Monthly Archives: August 2012

All Day Mental Moment – Whee!!!


Today’s Music: Tori Amos – Big Wheel

WOOHOO!!! It’s time for a Mental Moment!
But this one isn’t just a moment – it lasts a whole day. And beyond, even!

Doin’ the happy birthday dance!


Maybe you’ve seen mental moments before. Maybe you’re thinking a proper mental moment should be all Veggie Tales and Batman.
Or maybe you just think Batman is hot.
Ladies?

But this isn’t that kind of Mental Moment. It’s a 24 hour Mental Moment! But you already knew that. Because you saw above where is says ALL DAY.

Ok, maybe you like the frivolous ramblings here. But maybe you like these moments with (3/7) more substantial thoughts, with substance and eloquence?

There, satisfied? Of course you are. Now before I get to the point, why don’t you grab yourself a cup of coffee and a donut? I’ll wait…

There, all set? Have you figured it out yet?
You did?
Did the clue in the title help you out?
GREAT!!!

Then you realize that we’re celebrating the anniversary of another trip around the sun for Lizzie Cracked, the Chief Articulator of Running Naked With Scissors! Whee!!!
That’s right – HAPPY BIRTHDAY LIZZIE!!!, one of the coolest bloggers people on the planet!

But you already knew how cool she is. Over the last year, you’ve seen her brave posts about living as a bipolar, about raising kids on her own, about dealing with some truly ridiculous people who have a paucity of nice bones in their bodies.
You’ve seen her overcome challenges, embrace differences, and you’ve probably come to realize, like I have, that people are just people, and when you meet a good on (like Lizzie), well, that’s worth celebrating.
Even if they do occasionally torture you with Veggie Tales.

And it is my honor, and my privilege to call her a friend and wish her a happy birthday.
The world is a better place with her in it.

So join us in celebrating, with a scavenger hunt! Somewhere in this post is a clue in italics! and a number!
So go to the other blogs that are celebrating. Find all the words and put them in order in front of “wordpress.com” and go check out Lizzie’s birthday site, and wish her a Ridiculously Happy Birthday!!!

The rest of the clues are hidden here:
Red
Ginger
Linda
Buddha Kat
GingerFightBack
Writer Wannabe 763

They all put a lot of effort into making a great birthday treat for Lizzie. I know you’ll like them all!
But for those of you feeling really lazy, I suppose you can go right to the birthday site

And have a great day. Whatever your mental state.

Friday Foolishness – Breaking News Edition


Today’s Music: Jimmy Buffett – Coconut Telegraph

One day. That’s how long it lasted. We got home from Portland on Sunday morning. By the end of Monday (a day of work, chores and responsibilities), I was exhausted and drained again.
I need another vacation.
Fortunately, mini-breaks were provided in the form of blog posts!
Kayjai gave a great guide on how to tell if you’re too old for a hangover. Stacie put up her first political post about her buddy Paul Ryan, filled with great points!
For all of us working on our novel, Red put up a great opportunity. Bumba cut my liquor bill in half by explaining the meaning of life.
And No Blog Intended gave me a Sunshine Award! Probably because I’m a seething cauldron of nuclear explosiveness.
Well, maybe not. But if you aren’t reading her stuff, dude, you’re missing out.

Thanks to them and all the rest of you. It’s good to know that whenever I need a break from the real world crazies, I can always turn to you guys.

And after that, we can turn to what you said in last weeks poll. We asked how your autobiography should start.. Y’all have some interesting stories to tell! And apparently, several of you are Guapos too!
So here are your opening lines. As always, my comments are literary in italics.

