Today’s Music: Iggy Pop – The Passenger
Feel the intensity of poetry.
And my porkpie hat.
*Zildjian Clevis whips two shiny silver spoons from his pockets, one in each hand. He moves them both to his right hand, and slowly at first but gaining speed, clacks, plunks and drums them together in a rising crescendo of madness, then-
silence…*
*El Guapo strides to the stage, clove cigarette in hand, travel brochures overflowing his pockets, ostrich feather rising from his porkpie hat
He takes a long drag on the cigarette, the scent of cloves and fresh cut glass permeating the coffee house. He nods to Zildjian*
Vacation
*plunk*
The car…
The steed.
*ching*
Gleams in the sun in the driveway.
We sort…
*clack*
We stuff.
Everything in its appointed place.
The water…
The snacks.
The GPS as a beacon.
*ch-ch-ch-chrak*
Our clothes…
Our toys.
To accompany us on our way.
We journey…
*plinkety-plinkplink*
Ever onward.
The road unrolls before us.
The miles…
The hours.
*plunk*
Quiet companionship interrupted by a question:
“Did you lock the front door?”
*chk-chk-chk-chrak*
Crap.
We turn around…
*plink*
Guapola 
Silly, I can still pick the lock!
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I’m getting a-
I mean, I have a dog.
A big one.
Nasty.
With a gas problem.
And he’s big.
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Pfft. Silly Guaperella, that’s what dog treats are for!
I hope you have Capn Crunch in the pantry. Or else.
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*crams box of Capn’ Crunch into mouth*
NNp! Nneof tha hrrrr. No easin oo come byyy!
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That’s okay, I’m on a diet anyways.
Better take all of your Hawaiian shirts with you…
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I’m wearing one right now!
(It’s the tasteful one.)
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Excellent use of oxymoron, Guap.
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HEY!
😉
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Are you holding Wonderbutt hostage?
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Referring to the dog with the nasty gas problem, I mean.
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I’m pretty sure WB can’t be held hostage.
Without significant structural improvements I mean…
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Or peanut butter Christmas trees.
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Coolacious… why do they call those porkpies anyway?
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According to wikipedia, they bear a superficial resemblance to a pork pie.
And now that little nugget of knowledge will be stuck in my head forever.
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Why not a chicken pie? Or a rhubarb pie?
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The pork pie stands straighter, with a slight widening, like the hat.
I’m not having this conversation.
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I think you are…
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Hmph.
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I am just that good.
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I’m glad one of us thinks so.
😉
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You are too kind… ha!
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Or a pork belly? More like belly than pie ..imho..cept I nevrr really seen pork belly.. or pie so I guess its all good ish..
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Right… is that a new picture?
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Where? Of me?
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Your little gravatar bio pic… it looks different.
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Yea…I get bored.. I like this one today..
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You hardly look like you are thinking about murdering us at all… very nice…
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Sweet! Finally
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Ha.
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I agree
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Never agree with me if you are trying to get people to not question your sanity.
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Nobody questions my sanity I am without much
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It never hurts to fool people about that.
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Getting way to much flack for the angry eyes and.. oh.. Im not the murderous type.just a little.. um.. I got squeezt ccheese but I’m fairly responsible
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squeezt ccheese???? But you know a smile wouldn’t kill you.
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Yea stupid tiny keyboard.. you think I should smile?
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Yes… but put some fake fangs in first.
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Lol.. hmmmm.. I’m thinkin now.. gotta be the gravatar or just a smiley pic..with fangs
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and blood… lots of blood…
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Yellow eyes? Wait. hat happened to..not murderous?
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But that would be ironic insane murderer… which is funny…
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True .oh damn did it agsin
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ha
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How bkut.. a cute lil button nose and fuzzy… wait wtf..
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Killer wabbit…
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Vewy vewy quiet…oh wait…sharp pointy teeth?
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right… stay focused.
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I dont know how to put a pic in comments..
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For some reason I can’t grab the pics directly from the gravatar page. You have to paste it into a post and then tell me to come steal it, and then I do it and you cut and paste back.
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Ahhhh well I oosted one but ull pit so e up if you want to get all franken…no wait.. not that extreme.. how many
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Check it out..I’m feeking magnomious today.. is that a word?
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Upload the pic to your site, then copy the URL into the comment.
I think that’s how it’s done.
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I just posted it.. he said I managed to not look murderous ony new gravatar…but I thonk he was being facetious
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I think maybe we are gonna hijack yours… I mean ..its possible . We did..vut I dug your poem
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Hmmmm I dunno ..you are judt dome guybon ylthe internrt…what do you know… holy crap! I gave him permission to…manipulate my likeness .. thia outta be good.. what’s up Guap?
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No jedi mind tricks..
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oh man…
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Lol.. well take it as a compliment I see what you do..
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This is not the blog you are looking for…
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I was looking for this blog..but we werw talking about pieholes…potpie . Porkbutt?
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porkpiebuttholes???
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What dI’d I say?
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hats… we’re talking about hats.
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And Uranus
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Steady!
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Did u see it?
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I have the power to confuse you.. jedi shit is no match for my minds playground..
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A mind is a terrible thing to waste.
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Tell me.. mine is.. sharp as a tack..
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So it fits in your pointy head… ha!
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With porkpiebutthole hat on top
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good one
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You need a project?
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I take requests now and then.
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I won’t get mad.. lol..
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Now who would wear a porkbelly on their heads?
That’s just silly.
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I dunno
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A porkpie either.. its sillier then kitten heels..which I like just the name
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Wbats to stop someo e from am applepie? Wrappwd in tinfoil no less..
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hahahaha
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Why thank you, Miss!
