Daily Archives: 9 February, 2012

I’m an Ass…but Glittery!


Today’s Music: Queen – Fat Bottomed Girls
Days Til Spring: 41

Okay, I’ve gotten a few awards. I’m terrible at acknowledging them, for several reasons.
– They are an awful lot of work to justify
– There’s an awful lot of linking to blogs of others you like.
– I have to say things about myself that even I don’t find interesting
– Someone gets left out
– Typing up the 15 to 72 links gets really tiring

But then, this was bestowed upon me, by the ever so sparkly-assed Kayjai.
And I couldn’t refuse.
Because beneath that polite Canadian exterior, I’m pretty sure there’s a madwoman who would throttle me without a second thought.

And, like all awards, this one has rules:
1 – I have to name 5 things that I do that would make people want to kill me (or just hate me) (a lot).
– Even though I don’t do it here, in the real world I curse like a ^&%)(&*@*()#&(#%R&%*$*%(@&$). All the *(&^)#$@ time.
– I smoke like a chimney. And am unrepentant.
– However, if you do something…questionable in public, I will point and yell “REPENT, SINNER” as loud as I can.
– I am a music snob.
– I wear Hawaiian shirts whenever I can. Proudly.

Would a Hawaiian shirt go with this?


2 – List 5 things that I would stick up my ass if forced to. (Because that is the only way it’s going up there).
– My keys. Because whenever I’m out with friends and I ask where they’ve gone, someone invariably responds “did you check up your ass?”
– This. Because many times people have asked “Alright Guap. How are you going to pull this out of your ass?” Stick around, Spanky.
– A wireless speaker connected to a microphone. So I can, in fact, talk out of my ass.
– The complete encyclopedia Britannica. To whip out when someone falsely accuses me of talking out of my ass during an argument
– Handi Wipes. Just sayin…
B – Run across a freeway blindfolded
Already done this blind drunk. In Annapolis, MD. Close enough…
3 – Pick a Prom Court.
I have no idea what the hell this means. But that never stopped me before:
LizzieCracked – A little because she’s given me 20? 30? awards that I’ve never acknowledged, but mostly because she has a unique perspective, is one of my hands down coolest online friends, and I’d love to see what she does with this.
A Frank Angle – Because he is probably one of the nicest people I’ve met online, and can’t think of how would possibly respond to this. (Sorry, did I mention innapropriate?)
Alex Autin – Because in addition to great pictures and adventures, She can hold her own with the raunchiest of ’em.
Red – Because she will turn it into something deep and meaningful and hilarious and make me hurt myself laughing while she does it.
John Phillips – because he comes up with great bands I’ve never heard of (they’re Canadian), and I think he’d get a kick out this too.
– And finally (because like I said, all the link embedding gets tiring), Lily – I’m pretty sure she will put together a much more entertaining rant than I managed to.

So, thank you very much, this Glitter’s for you!

If I wear these, everyone can see the glitter!