Monthly Archives: July 2012

A Literary Limerick – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2

Today’s Music: Europe – The Final Countdown

Well, we’ve finally made it. Today, July 31st, is Harry Potter’s birthday. What better time to end our Iliad-ish saga through the Harry Potter epic in limerick form?
(Yes, yes, the day after it started (or even the day before) would have been a better time.)

But since we’ve all (Some of us? None of us? Just me?) made it this far, lets finish it with a bang, shall we? (if you haven’t read the rest yet, and are into that kind of torture, click the Limerick tab above the banner.)

The story thus far:
Two headed teacher, nifty phoenix, useless teachers, good teachers, great teachers, mistaken identity, slugs, potions, wickedness, sparkly vampi- (sorry, got confused there), anger, angst, whining, angst, willow, vuvuzela, treacle tart.
Oh, and noseless bad guy.

All caught up? Then, with a robust HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY! and a sincere DON’T SUE ME JK!, we now conclude our limerickian tribute to Harry Potter.

Book Seven – Part Two

Poor Dobby, he laid down his life.
And Ron pissed off his soon-to-be wife
but Harry stood tall,
one (ring) Wand to rule them all

The epilogue: Harry, with happiness, was rife.

Thank you all for coming along for the ride!

Tomorrow, as requested, I will post all eight limericks on one page(!!!)
I’ll understand if the hit count is low.

Trifextra – The Great Garbanzo Bean Incident

Today’s Music: Atlas Genius – Trojans

In yesterday’s post, I made reference to my refusal to do group hugs after The Great Garbanzo Bean Incident, saying I would speak no more of it.
Well, a clamor went up. Ok, it wasn’t a clamor, more like a cry. Ok, it wasn’t a cry either.
But one person did reference it in their comment on that post.
How can I refuse such an overwhelming plea for the story?

And then the admirably bent folk at Trifecta provided the final impetus with this weeks challenge, to provide (in 33 words) the opening sentence of your novel.

So, without further ado, I present the first sentence from my nonthcoming novel “The Great Garbanzo Bean Incident”

Oh the condimentanity!

For what would be the last time ever, we all joined in a group hug, filled with tears and pain, horror and screams, and hummus – and the husks of the beaten garbanzo beans.

Friday Foolishness – Podium Edition

Today’s Music: Hanson – Give A Little
Note on Today’s Music: Say what you will about them. This one is a fun song.

Well, that was unexpected. Even though it shouldn’t have been. I’ve always said that I know the coolest people online. After my last post, I’m pretty sure I understated it. The comments and support y’all left me were touching and inspiring, and I can’t thank you guys enough!
So once more, for anyone that missed it last time:
You. Guys. Rock.
(I’d say let’s do a group hug, but I don’t do those anymore, not after what I like to call “The great Garbanzo Incident”. And that’s all I have to say about that.)

But it isn’t just comments here that brighten my day or cheer me up. It’s also stuff out there on your own sites.
Betty Rants took me on a trip to the salon. Nicole Warner answered the age old question of what a singer should say when asked to sing something. Now.
And Alex Autin is back on-line! Enough to cheer anyone up!

And yet, in the midst of all these firm affirmations of this life, what of the next life? Because I’m generally tactless, yeah, I asked. Last weeks poll wanted to know what you thought it would be. Specifically, You hope the afterlife… And boy, do you guys have some…unusual thoughts for the afterlife. (As always, my comments live on in italics.)

