I don’t know where I’m going…


Today’s Music: AC/DC – Thunderstruck

…But I know where I am right now – over at Running On Sober with Michael from Good2BeGone doing Life In 6 Songs for Christy, CK Hope and Mama Mick.

Check it out, and you can even submit your own playlist!
(And comment over there too!)

Into The Valley Of Foolishness Rode The Six Hundred…


Today’s Music: Cowboy Mouth – Jenny Says

The wheel has gone around and once again landed on Friday! Another successful week in which I kept my opinions of office goings-on mostly to myself, thereby ensuring my continued employment.
And how did I distract myself from the banality? Why. by reading blogs, of course! Here’s some of what I saw…
REDdog told the story of his First Tattoo. Girl Seule wrote about the joys of Crowd Funded Breasts!, and DJ Matticus and co-authors are giving away copies of Fauxpocalypse, so grab a copy of what I hear is a great book!

Oh, and Helena Hann Basquiat bestowed a Liebster Award (because of my crushed velevet smoking jacket), and That’s Ron To You gave me a Versatile Blogger Award. Probably because I type all my posts with my toes. (Yes, I’m that versatile!)
I hope y’all check them both out. They really have great sites!

But before you head over to them, let’s talk about last week’s poll. We asked about English Muffins, and what was going on with those nooks and crannies. From your answers, it’s clear they’re not big enough to contain your cleverness! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are toasted in italics.)

Wormholes left by Ancient Astronauts ~ Stephen Hawking (of Reno)
(That’s why the taste is out of this world!)
just air because some nitwit whipped them too much – Benzeknees
(Arthur Muffin the Fourteenth says it’s not so easy to program those machines correctly.)
Crumpets are for the night after the midnight picnic… Not as juicy though… Andro
(And crumbs in bed for the morning after that…)
I always enjoy a bit of crumpet, actually I prefer lots… Andro
(Gee, I prefer strumpets.)
Yes Crumpets that man and remember that okay, rant over… Andro
(So…I’m thinking you mean…crumpets?)
Air. Nothing clever. Just air. (Stacy)
(English Muffins are know for their dry…wit.)
wanna be donut holes -Linda Vernon
(Who knows what dreams lie in the hearts of baked goods? The butter knows!)
A place to stash my diary in which I curse everyone I know-Life Confusions
(bitter anger never tasted so good!)
Sweet lakes of butter, for me to lap up, and they butter up my muffin tops! Dawn @ TFTM
(You’re going to get me re-ranked as an explicit blog.)
Little bread elves take bites out of your muffins while you sleep. Amy R
(So…good drugs then?)
The Catholic Church’s explanation Elyse 54.5
(The Slather, the Bun and the Holy Toast?)
crabby old women who finally discovered e-readers. JakLumen
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!! Seriously, I rarely hit such surreal heights as this.)
We can’t tell you. It is a state secret. Merlinspielen
(In Russia, the English muffins YOU!)
just dyslexic crooks and nannies. – calahan
(Oh for dog’s sake.)
Places to stick your ABC gum. Kayjai
(Younger me is glad it’s no longer stuck in my hair.)
the sexiest part of a woman’s body (SnB)
(A balanced part of a complete breakfast!)
to hold the masses of peanut butter and honey, YUM! – Curvyroads
(I thought jelly was the opiate of the masses?)
addictive little pockets of crack cocaine. thematticuskingdom
(You mean those aren’t deliciously healthy nubs of fiber?!?)
Zoe here…Nooks are the creators cheaping out on a full piece of circle.
(Sounds like the beginning of a great story…arc.)
Zoe here again:Crannies are the filler, to make you think you’re full.
(Filler…like seasons two through five of Lost?)
how should I know? I’m a writer not a scientist! thematticuskingdom
(Michio Kaku says “why not be both?”.)
(And “buy my books”. He says that a lot too. )

a typo. It was supposed to be crooks and nannies. thematticuskingdom
(It was also a typo that left them stranded with a warehouse full of puffins.)
crooks and grannies-inventors of the Eng. muffin. The Sailor’s Woman
(I prefer books and jammies – anchors of the bedtime routine.)
PMAO. We call them ‘freedom muffins’.
(the only meaningful contribution of Congress to society in the last twenty years.)
I’m not sure, but he can spread butter on my toast any day! Susie Lindau
(Umm…what kind of muffins are we talking about here?)
The cellulite in my thighs. brickhousechick
(I can’t believe it’s not butter!)
places to hide more alcohol! Twindaddy
(I like to leave the alcohol out in the open. On muffin coasters.)
peanut butter holders – Rutabaga
(Just like that automatic tray on my computer!)

