Cut it out, Canada.


Today’s Music: Oh, Canada

I like Canada. A lot.
I’ve been there several times, most recently to see The Cars at Sound Academy in Toronto.
I’ve loved seeing the Changing of the Guard ceremony at Parliament in Ottawa.
I loved hanging out with Charles DeLint at the bar he plays at weekly. He invited me up onstage, and lent me a guitar so we could rip through a twelve bar blues riff with his band.
He took us out for lunch after we spent the day exploring the Byward market, a really nice indoor/outdoor shopping area filled with the products of local craftsmen and street musicians.
My wife (the most wonderful girl in the universe) and I spent a lovely afternoon strolling through the Ottawa government seat, and walking along the Rideau river.

Manhattan at noon, 29 October

I’ve skied at Tremblant and loved, and have nothing but nice things to say about Montreal.

More recently, I’ve enjoyed the tulip festival. They really are beautiful. The way you arrange them shows why you elevated the festival to a national event.
My wife and I loved your museums, and admired the clean orderliness of your street.

Brooklyn, 20 minutes after Manhattan

And on the same trip when we went to see The Cars, we also stopped at Niagara Falls. It’s true, the view is better from the Canadian side.
So all the times I’ve been to Canada, I’ve had nothing but fun.

Queens, 35 mjinutes after Brooklyn

But you have a dark secret.
Any architect building a freestanding home in an open area will tell you, build the hedges along the north.
During winter, the cold air comes down from the north. That’s how the jet stream works.
And what’s north of New York?
Canada.
That;s right. I said it.
Canada is sending us the snow.
I like snow. I like sledding, skiing, sitting on the porch watching it build up. I like driving in fields through it, catching it on my tongue, and making naked snow angels in it. Ok, that was once, and i was really drunk at the time. But I enjoyed it.

But now you’ve gone too far. It’s October. There are another 60 or so days of fall. Which I can’t enjoy. Because it’s snowing.
The snow Canada sent.

Look, I admit it, the U.S. can be mean to Canada. We ignore you, we run roughshod over your entertainment industry by selling you our music/tv/movies. And I know you have to pay more for those same books and dvds we insist on sending you.
But I’m begging you, please, turn off the snow.
I gave your anthem the “Today’s Music” slot.
I like real maple syrup.
I’ll even admit (under duress) that I own a Bryan Adams cd (it was a long time ago and I’ve no idea where it is anymore.)

So stop with the snow already. At least for another month or two.

The view out my window 15 minutes later.

Or we’ll send back William Shatner.

Advertisements

15 responses to “Cut it out, Canada.

  1. Better you than me, as the saying goes. My daughter’s in DC and she said it’s snowing there, too, if it’s any consolation. Sunny here in the Chi.

    PS: All-time best Canadian band: Arcade Fire.

    Thanks for the great blog!

    Like

  2. Here in the north of NYC it’s snowing too but not too much to head out to Ben and Jerry’s and get my friend to build a fire in the fireplace in exchange for sharing.

    Do you have any Celine Dion albums?

    And are you suggesting that Canada should have planted (thought you said built) a hedge along it’s northern border? Or maybe the architectural oversight was, in fact, a US oversight because we didn’t plant (though you said built) a hedge along our northern border.

    And is Mexico complaining about us the way you’re complaining about our northern neighbors?

    And in fact, if we’re going to have trouble with our neighbors, at least they don’t let their dogs poop on our lawns and play loud music all night long. In exchange for that, I think you could have been a little more forgiving about the snow. And you don’t even have to shovel.

    Sheez.

    Like

    • Ok, I didn’t want to bring religion into it, but I’m not yet convinced Celine Dion is not the devil herself.. .
      Mexico yaps about us all the time, but really, it’s not the same. We’re not doing anything wrong.
      Unlike Cold Air Canada.
      And I meant build good American hedges. Don’t take Canada’s side.
      Hmph.

      Like

  3. I’ve been to Canada a few times and found it to be pretty nice, so I have nothing against them. Their trouble is, they have really poor timing. I mean, why would they start sending snow and cold in October?

    Canada, you need to check a calendar and figure out that it’s still Fall, so you’re jumping the gun. Please get this straightened out ASAP.

    Like

  4. Wonderful post!! I wish the wind would take me on over to New York with it some days! And if you can believe it (I am sure I am jinxing it) we haven’t had snow here in Edmonton yet…not that I am complaining 🙂

    Like

  5. You are welcome any time.
    Just leave the cold up north.

    I haven’t made it to Edmonton yet, but it’s on my list of places to go.

    Like

  6. gotta love the “shat”…but that is a terrible threat. continue…

    Like

  7. Pingback: There Goes The Neighborhood… | Guapola

  8. lol…We Canadians don’t control the weather, it controls us. We’ve just learned to roll with it. Sorry ’bout that. Thanks for the kudos, just the same,eh! We’ll take Shat back but only in a deal that you take the Biebs. Whaddya say? Eh?

    Like

  9. Okay….I get it now. And for the record….I still have snow on my lawn (which is driving me to therapy) and we are expecting more in the next few days???? I just sat on my deck today and got a sunburn…..wtf?? Sent with warm greetings from north of the border. 🙂

    Like

Ahem *best Ricky Ricardo voice* Babble-OOOoooo!!!

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s