Monthly Archives: October 2012

Friday Foolishness – Masked Edition

Today’s Music: Django Reinhardt – Honeysuckle Rose

Wheeee! And around we go again, to the edge, the lip – dare I say verge? – of the weekend! And what better way to get yourself in a silly shenanigan-esque mood than the Friday Foolishness?
What would the week now ending have been without blog reading? No idea, and I don’t want to find out. Here’s just a tiny fraction of what I enjoyed this week:
Sights N Bytes stretched his writing muscles with a new series, completely different for him. The Girl in the Cat Frame Glasses came back!
And WhatIMeant2Say put up a sarcastically hilarious post about unhelpful advice for the depressed.

Thanks to them and all the rest of you for giving me plenty of great things to read all week long.

And one last note: I’ve gone on (probably add nauseum) about how y’all are the coolest people in the sphere. Last night I was lucky to grab a beer at the Corner Bistro with Brain Tomahwak and Love and Lunchmeat. And now I can say I also know some of the coolest people in the real world.
Thanks, I had a blast!

Something else I did all week long was go through the answers from last weeks poll. We asked What’s In Your Junk Drawer?, and your answers were anything but junk. (As always, my comments are unidentifiable and gathering dust in italics.)
My Ray Gun and a Spare Pair of Evils 🙂 lol Androgoth
(Can I borrow one of those? I used all my evil at the DMV.)
My shameful toys… (I meant Barbies and all the old toys!! Gutter mind…-jill)
(Doesn’t sound too bad. Just hide them under those old copies of Teen Beat you saved…)
Things very “un”vanilla~ Bipolarmuse
(Kitchen junk drawer. Not nightstand junk drawer…)
Whaddya mean junk? That’s my life you’re talking about! butimbeautiful
(In your case we’ll call it a treasure chest…)
Let’s look…Junk, junk… the airplane’s upside down, Stradi-who-vius? ~B_T
(Your teenage son or daughter will think this wishbone necklace is really cool. (Google it.))
My Zombie Cattle=Prod, Now Where The Hell Is It? Androgoth
(Does it zap them in the brains?)
“To open a can of spam” -well it won last week but maybe it’s too soon? Lindav
(WE HAVE A WI– Wait – what?)
My junk. – Hotspur
(Next you’ll be saying you keep the bodies in the freezer. How typical.)
It really is not a whole drawer. It has a false bottom. Secret false bottom. Red
(I was wondering how you stashed a chainsaw in there…Red? RED?!?)
Don’t have one right now, it sucks. Junk scattered – Carrie Cannibalistic Nerd
(Scavenger hunt for the missing measuring tape!)
priceless..irreplaceable items..awindowintothewoods
(Because after the revolution, twist-ties will be currency.)
Why my Herman Munster slippers of course… Androgoth
(There’s probably a zombie cattle prod snuggled comfily inside them…)
My Rubik’s Cube, Pet Rock and Mood Ring. Michelle Motley News
(So where are you storing disco and your Betamax tapes?)
Dog hair.. When you have 13 dogs, their hair is everywhere. Michelle Motley News (again)
(When you fill the drawer, you can knit an Afghan. Or a Poodle.)
. . . These are a few of my favorite things! Benzeknees
(Please let the kittens with whiskers out of the drawer, Benze.)
My life is kind of a junk drawer, really. I’m a work in progress.
(Your life is a collection of chip clips and crumpled post-it pads? Or is that just me?)
Hahahahaha id,tell you but i.cant open it lizziec
(Pity. There’s a really great reply to this in there!)
Duct tape, a mango pit, nail clippers, and a half-eaten grilled cheese sandwich.
(continued from ducttape grilled cheese): 47 cents, &a mini-mag light.-asplenia
(Ok, ok. We get it , Macgyer)
My bet B.O.B. and a crap load of batteries.
(You don’t call it “Robert”? It’s longer…)
The real question is what’s NOT in my junk drawer. – 25tofly
(Nono, that’s next weeks poll.)
the neighbour’s dead cat, God that thing stinks (SnB)
(Good thing you tested it before you stuffed your neighbor in there!)
All the things I can’t find. Elyse 54.5
The one that has dozens of kickball championship wristbands! 🙂 Quirky
(Those should be on display. NOBODY PUTS KICKBALL IN A JUNK DRAWER!!!)
A dirty old rag and….that’s it. (words&otherthings)
(Mm Hmm. Sure it is…)
my kalashnikovs. Cheap rent for every blogger! NBI
(You want a bunch of bloggers to move into a drawer with rifles? What could possibly go wrong?)
The Big Mac list that is too long for this answer box. (Frank)
(Better in the junk drawer than your stomach!)
A better question: What’s not in my junk drawer? Grippy
(Better? Maybe. Shorter answer? Definitely!)
Funky junk. sandylikeabeach
(Marky Mark would like that back please.)
Michael Jackson’s chimp, Bubbles. KJ
(It’s keeping the skeleton of the Elephant Man company.)
My ego. ~Emily@The Waiting.
(Right there under the commemorative Dave and Busters Grand Reopening whoopie cushion!)
Congratulations to Asplenia for a winning inventory list! And from the offered choices, the most popular was a tie again, between Hoffa’s Teamster ring. and All the bodies I could fit. The rest are in New Jersey. So congratulations to all you happily demented folk as well!

