Trifecta – But What Kind Of Doctor?!?


Today’s Music: Ray Charles – I Don’t Need No Doctor

Another week, another Trifecta. For this challenge, they want the thirty three to three hundred thirty three words using the third definition of the word “Doctor” (noun) –
a : material added (as to food) to produce a desired effect
b : a blade (as of metal) for spreading a coating or scraping a surface

*Disclaimer – despite my recent finger wound, I was not on painkillers when I wrote this.
But you may want to be when you read it.

Yogurt

The EMTs stood over the frothing man.
He sat in front of a laptop, 72 MS Word documents open.
His eyes were wide.
He was gibbering.
He wasn’t wearing pants.
Yogurt from a tipped cup slowly oozed across the table next to him.
The EMTs looked at each other.
“Have you ever seen anything like this, Hank?” asked the first.
The frothing man shot up, sitting rigidly straight.
“IT’S THE WORST THING EVER, HANK!!!!” he shrieked before slumping back down.
Hank frowned, and picked up the half empty yogurt cup. He took a deep smell. His brow furrowed.
He gingerly dipped the smallest part of his pinky fingernail into the swirly goop, just deeply enough to catch a small bit on the tip. He lifted it up to his lips to taste the digit, his eyes widening as the flavor swirled over his tongue.
“Someone has added something as a doctor of the yogurt, Fred” he declared. “It’s…hyperbole!”
Fred gasped (only partly at the akwardness of the sentence construction).
“But that also means it’s about a week and a half old!” said Fred, remembering the Trifecta challenges schedule.
“Yes” said Frank, authoritatively. “We can’t help him. This man a needs a doctor!”
The man sat straight up again, pulling something shiny from below. He frantically worked it into the spilled yogurt, spreading it over the surface of the table…the laptop…his bellybutton.
Etched in the stainless steel, the words “The Doctor” gleamed in the light.
Hank shook his head. “Or a psychiatrist…”
Fred stepped back. “I do not want to know where he pulled that from.
But I bet it was bigger on the inside…”

(This week’s contest is community judged, so go check out their site, read some of the other great entries and vote for them.)
(Seriously.)
(It would be a travesty if I won.)
(hehehe)

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121 responses to “Trifecta – But What Kind Of Doctor?!?

  1. Lol…..I’m glad you decided to post this!! 😀

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  2. Oh my this is too funny!!

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  3. I LOVE IT! Can you just write Doctor 33- 333 times?

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  4. Oh Lord. I am sitting here spitting into my clear liquid diet. Thanks Guap!

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  5. That was the AWESOMEST! THE BEST THING EVER!!!

    (Sorry, I had some yogurt before I read this. And the container was bigger on the inside.)

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  6. Well that was fun! I think you covered all the bases with the word or the yogurt or whatever that was!

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  7. lmfao This cracked me up and I’m still wondering why xD But I love it.

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  8. Enjoyed it so much. Good decision.

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  9. I’ll eat my yogurt tomorrow morning with a whole new awareness now…

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  10. This was a fun read! I love how it started out with the short sentences…the 72 Word docs and frothing man (wearing no pants) with questionable yogurt paints a funny scene 🙂

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    • Thanks Janna!
      I worry that sometimes I rely too much on the short sentences. They’re great for highlighting, but too many is distracting, and whatever I want to highlight gets lost.
      I need to work on that…

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  11. I love to read your writing! I just got hit with a fit of the giggles in the middle of this. My yoghurt will taste much better tomorrow morning because it will remind me of this post.
    Guaptastic Youghurt, the only way to start your day!

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  12. I wanted to say something intelligent about your writing, Guap, but I’m completely distracted by that picture. What is being dipped into the yogurt? Is it a roasted marshmallow?
    Oh look! A bunny!

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    • Thanks Delicious!
      And don’t ever feel bad about not saying something intelligent about my writing. Intelligence is rarely present in the top half of my pages.
      Now if you wanted to say something goofy… 😉

      I think it’s a banana yogurt pop.
      Here’s the link, and I updated the pic link, so you can just click that.

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  13. I should have focussed on your brilliant wit and ignored the frozen yogurt banana pop… Do you realize that there are people out there who actually create things like frozen fruit pops dipped in yogurt so that their children can have healthy snacks? Have they not heard of pizza pops?

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  14. I’m sitting here trying to deal with the images that your imagination have now burned into my brain…..Do you suppose that I will always make a connection between yogurt and bellybuttons from now on??

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  15. Brilliant! I think I’ll pass on the yoghurt this morning though …

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  16. Ok I laughed…and chuckled and how you put this in -“But that also means it’s about a week and a half old!” said Fred, remembering the Trifecta challenges schedule” had me in stitches – well done.

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  17. Just give the guy a banana…that’s what I do to my yogurt. GREAT READ Gwap!!!

