Trifextra – THE MOST IMPORTANT ENTRY EVER!!!


Today’s Music: Marah – Out in Style

The weekend challenge from those most enlightened souls ever at Trifecta is to demonstrate hyperbole in 33 words.
Since it’s all about going over the top, I thought I’d try it not once, not twice, but three, yes, three magically wonderful spectacular times!!!!
(Good lord, now I can’t stop.)

One thing on the last piece – I actually did ask myself that question.
My gesticulating, however, was mild.

Hyperbole
I’d Give My Left Arm To Tell Stories Like This…
“If we don’t finish this now, the world will end!” he shouted.
“Whatever”, I answered. “I’m going to sit down and take a break.”
I made it five steps before the planet exploded…

I’d Give My Right Arm To Tell A Story Like This!!!
My grandpa used to tell me incredible stories about how hard it was to complete the trifextra challenges. But he did it.
Walking uphill.
In the snow.
Barefoot.
In the dark.
Both ways.

THIS STORY WAS WRITTEN WITH NO ARMS!!!!!!
“Can it be called hyperbole if you are accurately describing the thing you’re talking about?” he asked, gesticulating wildly.
His friend paused.
He turned.
He spoke.
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”

Thank you, and please consider this my formal apology for inflicting this on you.

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108 responses to “Trifextra – THE MOST IMPORTANT ENTRY EVER!!!

  1. no idea. At all. But happy Saturday!

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  2. The is the best blog I’ve ever read.

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  3. I enjoyed all three thoroughly. Well done. Sorry you lost your arms in the process, Guap! Please be careful.

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  4. Wait, have I been drinking again?

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  5. Perhaps, tighten the bolts on your arms before gesticulating so wildly. On an up note, the loss of both arms does qualify you for SSDI. IJS

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  6. That post literally blew my mind!

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  7. oh god oh god oh god that is like the i mean THE most amazingly awesome piece of classic tolstoyan high literature i have ever and i mean EVER read in my entire life or in fact ANY of them including the one where I was cleopatra and couldn’t find a single thing to read that wasn’t as heavy as king tut’s pyramid..

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  8. top notch, Handsome One. 🙂

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  9. These are, literally, over the top, the bomb and beyond the galaxy. Love the cartoon too!!

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  10. OH. MY. GOD. I read this and fireworks went off in my head and I heard choirs of angels. Your gift is otherworldly. Excuse me while I weep.

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  11. This will be no surprise, Guapo, but I type with my forehead also. I feel your pain.

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  12. I’m voting for #2. It is the most amazing bit of work I’ve read since The Oxford Dictionary.

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  13. Greatttt! The titles just nailed it. Awesome job, and I can’t choose one of them.

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  14. Ah, I do love the way your mind works!! Always a pleasure to read. 🙂

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  15. Brilliant as always 🙂

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  16. I think my grandma and your grandpa used to be friends. It seems they made the same up hill journey. In the snow. Barefoot. In the dark. Both ways. haha! Well done!!!!!

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  17. Nobody does it better, Guap. Nobody. (And I will spare you that ghastly Carly Simon song. You’re welcome)

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  18. Ha! this made me smile…

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  19. I literally had to read this a 800 times because it was so good.

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  20. I know this takes it over the word limit, but I would like to add to grandather’s right-arm story: ON HIS HANDS!!!
    [my fav, btw]

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  21. My eyes exploded from the sheer awesomeness of this post. I’m now dictating this comment to my cat, who is a pretty good typist except when she’s distracted by a toy mouse2GTFRHWgiroa84

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  22. Guap,

    I’ve “hit” you for a blogging “Tag you must answer all my questions” game (http://fiftyfourandahalf.com/2013/02/17/beats-the-alternative/). You may answer or not, play or not. I won’t judge you.

    Elyse

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  23. Hello harmless one-oops I mean armless one!You bowled me over -three time over -with this spectacular piece:-)

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  24. I have heard of bringing a knife to a gunfight, but you showed up unarmed… HA! You fought the world with no hands… tied behind you back. Awesomesausage once again.

