Monthly Archives: June 2012

Friday Foolishness – Immortal Edition


Today’s Music: The 101ers – Letsgetabitarockin’

Holy..what the…It’s Friday? Already? Wasn’t it just Tuesday afternoon? well, obviously not. But I’d like to know how that happened. Oh, wait a minute – it must have passed while I was reading the fantastic posts y’all put up this week!

whatimeant2say gave us Tale Of The Slappy Hand, and other things from beneath the bed. Jamie was beseiged by those raving terrors of the insect world, crickets!!!
In more serious posts, Amors Thoughts and Best Bathrooms Books closed up shop, and signed off with a lot of class and style. But they’ve left their blogs up, so if you haven’t read them before, go check ’em out. They’re really good, and worth reading. Finally, Sharp Little Pencil put up a fantastic moving poem.
Thanks to them, and everyone else for the great reads this week! Really, this list could have gone on and on with the stuff I was lucky to see this week.

Even though it seems like I just asked yesterday, there’s a whole weeks worth of answers to last weeks poll. We asked What would you name your rollercoaster? And I’m glad I wasn’t asking for childrens names.
Here’s what you came up with (as always, I’m spinning, diving and looping in italics):

lightening lizzie exuberator …lizzie C..duh 🙂
(We can build it right next to the Laid Back Lizzie Effervescent cafe!)
The Procrastinator: it would be all uphill climb. Carrie (Cannibalistic Nerd)
(Crap. The post went up before I got around to answering this one.)
The Titty Twister- it’s a hands on experience! GingerSnaaaaaaaaap
(Somehow, that doesn’t sound like near as much fun as it should…)
The Urinator (for us who pee ourselves easily) From Goobers (Snaap’s Daughter)
(Like mother, like daughter. But funnier!)
Where is Wonderbutt? (That’s the scariest thing I ever hear!) ~whatimeant2say
(It would never pass the safety inspection. Especially after he chewed through the seatbelts.)
So fast, you could have sex with the person 3 cars back if you rode naked. Lorre
(Umm…I don’t think that’s supposed to be fas- Oh, the coaster. Got it.)
look out belo—aaaarrrrggggghhhhhhaaaarrrrrgggghhhhh…. BarkingInTheDark
(Shouldn’t it be “lookout belo- SPLAT!”?!?)
Bob – John Phillips
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
guaranteed no bumps higher than 1/2 a metre.
(What is that? A kiddie coaster? Definitely not. Slacker.)
life.
(Good one, but most of the coaster should be fun.)
LIFEINTHEFARrrrrrrrkI’mgonnadieI’mgonnadieI’m,oh,Imadeit-we’reOK, I’m cool..Lane
(Is that your full name? How the heck do you fit that on DMV forms???)
Oh, myyyyyyy Goddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddddd
(Have you been riding on Lorre’s coaster?)
The Vomit Comet (Phoenix les Cendres)
(Just hope you don’t vomit at the top of the loop de loop. hehehe)
The Chuck Norrisinator or Chuckinator for short – the curtain raiser
(Roller coasters throw up when Chuck rides them. Wait, let me rephrase…)
“Never Been Tested” – works for sleazy tramps and coasters ~ flame
(Combining sleazy tramps and roller coasters…that’s a whole new kind of ride!)
NoWayNoHowWillIGetOnThat! by Elyse, 54.5
(Of course you don’t have to, Elyse…Look! Distraction! (ok everyone, GRAB HER!))
The Vomatorium….zannyro
(If you were going to go with a Roman torture theme, I’d have thought it would be The Colise- Oooooh. Got it…)
You’re Fucked –Lilly
(Ah, so you see the coaster as one of life’s most pleasurable experiences…)
Muther Flower! “MF” for short and those in “the know” – woohoo!
(I’m pretty sure everyone is gonna figure it out before the first drop!)
This isn’t the bus to Marvin Gardens, is it?
(No, but if you release the belt right at the top, you’ll probably land there!)
FAAAAAAAACCCEEE!!! (The new zombie battlecry, from Asplenia!)
(Wouldn’t STOOMMAAACHHH or BOOWWWWEEELLLSSS be more appropriate?)
The vomit vortex. A Gripping Life
(Is that like a swirlee? nevermind…)
First Marriage Stay Abnormal
(I’m not sure if that sounds like fun, Rich…)
The Guapolator – sandylikeabeach
(Making people ill. One post at a time!)
The Tummy Wobbler Linda V
(Yeah! Lure them in with “cute” and then bring on the crazy!!!)
theregoesmyfuckinglunch
(Does it taste as good on the way up?)
A no brainer …. The Guapo Experience (Frank)
(Yes! We could set it inside my head! People are scared by dark empty space, right?)
The Most Fucking Awesome Ride You Will Ever Have! Kayjai
(I like it, but it might be too subtle…)
Le Clown
(Nice thought, but no coaster could contain the lese majestie, the elan, the joie di vivre that is you. Plus no one sells ego insurance. ;))

