Monthly Archives: February 2012

A Literary Limerick – Prisoner of Azkaban

Today’s Music: Ramones – Rock & Roll High School
Days Til Spring: 29

I am actually thinking of doing a political post, but I won’t be around so much this week to moderate and respond to comments.
The topic generates a lot of vitriol, and there is the potential of some very unpleasant name calling from non-regulars who wander over to troll. (I have found the regular name calling that goes on here to be very pleasant and entertaining.)

Since I’ll be away for a couple of days (Van Halen in Indiana. Because who doesn’t want to go to Indiana in February?), I thought I’d give you something that I know will generate hatred in the comments, without having to wonder.

So, we now continue with the latest installment of abominable Harry Potter limericks. You’re welcome. Oh, and feel free to check out all the literary limericks by clicking the Limerick tab up by the title bar.

    The Prisoner of Azkaban

The dog in the bushes was mysterious.
Harry though that he might be delirious
There were a wolf and a mouse
In a very haunted house

but the hero, in the end, was Sirius

Have a great week, and try to recover before the next Friday Foolishness poll.
Seriously, you’ll need all your strength for that one.

Friday Foolishness – Glorious Leader Edition

Today’s Music: Animaniacs – Presidents (A bit outdated. And a cartoon. But a great song!)
Days Til Spring: 31

I had an okay week – nobody got hurt, nobody died. I’ll chalk that up as a win.
There were a few posts that caught my eye this week.
H.E. Ellis had an in depth sit down with Cupid; Edward Hotspur waxed philosophical on blogging while using the longest non-technical word in the English language, floccinaucinihilipilification; and Ginger Snaap regales us with her Valentines Tweets
Thanks to you guys (and everyone else out there) for making the days a little more fun as I traveled through my week…

Oh, and we all made it through Valentine’s Day! Now I can get back to my normal irreverent frame of mind.
And for Valentine’s Day, y’all had a lot say in last weeks poll.
Here are the “Other” answers:
(As usual, my comments are in italics)
Going to the beach! Chocolate always tastes better dipped in sand.
(Um…where did you get that recipe from?)
Time to break out the special Valentines evening wear. John Phillips
(I did too! Latex – ah, the smell of it…)
I’ll be here
(And it was appreciated! Hope I didn’t syrup-overload you…)
i’m sleeping all day. –Goradde
(Nothing says romance like bed-pigging!)
Help! I’ve got 3 humans & 1 cat counting on me. Now Accepting Ideas!
(Hearts with names written on them dangling from a long string of red silk?)
I’m painting hearts with a folded toilet paper roll. No, really.
(No name with this, but I think it might have been Jell Jell – or more accurately, the adorable EB. Who does much more interesting (and acceptable) things with commode accessories than I ever did!)
(Sorry, was that blogging or flogging?)
Lots of really hot masturbation.
(So is that self abuse, or self love? And does one make the other even hotter?)
Im going to decide where to shop the next day to get 50% off stuff. Hobbler
(It’s like Christmas! But with shorter lines!)
What about chocolate covered brraaiinnnsss!!!! Linda V
(This prize is shared with ThoughtsAppear, who came so close to the same answer in the comments)

Aphrodisiac dinner and sex…you know, another Tuesday. Red
(Hey, we’re all invited to dinner at Red’s next week!!!!) (hehehe)
I’m giving her 2 tickets to the Monster Truck Rally!!! Rich Crete
(Because you are romanc- Wait – tickets for you and her, right?)
I hope to break the 358 days straight of no sex… ~flame
(I believe all of us are rooting for you! Oh, and pics or it didn’t happen. (hehehe))
All of the above (except Meg Ryan, and football, and sex – what’s that? Kanerva
(So…chocolate, and shooting people with a compound bow. Wow. PARTY AT KANERVA’S!!!)
I will ignore it in order to see if she notices.
(Oh, I can’t see that going well at all…)
I’m having sex with someTHING. I hope… G Snaap
(That line above about pictures? Yeah, ignore that one…)
Buy myself flowers and thank Hubby profusely for getting them for me!
(Better yet, thank someone else and really get his attention!)