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  25. The sheer brilliance of your turn of phrase made me laugh until my sides ached. I think I’ve pulled a muscle or broken a rib. You could help me, but your arms are gone. How will you continue with the #SundayNightCookoff ? We will have to rig up a complex machine to help you cook and tweet with your feet because I will die without my weekly foodie fix!
    Your words which have kept me alive will be my death!!!
    Ugh! Swoon!
    Bring on the feinting couch!

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  26. Hyperbole is one of my favorite writing techniques. I would give my arms and legs to have you write more!

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  27. Exaggeration is under-rated, Guap. You done good. Literally or literarily. ❤

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  28. Love each of them, but the second one the best.

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  29. I came here expecting to giggle but dude… seriously, a triple gut punch?!? I just died LMAO!!!!!!!

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  30. Your stories are so good, and they affected me so greatly, you could have knocked me over with a feather!

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  31. whiteladyinthehood

    Oh.My.Goodness. Guapington, you have some crazy~ass friends…the comments on this one were too damn funny! I can’t think of anything over the top to say, so I’ll just leave with great post – my favorite is #2.
    🙂

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  32. My eyes are aflame with the magnificent circus of wonder this post threw all over me.

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  33. I’m totally gobsmacked 🙂

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  34. What a read for Monday morning 😉 I will keep pondering them the whole day today, I feel.

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  35. Thanks for another great post, Guap. Those three little pieces were the best thing I’ve ever read, and I’m sure they’re a billion times better than anything anyone has ever written in the history of the universe. Your brilliance has literally saved my life.

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  36. LOL Guap!! These were all wonderful no make that stupendous bordering on sublime oh what the hell let’s go ahead and throw sublime in all the way too!

    Well Done!! You should enter more often, you’re entries are always so much fun!! 😀

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  37. I’d give up my Chanel handbag and Hello Kitty sneakers to be able to write a post like this.

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  38. You can’t fool me…you got six squirrels drunk and let them help you write these…(love them, hehe)!

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  39. Hawthorne, Shakespeare, Tolkien, and Koontz have absolutely nothing on you!

    My fav hyperbole of all time:

    July. Texas. We were all lying or sitting down on covered bleachers awaiting our turn to practice throwing grenades a half mile off. Silence. PFC Vawter declares at the top of his voice, “It’s hotter than three rats effing in a wool sock out here!” Explosive laughter all around. Explosions from down range.

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  40. OMG….That was awesome. I sooooooooooo wanted more…more…more. Please do that again sometime. I’ll need a fix soon.

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  41. if my humble opioin at such a late date counts… this was brilliant..in a weirdly whacko so cool Guapman kinda way (which is brilliant with more words than needed 😉 ) . I loved it!! the last one gave me a bit of thought to the Black knight..And what i did not tease you with on Twitter after your injury.. “it’s just a flesh wound” in fact.. I was aware you might indeed be on pain meds or still in shock that you did not use the line yourself.. and it worries me a little. .bit more than it should maybe but..
    take care.. hope the knife looks worse than you? no that probably doesnt help.. feel better soon? eh…stay numb? that might be it..

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  42. Loved the flow of the three parts …. plus I wanted to stop by to say HELLO.

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  43. You are very good at these El Guapo
    and the second one had me giggling
    like a school boy, this part…

    “Walking uphill.
    In the snow.
    Barefoot.
    In the dark.
    Both ways”.

    You are too funny my great friend 🙂 🙂

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  44. Great stuff as usual. But I ask you this: is it possible that the friend in the final story has lived such a sheltered life that his friend’s simple question about hyperbole really IS the stupidest thing he’s ever heard?

    And was this reply the stupidest you’ve ever received? Discuss.

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    • Ell, that goes back to the question of whether hyperbole is still hyperbole id it’s accurate, Smak. (I’m guessing no.)

      As for the stupidest comment, that honor belongs to Edna Ferblink, wno in March 1979, on the post “The Nitrates Did Me In. But They Were So Delicious”, asked “You didn’t really eat that, did you?”.

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  45. My friend, you neeed never apologize to me. Ever.
    Great post.

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  46. And yes, I went “e” crazy there. Sorry.

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  47. Love this post! Ode to the super, amazing and astounding hyperbole! 😉

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Ahem *best Ricky Ricardo voice* Babble-OOOoooo!!!

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