Today’s Music: Godsmack – Voodoo
El Guapo: No dammit! It’s a party. And we’re all going to harmoniously sing happy birthday. Or else!
Easter Wallaby(EW): Or else what? You’re gonna call me a bunny? Listen buddy, I’m used to that from you people.
EG: Settle down, fuzzy britches. And keep that tail where I can see it this time too. *Grabs the bottle of chocolate liquer from her hand* Let’s not make this any harder than it has to be.
*EW grabs back the bottle*
GroundHog(GH): Hey! No cracks about fuzziness. *to EW* You’re looking good, baby. Can I get a hit of that? *Tips the bottle*
EW: *leans in close* How’d they rope you into this?
GH: I thought there’d be a Kardashian here. Not a bunch of second rate holiday icons. *Leers at her* Present company excluded of course.
Captain Kirk(CK) (standing next to Picard(CP)): People! We have to…settledown…be…ORganized…Thisconfusion…andbickering…iswhatthey…want…fromUS
CP: Oh, shut up you windbag. *drinks tea*
Abe Lincoln(AL) (moving away from the other presidents): Tea! A fine choice, sir. *Claps CP on his back*
Teddy Roosevelt(TR): *whispering conspiratorially* I have a bully accompaniment for that! *pours a liberal slug of whiskey in*
EG: *Wrestling Tom Turkey(TT) to the ground* Roosevelt, if you turn this into another Panama Canal, I will personally send you back up the Amazon with out a paddle! *Jumps back into the fray*
AL: Theodore, you need another drink like I need-
TR: Another hole in the head? BWAHAH-
*Abe Lincoln crams his stovepipe hat onto Roosevelts head, temporarily blinding him, and smacks him about the jowls.
TT has broken free from EG and is now under the refreshments table pecking at the St. Patricks Day Leprechaun. EW and GH are on top of a bookcase, slowly taki- OHGOODLORD! Let’s just say they’re…busy, and leave it at that.
A loud crash freezes everyone.
A cloud of dust and debris floats around the remains of the front door, which has been mostly replaced by the nose of a classic red Cadillac. in the back seat, Lipschitz, Otis, Bown Shugga and Mrs. Claus choke in the fumes, as Santa Claus bounds from the front seat.
SC: HO HO HO!!!! Why so cheeeerless, everyone? We’re here for a very festive occasion!
EG (*dusting the fallout from his lederhosen*): Thank you Kris! Now as I was saying before, we are going to sing a joyful Happy Birthday to a wonderful (wo)man. A (wo)man who has touched us all deeply, whether by collecting travel pictures for charming young lady who’s battling cancer, or bringing us weird pictures of Invisible Man fellatio.
A (wo)man who has stuck to her dream to publish – not one, not two, but three!!! books, with the promise of more to come!
A (wo)man who I am proud to call a friend.
And HE would apprecia-
SC *head snapping around*: Who? Who’d you say, boy?
EG: HE is the (wo)man we should all be proud- no, privileged- nay, HONORED! to sing happy birthday to, to wish H.E. Ellis the best birthday EVER!
*EG realizes he’s been shouting into a suddenly still room. He opens his eyes slowly from his fervor to see that he is now surrounded by a whole bunch of not-so-festive looking holiday icons, all of them victims of HE Ellis’ sharp and delightful wit.* Um…maybe we’ll just send her a card! *Runs off*