Today’s Music: Sandra Boynton – Cows
*El Guapo, resplendent in an ironic Hawaiian shirt strides to the mic*
“Beats and Birds, Dudes and Dames, Tonight I’d like to introduce the famous Ray Kroc, providing musical accompaniment on the cowbell.”
*The man on the back of the stage looks surprised. He rushes up to El Guapo, and (covering the mic), they have a brief but heated conversation. Ray drops back offstage and begins pulling something. El Guapo hangs his head and shakes it before returing to the mic.*
“Apparently there was a miscommunication.” *He glares at Ray who is now smiling, positioned alongside a Holstein.* “He’ll be playing the…cow.”
*The spotlight focuses on El Guapo*
The traveling man
Goes places others only dream.
*moo*
Some bring laughter,
Others make him scream.
But when he comes back
*moOOo*
(for he’ll always return)
One question
Continues to burn
He asks once *moo* more,
That Travelin’ Man
“Does anyo*MOOOOO*ne know…
Where I am?”
*moo*
Dig it.
Guapola 
I’m diggin’ it!
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You’re the cat’s pajamas!
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Thankyou. I think? Ahaha x
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It’s as good as saying you’re the bees knees!
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Good stuff, Maynard … er … I mean El Guapo. I’d sure like to know how he played that cow.
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He played him gently.
Veeerrrry gently.
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To totally appreciate this, I had to put on a beret and heavy frame glasses. As Maynard G. Krebs would say, “Dig? I hear my people talkin’!”
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Your people stand with you against The Man.
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I played the gazelle in college. They’re much more flighty than cows. Man… so jealous. I want to play the cow!
p.s. I am SO glad I had that glass of Chardonnay prior to clicking on over here!
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Chardonnay is just another trick The Man uses to keep us down.
The cow is easy to play, but hell to wrestle the case on the bus for band practice…
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Very Moo-ving….I dig it.
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I’m feeling dug!
Don’t forget to tip your cow.
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I don’t know if I have the strength!
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This hung the moooooon, daddy-o, I can dig it.
Especially since I have 9 cows. I can really dig it. I don’t want to know how you tune a cow though ((grimace!)).
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Lets just say the tuning is part of the suffering we do for our art, and leave it at that.
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Totes to the oats, dude! Awesome. My son got his PhD in Germanic Languages and Literatures and he is so going to love hipster cow. Too hip!
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Hipster cow was chewing his cud before it was food.
Yes, he’s that hip.
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Snap, snap, snap, snap, snap…
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*flickers table lamp*
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No poet will ever embrace the *moo* the way you do.
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As an artiste, it’s important to find ones niche.
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Kroc and the cow… eternal enemies, and for us, eternal enemas before colon exams.
Dug it, still diggin it, Guaporama. You the man, er, bovine, er… wait.. I’m confused… Amy (known to her daughter, swear to God, as “Mooooooooooo”)
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I figured if I asked Kroc to participate, he’d tune out everyword that wasn’t cow.
Or grease.
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*Waves Zippo*
Play it again, Sam. Hold the cow.
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Maybe the problems of two people don’t amount to a hill of cows in this crazy world, but it’s our hill.
And they’re our cows.
Pass the steak sauce please.
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57 or A1?
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A1. Maybe a little Worcestershire, just to hear how people pronounce it…
(No, I didn’t check the label to see how it’s spelled.)
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Where’s the beef?
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Existential question.
I like it.
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An interesting use of livestock in one’s poetry reading…that probably gave new meaning to the word ‘live’ reading….
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The sheer charismatic presence of the cow is what makes this come alive, I think.
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Yeah…along with all the ‘moo’ing….
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Oh I do love Hippie Cows. Are you in Scotland?
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Alas, I’ve yet to visit that fair land.
(Is it a hotbed of Hippie Cows?)
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They are Scottish Highland Cows. A special slow growing hairy beast. I love them.
You would love Scotland, actually. Lots of great beer and good whiskey, terrific music and great scenery.
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It was hilarious, Guapo! (I love your sense of humor)
True story….when my best friend was little she REFUSED to drink milk because she thought the cow ‘pissed’ it out….
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Ha!
that reminded me of a story that’s actually too awful for me to repeat here.
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The discovery that he was actually moowhere must have been painful indeed.
And pfft–I’m not going to read a street sign in Krautish, let alone Kafka. He was turgid enough in the original* English.
* Yes, I know.
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I think being moowhere gave extra oomph to the existential angst this slam needed.
Metamorphosis is still one of the creepiest stories I’ve ever read.
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Awesome meaty goodness.
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Makes me wish there was a menu somewhere with “burger snaps” on it…
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There sure ought to be.
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Mooo-chas Gracias for the laugh! 🙂
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De nada, senorita.
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Poetry at his best!
*applause*
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*its
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Thanks!
Hipster Cow tried to take the mic after, but everyone knew his stuff was just rip-offs of Joyce Kilmer.
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I think you must be visiting someone in nearby Moo Jersey. Thanks to the good poems as I read it with bonjos in the background. Given all the Maynard G Krebs references, I couldn’t resist.
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Classic Dobie Gillis!
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Thank you as I am for classics.
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Perfect! I may have to trim my goatee and recreate that…
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Yes … a future post!
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Oh, consider it dug! I use to have a Beatnik doll that talked just like this, but she didn’t come with a cow.
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The original beats weren’t cool enough to have cows.
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Hey, daddy-o! Your rhymes are like, so cool around all the pastures, dairies, and stock yards.
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Just trying to get the word out from the dairy aisles to the cheese warehouses.
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Totally love it. Now I want a burger.
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And really, shouldn’t all good poetry make you want a burger?
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Is there a side of cow tipping on the menu? (Is that really a thing??)
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I’ve never done it, but from what I hear, cow tipping is both a thing, and not near as much fun as it sounds.
Plus if you screw it up, cows apparently get quite angry…
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You have the beatnik thing down cold. Whilst wearing a Hawaiian shirt, which is nearly as impossible a feat as marrying a Kardashian girl for love. And by the way, where did you get the pic of Joaquin Phoenix?
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Wait – Joaquin Phoenix??? I thought that was a Kardashian in disguise…
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I admire real travellers!!! They are fantastic, they make dreams come true! Moo
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Sounds like the poetry from “Funny Face” with Audrey Hepburn & Fred Astaire.
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