This week, we’re going topical. Like a cream. As you all know, there’s a holiday coming. Yes, St Jude/St Simon day celebra- Hmm? Hallo-what? Is that the one with the shadow? Matzah? What’s that? Candy and monsters? There’s a preschool holiday?!? Ohhhh – Halloween. Why didn’t you say so?
This week, we’d like to know who you’ll be going as. Someone you love? Someone you hate? The real you?
Let us know. Just scare us with your alter ego before 1 November, 2359 EST.
And if you leave a write in, let me know who you are and I’ll link back to you next week.

There you have it,folks.
In closing,, I leave you with this.
Two hilarious versions of the same goofiness.

And just a bit more silly, that I found from from the talented blogger and published author, Carrie Rubin
Updated – Thanks to Starla’s Chat for pointing out embedding was disabled. You’ll have to click the link for the video,but it is entertaining!

Until next time, have a great week y’all!

Friday Foolishness – Storage Edition

Today’s Music: The Jezabels- Trycolour

Damn straight. Friday again. The day where we realize Yes, we just may live through this week after all. You know what helps me get to this point?
Blog reading! Here’s a tiny fraction of what I enjoyed this week:
Smaktakula graced us with another edition of WTF Headlines.
In a great entry for Domestic Violence Awareness Month, Love and Lunchmeat put up a very strong thought provoking post at Black Box Warnings.
Edward Hotspur came up with a romantic challenge that I hope you all check out!
And The Waiting would like to know who should play you in BLOG: The Movie.

A lot to laugh about this week, and a lot to think about this week too.
Thanks to them, and everyone else for making the ‘sphere the interesting, entertaining place it is.

Which brings us gently into last week in Guapotonia. Despite my declaration of hiatus, there are responsibilities. And one of those is bringing you the foolishest 15 seconds of thought you’ll have during the week, in the form of a “dear god, why is he asking that?!?” poll. Last week, it was What would you do with powers of the mind? And wow, all of you have the power to make me laugh! Here’s what you had to say. (As always, my answers are suggested subliminally in italics.)

