Trifextra Challenge – The phone rang at 4am


Today’s Music: Frank Sinatra – One For My Baby
Days Til Spring: 17

Yes, this is The Hobblers fault too. Read on...


So, two games this weekend.
The Hobbler has a word game that you are all welcome to join (or at least read to understand the bizzare comments on our sites)

And Trifecta has another 33 word weekend challenge:

Complete the following story in exactly 33 words:
The phone rang at 4am.

I have two entries for this one.
If anyone else wants to join the mayhem, write up your 33 word entry and post your link at their site. Looks like the cutoff is Sunday, 8pm EST.

Out of curiosity, please let me know in the comments what you think I was thinking of when I wrote these.

First
He came in agitated and nervous, stripping off his clothes, at 1am

He washed, carefully and thoroughly, at 2am.

The car was scrubbed, carefully and thoroughly, at 3am.

The phone rang at 4am.

Second
The phone rang at 4am.
Hillary sat up, as she did every night.
“Hello”, she said, weariness in her voice.
HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!
“You’re late. We said 3am.”
She sighed, and hung up the phone
.

Oh, any critiquing is also welcome below.

And don’t forget to vote in yesterday’s poll!
Have a great weekend all…

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97 responses to “Trifextra Challenge – The phone rang at 4am

  1. whiteladyinthehood

    Cool…I like the “First” one…(but they were both good)…on the first one – I’d say you were up to nooooo good.

    Like

  2. Lettuce review the rules of the challenge. The story was to begin with the words ‘the phone rang at 4am.’ It’s terrible how rules might squash creativity. Despite the rule bending, I liked the first scenario. Sounds like the protagonist was cleaning up after a crime. I’m not sure about the second scenario but the caller sounds quite bananas.

    Like

    • Grape use of the Hobbler challenge, Sandy!
      the second one was Hillary Clinton’s “Who do you want answering the phone at 3am?” campaign question from 08.
      I realized after the first that it said “start with the phrase” , so I had to put up another.

      Like

  3. It says ‘complete the following story’, and that means the starter phrase can go anywhere in the story. Yeah! And I’m not just saying that because I did the same thing!

    Like

  4. I like them (the first one the best), but honestly, I think you could do better. Military, secret lover, accident, something with more passion. I hate saying that, but I think you want honesty right?

    Like

    • The honesty is very appreciated, Hobbler!
      For these, I come up with something I think is clever or worth the effort, then I’m astounded by how far beyond me the other entries are.
      All the entries are linked from the Trifecta page (link up above).
      You should check them out.
      It’s amazing how many different ideas there will be from that one short phrase.
      You should do one based on the ideas above and post it.
      I’ll be busy racking my brain trying to come up with 33 words to match your ideas…

      Like

      • Thanks. I will check it out, and I think that your’s are good…I just think that you are an amazing writer, and they didn’t seem as powerful as some of your other stuff.

        Like

  5. The phone rang at 4am.
    Once. Twice. A third time.
    She watched it ring wishing she could answer. The rope was tight around her wrists.
    “Help!” she thought.
    He looked at her, then at the phone, and laughed.

    Not bad for sitting rinkside. A lighter version might follow.

    Like

  6. Oh, the first one. My favorite. Love the sequence, the finishing up, then the call. A job? A follow-up to what was being cleaned up? The cops? His lawyer?
    Nicely done.
    Came from the Trifextra linkup.

    Like

  7. The phone rang at 4am.
    The ring was loud-shrill, even.
    He jumped from the bed, disoriented, an erection bulging oddly.
    “Where am I?” he wondered.
    “Why are there feathers?”
    “Why am I wearing a negligee?”

    Like

  8. First one screams killer to me. Maybe washing blood off his hands, wiping evidence from the car…then getting a call for his whereabouts.

    Second one reminds me of life with my college roommate. ๐Ÿ˜‰

    Great work!!