Idiot free (Frank)
(Then who will we make fun of all day?)
has froyo and cabernet!!! (wordsandotherthings)
(It’s the afterlife. They have cabernet flavored froyo!)
has great food, valet parking and an open bar. Kanerva
(Alas, no valet parking – everyone uses limos. But that means you can take even fuller advantage of the bar!)
bites my Fundamentalist sister in the ass.
(Afterlife: now with even sharper teeth!)
is a big, puffy, fluffy, comfy cloud of BRRRAAAIIINNNSSS!
(Have you checked out the hammocks by the Medulla? Right near the jacuzzi…)
“You could be headed for the serious strife Now you make the scene all day But tomorrow there’ll be Hell to pay” Listen to Squirrel Nut Zippers –Quirky
(One woman’s heaven is another man’s hell…)
Free of stupidity
(Whoa – this is the afterlife, not utopia!)
has better weapons, dance clubs and far fewer clothes. Red.
(This is the afterlife. Sounds like you’re looking for a Ren Faire.)
(Also, you made me think of the Highlander series. Dude always had a sword to pull out. Even when naked. Where did he keep it?!?)
has nice fluffy beds to sleep in.butimbeautiful
(Wait – we’ll still be tired in the afterlife??? Crap.)
gets renovated before I get there. lizziec
(The next renovation is scheduled for after Keith Richards and Mick Jagger check in. 70 years or so…)
has good irish whiskey, no hangovers and lots of food. fried. lizzie c
(Afterlife as neighborhood bar. Sounds about right…)
oh oh I know! Id made entirely of… donuts. mmm with sprinkles. lizzie c
(I think the folks looking for beds won’t like the donut pillows…)
is all you can eat. Carrie Cannibalistic Nerd
(It is. And calorie free!)
Has unicorns, Philadelphia Eagles and cake. Oh and BATMAN!
(A little too heavy on the fantasy here. Philadelphia Eagles? Really?)
has lots of hot chicks. Bwa ha ha ha ha ha!!!!!!!! Sigh. – Guess who
(Hmmm…could be you! And I am so not getting involved in this.)
has nachos! (Lilly)
(Afterlife nachos don’t give you gas!)
has extended happy hours stay abnormal
(They’re only 12:01 to 11:59, but you can talk to management if you like.)
has no sanctimonious types I wouldn’t want to spend 5 mins with. (Elyse 54.5)
(Nope. They all do 4:59 shifts in the “Beat The Hell Out Of Someone!” booths.)
doesn’t have an aftertaste. – calahan (
(No guarantees. Sadly, no one that ever designed a Cola flavoring made it to this part of the afterlife.)
has a bar. (Madame Weebles)
(What, just one?!?)
has an after-after life, in case I screw that one up too
(Check the counter at the golf course. They give great mulligans!)
welcomes me with Jennifer Aniston on my left and Gabrielle Union on my right.~RC
(Dude, you know they’re going to be jealous when the papparazzi focus on you…)
…it wouldnt hurt to have Kim Kardashian at my rear 😉 ~RC
(Why is it impossible to hear “Kim Kardashian” without also hearing “Rear”?)
involves 8 hours of consistent sleep every night! —asplenia
(Just 8? Slacker.)
I’ll see dead people-Mel🙂
I get to play in a band with Guap and travel the world…maybe a little karaoke.
(K, but we’ll need 1:58 in each song for the kazoo solo.)
doesn’t have an after taste – John Phillips
(John, please take the afterlife out of your mouth.)
Has a lot of desks for sculpture building. I’ll need a hobby…KJ
(Not sure if there are any desks, KJ. It’s not like any of us will be working there.)

Congratulations to Mel for this weeks winning answer. And from the offered choices, the most popular was I’m an atheist. Y’all are worm food.. So congratulations to all you circle of lifers out there too!

Boldly going…well…someplace…

Here on Isla d’El Guapo, we pride ourselves on being topical (like a rash skin cream!). So when we checked the newspaper our fish was in and saw the Olympics were starting, we had to ask – does anybody still watch the Olympics?
And would more people watch if there were more engaging sports?
Then we saw this from Elyse at 54.5 (a Guapotian in excellent standing!) and knew we weren’t the only ones asking.
So it’s up to you. Make the Olympics more relevant. Strip away the sponsorships and the professional athletes and bring it back to its earlier, purer state. Make it less stressful and more fun again.
Or at least, pick a fun new sport!
Pick creatively, and pick often. But pick before 2359 EST on thursday, 2 August. Because that’s when this one closes.

And to keep you distracted while they engrave your names on your medals, enjoy these…
First off, a great short tale from George Burns

And just for giggles, please enjoy Moses, and Toeses and Roses and more!