stop wars and bring world peace (Sightsnbytes)
(Instead of mental powers, wouldn’t you just need massive speakers and a loop of “I’d Like to Teach the World to Sing”?)
Think up a really clever response to this poll.
(That answer is aweso- OH MY GOD!!! You do have mental powers!!!)
End this damn election! (Frank)
(Wouldn’t work – I’m pretty sure there are no working minds in this election.)
End this damn election! (Frank)
(Obviously, this is a deep, psycho-political commentary on the repetitive nature of the repeated sound bites and zingers of this campaign.)
Magic, which should be able to cover everything – Carrie Cannibalistic Nerd
(Magic is the duct tape of the psychic world.)
Hypnotise you. So do I win? – Adrogoth
(Your trophy is behind my eyes. Look into them…deeper..DEEPER…)
make people verbally ejaculate.
(So your psychic power is to pour tequila?)
Find another brain cell. Then there’d be two of us! butimbeautiful
(Ok, but stop when you get there. Remember, three’s a crowd!)
Make a living napping, surfing blogs, & sipping cocktails. (Betty Rants)
(So you want to be Arianna Huffington?)
graduate. And to control other people’s mind 😀 NBI
(If you put controlling other people’s minds first, graduating would be that much easier…)
Control my bodily functions, basic motor skills, social and cognitive endeavors.
(I rely on Depends. And twitter.)
Stop me before I do something stupid. Motley Michelle
(I tried that, but I think I overestimated the power of the mind!)
make a living, Benzeknees
(As long as it’s not by making people do the chicken dance…)
End world peace. Or get it. One of the two. Elyse 54.5
(As long as you’re keeping your options open…)
To open a can of spam! Lindav
Make my long johns appear as dress pants so I could wear them to work. 25tofly
(Wouldn’t it be easier to just buy tasteful pajama jeans?)
to get Gangham Style out of my head Stay Abnormal
(I think you definitely overestimate the power of the mind!)
Make my husband do what I ask. Wait, that’s what the other end is for. Quirky
(Are you saying your brain is in your as- Ohhhhh…)
Become Telekinetic so I can be even more entertaining at parties. KJ
(If by entertaining, you mean psychically grabbing all the wine, then yes, definitely!)

Congratulations to Lindav for this week’s winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular were Teleport! and Pick the fast checkout lane at the grocery store.. Yeah, I couldn’t pick between the two of those either…

This week, we’re going from the metaphysical to the mundane! We all live some place – motor home, house, apartment. Narnia…
And in all our homes, we have that one drawer. Possibly in the kitchen, maybe in a desk someplace. The junk drawer. rubberbands, scissors, twist ties. Wine bottle stoppers, key rings, a key to god-knows-what. Old letters, coupons from before reconsruction.
And other…things…
That’s this weeks poll, folks. Cram in your answers, but do it before 2359 EST, 25 October, because that’s when this one closes.
And if you write in an “Other” answer, leave a way to identify you so I can link back to you next week.

And until we all meet again, wherever that may be, I leave you with this:
Steve Martin hilariously extolling Paul Simon at Paul Simons Kennedy Award ceremony.

And slightly cruder, here’s Lewis Black explaining why you don’t want to spend 14 hours on a plane. With lots of profanity.

And I’ll see y’all…out there…

Time Out

Today’s Music: Jen Chapin – Little Hours

Sunset over the #7 tracks in Queens NY – Photo by Chris Goldberg

It’s a beautiful evening in Queens, New York tonight. The air has a cool bite to it. There are a few clouds in the sky, but not enough to obscure the deep blue and deepening orange of the fading sunset.

I have nowhere to be tonight. No errands to run. No relatives to visit. No calls to make, forms to fill out, information to hunt down and organize.
No one to comfort, nothing to attend to.
Just have to figure out what’s for dinner, and have a nice quiet meal with my wife.

Later on, I may watch some of the Presidential Debate. Maybe not. Yes, I’ve already decided I’m voting for Obama. (You’re welcome to criticize below, just be polite about it.) Maybe I’ll turn on the ps3 and play a game.
I might strum my guitar for a bit. There’s a song I’m trying to learn that still needs a lot of work.

At some point, I’ll sit under the stars I can see from our porch and have a cigarette. Maybe I’ll have a beer with it. I’ll read a bit, check my email, but mostly, just sit and relax quietly.
There will be music.

Later on, I’ll go to bed. My girl (TMWGITU) and I will go through our nightly routine. We’ll make jokes about each other. We’ll complain to each other about setting our alarms for tomorrow.
I’ll change out my earring.
We’ll get under the blankets and I’ll put my arm around her.
Her feet will be freezing. I’ll shout when she puts them on me, and she’ll laugh at me.