All I ever wanted, in my unique oddball sort of crazy way, was to fit in. Lizzie
(Second line: And then I found wordpress!)
They call me Glumpy Shaver. Linda V
(Ah, but do they call you that to your face?)
[Dueling Banjos, at least the first 27 measures] – liveclay
(I hope that’s the only part of the biography that resembles Deliverance!)
Regrets, i have none, we did what we needed to do. John Phillips
(Soon to be a major motion picture, starring Jason Statham, Jean Claude Van-Damme, and Danny Devito as “Hoss”)
Last night I pooped my pants in public… again. Quirky
(Please tell me there won’t be a scratch and sniff edition.)
Just because they wouldn’t let me fly the last space shuttle, it didn’t mean …(Kanerva, I guess…)
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
Kanerva submitted the space shuttle comment!
(What an odd way to start a biography…)
You know you are in trouble when…Red
(It would be a much shorter book if it were “I was not in trouble when…”)
I’m almost ready to change my domain name to: http://www.blog@god.com
(I hope a dyslexic dog doesn’t beat you to it!)
You must be bored if you’re reading this.-lily
(Your book can replace SkyMall magazine!)
As soon as they pulled the donkey off of me, the midgets started doing crack. Hotspur
(A televangelist autobiography!)
I got your autobiography right here. Brain Tomahawk
(Don’t the edges of the bookcovers hurt stuffed in there?)
Bipolarmuse is the 1st of my personalities, allow me 2 introduce u 2 the others.
(Darryl and your other personality Darryl? (anyone??))
long long ago in a galaxy far far away…(SnB)
(Your story takes place in New Jersey in the ’80s?)
I’m really not as crazy as they say (Elyse 54.5)
(If you have to defend it…)
Oh God. *Sigh* What was I thinking?
(My autobiography has a distinct lack of thinking.)
It was the best of Guapos, it was the worst of Guapos – calahan
(, it was the Guapo of wisdom, it was the Guapo of (wait for it…) FOOLISHNESS!!! Dickens has nothing on us!)
ab·nor·mal/abˈnôrməl/ Adjective: Deviating from what is normal or usual, typical (Stay Abnormal, I’m guessing…)
(Is this Funks autobiography? Or Wagnalls?)
I wse a loleny byo? butimbeautiful
(Sounds like a great story, but fire your proofreader!)
I was born a poor black child.
(Subtitled: Steve Martin’s lesser known but cooler twin)
It was the best of times, it was the worst of times, it was Kayjai time! KJ
(Pre-order now, and get free Hammer pants!)
There once was a man named Guapo (Frank)
(I get the feeling there’s going to be guano in this story too…)

Congratulations to Kanerva for winning this week’s poll! And from the offered choices, the most popular was It was a dark and stormy night. Because I guess a lot of readers live in the Pacific Northwest. Or London. So congratulations to everyone!

Which brings us around to this week. Blogger extraordinaire, President of Canadia, and all-around cool person, KJ is traveling to the land of sun and margaritas. That’s right, Florida will be hosting her and her entourage for a visit! So besides asking you all to be on your best behavior and carefully inventorying your drinking supplies, we want to ask you, what will be the big news from her visit? Jet skiing on along the beach? Annexing Disney World? Going for a delightful run with the alligators? You tell us.
Pick a headline, or report your own. But report soon, because this one closes at 2359 EST on Thursday, 23 August.
(As always, if you leave an “Other” answer with a way to ID you, I’ll link back to you next week.)

I hope you and yours have a great time, Kayjai!
And for all the rest of us – until she gets back – I leave you with these.

Last week’s “They Call Mr Tibbs” choice got me thinking about classic movies. Here’s the last scene of Casablanca, which I think stands up well against all the other classic scenes in that film.

And second, an excellent clip from Inherit The Wind, based on the Scopes Monkey Trial.

Have a great weekend, y’all. Next week, I’ll be putting up the bungee jump post, possibly with video, definitely with pictures.
And man, does my hair look magnificent!

Friday Foolishness – Posterity Edition


Today’s Music: Of Monsters and Men – Little Talks
Note On Today’s Music: No idea if these guys have staying power, but I’m digging this song lately…

Wow!
Jumping off a bridge is fantastic!!!! There will be more on that in an upcoming post.
I was out of touch the whole week. A half decent internet connection and a netbook with next to no resources. If not for my phone, I wouldn’t even have had twitter. And that would really have sucked.
On the bright side, I have a monster stack of what I know will be fantastic blog posts to go through when I’m settled back in.
Today’s Music:
But that doesn’t mean I’ve forgotten about y’all. How could I – not with so many great suggestions from last weeks poll – El Guapo’s launch (last?) words should be….
I’d be honored to have any of you write my eulogy. Just not yet.
So here they are, your answers to last weeks poll. (As always, my comments dangle in italics.)