Congratulations to JakLumen for this weeks winning answer!!!, proving once again that polls are stranger than fiction. And from the offered choices, the most popular was They’re called “crumpets”, you bloody Yank!. So congratulations to all you English xenophobes out there too!
Clutter
This week, My girl and I have been closing up an estate. There was a ton of packing and sorting and arranging before donating it to a variety of charities that will hopefully hand the stuff off to people who could use it.
It got me to thinking about all the stuff I have and, of course, all the stuff you have. So This weeks question is what do you do with it all??? Let us know as often as you like, but let us know by Tuesday, 1 April, 2359 EDT, because that’s when this one ends.
Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.

And til next time, enjoy a quick behind the scenes view of every sitcom casting session ever,

Have a great weekend, everyone!

Trifextra: Goin around, one last time.


Today’s Music: Yeah Yeah Yeahs – These Paths

And if you can, please click the pic under Give Merbear A Hand on the left and, well…give Merbear a hand.

After umpteen challenges and countless entries, I’ve gotten to read some incredible stuff. Despite only entering irregularly, it’s been an honor to be a member of the Trifecta Writing Challenge community.

Trifecta
After all the effort they’ve put in, and a great string of challenges either weekly or twice a week, the judges have decided to pack it in and leave before they lost their enthusiasm for it.
I wish them well, and to the rest of their writers, I look forward to seeing what you do next!

Here’s their Final Challenge:
we’re lovingly, and eagerly, placing the choice in your hands. There’s no topic, no word, just a free write. Go anywhere your mind wants to travel. Take us there too. Just make it count, leave your blood all over this page. Thirty-three words exactly.
Of course. We couldn’t end it any other way.

And here’s my last entry. Unless they start up again! (Thanks to polysyllabic profundities for getting me off my ass to contribute.)

riding_into_sunset
Last Time Around
Thirty three…
How do you sum up something so rewarding so quickly?
Twenty one…
How do you thank and appreciate so concisely?
Eleven…
You write, and hope they understand how you feel.

Zero.

Thank you Trifecta. It was a pleasure.

When life gives you lemons, make Foolishness!(ade.)


Today’s Music: Beebs and her Money Makers – Hand Out

And if you can, please help out Merbear.===========================>>>

Is there a spring in your step? Did you spring out of bed today? did you remember to flip the mattress? All this and more is on my mind this week, because spring has sprung! But what’s the “and more”? Why, the blogs I’ve read. Here’s some of what I saw… Wholey Jean had some great tips for being a role model to your inner child. Not A Punk Rocker wrote about how some Suicides Are Viewed, and Sean Smithson posted gratuitous selfies to promote his Book (with possibly the funniest dickhead pic ever).

Thank you all, and everyone else for the thoughtful and entertaining posts this week!

And thanks so much to The Sailor’s Woman for bestowing a Liebster Award on me! (Though her chihuahua may have made her do it.)
I hope you all take a minute to check out her great site!

When will it end? WHEN???

When will it end? WHEN???


Last week, we celebrated what we hoped was the last hurrah of winter by asking what you’ll miss most about it.
Based on your comments, I don’t think many of you wanted to make winter feel welcome. Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are slowly thawing in italics.)

When it snows, I have something to blame all the white powder on – Revis
(Blame it on the dog! That cokehead..)
Reading this before adding something stupid… Andro
(I read these every week. Never stops me…)
Not freezing my rocks off… Andro
(But it would be rude to freeze someone elses off!)