    Like

  9. Well now that I know which Hillary you were talking about I have to pick the second one! Even if you did fudge and count hahahahahaha as one word. It couldn’t have been better even if Edgar Allen Potato, himself, had written it.

    Like

  10. Or is it Edgar Allan? Edger alan? Edgar ellen? When you get to be my age spellling is the first thing to go!

    Like

  11. Woah, it can be like anything. Depends on my mood and my thoughts for what I see in it.
    I just discovered your Spring countdown. I love it :).

    Like

  12. I liked this quite a bit. Very menacing… nice job!

    Like

  13. I like the first one, either OC disorder or he murdered someone, either one could be expanded into a great short story. More questions remaining for the first one which makes it more interesting.

    Like

  14. hmmmmm…. he borrowed his dad’s car after strict instructions never to….he and his buddies went somewhere they shouldn;t have, drinking and shenaniganing into the wee hours…. his friend took a hooker in to the car while they were at the bar so there is that mess in the back seat, and then same friend proceeded to plaster insides of car, leather seats etc, with projectile vomiting. 4 am phone call was …..Dad at the airport and wondering why no one is there to get him……???? close at all?? really good. I just did mine – do you have any idea what a struggle 33 words is for me??? ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  15. Nice work! Ok, with the first one I immediately thought about a serial killer cleaning up after himself and with the second, a vampire party popped in my head. I realize I’m way off AND now you know how scary my brain is. Shhhhh…don’t tell anyone.

    Like

  16. Hi,
    I definitely liked the first one the best.
    My interpretation:
    The character hit someone with his car, got out checked to see if the person he hit was OK, tried to help, but the person was dead, panicked drove home, washed the blood away in the shower, washed the blood off the car, cops saw the number plate of the car on a road camera, and rings at 4am. ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

  17. Um, I gotta say, EG… I kinda liked both of WG’s better than yours. Especially WG’s second one…and she didn’t even finish that one. Yeah. WG gets my vote. Don’t worry. I liked all of yours better than my entry.
    ~~cheers

    Like

    • That’s cool, Mommy Patient.
      I thought hers were good too. And I’m glad you found something to enjoy.
      WG is often very funny in the comments here.

      And your entry (which I just read) was fun. It left me wanting to know more of the story

      Like

    • Why, thank you Mommy Patient. I appreciate the compliment. I just posted the intended version of the second one – here and at trifecta anonymous. I hope you like that one, too.

      Like

  18. EG where/how do i put my 33 word challenge? can’t seem to locate the place for it on trifecta…do you leave your 33 words in “comments? ” thanks continue…

    Like

    • Go to http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/2012/03/trifextra-week-six.html
      That’s the page for this challenge.
      Under the icons for everyone who submitted, there is a small button for Submit Your Link.
      After you publish on your site, copy the url in and it will post it on the page.

      If you don’t want to post it, on your site, click the Instructions button at the top of the page.
      There is a link there for Trifecta Anonymous for those without a blog, or who don’t want to post it on theirs to submit there.

      Can’t wait to see what you come up with, Tony!

      Like

  19. Wow, El Guapo. I like your two stories, especially the first. Because I am not particularly competitive, I don’t feel beholden to the rules. But because I bucked the “rules” in the interest of creativity in theatre school some 20 years ago, only to realise that for me creativity is in fitting the words to the bill, I enjoy fitting mine into the box that is the rules. Gah! Does this make sense?!

    I’m glad you’ve found Trifecta, it seems like you have a gang of neat and supportive friends. They’re pretty awesome here in your comments. Listen, the more the merrier. =)

    Like

    • Makes perfect sense, Karen.
      Sometimes, following the rules is the biggest challenge there is, and you have to be very creative to do that!

      Like

      • Ya. I still love the first one very much, and as a voter I say rules smules. As long as the story has 33 words, no more no less. (Hey! There has to be something!!!)