AAAAAS YOOOOOU WIIIIISH (a little Princess Bride reference) wordsandotherthings
(Wasn’t that followed by “Ow ow ow” as Wesley fell? A lot?)
to INfinity and beyoooonnnnnddddd! LizzieC.
(Or perhaps “This isn’t flying. It’s falling with style!”)
anything is better than squealing like a little school girl right? LizzieC
(I keep telling myself that…)
No taillllll not a monkeeeeeeeey.. Lizzie C
(Technically, the bungee cord is a tail. Are you calling me a monkey?!? ;))
I forgot the shampoooooooo……
(For the soiling involved, shampoo isn’t quite the cleanser I need…)
I ought to write a blog post on my death…
(Done. Fortunately, I keep pushing back the auto-publish date)
“Beam me up, Scotty!” Michelle at Motley News
(I canna stretch the cord any more, Cap’n!)
I’ll be back – hotspur
(More like “I’ll be back”…Boing…”I’ll be back”…Boing…)
Khaaaaaaaaaaaaannnnnnnnnnnnnnnnnn!!!!!!!!!!!!!! (hotspur)
(Reminds me of a klingon proverb…)
no “hanging Boris” tricks, now, hear?!?!? http://www.huffingtonpost.co.uk/2012/0
(Sadly, they took down the link. I think I’m thankful for that…)
Ooohhhhhh Shhhhhiiiii…”SPLAT”……. GingerSnaapedYourCord
(You’d think I’d jump from high enough to at least finish the word.)
I don’t want to Bungee back through my throw up… Bipolarmuse
(Better than bungeeing thrugh someone elses!)
Cheeeeze Whiiiiiz! Carrie Cannibalistic Nerd
(I that what I’m yelling, or what my vomit looks like?)
Geronimommy! Linda V
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
Wait! My mushrooms haven’t kicked in yet. Stay Abnormal
(Actually, I never let the high end!)
Shouldn’t I be wearing pants? – Calahan
(The answer to that question is always “Probably not”.)
Spoon!! – Alex Autin
(I was thinking “Not the face!”)
I’m an iddioooooooottttttttt (Elyse 54.5)
(Pretty sure that’s redundant as soon as I strap on the harness…)
I REGRET NOTHING! Just in case… 😉 NBI
(The regret comes 2.5 seconds after you jump.)
Voi V**** (Kanerva) (It’s the Finnish equivalent of the F-word!)
(My brain was in no shape to translate to English, let alone Finnish!)
Doesn’t what you scream depend on whether the cord holds? Sandylikeabeach
(In that case the scream is the same. It’s jst the landing that’s different.)
Where’s my pants! KJ
(That quesion isn’t just for bungee jumping, kayjai.)
El Guapo rides again! (FrankFrank)
(Maybe “El Guapo ‘sproings’ again”?)
Oh No! I tied a slipknot! Aeeeeeeeeeeeeeee SPLAT!!!!
(And that’s the last time I blow off the safety lesson!)
Unicorn penis! Bats 0711
(Couldn’t do profane. There were kids jumping. Without hesitation. Show offs.)
Babble at me, baby. (?) (Stacy Lyn)
(Oh, there was definitely babbling. And not the cool manly kind either!)
Congratulations to Linda Vernon for this week’s winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was (by an overwhelming margin) Are you sure? Shouldn’t the cord be attached to me? So congrats to all of you who give me credit for paying attention up there too!

That’s the photographer i want for my cover shot!


That brings us to this weeks poll. As I stood about 200 feet off the deck, contemplating my doom, I wondered: Did I leave the gas on? Would Danny Devito play me in a movie version of my life? How should my biography begin?
That’s this weeks poll, everyone. In your autobigraphy, what will be the first line? Answer cotemplatatively, answer whiically, but anwer before 2359 est, 16 August, becuase that’s when this one ends.

And until next time, enjoy these:
First, the Smothers Brothers go electric!

And some of you will remember these – some quickies, from Rowan and Martin.

Have a great week, y’all!