Have a great week everyone. Catch you on the flipside…

Frame of Mind

Today’s Music: Vampire Weekend – Holiday

I’ve been posting very little lately. I’d like to put up a couple a week, plus the Friday Foolishness, but lately I just haven’t had the time.
The company I work for was bought, then bought again. At some point before the end of the calendar year, we’ll be moving from our offices to theirs (downtown to midtown).
I’ve gone through this before – the last company I worked for was also bought several times, with all the attendant layoffs, confusion and identity crises that go with it.
I’m not worried about getting laid off. For one thing, I show up and do my job without playing office politics. For another, I work on computers, and I’m not bad at it. There are jobs available (in New York) in my field, even if it does mean working for a financial company (not my first choice, but hey, gotta eat).

My personal life has also been a bit one-tracked lately. A relative is in the hospital with a serious issue. Stable now, although it was a bit touch and go for a while. She’s doing better now, but every day after work, I trek all the way from the southern tip of Manhattan to the northern end to visit for a while. Then my girl and I go home. (Yeah, The Most Wonderful Girl In The Universe comes with me every day. Just further evidence of her wonderfulissitude.)
Weekends are for sleeping, chores (I’m looking at you, ironing board), cooking a couple of meals so we have what to bring for lunch, and more hospital visits.

It’s tiring. Exhausting really, both physically and mentally. A long day, riding crowded trains, worrying about someone else’s health and well being, as well as the usual stresses – what small fires will need to be put out at the office, riding crowded trains, trying to be supportive and encouraging to those that need at it.
A grueling schedule.

Enough to make me forget who I am.

So in my web wanderings, I saw a new post from a site I look forward to new posts from. And spent a few minutes looking at the pictures.

We’ve all heard the phrase “go to your happy place”. Many of us snarkier folk have used that phrase sarcastically or mockingly. I have as well.
But there’s truth in that phrase.

I’ve written before about my own talismans. Lately, they keep me grounded and remind me of potential and what can be.Their reassuring weight gets me through the day.
But the pictures on that site reminded me of something I love – myh own happy place.
For me, the image of a palm tree brings with it the feel of warm sun, the smell of salt air, the sound of lapping waves and the rustling of a cool ocean breeze.
And it brings peace.

The memory is alone is enough…for me…to slow…down…

And that pause is enough to get me to take a deep breath and change my frame of mind to a more settled and relaxed one, where I can actually process what’s going on and deal with it.
If it were winter, I’d wear my boat shoes and a Hawaiian shirt to get there.
But since it’s hot and muggy in NYC, this is an excellent way instead.
And nothing i have to explain to anyone either…

So, if, in your travels today, you see a guy with a half smile on his face, his eyes focused on something way way in the distance, don’t be concerned.
I’m just gonna hang out there a few more minutes, and then I’ll be back.

And in a much better frame of mind too.

I think I feel good about that.

Thanks so much for the pics, LizzieC! I’d forgotten how pretty the palms are.

Friday Foolishness – Happily Ever Hereafter Edition

Today’s Music: Marshall Crenshaw – Someday Someway

ZOIKS! I didn’t know it was possible to be this tired and tense, but still be functional. And yet I am.
And since I was still functional this week, I got to read some great posts! Kid Free Living told a hilarious bungee cord story that had me rolling, both in laughter and sympathy pain. NBI’s creative writing keeps getting better.
And Ginger Snaap graced us all with another excellent poem.
Finally, Claire nominated me for a Sunshine Award! Why? No clue. But I do know she has one of the coolest sites in the sphere. So you should really check her out.
Thanks to them and all of you. Though I’ve only been able to spend a little bit of time in the sphere lately, it’s definitely been quality time.

But last week, we engaged (as we do every Friday) in a light-hearted waste of time. That’s right there was a poll. And with poll questions come answers.
We asked What you do to stay cool. And here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are chillin’ in italics.)

