Monthly Archives: March 2013

Beatnik Poetry Slam – Ice

Today’s Music: Stan Getz – Autumn Leaves

You can see his inner Beatnik hidden in the ruffles.

You can see his inner Beatnik hidden in the ruffles.

Tonight’s special guest Marvin Suggs, resplendent in a very sparkly vest, stands behind the Mupphaphone, mallet at the ready.
Who knows what excitement giddy-ifies his brain? No one can tell from his expression, as he is a consummate performer.

The stage goes dark. A single burning diamond white LED picks out El Guapo as he strides to the microphone, his beret cutting a swirling path through the cloud from his clove cigarette.


The desolate wind
through my
The scrub trees of the plain
*ow OW Ow*
with remorse.
I huddle deep
own skin.
Even though it
The wind is a reflection
of the dark.
The polite


And for those of you unfamiliar with the Muppaphone:

Friday Foolishness – Angry Edition

Today’s Music: Dr John – Iko Iko

I have nothing to say about my week. Except that work is hard. Sleep is fleeting. And blogs are fun! Here’s some of what I saw…
Alex Autin took a hilarious road trip. Sharp Little Pencil wrote a powerful poem about child abuse that, even if you don’t know the story she shares, still packs a punch. The Epically Awesome Sights N Bytes gave me an epically awesome award of epic awesomeness award, which still isn’t near as cool as getting to read SnB’s stuff. And Natalie Elizabeth Beech nominated me for a Best Moment award. Check out their sites. Definitely good moments, all around.
Oh, and if you didn’t hear, DJ Matticus had a baby! Well, his wife did the birthing stuff, but still…

Thanks to them and everyone else for making my limited time in the sphere this week time well spent.

The Voodoo Maple Bacon Doughnut. Not a cupcake, but ridiculously delicious.

But last week, the question was cupcakes!!!. And from the answers, y’all are some very…creative…bakers! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are frosted in italics.)

Icing, real icing-not that whipped creamy stuff, real icing and maybe caramel…
(Wait – so you don’t like real icing???)
I’m having a difficult time getting my mind out of the gutter. (Frank)
(That’s why we get along so well!)
Love and a bit of spit from the baker… “so there’s a little bit of YOU in it!”
(Are you sure that’s spit in the creamy frosting?)
(No, I didn’t just say that.)
(Move along…)

Anything but SNOW and ICICLES 🙂 Yay… Andro
(How about slush and mud? Fresh! Mmm…)
“Dung.” Joe said this. – NicoleMarie
(Is Joe on the Food Network?)
“Poopysnot.” – Also Joe. (NicoleMarie)
(Ah, no. Apparently he’s on Ren & Stimpy.)
Love, MBT
Hair balls-Don’t go there-I’m talking about my kid’s kitty Cupcake! (Stacy)
(It’s very important to shave the cat before putting it in a cupcake.)
ducken. B_T
(Thank you for leaving out the Turd.)
Love, love, love, do de doo . . . Benzeknees
(Nono, the hash goes in the brownie recipe.)
it’s broccoli, dude. 2 Cs, 1 L. WG
(Actually, it’s Brocolli Man! My superpowers come from the typ- Oops. I’ve said too much.)
Cupcake juice. – Hotspur
(It it were anyone else, I’d think that was an innuendo…)
Cupcakes are just a vector getting icing in my mouth. (rollergiraffe)
(I believe the formula you need is √(x², y²)(sugar)/(awesome²))
crack and crank, so we can stay up for days and eat more cupcakes PMAO
(That won’t be enough for the munchies. I mean, so I’ve heard…)
They are full of guilt because that’s all I feel after eating ’em. (UndercoverL)
(I buy my cupcakes at Penance Bakery too!)
Sit ups. The more you eat the flatter your stomach gets! Linda Vernon Humor
(I’ve always found situps to be gristly.And a bit sinewy.)
can i substitute gin for the vodka to go with the crushed dream filling?
(Next you’ll want to substitute hope and joy too…)
flour, egg, vanilla, sugar… thematticuskingdom
(well sure, if you just want something tasty.)
chocolate cake topped with peanut butter frosting. sandylikeabeach
(That’s going to be one full cupcake!)
Mayonnaise! Mwahaha! Surprise, that’s not cream cheese! Becca 25toFly
(The truth about Junior’s downfall revealed…)
Pie – calahan
(There’s an awful lot of math here this week…)
Blood, then no one would eat them. Just solved our obesity problem. –Lily In Canada
(Or created a new “fat vampire” problem…)
I like my cupcakes filled with little cupcakes…PMAO
(Then wrapped in cupcakes and served on a bed on cupcakes?)
Weight-loss pills. And chocolate. Carrie Rubin
(Or chocolate flavored weight loss pills! (Anyone remember AYDS? Anyone?))
(Sorry, I thought that went without saying. In everything.)
They are a terrific way to dispose of the bodies…with a grin. Red.
(How do you dispose of bodies with frowns? Because I have a lot more of those…)
Bacon! Twindaddy
(That’s just the lard frosting talking…)
LSD, Guap brains, and girl scouts – Rutabaga
(Sounds like a delicious recipe. For a long prison sentence…)
Chocolate (I’m saying it anyway), wine and crushed Doritos…yum. Rogue
(Are “crushed Doritos” the new “crushed dreams”? Because if they are, despair never tasted so good!)
(He’s starting to look like he’s been stuffed with a few too many cupcakes…)
Peeps. Yellow Marshmallow ones not humans (Elyse 54.5)
(Are the yellow ones ripe? Humans, not the Marshmallow ones…)
angry birds (SnB)
(Nono, the smartphone poll was two weeks ago.)