Friday Foolishness – Elastic Edition


Today’s Music: Otis Redding – Sittin On The Dock Of The Bay-
Note on Today’s Music: One of my favorite songs, brought to mind in another thread by AFrankAngle. Thanks, Frank. Great call.

YEAH BABY!!! Friday at last! We made it. Thank. Goodness. The week (and hopefully the rain or heat or drought where you are) is almost behind us. And what does that mean? That’s right – the Friday Foolishness, to hopefully give you a smile and help set the tone for the weekend.
But before we get to my own peculiar brand of foolish, here’s a few of the many great posts I enjoyed over the week.
Bearded Iris is almost speechless over her trip to BlogHer ’12. Imakeeper was having issues with waxing.
And in an odd bit of syncronicity, Springfield Fem had the same problem. But someplace else.

Thanks to them, and all of you for a fun week of blogging!

But before we close the book on last week, we must, as we always do, seek answers to the big questions. Well, post answers actually. To some not so big (but hopefully fun) questions.
Last week, we asked what new events you would add to the Olympics to spice them up.
And if answering these polls was an Olympic sport, wow, would that podium be crowded!
Here’s what you had to say. (As always, my comments enter the record books in italics.)

The Roast of Edward Hotspur – wordsandotherthings
(Isn’t that what they feed the gold medalists?? (I hear it’s a little gamey)(hehehe))
I’m torn between knitting (world’s longest scarf!) and bobbing for apples. L&L
(How about bobbing for scarves!)
Womens Light Weight Brazilian Waxing. GingerWaxAlicious
(Is the competitor the waxer or the waxee? And can I be a judge?)
Womens 100 Yard-Dash-For-Her-Husbands-Cash. GingerSnaapedHisWallet
(Followed by the Mens 100 meter “We-don’t-need-one-of-those”)
Synchronized Shopping. GingerASnaapSnaap
(Only if they do it in heels.)
dumpster diving, or subway surfing (if nyc hosts) Brain_Tomahawk
(Trust me, BT, if they come to NYC, the new events will be Olympian Mugging and Mayor Punching.)
Simultaneous status updating across every social media possible (Kanerva)
(I’ve been training for that one!)
Tweeting (Kanerva)
(Wouldn’t that be a qualifier for the above?)
Dishwashing (Kanerva)
(Or they could use the dirty dishes for the disc event!)
Skateboarding (or has that already been)? Kanerva
(I think skateboarding is too stodgy a sport for the committee.)
according to a 10 yr old ‘burping’
(From the mouths of babes…)
Segway races: Michelle at Motley News
(Hey, that reminds me of…(see what I did there?) 😉 )
mental pugilistics…stupid people need not apply. Red.
(Ohno, stupid people should definitely apply! (can we execute the losers of that competition?))
having a nap butimbeautiful
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
Book cooking – for all of the white collar criminals out there
(My money is on Barclays. I hear they’ve been training hard.)
cowbell ringing (Stacy Lyn)
(They couldn’t get a big enough team. Kept needing more cowbell…)
Baggage handling. Zannyro
(Lose the baggage, win the gold!)
cordless bungee jumping (Sightsnbytes)
(Wireless technology to its logical extreme.)
I’m tired & too lazy to scroll all the way down to the comment box. Have a great weekend, Guap! 😀 (Lilly)
(Thanks Lilly! Hope yours is…olympic!!! HAHAHAH- sorry.)
artistic hedge sculpting? I might be more inclined to watch. (Lilly)
(Only if they have the hosts from HGTV as commentators!)
like whack-a-mole except with politicians and shovels. 😀 (Lilly)
(They tried it but too many people showed up for the tryouts.)
a spittin’ contest. It would be more like the pole vault, only with spit. ~Lilly
(They do very odd pole vaults in your part of the world…)
No, I didn’t sleep last night. Why do you ask??? (Lilly)
(I often catch the subtle clues…)
Don’t forget your happy thought. 😀 I hope you don’t actually post all of these.Lilly
(Nono, I wouldn’t post these at all.)
Porch Judging (judging people from one’s porch) Carrie Cannibalistic Nerd
(For the finals, you have to judge from someone elses porch!)
Donut decorating while sweating, flogging, frying & ringing handbells? – asplenia
(I shudder to think of the specialized equipment for that one.)
all male synchronized swimming – whatimeant2say
(This is revenge for the Knox, isn’t it?)
Blogger horse jumping -where bloggers have to jump the horses Linda V
(Only if it distracts from this blogger jumping the shark!)
Roller-Blading Derby!!! I want to see some people get jacked up!
(Perhaps you should focus your attention on the traffic snarls outside the events.)
sarcasm Stay Abnormal
(The trials start right here in the comments!)
Wall Street banker hurling (calahan)
(I thought most people hurled when hearing about Wall Street Bankers.)
synchronized bird flipping (Madame Weebles)
(I saw that team training on the subway.)
channel surfing Stay Abnormal
(To any channel not carrying the olympics!)
Beer bong!!!! I won’t be a DD, so we’re safe!
(If you aren;t driving, that means you can drink. So…umm…how does that make us safer? ;))
Ahhhhhhhhhh. Nothing could improve it (Elyse at 54.5)
(Elyse says the Olmpics are perfect!)
What else but Guaponian adventures Frank
(Sadly, half of those couldn’t be televised. And the other half can’t be comprehended! )
Beer Drinking. ONE Canadian can win something! KJ
(Sure, they’d win.But then give the trophy to someone else, just to be polite.)
Llama racing
(How much horwepower in one of those babies?)