So there you have it. Congratulations to John Phillips for this weeks winning answer!
And from the offered choices, the most popular one was SOILED UNDERPANTS! Because we’re trying to develop a theme here. Congratulations to all you lucky winners out there, your Donny & Marie commemorative spatulae are in the mail!

Eh. I can take him.


This week, we’re going to fight the good fight. We’re going to kill two birds with one stone. We’re going to-
No, we’re not going to do any of that. But we are going to do some revisions.
Whatever doesn’t kill you makes you stronger? Really? what if it leaves you in the hospital? What if it makes you sit through 97 hours of One Tree Hill? So this week, let’s fix the phrase.
For this poll, we’re aiming big, aiming for the things that failed to kill us. Because we’re too foolish to die. In the best possible way.
Vote early, vote often. But don’t vote too late. Because this one closes at 2359 EST on 21 June 2012. (If you write in an answer, let me know who you are, and I’ll link back to you next week).

And until next time, I leave you with these:
From a few years ago, Brian Williams reveling at the New York Times discovery of Brooklyn

And Steve Martin making BALLOON ANIMALS!!! Sort of…

Have a great week everyone! See you around the ‘sphere…

Trifecta – Alley Confusion


Today’s Music: V V Brown – Shark In The Water
Note on Today’s Music: The rest of her album is good, and not near as pop-ie as this. But the chorus got stuck in my head, so hear it is.

This is a response to this weeks Trifecta Challenge. It plays with a theme that keeps rattling around in my head, but I haven’t figured out how to develop it. Yet.

Oh, and to the judges, I used the definition for the challenge almost exactly. hehehe.
Hope y’all enjoy it.

Wait – What?!?

Everything – every piece of fiction, even an inkling of an idea – that’s written creates a world. Bright sunny spaces, dark foreboding places, and everything in between.
I like the ideas best. It leaves us, those that populate these worlds, a lot more leeway to interpret and develop them.
Sometimes, magic can happen.
And sometimes…not.

“Dude, what the hell are you doing?”
I wore my gardening apron that says “Dig It!” in bright letters. I had my toolbelt – mini-spade, a bottle of plant food in water, and a short stake to hold the bloom off the ground until she got settled.
My compatriot was not dressed for gardening.
The boots weren’t flashy. They were tough, well worn. The motorcycle jacket fit like a coat of armor, the leather of his waist holster matching the leather of the twin shoulder holsters he wore.
The twilight reflected off the long knife strapped to his hip.

“Man”, I said, “That metal’s gonna rust while we’re planting in the valley”.
He looked confused. “What valley?”
“Didn’t you read the challenge idea he wrote?” I’m going to plant a Lily.”
His palm smacked his forehead. “Can’t. You. Read?” he asked slowly, through clenched teeth. “This isn’t a fun summer outing. We’re going to be dodging bullets, hiding behind dumpsters in cramped spaces.”
“But we agreed”, I answered. “We both said we should go with Lily for the challenge”. I held up my potted plant. “I took Lily, the word and came up with Lily of the Valley!”, I finished, grinning.

He sighed, squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. Then he whipped out his smart phone, tapped the screen and held it up to me.

http://www.trifectawritingchallenge.com/
ALLEY
3: a narrow street through the middle of a block giving access to the rear of lots or buildings

“Nooo”, he said even slower. “We’re rescuing Lily from the ALLEY!”

I looked down at my plant, my apron.
“Dumpsters?”
He nodded.
“Rats too?”
“Yep.”

Oops.

Happy Birthday, ODNT!


Today’s Music: Rick Springrfield – Don’t Talk To Strangers
Note on Today’s Music: Because she really loves this stuff.
Another note: According to Mags did a great post(read as: saner and more coherent than mine) for the birthday girl. You should all check it out here.

I smell cake. Or is it cheese? CHEESECAKE!!!


You started your blog with a simple request,
About something you wanted to get off…on your chest.
You took us to meet the doctors who knew,
told us about a surgeon who made one out of two.
But then, something else came up.