Thank you for broadening (and occasionally assaulting) my definition of Valentine’s Day!
Congratulations to Linda and Thoughtsy on picking the winning Other answer, and the most popular of the choices offered was “I’m eating chocolate!!! Maybe I’ll even share…”
Congratulations to all of you too!

And now (continuing the series of polls that seem like they are related to something but really really aren’t), this weeks poll!
With Presidents Day coming in the US, I thought we might consider widening the scope of the holiday. So…

So, until next time, I leave you with these two videos.
I think this is a very cool thing for a President to do:

And the Presidential Oath of Office – FDR to Obama

Have a great weekend everyone, and for those that get it, enjoy your Monday off!

More about The Most Wonderful Girl In The Universe (because some is just not enough…)

Today’s Music: Louis Armstrong – What a Wonderful World
Days Til Spring: 34

(This is continued from yesterday’s post)

When it came time to plan our wedding, we both had exactly the same ideas:
– It should be small, so we could enjoy the time with our guests
– It should cost less then the downpayment on a good house
– It should be…unique.

We checked out a
Farm Museum. They include a hayride!
Central Park Carousel. Beautiful, but small, and for a place with fake horses, it smelled a lot like real horses.
Top of the Rock (Rooftop observation deck of Rockefeller Center). Great view, but what would it cost?

It turns out that renting Top of the Rock is $25k. Before food,band, or anything really. Just for the space.
And not even the good space. It’s for an enclosed terrace with a very limited view.
The manager must have seen our crestfallen expression and taken pity on us.
“Of course, if you wanted to”, she went on, “you could just by tickets for the observatory for you party and just show up. the only condition would be” – we held our breath – “you couldn’t block off the space from other visitors,
and you couldn’t bring a professional photographer”.
We looked at each other. No professional and random strangers wandering through our wedding?

The view from the wedding altar

Once we started, the staff couldn’t have been nicer. They did gave us some space on one end of the platform and thanked us at the end for picking their place to have our wedding.
The minister, on the other hand, had no idea what to do with us.
She was a non-denominational minister. Since my girl and I are of different faiths (and neither devout), we chose someone who could bring spirituality to the ceremony without dogma.
Poor woman.
She was hesitant to say “Mawwiage”, but all our friends caught the reference.
At one point during the ceremony, when my girl leaned over to kiss me, she told us (jokingly) to knock it off.
My girl’s response: “Have you met us?”
But she took it in stride when I stuck my tongue out at my girl (when she was telling the story of how my girl turned me down for the Harry Connick Jr date). Because she totally deserved it.
We got married on a Thursday. I took the day off and went in Friday.
Several of my wife’s co-workers took a long lunch and crashed the wedding. Her boss forced her to take Friday off too.

And I'm never letting go.

That was four years ago, eleven since we first started dating. Here are some snippets from our life together…
– Every night ends with the following (both of us say each line)
“Good night (pretty/handsome) (nickname)”
“Happy Valen-(nickname) -day”
“I love you”
I don’t think we’ve skipped more than a small handful of nights.
– I will poke her constantly. She retaliates by scratching my palms. Because that freaks me out.
– I will, when opportunity present itself, lick her nose. She will get back at me by slobbering my entire face.
– She keeps a spray bottle filled with water to squirt me with if I tickle her.
– I can count the number of yelling arguments we’ve had over the years on both hands. Without taking my mittens off.
– If she tells me seriously that I’m being a jackass, I will (after I shake off the frustration) think about and change what I’m doing.
– She has her own custom made action figure, commissioned by a friend.
– When my bungee jumping plans fell through, she found a place in Portland that was reliable.
– She knows how to tie a cherry stem in a knot with her tongue. I carried it in my wallet for years.
– She is the only person who has ever been able to get me to take care of my diabetes.
– I have gone to flower shows because she wanted to see them. (To be honest, she was right – they’re pretty cool).
– She is incredibly well read in history, fantasy and science fiction.
– I will never forgive her for referring to Hemmingway’s The Old Man And The Sea as “A Boy And His Fish”.
– She can quote Douglas Adams with the best of them.
– I love her so much that I have taken her to see both Depeche Mode and Pink live. And before you say “So?”, the Ting Tings opened for Pink. I would rather have gotten ringworm.
– Her only bridezilla moment was insisting we get married on our anniversary.
– My family likes her better than me.
– When separated in a large store, I will yell out “WIFE!” and listen for the answering “Husband!” (Because she has decorum and doesn’t bellow in public like I do.)
– She is queen of saying “Yes dear”.
– And sticking her tongue out at me. (He deserves it – TMWGITU)
– Sometimes, when she reads over my shoulder as I write these posts, she twists my ponytail into a knot. (Like now!)
– She bakes incredible scones. And turned me on to clotted cream.
– Starting a life with her is the smartest thing I ever did.
– Her choosing me is the best thing that ever happened to me
– If you were wondering, yes. The first year we were together, she took me to see Harry Connick Jr. Because she is that cool.