Congratulations to MBT for this week’s winning answer! (Yes, I can be that sentimental.) And from the offered choices, the most popular was Crushed dreams. And vodka. Because it really is all about the flavor.
Recently, Michelle at Motley News posted a bunch of pictures of anti-protesters at Westboro Baptist Church protests. And it’s good to know that silliness and social responsibility can go hand in hand. It also go me thinking – what gets you mad enough to hold up as sign on a street corner?
So that’s this week’s poll. Get your answers in by 2359 EST on 4 April, because that’s when this one ends.
(And if you leave a way to recognize you in your “other” answer, I’ll link back to you next week.)

So the last few week(end)s were a bit more work-filled than I usually like. To keep my sanity, I’ve been listening to a lot of music. And some videos are very entertaining.
Here are two that always get a smile out of me.
First, I’m pretty sure we’ve seen the last of this band, but this is a fun tune and fun video they left behind.

And this is one of my girl’s favorites. Flamingos! With yoyos! What’s not to love?

Smile a lot, y’all, and hopefully I’ll be able to drag my ass out to see you a bit more next week…

Friday Foolishness – Sugar Rush Edition

Today’s Music: James Taylor – Sun On The Moon

What a week! It was long, it was cold, and I was really tempted to say bad things to whoever was in charge so i could get fired. So how did I keep it together? Why, by reading blogs! Here’s some of what I saw…
Roller Giraffe hit a milestone. Kimberliah was thinking too much, and Ashley had some strong thoughts on child-rearing.
And to top all that off, Revis Edgewater (well known from StuphBlog, but also with his own corner of the sphere), graced me with the Epically Awesome Award of Epic Awesomeness! (That’s as cool to get as it is hard to type!)
Thanks to them, and all of you for a great week of reads!
Of course, this past week also saw a poll. This time, we asked what your favorite feature of smartphones was. And wow, do you know how to make full use of technology! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments drain batteries in italics.)