To stay cool, I don’t talk to priests or politicians.
(Have you thought about taking them on a balloon ride? It’s cool up there, and a great use of all the hot air!)
(Coolest spot on the web!)
Stand over the AC vent whilst wearing a skirt, duh! Snaapily Gingerlicious
(You’ll be cool. The rest of us will feel our temperatures slowly rise…)
dress like The Fonz and go around fixing things with my fist (WordsAndOtherThings)
(You’d seem cool, but I can’t see a leather jacket being comfy summer wear…)
yup – that’s it – Im moving to Iceland buddhakat
(Why is there no “CoolandComfyLand”?)
or maybe AK?!?!? buddhakat
(I’m guessing you’ve never heard of Alaska’s summer fighter jet mosquito problem?)
stay nekked. Lilly
(Stay??? You were nekked all year???)
hibernate. Lilly
(I always thought that was a winter sport.)
Make Bear sleep on the other side of the house. Red.
(That’ll make you physically cooler, but won’t tempers get a bit hot?)
stay in my very own country. Just yesterday, my feet were ice cold. Cool. NBI
just keep being me, babe. And I remember to wear shades, even indoors.
(I’m torn between a Risky Business or a Saved By The Bell reference…)
Play hockey, the coolest sport on ice. John Phillips
(Sure, until the ice melts…)
Do nothing. I can’t possibly be cooler than this. – Hotspur
(Never thought you’d give up without even trying…)
Visit my vacation home on Hoth. Carrie Cannibalistic Nerd
(Nothing like kicking back with a juicy Tauntaun burger and a delicious drink from the cantina!)
head for the Fortress of Solitude and enjoy the cold icy air
(Waitaminute -Clark told me I had the only key!)
I spritz myself with a light coating of liquid methane. Linda V
(Switching to nitrogen would be a cracking idea! (see what I did there?))
rent out a meat locker and live there for the summer (Madame Weebles)
(Steaksicles for dessert. Yum!)
try (but fail) to emulate El Guapo Stay Abnormal
(Trust me Rich, you are so far past me on the cool scale, it’s embarrassing.)
attend an orgy full of Eskimos. – calahan
(I think that’s gonna melt the igloo…)
bite into a York Peppermint Patty. –BrainTomahawk
Hang out with Bohemian poets, Daddy-O KJ
(Creful – the Patchouli oil smells even stronger when it’s heated!)
More limoncello please. (Frank)
(Is limoncello normally served over ice?)

Congratulations, BrainTomahawk! Never let it be said that the classics go out of style!
And from the offered choices, the most popular was at tie! The two most voted were would do things for a Klondike Bar. You know. Things… and why would I want to be cool when I’m smoking hot?
So congratulations to all you…odd folk too!

Which brings us to this weeks poll. Which almost didn’t happen.
I’ve been a bit overextended the last few weeks. With little hope of it lightening up in the near future. Makes me wonder if I’m not running myself into the ground. And what will happen after that.
So I’m asking you, fellow Guapolians. What happens when it all ends, when the final curtain is drawn and the next thing happens. What then?
You tell me. But tell me before 2359 EST on 26 July, because that’s when this one ends.
And if you leave a way to identify you in an “other” answer, I’ll link back to you next week.

And to entertain you until we come back around, enjoy these.
Continuing with the random theme of “Oh, this person was funny!”, here’s Rodney Dangerfield

and Sam Kinison on marriage. There’s a bit of cursing here. And yes, TMWGITU had no problem with me using this clip.
So there.

Have a great week everyone. See you on the…oThEr SiDe… oooweeeoooo

A Literary Limerick – Deathly Hallows, Part One

Today’s Music: Blind Faith – Can’t Find My Way Home

Well, here we are, rapidly closing in on the finish. Almost all the adult authority figures that are going to die importantly already have. And so, the final journey begins.
After much walking and walking and running and walking, Sam and Frodo Harry and Hermione (and Ron) finally end up with a proper plan that they hope will work.

So let us begin the limericky bastardization of book seven of JK Rowlings magnificent Opus! (Not the penguin.)

Book Seven – Part One

Find the Horcruxii was what Harry must do.
Set off with friends to defeat You Know Who…
But just like the flick –
though it might make you sick –

this limerick will be split into two.

*Apologies to Elyse for following the movies (not the books) to get in that extra limerick, and Lisa, who might actually dislike limericks.

