Where I’ve Been – King Kong

Today’s Music: Gorillaz – Feel Good


When my mother had her own business, the offices were in the Empire State Building. For their annual King Kong performer, they sent fliers to the tenants asking their college-aged relatives to audition.

How could I resist?

About 5 of us showed up for the audition, held in the main lobby on a late spring afternoon. There were a bunch of judges, including a B-Lister from whatever Broadway musical was big that day.

Each…actor(?) was given the head from the suit, and given 5 minutes to wow the crowd and judges.

Does this hat make me look furry?

Of the other…contestants(?), all I remember is one guy doing a soliloquy of “I Am Not A Monster”. Which could barely be heard through a 10 pound gorilla head.

When it was my turn, I was ready, baby.
I set up a street, lined with small buildings from my uncle’s model railroad. At the far end, a Barbie doll (borrowed from friend’s sister) lay in front of the Town Hall, with those shiny, plastic come-hither eyes.

I stomped my way down the lobby – roaring, thumping my chest, kicking cardboard buildings into the crowd. I was on a rampage.

Until I saw her…

Fay Wray - How could I resist?

Captivated by the mass-marketed queen, I staggered forward, clutching my furry heart. I was in a daze, as, swept up by her beauty, I knelt before her, gathering her up in my hirsute paw.

And then we danced.

Needless to say, I didn’t win.
It was a push between me and another guy. They held a tie breaker.
He won.

But he was also a counselor at a camp for the deaf and needed two weeks to do that. So I got the job for those two weeks.

I had my own office on the 86th floor. I went between the open air observatory and the enclosed one on the 101st floor.
Because the gorilla suit weighed 25 pounds, I also was told to take frequent breaks in my office.

Of all that happened in those two weeks, here are two lessons I learned that made the strongest impression:

1 – Parents – no matter how cute you think both your toddler and the Gorilla are, if the baby is screaming when you push him int the Gorilla’s arms, neither of them will look cute in the picture.

2 – You might be Lord Of The Elevator, riding up to the observatory in the very front, arm around your girl, all slouchy and cool.
But everyone will see through you when the elevator doors open at the top, revealing a tired grumpy Gorilla sticking his head in the elevator and growling. Loudly.
And from then on, you will be known thereafter as “Nervous Jumpy Guy Who Hid Behind His Girl”.

But don’t worry. The Gorilla will get spoken to by his boss for doing that.

One note – All of the above is true, and for several years, this job was listed on my resume as Tourist Relations Manager.

32 responses to “Where I’ve Been – King Kong

  1. Hi,
    Well you can’t say your Resume isn’t unique. 😆
    Loved the post.


  2. I bet the Barbie was really yours.


  3. Nope. Borrowed it from the sister of a friend. I believe I even returned it.
    Only barbie I ever owned was the Star Trek 25th Anniversary Barbie and Ken set.
    In Star Trek uniforms!
    With a phaser and tricorder!
    New in the box!

    Gave that away a few years ago.


  4. I had no resources for advice on wearing gorilla suits, and now I know where to turn if I ever end up in a situation that requires I wear one.


  5. It would be my pleasure to assist you Carrie, but if? If?
    At some point, I think we all need to wear the gorilla suit.
    At least once.
    And preferably after it’s been cleaned since the last guy.
    (What? it gets hot in there.)


  6. Admit it – there was no costume, you just didn’t shave for a while.


    • An excellent hypotheses, Inspector Hotspur.
      But I wear glasses, and as you can see in the official footage above, there are no glasses visible outside the gorilla suit.


  7. Lovin the music you picked to write by..
    And really who CAN resist Fay Wray? Hmmm Whatever Happened to Fay Wray (do the Time Warp on company time).

    Great story. Worked in Rock Center for almost 10 years, after college. Big Finance. Great Office. Shitty pay compared to the other officer in the office next door Grrrr. Did play piano nights at a nifty little wine bar downtown on weekends though, so understand your own ‘hither to’ feeling towards show-biz. Heh.
    You’ve no idea what euphamism used on resumes to shore up those musical gigs.

    hysterical story and from the heart. Still giggling.


  8. Here’s an even better idea for your wife. Pink, feathery, I bet she’d look hot like this: http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=8N_tupPBtWQ.

    You’re welcome.


  9. hahaha the photo captions are great


  10. Coolness for real. Why the need to qualify the Barbie as borrowed though. I pegged you as more secure. lol. Tourist Realtion Manger – Brilliant ! Next time I rewrite my resume I am coming to you for help making the silly ones sound important. That’s talent that Rocks!!
    Peace 🙂


    • Before I had “real” work experience, I had several made up titles.
      I kind of miss them on my cv…

      Shoot me the job position. I’d be happy to distill it to it’s Very Important title


  11. Glorified ass and nose wiper., Plant sitter, How about a better, less tired title for stay at home mom. Domestic Engineer ? eh used. What ya got? No rush


    • 1 – Waste Disposal Servicer?
      2 – Freelance Fauna Facilitator?
      3 – Domestic Support Logistician? Domicile Activity Co-ordinator? Short Person Enabler and Guidance Professional?

      Though really, Mom is an underrated title, and from what I’ve seen on your blog, you should get an award and a year off. Oh, and a boatload of cash too.


Ahem *best Ricky Ricardo voice* Babble-OOOoooo!!!

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