(I thought y’all just put snow chains on your moose.)
Absofrickinlutely nothing John Phillips
(You sound a little unsure…)
Making fun of Americans John Phillips
(I’m sure we’ll do something mockable soon.)
Having to finally leave Phucket and go back to the States that are United~~Addie
(I thought we were still split over that whole “Team Edward/Team Jacob” thing?)
snow days SnB
(I thought Canada just had snow “months”?)
Living under the SnowDome
(I prefer the SnowGlobe. Except when people shake it.)
The Polar Vortex. I love a good vortex. (Miz Yank)
(Can I interest you in my vortex of debt?)
Those whiny bastages in New York and Jersey. Pull up your big-girl longjohns! ~Miss R
(Umm…what’s the male version of “camel-toe”?)
Watching my husband do all the work! Elyse 54.5
(Just get him a lawnmower!)
Matching sweaters for me and my Chihuahua. The Sailors Woman
(As your chihuahua breathes a palpable sigh of relief…)
maybe I’ll miss snow. I’m crazy like that. JakLumen
(I think if you sit back and weigh the pros and cons, you’ll find that you won’t really miss it.)
I won’t miss it. It hurt. Literally. JakLumen
(TOLD YA!)
Everything! (Seriously, everything.) Stacy
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!! For a totally…unique…view of winter.)
Winter I hardly knew ye -Linda “California” Vernon
(It was the season where you lounged while we wept. Good times!)
the way it spooned with me at night. – calahan
(Isn’t a shovel more effective?)
PMAO…I am going to miss doing posts of flowers and sunsets in San Diego that I do solely to drive people who live where it snows crazy.
(I’m going to miss the radiant smog in those pictures…)
getting to be jealous of everyone else’s winter. thematticuskingdom
(Trust me, we’re happy to share.)
the early sunsets. thematticuskingdom
(Nothing more romantic than a moonlit lunch.)
the Christmas cheer. thematticuskingdom
(Only 278 shopping days to go…)
brickhousechick: Eating 300 Oreos during Natl’ Oreo Day 3/6
(This is Madness. NO! THIS IS OREOOOOOSSSS!!!!)
Skiing and my fleece workout pants. Susie Lindau
(Water skiing in fleece shorts!)
Hot toddies.
(cold beer.)
The temp outside matching the temp of my heart. – Twindaddy
(Now your heart will just have to be a seething cauldron of rage.)
The agony of another NO SNOW winter – Rutabaga
(Oh. The horror.)
having an excuse not to take a bath for weeks ! Life ConfusionsLife Confusions
(Once they turn on the fountains in the park, I have no excuse.)
How can I miss it when it’s never going to f*&#ing end?? polysyllabic profundities
(This would have won, but I don’t want to encourage winter.)
complaining about it on my blog – The Waiting
(Wait – does that mean more raisin/poop stories? BRING BACK THE SNOW!!!)
The sound of my frozen testicles banging against each other (Trent Lewin)
(As long as you don’t look for other things to bang them against…)

Congratulations to Stacy for this weeks winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was Watching the door hit its ass on its way out. So congratulations to all you violent portal users out there! (A close second was being made fun of by Canada, so I think some people need to work on their politeness. I’m looking at you, British Columbia.)

I bet he could melt some butter. But I don't want to know about his nooks or crannies.

I bet he could melt some butter.
But I don’t want to know about his nooks or crannies.


This week, I’m intrigued by breakfast food. The bread in fact. English muffins, to be precise. (It’s the foolishness. It’s not supposed to make sense.) I’d like to know what you think those nooks and crannies are, so that’s what I’m asking. Offer as many scrumptious thoughts as you like, but offer them by Tuesday, 25 March at 2359 EDT, because that’s when this one ends.
Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.

And so, until the foolishness brings us together again, please enjoy The Great Flydini.

Have a great week everyone!

SPROINGGGGGGG


Today’s Music: Neil Gaiman and Amanda Palmer – Makin Whoopee
(Alternate take: Dr. John and Rickie Lee Jones)
Days Til Spring: ZERO! ZIP!! ZILCH!!! NADA!!!!

At. Frakkin. Last.
At 12:57 EDT today, something glorious happen(s/ed). Without any speeches or announcements, without the interference or permission or approval of talking heads or governments, Spring start(s/ed).
For some of us, it still feels like winter, or it’s actually the start of autumn.
But for me, even though the weather disagrees with the calendar, today is a milestone.
90 days ago was the shortest day of the year. Today, regardless of legislated clock shennanigans, sunset begins twelve hours after sunrise. And after that, for the next 90 days, the days keep getting longer.

But today is where it starts! Two whole seasons of no jackets, bright sunshine, and green grass. How will I spend it?
Glad you asked!