For those of you with calendars (or a low tolerance for pain), we will wrap this up on 31 July, Harry Potter’s Birthday.
So you may want to steer clear until after that…

Friday Foolishness – Kelvin edition

Today’s Music: AC/DC – Rock ‘n Roll Ain’t Noise Pollution
Note on Today’s Music: In a recent post, L&L said I should go with songs I like. She’s absolutely right. This one, the lyric at 2:48 – 2:50, says it all for me. I like the rest of the song too.

Well, that was unexpected. Almost didn’t make it here this week. Fortunately, there was some sleeping going on by others that let me grab enough time to cobble this together. So the planets aligned, and here we are, on another glorious Friday!
And despite having no time to post (yesterday’s took several days to write and still felt hurried), I did manage to get some good reading in.
Thypolar’s daughter did really well at the National American Miss competition.
Edward Hotspur is continuing his exploration of 80s music with a poll on the Best Band of the 80s. Smaktakula Came Out in support of gay folks . Probably about as supportive as he’ll ever get, and we sincerely approve! And Pudding Girl nominated me for a One Lovely Blog Award. If you aren’t reading her, you should really take a minute to check her out.
Thanks to them and everyone else for the great reads this week.
I’m looking forward to catching up on the stuff I missed as soon as I get a chance.
But no time for that now. Because we have to go over last weeks adventure!

A bit more explosive than I meant…

Last week, in the midst of a plethora (ok, two) national festivitudes, we jumped on the spirited bandwagon and asked how you’d celebrate. Or specifically, asked you to finish the thought I Want To Blow Up…
And boy, did you guys not disappoint! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments sparkle in italics):

Certain Passive Aggressive persons, very aggressively. GingerHasSnaapped
(Don’t sugarcoat it, Ginger. Tell us how you really feel.)
The entire cast of Jersey Shore! (wordsandotherthings)
real good. John Phillips

(I’d agree. It’s through the roof!)

Ted Nugent, just because I think the world would be a better place. Live Clay
(Okay, but do it in a quarantined environment, in case cat scratch fever is an airborne disease…)
In communist Russia, up blows YOU! – Hotspur
(Sure, until it collapses under Gorbachev’s forehead tattoo…)
Donald Trump’s hair to see if it moves. Lvernon
(Could we blow up Donald Trump instead and just donate his hair to science? Or the circus?)
Gallagher (for those poor watermelons) Carrie Cannibalistic Nerd
(Revenge is sweet! And has a thick rind.)
the flag. Our flag, your flag, all flags. I just hate them. butimbeautiful
(Sounds like you’re waving the white flag.)
because blowing down isn’t as much fun. sandylikeabeach
(Up and down are relative to how you’re… nevermind.)
another kiddie pool that I can keep pee-free for me: Jenn Worrell
(Aren’t “kiddie pool” and “pee-free” mutually exclusive?)
the penguin on top of the TV. –cowgirliz
(Wouldn’t it be smarter to blow up the penguin in a big empty field instead?)
doll! blow up doll. deluxe please. Lizzie C.
(Doesn’t deluxe come with anchovi- Ohhhh. nevermind.)
My husband! 😛
(But then who would you have to blame stuff on?)
I cannot answer this question without legal representation (Elyse 54.5)
(Surely the statute of limitations has run out on that by now…)
my television provider…asshats! ugh…KJ
(You could make it a pay-per-view special!)

Congratulations to Nicole Marie for this weeks winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was Can’t we all just get along?!? Everyone who voted for that needs to start running the world. Now.

And once y’all are ensconced in your new positions of power, let’s consider this week.

Nope. Don’t need air conditioning. But let”s not talk about the heating bill…

It’s been hot. Fry an egg on your bald neighbor’s head hot.
Well, maybe not that bad (and I don’t suggest trying it)(But if you do take pictures!!!)
But pretty darn hot.
So how do you do it, folks? How do you keep your temperatures from running too hot?
That’s the question of this week’s poll. Answer honestly, answer often. But answer soon. Because this one closes at 2359 EST on Thursday, 19 July.
And if you leave a way to identify you in your “other” answer, I’ll link back to you next week when we (hopefully) do this all again.

And to keep you entertained until next time, I thought we’d stick with the theme of great comedians.
First off, Jonathan Winters

And to finish up, Lucille Ball.

Have a great week everyone! See you ’round the sphere.