With your usual wit and all of your humor
you told us that you had a tumor.
While you searched for the perfect breast answer,
It turned out that it wasn’t cancer.
And that was a great relief.

Since then, you showed us the meaning of chagrin.
Shared a letter to your bff,
Mr. Alec Baldwin.
Introduced us to Milo the cat,
Wrote some of this and some of that.
And the most embarrassing Disney story ever.

It’s almost a year since you set up online –
What a year, and how!
Told tales of naked mole rats
And you’ve got your own cow!
Which really only leaves me
One more thing to say:
To Old Dog New Tits,
HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!

And many more wonderful years to follow.

While this ode in your honor
doesn’t come with cheese or a hamster,
In closing, there’s a question
for which we’d all like an answer…

saline or silicone?

Happiest of birthdays, Michele, and keep on rockin! I’ll keep following your story wherever you decide to take us!

Friday Foolishness – Motion Sickness Edition


Today’s Music: Rogue Traders – Voodoo Child

And here we are on Friday again. I took Monday off for travel time for last weekends sailing. Which means I was overworked to make up for the day off. Sigh.
But in the midst of the rushing, I was able to pop into the blogosphere and read some great posts. Free Penny Press turned me on to Little Free Libraries. No Blog Intended had a rough week, but sometime today, she will be done with high school, so CONGRATULATIONS!!!
And Roly told us about the challenges of living with a difficult stomach
You guys (and all of you out there) were my small island of calm in a week moving way too fast. Sincere thanks for that!

Some of the busyness also came from keeping track of the delightfully twisted responses to last weeks poll. We asked What Should The Zombie Battlecry Be?. You guys didn’t hold back.
Sick. Disturbed. Hilarious.
Here’s what you said (as always, I try to be witty in italics):
None of the above. So last century. Kanerva
(I think you're confused, Kanerva – it's vampires that live for centuries.)
hhhhmmmmmpoooorrrrrkkkkkkrrrrriiiiiiiinnnnnnnnddddddsssss – John Phillips
(Homer Simpson – zombie extraordinaire)
Since my kids are flesh eaters,the battlecry isM MMMAAAAAMMMMMMAAAAAAAA! SnaapyG
(I’d think with 4 flesh eaters to manage you’d be the zombie…)
withhhh spriiinnkkkllllleessss… nooooo piiickkklleesssssss lizziec
(That could work, but pregnant zombies are a pretty small niche…)
EEEEEAAAAATTTTTT MEEEEEEEEEE! (Hotspur)
(Perhaps you don’t understand how the zombie/person relationship works…)
I WAAAAANT TOOOO EEEEEAT YOOOOOOUR FAAAAAAAACE! Lilly
(That’s only the Miami contigent, Lilly)
How are you doing? NBI
(Battlecry, NBI, not pickup line!)
“Hmm, seems my leg has fallen asleep. No wait, it’s just missing. My mistake.”
(Wouldnt that be the post battle cry?)
Pardon me. Have you any grey poupon? Stay Abnormal
(Do zombies ride in limousines?)
BBBAAAATTHHHH SSSSAAAAALLLTTTSSS! ~flame
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
OLeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee’ free penny press
(Only if it’s zombies versus werebulls)
Nothing….bet that would make you think.
(Dangnabit, there’s no thinking in these polls!!!)
BBBEEEERRRRR!!!! KJ
(Hey, I’ve sounded like that when calling for what would prove to be the last roun- Crap. I’m a zombie.)
RAIDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDDd
(Nah, they’d get sued for copyright infraction by the bug spray people.)
How can it not be BRRRAAAAIIIIINNNSSSSS!!! (Frank)
(You’re right Frank. Mostly because Zombies aren’t very creative.)

Congratulations to ~flame for her winning answer! And from the choices offered, BRRRAAAAIIIINNNNSSSS!!! (c’mon – it’s a classic!) was the most popular. Because there’s nothing wrong with tradition!
blah blah...
But the living dead aren’t right around the corner. So we have time for some other summery pursuits. If you’re like me, (then your shrink is overcharging you, you have no problems most of a case of tequila can’t fix, and) rollercoasters just bore you. Strapped in to a piece of high technology that is inspected frequently and maintained to the highest standard.
Yawn.
So this week, name your own. Pick a name that really conveys the essence of what your coaster is all about. Hey, if the lottery gods smile on us, we may even build it!
If you write in an answer leave a way to recognize you, and I’ll link back to you next week. Vote as often as you like, but do it before 2359 EST on Thursday, 14 June, because that’s when this one ends.