That’s about all I’m going to say. Because it’s been about 45 minutes of me playing on my machine, and I really want to go tell her I love her.
Bet I’ll get a kiss!

Happy Valentine’s Day, all. Have a great day no matter what you do, and every day after too.

The Most Wonderful Girl In The Universe

Today’s Music: They Might Be Giants – Birdhouse In Your Soul
Days Til Spring: 35

A long time ago, I worked at the college bookstore.
There was a girl who worked there. I didn’t know it at the time, but she was the most wonderful girl in the universe.
We were friendly. We teased each other, flirted a bit, but nothing really came of it.
Along the way I developed a crush on her.
One day, I asked her out.
“Harry Connick Jr is playing”, I said. “Would you like to go?”
“No thanks” she answered. “I’m not really a fan”.

She filled in this part later on:
“One of my friends asked why I wasn’t going out with you. I told her that I didn’t really like Harry Connick.
‘You idiot’ she said. ‘He was asking you out on a date’. I didn’t realize it. Oops.”

In the course of our daily teasing, she handed me a piece of paper, with the following poem
The Lollipop
When you come to the end of a lollipop
To the end to the end of a lollipop,
Plop goes your heart.

For when you are through with it,
what can you do with it?
All you have left is a stick.

How can you doubt she was the girl for me?

Fast forward about 10 years or so. I had left restaurants, learned IT and just started a new job.
That very day, I had also moved in with a friend of mine.
So I’m sitting in this bar, at a reasonable hour, having a pint.
I distinctly remember thinking to myself “Ok, what next?”
And the door opened.
These two girls walked in. One of them was pretty cute, so I smiled.
I’ve done a lot of stupid things in a lot of different places over the years, and have often run into people who knew (or heard of me) and I had no idea who they were.
I was nervous that would be the case here.

But when she sat down and I looked more closely, I recognized and remembered her. And it was great.
We spent the rest of the night talking (her friend was across the bar talking to some people she knew). When it was time for her to go, I offered to give her a lift (It was ok, I’d just had the one pint).(And she has since cured me of drinking and driving)
I drove her home, and we spent the next couple of hours sitting in front of her home just talking.
Eventually I said I had to go (because I really had to pee), but before she left, I asked her out again.
“I’ll tell you the first naked bar dance story” I said.
“The first?” she asked, raising an eyebrow.
“You pick the place”, I answered, realizing this might not have been the best lead-off. “Someplace you’re comfortable with lots of people around” I raised an eyebrow back at here. “You know, in case I’m insane”
“Oh, I know you’re insane” she said.
“No, I mean in a bad way”
We went out a few days later. Had a lovely meal. I told her some of my more…colorful stories. She told me hers.
We went for a walk in the neighborhood on a cool clear night.
We were talking about astronomy, stars, planets, constellations. I pointed out a constellation to her.
Where, she asked. I moved closer so she could sight along my arm. As I leaned down to describe the shapes, she looked up. And kissed me.

At the intersection of astronomy and astrology, Orion brings smooches!

It was a good date.