The welts they leave when you throw them at stupid people.
(It’s not a welt! It’s an iPod shaped birthmark. Hmph.)
The timer that went off on March 21 at 23:58 EST ~Maddie
(You should find out what app the entry above you used!)
being able to take 197948679476 pix of myself! (nicolemarie)
(Yeah, but 90% of them are blocked by a big blurry finger.)
I can internet on road trips and it vibrates. x, Becca
(How did you get your internet to vibrate?)
Coaster app! (Set drink on phone, say goodbye to coffee table rings.) –Brian
I can drunk text and still make sense…sort of. Rogue
(You’ve never tried to reread those in the morning, have you…)
Girlfriend great during ball games and hockey!
(Better find an erase app so she doesn’t see that line!)
Did someone mention Angry Birds? 🙂 lol Andro
(Waaaaay too many people…)
I know this isn’t funny, but I love Google maps… PMAO
(You’re only saying that because they’re watching you. Right now!)
Weather, Baby. I drive a convertible , that sh!t is important!
(My phone can barely take a call, let alone control the weather!)
The “reject” list!!! Michelle
(Hey, that’s what I call the responses I get from social apps too!)
Their Darwinian nature: they will either save or be the demise of us (rollergiraffe)
(And help some people win Darwin Awards along the way!)
I can pretend I know how to use one. Addie
(Just furrow your brow and curse. People will think you’re a pro!)
I think it’s pretty special that Siri sets my alarm for me. The Bumble Files
(I find Siri pretty alarming too!)
Open heart surgery app- Linda Vernon Humor
(Heart surgery? When you could be playing Fruit Ninja???)
Dorcas, the bossy bitch who narrates the Navigation app. Amy Bar Lib, SLPencil
(I don’t think she likes your tone…)
Being able to make fun of people that don’t have smartphones.-Lily In Canada
(Yeah, but they don’t have the app that tells them they’re being mocked.)
SmartAssPhones? Smartphones make me look like an idiotic perv. (UndercoverL)
(That’s what happens when you stick it in your pocket and forget it’s on vibrate.)
(Trust me.)
(And don’t ask…)

My app that lets me poll dance with El Guapo wherever I am. Delicious
(Those darned Creative Commons licenses.)
Word Press in the bathroom. Duh! Elyse (54.5)
(You obviously don’t have a twitter account.)
Being able to read Guap’s posts anytime, anywhere. Carrie Rubin
(Wait – is this another bathroom joke?)
I don’t have one! MBT
(Well you don’t have to rub it in.)
What’s a smart phone? Benzeknees
(A brick with a battery that lasts 8.2 seconds. If you’re lucky.)
The Happy Hour app, of course! Alex A
(Only if it’s happy hour at 10 am. Because my battery is dead by then.)
The ability to read blogs while pooping. TwinDaddy
(I suppose that’s better than blogs about pooping…)
Speakerphone & Bluetooth. I have better things to do with my hands. Red.
(You mean checking the ne- Ohhhh…nevermind.)
The Invisibility App……zannyro
(How would you be able to see it to use it?)
I still have a dumb phone, so can’t answer. (Stacy)
(So do the rest of us. We just don’t realize it…)
it’s smarter than some of the people I work with (polysyllabicprofundities)
(To be fair, all your coworkers used to work for… )
Rutabaga: Um….I don’t even text….
SEXTING! snaapy, OH!
(Your’e spouse also thinks it’s sexy when you send the shopping list?)
Stalking! Snaaperella
(You have Facebook mobile too?!?)

Congratulations to Brian for this week’s winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was Why do we still call them “phones”?!? Does anyone still use them for calls!?!, so congratulations to all you who wonder about the same things I do. I wonder if we can get a group rate on therapy…
Monster Cupcake
This week, The Guapian Eye turns to something we all love -CUPCAKES!!! And we ask the most important question: What should they be filled with?
So have at it! Answer with filling on your hands, answer with crumbs on your shirt! (or is that just me?) But answer by 2359 EST on 28 March, because that’s when this one ends. (And if you leave an “Other” answer, leave a way to recognize you and I’ll link back next week.)

And to finish up this week, enjoy a modern retelling of the Passover story.

See you all when next we see each other!

Spring? Is that you?

Today’s Music: Jimmy Buffett – Lage Nom Ai

At last! Despite the local weather trying to convince me otherwise, It. Is. SPRING!!!!
While this past winter wasn’t brutal in my neck of the woods as far as snow, it was awfully grey and pretty damn cold, and I’m ecstatic to put it behind me and move into my favorite season of the year.
Why is it the favorite?
– The beginning of enjoying a cold beer outside on a warm evening
– Not wrestling with a heavy jacket
– Blooming flowers (for those who think I’m insensitive.)
– Rising hemlines (for those who think I’m too sensitive.)