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  18. whiteladyinthehood

    “He gingerly dipped the smallest part of his pinky fingernail into the swirly goop, just deeply enough to catch a small bit on the tip.” – Great sentence, Guapmeister! I like reading your entries to these because you seem to have so much fun!

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  19. Damn, this is creative. Where do you come UP with this stuff?? Tell me you are also working on a novel?

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    • Funny, my shrink has been trying to answer tht question for years, Asplenia!
      (Just kidding. He won’t seeme any more. Or take my calls.)

      I’m not writing a novel, just because I don’t have an idea that can sustain itself for a full length book.

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  20. European for yummy!
    I thought for sure there would be a “The Stuff” reference. No matter! A writing of paramount success!

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  21. Awesome… and you threw in those Young Ones clips… I loved that show.

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  22. Thanks for the smiles today, El! 🙂

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  23. Wow….judging from all the above comments, you should partake in this Trifecta challenge more often!! We love you…..we really love you!! 😉

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  24. Ooooh – I do want to know where he pulled it from. Such a mystery! ❤

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    • I could say, but then I’d have to put an adult warning on my blog, Stacy.
      Not sure if that’s because it would be dirty, or just in really bad taste.
      Oh wait, I’m sure…

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  25. Ha HA!!! This was was everything I love in a story! Incredibly well written, funny, twists on twists and all told from the perspective of the yogurt! (Okay maybe not from the perspective of the yogurt but still!!) I’m so glad this is community judged. I’m glad you mentioned it too because I missed that part — as I am often wont to do! I know who I’m voting for!! And his name rhymes with Schmaupo!

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  26. Based on the exaggerated response, this may be the BIGGEST, BADDEST cultured (yogurt) story EVER!!! (Are you sure about the pain meds? Seems like you were having A LOT of fun with this one!!!) lol

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  27. You’re so funny! I am glad you posted.

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  28. I like that he used a doctor to slather doctored yogurt all over his belly button. That only would have worked if he has an innie. I can’t help but picture that scene from Seven whilst reading this.

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  29. I did enjoy that! 🙂

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  30. Hyperbole-doctored yogurt!

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  31. Clever and hilarious!

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  32. Good stuff Guapo, and I don’t mean the yogurt (which I may never have again!). Also, I’m not sure how The Young Ones came into the conversation, but glad it did! It’s been forever since I’ve watched it.

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    • Thanks Alex! I’m glad I didn’t use Nutella as a spreadable. Imagine the hate mail I’d be getting!
      (I also think I’ve lost a whole bunch of street cred for admitting not knowing all of The Young Ones. Going to have to fix that soon…)

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  33. Jeez, I’m not sure what the fuss is all about. This kind of thing happens to me all the time, except I try to avoid hyperbole, poor sentence construction and yogurt, if at all possible.

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  34. funnily enough . . . I *was* on the good drugs when I wrote mine . .. I should go re-read and see if it made any sense. 🙂 Nicely done, guapo!

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    • Thanks Barbara! Looking forward to checking out yours shortly.
      Perhaps we can start an anthology. “Writing Is The Best Medicine. And Painkillers Too. Definitely Painkillers”

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  35. Very strange! I enjoyed it.

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  36. OK, does everybody in the world except me love yogurt? I cannot stand the stuff. I hate the texture & the taste. The only way I can even somewhat tolerate it is if someone doctors it to a frozen state – otherwise you’d be rushing me to a doctor.

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  37. Very creative. The picture added a lot. This will end up being me, one day- pantless in public babbling over my writing. Great stuff

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  38. You have a wonderfully creative mind, my friend!

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  39. Ah,am wondering if spreading that doctored yogurt over his belly button “produced” the doctor?;-)And possibly mixing yogurt & Trifecta challenges,specially of the Hyperbole kind ,was not really such a good idea for that frothing man(was that froth or yogurt?)!Questions galore-my head is brimming with yogurt I think,lol!Superb take on the prompt El ,loved every ” yogurty” bit:-)

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  40. Aaaaah pity you aren’t :(. See you tomorrow though…

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  41. I am already there, shy only the yogurt.

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  42. Oh, and it is Chrome tabs. I hate Word.

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  43. I thought those sticky were ice-cream 😀

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  44. My favorite Guapfecta story so far! I’m not sure what that says about me. And while I’ve only taken painkillers a handful of times in my life (and mostly recreational), I can assure you that I was in the proper mood to receive your message.

    I’d never heard that awesome Ray Charles song before. It’s true though, the man don’t need a doctor. It’s much too late for that.

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    • I saw Ray Charles twice, Smak. (And as a friend says, no, he didn’t see me.) Neither time did he play Hit the Road Jack.
      But they were still good shows.

      I’m a much bigger fan of Percocet.
      Mmmm…percocet…

      Like

Ahem *best Ricky Ricardo voice* Babble-OOOoooo!!!

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