And until next week, I’ll leave you with these.
First, yes, this guy is crazier than me. Maybe. Possibly.
Ok, probably not…

And something a bit calmer, I got to see this float on the river in view of my office. It was something to see, with a flotilla accompanying it!

Have a great week all!

An Adventure – Sailing in a Storm


Today’s Music: The Doors – Riders On The Storm

This weekend, I went sailing. For the first time in well over 10 years.
Oops.
Me and one other person on a 12′ Laser (it’s like a Sunfish). I had a blast. And learned that both sailing and storms are not quite what you remember them to be.

I don’t think the heavy stuff will come down for quite some time yet…


It took about half an hour to rig the laser. The sail needs to be fitted over the mast, mast gets raised and stepped, the boom is attached. Several lines and block and tackles are connected – the vang and traveller, the cunningham. The sheet is run through its cam and chock feed, and the tiller is connected.
We even remembered the daggerboard! (Yeah, I don’t use it either – I just slide it all the way down and leave it there.)

Looks pretty when it’s done right!


As we got ready to hump the boat down the ramp and into the water, we saw storm clouds in the distance. A storm cell, about 10 minutes off. we looked at each other.
“You want to go?”
“Sure. You?”
“Sure.”
Simple and to the point. And as it turns out, not really a problem.

You know that phrase, “the calm before the storm”? It’s absolutely true. We shoved off, got in the boat, and coasted out. Only to find that there was slightly more than absolutely no wind.
Fortunately, there are some tricks you can pull in that situation:
-Scull, or use the tiller as a paddle to gently propel the boat
-Roll tack – get the boat to lean over so that the sail forms a bowl. this will help it catch whatever faint breeze wanders past.

Of course, a laser is a tiny (light) little boat, but we managed to roll tack and get into some stronger breezes before we capsized. (I know, right? I’d have sworn we were going over too!)
Then came the storm. Or so we thought. Rain started falling, small drops disturbing the water, and some nice gusts. We rounded a buoy, both of us splitting our time between the tiller (steering) and the sheet (adjusting the sail to catch the wind).
I was actually surprised at how much I remembered, and how much fun I was having. Until…

Several other boats came out as the rain stopped. Bigger boats. With larger sails.
Which meant they were catching more of the faint breezes than us. Until the breezes stopped.
When the squall passes, the lake face settled into a glass sheet – no wind. On a boat with no means of really moving. Other than wind.
So we’re sitting on opposite sides of the boat to keep it flat, looking over the water for signs of breeze, and we see

Ok, it wasn’t that bad. But our boat was a lot smaller than this too…


Yup. A new storm cell. And this one looks a lot nastier than the first.
We look at it, then each other.
“Head in?
“Probably a good idea”
We start turning the boat, as a gentle breeze started pushing. We manage to get our bow pointed to the area we need to be when the rain starts. With drops the size of marbles.
In moments, the glassy lake surface is frothy, from the sudden gusts of wind and the pelting of the water.
Our conversation, which up until now had been general and far ranging, comes in short bursts:
“Turn to port! TURN!”
“Look out! BOAT!!!!”
“I can’t see anything!”
“Where the hell are we?!?”
“Who are you again?”

Ok, that last was me. What, I got distracted for a minute.
There was enough wind to sail now, but as often happens in a storm, it was coming from every direction at once, settling for a moment, then whipping back around to another direction.
We were swinging the tiller, yanking the sheet to bring it in or let it out. We were ducking under the boom trying to keep our weight in the right spot to keep from flipping.
We get about 30 yards from the boat ramp, in about 6 feet of water. The wind stopped again, and the storm cell settled over us, dropping buckets of never ending rain marbles straight down on us.
“How deep is it?” I yelled over the storm.
“I don’t know” was the answer I got.
I shrugged, and hopped out of the boat. We were in about four and a half feet of water. No problem. But the bottom was very soft mud.
Which means that while I have never slogged through poo, I can now speak quite knowledgeably about how it feels.

We got the boat up the ramp and broke it down in about 10 minutes. Sure, it took 30 to set it up, but it’s always easier to break something down. Plus it was pouring. And cold.
And I wanted nothing more than to be done with it for the day.

It looks so innocent under wraps…


But as Shandy commented in another post, even a bad day sailing is better than a day at the office.
True.
So now I’ve got a whole new set of sailing experiences that I will hopefully get to use before I forget them.
But next time, I’d rather go sailing here