Congratulations butimbeautiful for this week’s winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was commentator flogging. (I’m lookin at you, Costas.). Congrats to all you winners out there, and your Olympic flogs are in the mail!

And that brings us to this week.

In the near future, I will finally be crossing Bungee Jumping off my list of things to do. I’m so excited I can barely speak. Which is this week’s poll.
What should I say (scream/shriek/pray)? It’s a big moment, and we all know how momentous some words can be.
So help me pick the right ones. Vote early, vote often, but vote soon, because this one closes out at 2359 EST on 9 August 2012.

And to distract you from worrying about my hilarious potential faceplant, enjoy these.
First, a quick bit of off-the-cuff from Groucho Marx

And next, the 2000 year old man tells us the origin of the word cheese.

Have a great weekend everyone. See you on the bounceback!

A Literary Limerick – The Harry Potter Saga


Today’s Music: Nina Simone – I Put A Spell On You

As promised (threatened?) here is the Harry Potter Limerick Omnibus! (Sounds so much more dignified than it really is…)
None of the limericks have been edited, except for the titles to make them more consistent.
Enjoy!

Book One: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

A young boy with a scar on his head
His parents, both sadly were dead
When he reached age eleven,
thought he’d been admitted to heaven

But had to fight the “2 headed” teacher instead.

Book Two: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Everyone said that it was a secret
But Harry’s interest was piqued
Guilderoy was no help –
At his own shadow he yelped.

But with a phoenix, the basilisk was beated.

Book Three: Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban

The dog in the bushes was mysterious.
Harry though that he might be delirious
There were a wolf and a mouse
In a very haunted house

but the hero, in the end, was Sirius

Book Four: Harry Potter and The Goblet Of Fire

For Harry, the competition was grim
When it got down to Cedric and him.
They went from the maze
to a field full of graves

Soon-to-be-sparkly Diggory died on a whim…

Book Five: Harry Potter and The Order Of The Phoenix

The fighting was close and intense
Splinters and dust clouds so dense
Sirius turned quite pale
As he went through the veil.

Wait a minute – Love is Harry’s defense?!?


Book Six: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Sirius had gone through the veil.
In Dark Arts, Snape threatened Harry with “Fail”
But Harry did more
Hangin’ with Dumbledore.

If only he’d built the balcony a rail


Book Seven: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part One

Find the Horcruxii was what Harry must do.
Set off with friends to defeat You Know Who…
But just like the flick –
though it might make you sick –

this limerick will be split into two.


Book Seven: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part Two

Poor Dobby, he laid down his life.
And Ron pissed off his soon-to-be wife
but Harry stood tall,
one (ring) Wand to rule them all

The epilogue: Harry, with happiness, was rife.