Ok, maybe that hemline is a little too high... width=

Ok, maybe that hemline is a little too high…

Which brings me to a brand new year, brand new spring, and a slightly different list. Here’s what I’m hoping to do, and if anyone wants to come along, I’d be glad to have your company.
The Musts

My regular beach got slammed by Hurricane Sandy. Recovery is still going on. I’m going to try to get out there to lend a hand, and afterward, hit the waves.
I will not be intimidated by you this year, Duck!
In a park, with my girl, my guitar, her hula hoop and our books. A perfect day.
The July Ice Skating date
It’s NYC. There are year round rinks. It’s a shame to not take advantage.
(Plus, I always get a serious case of the giggles for this one.)
Evening walks when it’s warm out
Yes, to the homemade ice cream place.
bike riding through Central Park
It’s a long loop, with just enough incline to make you think “dear god, why am I doing this???”. Worth it anyway.


The Maybes

-Jet Skiing
A place opened in Rockaway last year. No idea if they survived the hurricane. but jet skiing (or wave-running) is a thrill I always enjoy.
– Rock Climbing
My girl and I went indoor climbing a bunch of times over the last year. I’d love to introduce her to outdoor climbing up at the gunks.
– Hang Gliding
More fun than a barrel of monkeys! though let’s face it, at some point, they’ll start flinging poo. And that’s never fun. Anyway, go if you get the chance. It’s a fierce adrenaline high, and incredibly relaxing, all at the same time.
– Stand Up Paddleboarding
There’s a guy on the Hudson, downtown. That’s one of those things where a great day out is made even better by the location.

Looks just like me when I’m surfing!

The Would-Be-Nices

– Bungee Jumping
Yep, scares the hell out of me too. Doesn’t mean I don’t want to go again!
Suck it, Gravity! this one is very dependent on the weather,and it’s very frustrating to have to go again and again just to be turned away because it’s too windy.
– Sailing
Possibly solo. Because not everyone enjoys a fifty degree heel with a rail buried in the water.
Plus, then I get to control the music.

The Pipe Dreams

– Trans Continental Road Trip
Very much on my list of things to do. Probably need to wait until I retire.
Or get let go with a kick-ass severance package…

Some thing on the list won’t get done. I’ll probably get to enjoy some things that didn’t even occur to me.
Do you see anything I left off, and more importantly, what will you be up to?

Oh, there should be sunsets too.

Oh, there should be sunsets too.

Friday Foolishness – Rechargeable Edition

Today’s Music: Spacehog – Remains

Another week in the books. I for one, am glad to have made it to the end, so I can unleash my full laziness on the weekend. But what I wasn’t lazy about was reading blogs. Here’s some of what I saw…
Ristinw put up some great photos of the Great Wall of China that I really enjoyed. Silly G had some interesting thoughts on International Womens Day, and Lizzie C commented on the attitudes of others while announcing the birth of her grandaughter!
Thanks to them, and all of you for the great posts this week.

The smoke is from the barbecue after they pick a Pope!