Some scenes along the way from there:
-“It’s my birthday. You can meet all my friends”. Oh joy. And it turns out her friends are just as cool as her. And are my friends now too.
-“Honey, if you want to build a model railroad, then you should.” it’s ten years later, and I’m still working on it, but she has never been anything but supportive.
-Me: “I’d like to take you out on your birthday”
Her”: “I’ll be in Atlanta”
Me: “That’s fine.Let me know where to meet you.”
Best. Daytrip. Ever.
-On a week in January a few years ago when I was having a wicked case of Cabin Fever: “Why don’t we go to Key West for a few days?”

So we were together for several years. One day, it bothered her that we weren’t married, because of the legal implications.
To me, she was my wife, and I her husband in every way but the paperwork. But she wanted to be married. So we went out to find a ring.
We went to a mall and she found the ring she liked. I handed the saleswoman the money and stepped to an empty counter while she boxed it up.
I pulled my girl over.
“Honey, we had lunch before, but not desert.”
I reached into my pocket and pulled out two napkins, laying them on the counter.
I took out a small bag of Oreos, two each, and portioned them on the napkins.
I went back into the pocket for a candle holder and candle.
I lit the candle.
My girl was both laughing and blushing deeply as we ate our cookies, looking deeply into each others eyes.
The saleswoman came over with the ring in a box as we finished the cookies.
I took the box.
“Honey”, I asked. “Will you marry me?”
Some onlookers started applauding and congratulating us. I ignored them.
Because she hadn’t said yes yet.
But then she did.

(This post is turning out way longer than I expected. Part two will go up on Valentines day. Or , at least I’ll try…)

Friday Foolishness – Valentine Edition

Today’s Music: The Contours – Do You Love Me
Days Til Spring: 39

Another week, another Friday. So goes the cycle of life.
Saw a few interesting things this week that I’d like to share with you.
She Speaks… pointed me to a very clever OK Go video.
Sara Carpenter taught me a new meaning of giving with her tale of Joe the Trucker.
And ODNT went out for a great meal

But what y’all really want to know, is what did you and your cohorts say to last weeks’s poll. Well, let the suspense end.

All I know is they screwed traffic by me for the day...

Here are the “Other” answers to What You Were Doing For The Superbowl.
(Comments in italics are mine.)
It’s tuesday, is it to late to put money on the Giants. John Phillips
(Of course not, as long as you’re betting on the Pats!)
watch “Smallville” reruns
(Didn’t Clark play on the Smallville High football team?)
celebrate the fact that we don’t have CHANNELS at our house…
(As long as you still have the internet!)
When did the Superbowl start showing reruns? Red
(I think that was around Superbowl 2…)
Puppy Bowl
(Do they wear helmets? Or slobber guards?)
go to a movie
(Did you see the original of The Longest Yard, or North Dallas Forty?)
Make round sandwiches for our hosts and watch the commercials but not the game.
(Round sandwiches? Not even football shaped?)
Drink. And possibly eat something. And be sick the next day.
(Or as we call it in my house, “Tuesday”)
enoy an evening free from political ads
(I think you just nailed the importance of the bowl!)
astral project to a place where they never heard of football. Linda Vernon
(the Puppy bowl?)
Send my husband away for the whole day and study for a midterm. Woo hoo!
(A great idea, especially if he’s a Patriots fan!)
watch Madonna embarrass herself in a desperate attempt to remain relevant – Alex Autin
(Your prediction was better than every handicapper out there, Alex! We have a winner!!!)
get a superspoon and eat all the raw cake mix I can (Kanerva)
(Please tell me you don’t wait for just the Superbowl to do that!)
We only watch the Superbowl for the commercials…otherwise, is hockey on?
(Where’s you patrioti- Wait, are you Canadian?)
try new recipes for jalapeno poppers and blackened salmon tacos! sandylikeabeach
(Wait, is that a finger food? Can I dip it in ranch dressing?)

That being said, most of you picked Pig out and watch the commercials!, with Wait – football? That’s the brown ball with the pointy ends, right? as a close second.
And congratulations to Alex for winning!

Well, that clears up last week. So moving on…
Valentines Day is coming!

Isn't there an age restriction for projectile weapons?

So here is this weeks poll. Voting will close Thursday, 2/15, at 2359.

Since it’s not going to be Valentines Day for a few days yet, I leave you with these to get you in the right frame of mind…

Have a great week, and enjoy every second of it!
Til next time…