It will be a quiet night at the Guapo household, like it hasn’t been for a while.

I’m looking forward to it.

The Friday Foolishness posts will continue (as long as I can think of polls – never a guarantee). Other than that, well, I was never a prolific poster. As stuff occurs to me, and as I can set more adventures on the page, or trifectas or beatnik poetry slams, I’ll post them. Just no idea how often.
You’ll still see me on twitter, and on your blogs. As much as I like trying to tell a good story here, I really love listening to all your stories.

So not goodbye, just a pause – a time out.
And if you need me, hey, I’m easy enough to find…

See you out there. I’ll be the one relaxing, enjoying the quiet time.

I think I feel good about that. (Photo by Lizzie Cracked)

El Guapo

Friday Foolishness – Psychedelic Edition

Today’s Music: The Kinks – Superman

Yowza! Welcome one and all, all and one, to the Foolishest Friday on the web!
Well, that’s probably not true. Both Fox News and Huffington Post still have active websites, so I’m probably just a bit player at foolishness.
But forget about them. Here’s some of what was truly great on the web this week!
There was a poetic collaboration between Hasty Words and Hotspur. Prawn and Quartered talked about fun things to do if she had kids.
And Summer Grant got some really good news!

Thanks to them, and all of you for the great posts this week. Being a blog reader is at least, if not more rewarding than being a blog writer.

Now that that’s out of the way, let’s turn to what you really want to know: How would you like your burger? That was the question in last weeks poll. And from your answers, your waiters must cringe when you show up.
So here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are grilled in italics.)

Whatever kind of burger David Beckham is eating! Like a GingerSnaap Burger!
(Wouldn’t that be a stop-whining-and-play-your-damn-position-and-not-hurt-yourself-to-miss-the-world-cup burger?)
Cooked by my husband over charcoal. John makes the best. Elyse 54.5
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!! Because I’m an old romantic softie at heart.)
Avo, cheese jalapenpo pepper sweet potato fries
Burger made from ganache dipped in dk chocolate. No bun needed. WG
(Without a bun, it will melt all over you.)
Nephi – It starts with good meat and seasoning it – NOT all the toppings (Frank)
(I start by seasoning with salt. And the tears of my enemies.)
Baron Burger, double swiss bacon & mushroom, Benzeknees
(Smart to include mushrooms. Just tell people it’s a salad!)
Bun. Cow. Bleu Cheese. Bun. Yum. –Kbar3
(What, just one cow? Aren’t you hungry at all?)
recalled due to E-coli threat
(Mine had the brain eating ameoba, so I forgot it was dangerous and took another bite. Mmmm!)
The one that stretches 6″ as you pull it out. Wait, that’s booger.Michelle MNews
(Or as six year olds like to call it, Hamburger Helper!)
I like my meat thick juicy and a bit rigid.
(Sorry, we’re not doing the hot dog poll til next spring.)
remembered as Chief Justice between June 23, 1969 – September 26, 1986
(Little known fact, Justice Warren Burger’s secret identity was Mayor McCheese.)
Pnpple, ppr jack, tryki, sriracha, ranch, lttc, tmto, onion bun. Quirky
(I’m guessing you left out the vowels so it would fit in your mouth?)
One that you don’t have to abbreviate when you type in the other box. Quirky
Don’t you dare bring those pickles near me. Becca 25tofly
(YOU CAN’T HANDLE THE PICKLES!!! Wow, that sounded better in my head…)
burgermeister, meisterburger! (wordsandotherthings)
(And would you like your beverage in the Chalice from the Palace, or the Flagon with the Dragon?
(And I really hope we’re referencing the same guy here…))

The one with triple meat and bacon that uses two doughnuts as buns. – Hotspur
(Wouldn’t it be easier to just donate your heart to someone who appreciates it?)
topped with Canadian bacon with a side of BEER! KJ
(I thought you were a real Canadian. Beer is the entree, the burger is the side…)

Congratulations to Elyse for this weeks winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was a tie between 12ozgroundpicklesonionsbitofcajunseasoninggrilledraresourdoughbunfreshtomatolettucemustard. Mmmmmmm. And extra napkins. and Covered in cheese, surrounded by fries and accompanied by a chocolate shake. (Says TMWGITU). Because everyone loves the classics!