And of course, this past week saw a poll. Not on the Pope, but on his hometown, Rome. We asked what you would do When In Rome. And wow, y’all would make some unique tour guides! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments burn eternally in italics.)
ask for soemone to lend you their ears. DJMatticus
(I believe La Cosa Nostra keeps a bag of them on hand for just that purpose…)
head to Vatican City and elect El Guapo as Pope! (polysyllabicprofundities)
(Sheesh, post a picture wearing one silly hat and you never live it down…)
Wear sandals and eat lots of ice cream 🙂 Andro
(I think socks with sandals is a biblical offense.)
Demonstrate spaghetti nasal floss while standing on Trevi Fountain (Frank)
Hold a private conclave in a tent in a crowded plaza. Me 4 pope. (UndercoverL)
(You’ll start a panic when you release smoke through the flaps…)
Buy beautiful Italian shoes. MyBeautifulThings 🙂
(In Italy, wouldn’t they just be called “shoes”?)
Gelato on the Spanish Steps, baby! (Delicious)
(Wouldn’t it be tastier on a cone?)
I would do as the Romans do and stomp grapes Lucy style. ~Maddie
(A good sommelier can tell what brand of shoes you were wearing before you started.)
Being elected the first female pope, natch. Duh! (Elyse 54.5)
(It’s Italy. I don’t think the elections count unless they’re fixed.)
…Bob Dylan said, “I can’t help it if I’m lucky.” Bill
(Yeah, but no one could understand him.)
watch what you say with your hands
(No, I was blessing you! It was a bleessing!!!)
Ring the doorbell of the Vatican and then run — lindavernon
(Please tell me you didn’t leave a flaming bag of poo behind…)
Have the mooohit your eye like a big pizza pie, but hold the garlic – Raising The Curtain
(I’d be more worried about anchovies. They burn when they hit your eyes.)
(Don’t ask.)

Stop by Vatican; give them cardinals your nomination for a new Pope –Brian
(I think the Cardinals are more interested in Pitchers this season…)
Get mad and abandon my husband by the Trevi Fountain…(I did that) zannyro
(Wouldn’t he get upset if we all abandoned him there?)
do not kiss the guys outside the colosseum even if it seems tempting butimbeautiful
(Was the guy near a fountain? Looking abandoned?)
Toga party, duh. –Lily In Canada
(Before or after the road trip to Food King? (Anyone?))
Do you really need to ask me this? I would sneak into the Vatican and persuade the cardinals to elect Wonderbutt for Pope. ~whatimeant2say
(Why sneak? WB could just eat his way in…)
Audition for Pope! – Hotspur
(You’ll nail the waving competition, but I hear the swimsuit round is tough!)
spit and say the murdered baby Jesus. x, Becca
(Littering and blasphemy! Do it with your same-sex spouse and it’s a trifecta!)
Apply for the job of Pope, I hear it’s vacant! benzeknees
(I can’t believe you just called the Pope “vacan-” Oh…oh, yeah…)
Tell everyone that I know the new pope is gonna be Oprah. Rogue
(Why would she want to give up so much power?)
Duh…do as the romans…WG
(Because that ended soooo well for them!)
…remember the rule about kilts applies to togas. Red.
(That they are decorated in the familial tartan pattern?)
I would utter, “Et tu, Brute?” to every passerby – just for fun. Grippy
(It’s the ones that answer that you should be worried about)
Don’t bring your fiddle. B_T
(I hear you can pick up a good used one, slightly crisp…)
apply for the Pope’s job (SnB)
(You are obviously quite secure in your hat wearing abilities!)
Do what the New Yorkers do. Oh, Snaap!
Rutabaga: Find a pope on a rope
(Just don’t drop it in the shower!)
toga….toga….toga!! (polysyllabicprofundities)
(Sounds like someone’s been hitting the Limoncello… )

Congratulations to Frank for this weeks winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was MEEEEEENNNNNNNNTTTTTEEEEE!!!! (Italian for BRRRAAAIIINNNNNNSSSS!!!!), so congrats to all of you who chose a non-Pope answer to delay your trip to hell, at least for a little while…
This coming week will see the arrival of Spring, which has nothing to do with the poll, but I’m excited about it, so I thought I’d mention it.
No, this week the poll is technology oriented. We’ve been subjected to the commercials. We’ve heard the hipsters argue about different models. We all know someone who’s drank the Apple Kool Aid. So now we put the question to you!
IM your answer! Text your answer! Do whatever it is you crazy kids do to send in your answer! But do it by 21 March, 2359 EST, because that’s when this one ends. And if you need to convert that to a different time zone, well, there’s an app for that.
(If you leave an “other” answer with a way to recognize you, I’ll link back to you next week.)

And as we set off into the last weekend of winter (Huzzah!), enjoy these:
Since it will seem like no time at all until the next campaigning cycle starts, this will help you recognize the types involved.

And finally, what’s politics without religion?

Thanks for coming around, and see y’all round the ‘sphere!