pair of those mounted on the wall.)
(Zoe) Wonder why I had a man in my bed
(Because if he were under it, it would lead to a whole lot of questions…)
(Zoe) I would have a new toy to play with.
(Careful it doesn’t go off while you’re cleaning it…)
Be boring as hell! SnaapyG
(We prefer to think of it as “being introspective”.)
Find out which organ I really think with… (Gretchen, drifting through.com)
(No thinking involved.)
(With either of them.)

…be glad to give my brain a break from doing all the thinking. (Miz Yank)
(Or start thinking about important stuff!)
Make my husband, 37, get a sex change — Linda Vernon
(Just don’t let him do it with his own tools!)
In my best Corleone way I would yell out “I GET TO ACT LIKE A MAN” Marie Nicole
(I thought every man acted like a boy?)
play with my new boobies… Twindaddy
(You wouldn’t return them when you changed back, would you.)
earn 20 cents more on the dollar and never again wait in line for a restroom!
(Wait in line? We just pee outside when it’s crowded.)
PMAO… be glad I have long, sexy legs.
(Nono, this is after the sex change.)
still write about my naughty bits – Rutabaga
(What, no video?)
Refuse to answer the question for fear of reprisal. (Frank)
(If these polls have taught me anything, it’s that there are no right answers.)
Enjoy peeing standing up. (Deanna)
(Why not? I often enjoy it then! Or while walking…)
see if scratching my junk is all that it’s cracked up to be. Polysyllabic Profundities
(Once you scratch junk, all else is…bunk!(?))
Relish having one thought at a time. Bliss! – Sandy Mitchell
(Mmm…relish…)
I would never reduce myself to a single orgasm entity. – Sandy Mitchell
(There’s an amoeba joke in there somewhere…)

Congratulations to Trent for this weeks winning answer! (And we hope he uses his prize to work out his issues.) And from the offered choices, the most popular was still look great. So congratulations on all the self confidence!
ChocoBunny
This week, Easter is coming right before Passover leaves. But instead the end of the weekend, this poll is about what happens at the beginning. Good Friday! What could be better than that.
Well, that’s what we’d like to know.
Answer often, but answer soon, because this one closes at 2359 EDT on Tuesday, 22 April. Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.


And since the new Captain America is out (good flick. Stay til the end of the credits.), enjoy this as we head into the weekend.

See you…out there.