Wait for your eyes to stop bleeding.  Then get your own at Wave Shoppe

Wait for your eyes to stop bleeding.
Then get your own at Wave Shoppe


The Spring and Summer Stupid
Surfing. As always, I don’t care if I stand up on a wave or not. Get on the water on my board. Paddle til I can’t feel my arms. Lie on the beach, then go out for a good meal.
Picnics. Books. Good food. Guitar. Hula hoop for The Most Wonderful Girl In The Universe. ‘Nuff said.
Road Trips. Pick a direction, roll down the windows and drive. Find a town, maybe with an event, maybe with the worlds largest ball of twine. Who cares! Just enjoy the ride, baby.
Stand Up Paddleboarding. We go down to a place on the Hudson in lower Manhattan. Paddleboarding in the middle of a major metropolis? Gives me the giggles every time.
Jet Skiing. A place opened on the same beach we surf. I expect to fall off at least once
Rock Climbing. TMWGITU (to my ecstatic surprise) loves climbing in a gym. I really want to get her on a cliff at the ‘Gunks.
NAPS!!!! If you have to ask why, we need to sit down for a long talk.
Free Music. It’s everywhere in the city. Free concerts in the park. Free concerts by the rivers. Festivals. I’m like a kid in a candy store.
Playing Guitar Outdoors. I don’t care how good I am (or not). There’s something extra joyful about sitting in a park making music. Even if it’s the same notes over and over. (And TMWGITU will probably bring her hoop for those outings too!)
Bungee Jumping. This probably won’t happen, but I discovered there’s a bridge with a 200′ drop 20 minutes outside Ottowa. How could that not be on my list?
Watching the stars. A warm quiet night with the heavens ablaze. If you don’t know what I’m talking about, try it and you’ll understand.

As always, this list is neither definitive, nor accurate. Maybe paddleboarding will get dropped in favor of the trapeze on the west side. New things will get added, others will get dropped because of time or money.
But it will be Spring and Summer, and I’ll spend it with my wife.

Looks like they will be great seasons!

Stepping Out Of The Box


Today’s Music: The Shook – Window
(Because how often do you hear a banjo on a wah-wah pedal?)
Days Til Spring: TWO!!!!!
And if you can, please help out Merbear.===========================>>>

Tomorrow I’m going to step way out of my comfort zone. I’m going to an orientation for Big Brothers Big Sisters. They are an organization that pairs mentors with children who, for whatever reason, could use one.
It’s not a tremendous time requirement – they ask for four hours every other weekend. They want the mentors (Bigs) to provide support, counsel, friendship, reinforcement and constructive examples.
(Fortunately, I have a whole bag of GOOD LORD, DON’T DO THIS!!! examples.)

Like this. But completely different.

Like this.
But completely different.


I don’t know if I can clearly articulate why I want to do this. I don’t see myself as particularly altruistic, or someone who thinks “I must give every last bit to help everyone else!!!”, and there are those who could probably put forth good arguments that I’m a dick.
I don’t know. I’ve always thought of myself as “just this guy”, and that’s enough for me.

I’ve had my struggles, but overall, my life hasn’t been overly difficult. As a Straight White Male, I live on what John Scalzi calls the easy setting. But I know that’s just because of luck. Spin the wheel in either direction, just a little, and either by birth or consequences of a myriad stupid decisions, my life could have been a lot harder. I don’t begrudge anyone else their success, and I’m not competitive enough to want to keep anyone else down so I can do well.
I think if you do well and I was there to help you out along the way, that’s enough for me. So why not lend a hand to a kid that needs one?

At the orientation, they’ll give us an idea of the kids we might be dealing with, of what we can do with them, and I probably what the boundaries are. They’ll pair me up with someone that shares my interests – hopefully the kid will like science fiction, (good) music, food. Maybe I’ll have something useful to the show the kid.
I have no idea.

But I know that however it goes, it will be worth the effort.
Who knows, maybe he’ll even have a thing for Hawaiian shirts!