And this week, we have one special, honorary winner. The answer Served on a paper plate in a dive bar. With extra pickles. is based on the burgers at Corner Bistro. And Congratulations to Brain Tomahawk for catching that. When we go for the burgers, first round is on me.

I think I can, I think I can, I think I can…

Well, that was a fun and mildly bizarre wrap-up of the week that was. So where can we go for the week that will be? Glad you asked!
This week we travel into the deepest recesses of the mind.
No, not those recesses.
We’re looking for the recesses of the untapped potential within our minds, to do wonderful things. Magical things.
Inane things!
That’s this weeks poll. So unleash your minds and vote. But vote by 2359 EST on 18 October, because that’s when this one ends.

And until next week, enjoy this.
In a comment above is (I think) a reference to a Danny Kaye movie, Hans Christian Anderson.
My response comes from a different Danny Kaye movie, The Court Jester.
This is from that.

Until we meet again, Have a great week!

Trifecta: Death Takes A Holiday – Part 2

Today’s Music: Cutting Crew – I Just Died In Your Arms Tonight
Note On Today’s Music: Hey, if you’re gonna go with a cheesy story, you should have a cheesy song to match…

This is not a link back to Reapers With Issues, or the accompanying limerick.
No, this is a completely different link!

This week, the finely fettled folks at Trifecta picked the third definition of the word Death
(3 capitalized : the destroyer of life represented usually as a skeleton with a scythe).

And to make it even M O R E, this also links up with the gloriously fabulous AccordingToMags (Part 1), and the fabulously glorious OldDogNewTits (Part 3) for parts one and three.
Each stands well alone, all three fit well together. (like a trifecta!)(see what I did there?)(hehehe)

So start there, come here, then finish off the triad, as Death takes a holiday! (Or at least tries to…)

Death Takes A Holiday – Part 2

The tall gaunt figure strode across the beach, pale skin reflecting more than his garish teal and orange shorts. Others pulled back, clearing a path for him and his companions to the beachfront.
One companion followed, carrying a large cooler. He showed no discomfort under his robe, snapping gum excitedly with each step. The other companion lagged, his overweight body sweating profusely in the sun.
“Here” boomed the leader, pointing a bony finger.
“You got it Boss”, said the second, snapping his gum.
The first sighed. “It’s our day off, Nausea. No need to call me Boss.”
“Sorry boss”, said Nausea, settling the cooler.

“I got it!” shouted the third. “’I got the motive which is money, and the body which is dead!’ Bet you don’t know that one”.
The gaunt one smiled, a ghastly display of moldy recessed teeth. “In The Heat Of The Night.” He chuckled, a cavernous echoing sound. “Good try, George.”
George laughed. “I’ll stump you one day.”

The cadaverous fellow grinned, pulling out stacks of wood. He twisted and bent, unfolding them against their hinges to form three beautiful Adirondack chairs, which he and his companions fell into with sighs.
“You make these, boss?” asked Nausea, gum snapping.
”Well, carpentry is a hobby. It relieves stress.”
George said “You should see the stuff he made for my Accounting Office!”
They opened the cooler, enjoying cold drinks, snacks, conversation, until a scream disturbed them.

“Oh god!” shrieked a woman. “Harry! My god, he’s had a heart attack!” she wailed over the prone man beside her.
Nausea squinted at the vague outline of a spirit rising slowly. “No rest for guys like us, huh boss?” he asked, rising. His boss reached out, nudging Nausea into his chair. His other hand rose towards the spirit, clenched, and slammed down.
The spirit jerked back into its vessel. Harry coughed, sputtered, and sat up to stare at the trio.

The gaunt man settled in his chair, popping another beer.
“Death is off today.”