        Like

  20. Second Try, Take Two

    The phone rang at 4am.
    The ring was loud-shrill, even. He jumped up, disoriented, an erection bulging oddly.
    “What the fuck?” he wondered.
    “What are these feathers?”
    “Why am i wrapped in foil?”
    “WHERE is my furniture?!?!?”

    Like

  21. I can’t believe people are really following the rules. This is more af a rebellious-free-the-blog a group. We play paintball with Dingdongs and Silly Putty. Creativity can’t be contained with 33 words.

    Like

    • Holy crap – I want to play paintball with you as soon as possible, Barb.
      And if it makes a difference, I’m pretty sure I got the rules wrong.
      Again…

      Like

  22. Hey, you should probably think about separating these out (if you haven’t already done so) so that you have two separate links for the voting process. Just a heads up. And now for my formal comment:

    Thanks so much for linking up to Trifextra. Remember, this weekendโ€™s entries are being judged by the Trifecta community, so make sure you visit the site at the close of the challenge to vote. Our linking service will not allow you to vote for a link from the same computer where it was submitted, so plan ahead! Voting closes 12 hours after the close of the challenge. Winners will be announced with the Monday post. Hope to see you back then.

    Like

  23. Sounds like a hit man finishing a job well done.

    Like

  24. OOhh I really liked your stories! I’m not creative at all. So I applaud you!

    Like

  25. Ok…before reading any of the comments, don’t want them to sway me, let me guess what you were thinking when writing them.
    In the first….I think you just knocked someone off….or up.
    In the second one….not really sure, but I instantly thought Hillary Clinton.
    Both are REALLY good….the first one being my favorite! Now I’ll read the comments to completely scramble my brain….

    Like

  26. Those are great–I like the first one particularly because of the sinister element (or at least the sinister element I’m reading into it).

    Like

  27. The first: Murder. The second: no idea. Intrigued by both! Also, I love the engagement in your comments section! ๐Ÿ™‚

    Like

    • fghart – In the last presidential campaign cycle here, Hillary Clinton asked who would you want answering the phone at 3 am – her or Obama. This is a play on that.
      I love the commenters here. Even more fun when the conversation travels across multiple blogs!

      Like

  28. Who killed the little egg? ๐Ÿ˜€ Poor cute egg.

    Like

  29. I like #1 the best. I like Sinatra too.

    Like

  30. Thanks, Latitudes.
    I don’t always pick a song that matches the post, but this one was too good to skip.

    Like

  31. Late to the party and past the deadline, but I preferred the first entry. Well done.

    Like

  32. geez, I am always too late for these things. If I had made it in time, I would have written:
    The phone rang at 4 a.m.
    I woke up this morning and the phone didn’t work
    I replaced every phone jack, tested each wire, bought a new phone, still no luck so I decided to call the phone company

    Like

  33. Have you ever read John Green, El Guapo? You write in a similar style to him! Very witty and funny! Check out Looking For Alaska by John Green. It reminds me of your drunken-bar-dancing story…

    Like

  34. I like the second one best. Because it makes me want to read more. I know the challenge is to complete the story. But you know how much I like to stick to the rules.

    Like

    • My problem isn’t following the rules, whatimeant2say. It;s reading them in the first place.
      Fortunately, everyone in the ‘sphere seems to do the same, so I’m not too worried.
      but in the case of the second one, that’s the whole story…I think…

      Like

  35. Loved both of these! The first one I thought “cheating?” — the serial killer possibility hadn’t crossed my mind (maybe because I’d think serial killers would *start* the killing after 1am, not just arrive home then. Or maybe he just transported a large & smelly dog or something. ๐Ÿ™‚ The second one, nightly prank call? I dunno. But I liked that they were both so action-oriented, they weren’t rambling or sad (a phone ringing at 4am could be terrible news but you harnessed more intriguing possibilities).

    Like

  36. About that search challenge, I wrote something in the middle of the night last night for it, but I reread it, and it is pretty sad…do you think I should write another, or just stick with the serious one?

    Like

Ahem *best Ricky Ricardo voice* Babble-OOOoooo!!!

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