Somewhere, Over The Foolishness…


Today’s Music: Slim Harpo – I’m A King Bee
Days Til Spring: SIX!!!
And if you can, please help out Merbear.===========================>>>

Welcome to the last Foolishness before Spring begins. And what a week it was – the warm! The cold! The office shennanigans! How can one survive such madness? Why, by taking refuge in the ‘sphere, of course. Here’s some of what I saw…
Sharp Little Pencil wrote out her Mainfesto (in poetry form, of course). Anja wrote a great freeverse about Ego, and John Phillips put this winter in Perspective

Seriously, if I didn’t get to read them and all the rest of you, I’d have probably run for the hills after this week, so thanks!
Mankini
Last week I asked for a different form of perspective – yours, on how you prepare for bikini season. And while none of you have body issues, that isn’t to say you are issue free. Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are sun-kissed in italics.)

doing yoga and praying – Curvyroads
(I’m praying I don’t have to yoga.)
Drinking, smoking and thinking impure thoughts. (Mollytopia)
(So…nothing special then…)
applying for my bikini hunting license. – calahan
(Remember, it’s “catch and release”. Not “release the clasp”.)
covering up. No one wants to see a monster truck tire on thunder struts. JakLumen
(You should model that in the Deep South…)
Ignoring the bikini mandate and eating lots of pasta. -PLS
(Bowtie pasta is known for its classic hourglass shape.)
Studying for the “Official Inspector” certification exam. BT
(It’s the hands-on inspections that get you in trouble.)
making a Rainbow Loom swimsuit ~whatimeant2say
(Not Fruit of the Loom?)
drinking ALL the beers! (Words & Other Things)
(Too late! *gulp*)
Dreaming of winter! (Stacy)
(Nightmare.)
Going on a liquid-only diet. Beer me! – Erin E.
(Blogger, me!)
hot wax, sunscreen and gin, not necessarily in that order.The Sailor’s Woman
(Wait – you don’t drink them all at once???)
Not eating carbs. (hypothetically)
(There are some fine vegetable liquors. (perhaps…)
Installing a few wicked Apps, I just hope I won’t be late… Andro
(Smartphones can kill?!?)
Slapping a few choice asses, bend over girls… Andro
(Pretty sure they’ll slap back. Hard. Perhaps with shovels.)
Removing as many as I can, when it happens… Andro
(I’m guessing that’s one before the cops show up…)
A million burpees! Amy
(I draw the line at seven hundred fifty thousand and eight.)
completely ignoring it! – Benzeknees
(Ask not for who the bikini bares. It bares for me, not thee.)
wiki searching “bikini.” thematticuskingdom
(Hey, if you have to ask…)
guzzling beer so I’m too drunk to go to the beach. thematticuskingdom
(The Hawaiian Tropic girls will be so disappointed!)
nothing. I live in CA – it’s always bikini season. thematticuskingdom
(I don’t think it counts as a season if it’s all the time…)
buying protective eyewear. (MizYank)
(A sleep mask might be the only way to avoid the horror!)
Bikini? ja,ja,ja! My skirted suit might see the daylight… someday.brickhousechick
(A long swimsuit! Leaving even MORE to the imagination!)
Um, it’s called a Burkini. Maggie
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
finishing this tub of ice cream – Twindaddy
(I don’t think that kind of oil protects from sunburn…)
digging a very deep hole. Elyse 54.5
(Much like me, in these comments.)
Moving to the Arctic for the season.~~Addie
(There are those who say that will be the warmest habitable continent soon…)
Getting ready?!? This body was born ready for the bikini season -Marie Nicole ;)
(They make bikini onesies?)
Consuming prunes and imported Mexican tap water to get to my birth weight
(And it will go through you as fast as baby food did back then!)
shaving my back…sooo hard to reach..(SnB)
(Maybe your barber will give a volume discount?)
collecting yellow polka dots. sandylikeabeach
(Can you fit more than six on that teeny thing?)
There’s a bikini season?! That must be the one warm day we have. Kayjai
(I thought I saw Rob Ford in one the other day.)
shaving my eyebrows off (Rutabaga)
(I’ll just be trimming my ear hair.)

Congratulations to Maggie for her modesty! And from the offered choices, the most popular, by a wide margin, was Lobbying to bring back the swimsuits of the 30s. The long ones. So congrats to all of you you too. Unless your modesty precludes you from accepting?
snowed-in-car
This week is Winter’s last one on the calendar til the bottom of the year. So, lets send it off in style, feeling good about itself. Offer as many well wishes for Winter as you like, but offer them by 2359 EDT, Tuesday 18 March, because that’s when this one closes.
Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.


And until we meet again, enjoy this…
This one always makes me laugh, so I thought I’d use it again

Have a great week, y’all!