Hope you enjoy the rainforest-non-exploitative-picked-by-octegenarians coffee we server at this coffeehouse.
It’s fresh roasted!
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Brilliant …. and I’m one who worries about the front door, even though we seldom use it. …. does this also mean you are vacationing?
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I’ve been known to go back to check the door two or three times if I’m not paying attention.
Alas, no vacation yet, but hopefully we’ll be able to plan something soon. I am taking a mental health day this week, so that’s something.
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Cheers to an immediate day off.
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Lol!! Where’s the fresh vut grass smell from?Is I the RUGGED laundry soap? This may be your best yet Dude.. course I may have missed one or two but.. you nailed it.. (I’d lock the front door with the lowjack thing too.. jus saying.. ginger really is good at the locks.. and we ..I mean yea tou cooked before leaving right?
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Thank Lizzie!
I bet it was Zildjian that stole my last block of laundry soap.
Going to have to order more…
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Jerks..although I can see the appeal.. rugged.. for.. um.. well yea it works..
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No lock has EVER kept me out of anywhere. NEVAAAAAAA!
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I thought the locks where you were were meant to keep you in?
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I know but we want him to leave right? you get him all paranoid and stuff… I got ya Mama 🙂
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I never wonder if I locked the door, but I do always wonder if I put the garage door down. Sometimes I go back to check. Hope you have a fantastic vacation!
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At least you don’t have to get out of the car to see if the garage door is down.
Thanks, and I hope I get time for any sort of vacation.
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Here’s an actual spontaneous poem I recited at an open mike in Greenwich Village circa 1984:
“This old house …
I’m carrying these boards out the front door …
Look at that trash!”
Needless to say, there were copious amounts of alcohol involved.
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Fantastic!
I’m sorry I wasn’t there for it.
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Hard to get a word in lol. Long scroll. That used to be a worry, but it has since been trumped by the gas stove.
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Hey, what’s a coffee house without long back and forths? 😉
Honestly, the stove is nothing I’ve ever worried about. My wife is very good about checking that, and it’s not something we really “leave on”…
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Bada boom
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Now that you’ve turned around to lock the door, might as well check to see if you turned off the coffee pot. Would it be better to lose your Hawaiian shirts to a squatter or to lose them to a fire? ❤
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Actually, we have a coffee maker that we’ve never plugged in.
I know, I know…
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o.O Seriously? Unless it is a backup, that is a tragedy.
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Maynard G. Krebs would be proud!
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Snaps to the king!
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I just had a fantasy with the guy in the porkpie hat. Something about pork and pies and something else.
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Which brings us to Joe Cocker’s You Can Leave Your Hat On.
(which will be today’s music at some point.)
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There is a song with memories.
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Hahaha, things always go like that! I didn’t see this coming though. Well done Guapo! *applause*
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Thanks NBI!
I hate when the real world intrudes on vacation.
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I was going to comment on your beatalicious poetry, but then got thinking about pork. I am fucking hungry.
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Poetry stirs the hunger of the soul.
And the body.
Dig it.
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BBQ it.
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Loved this, Guapo!! Very clever and funny. That’s the worst feeling when you wonder if you turned off the stove, unplugged the iron, the coffee maker… 🙂
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I always make sure to unplug the iron.
Just so it knows who’s in charge.
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Zildjian??? Zildjian?? He always makes my ears ring!! Is he related to Harmonica Clevis??
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There’s some question of that.
Due to the years and bad record keeping, I’s unclear if they are both the children of Banjo Cleevas, or if one is the offspring of Thelma Bongo Clyvis.
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I’m pretty sure Zildjian had a sister…Maracas Clevis..and then another sister, Trombone Clevis..although that could have been a brother or a sister…not sure with a name like that.
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It’s the “Pat” of the musical world.
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LOL!
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Ha! Most of the time I worry I’ve forgotten one of my kids.
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My parents always told me they couldn’t leave me at home if they were going to drop me off in the woods.
I think it was a joke….
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It don’t rhyme dude – but I like the hat. Plinky plinky plonk
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The rhyming is an allegory for the feeling when the verse collides with the inner you.
Yeah man.
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Finger snaps! Finger snaps! Waving a leftover lighter back & forth!
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*Raises eyebrow in appreciation*
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Way cool, man. The iron is already unplugged. Yes, I did some ironing before we head out to pick up the princess. We took off on the motorcycle once only for me to tell hubby to go back home – I forgot my sunglasses. When we arrived home, I realized I was wearing them. Stupid Ray-Bans.
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If I had a dollar for every time I did that, I’d have enough to by Zildjian a new spoon!
Did that once, and five friends were helping me look for them, all laughing while they did. When I realized they were on my head, they all broke out laughing even harder.
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Nooooooooo!!!! http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Eal4fep7pK4
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I may have to make one of those my ringtone!
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Ah, but is your refrigerator running?
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No, but I do have Prince Albert in a can!
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Is THAT what they’re naming the new baby prince?
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Marvelous, Guapo!
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Thanks – and snaps right back at ya!
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This is brilliant, I wonder how many in reality do this exact same thing, I know that I have popped out in the car only to return, checking the windows are shut and still trying the door as I leave again, crackers springs to mind here me thinks? 🙂 lmao
You have a fine talent for these poetry offerings Guap and your Friday Foolishness posts are simple awesome, I will be participating in those when I officially return at the end of this month, yes I have been busy, well busy buying a laptop and playing with my new toy but of course there has been a few chapters written also, oh yes I am good at multi tasking you know, a beer in one hand, a chocolate bar in the other, that kind of thing 🙂 Nooooooo seriously I have done a bit, not much but enough me thinks? 🙂 lmao I will be back again soon Guap so be good, or downright bloody naughty, just like me 🙂 lol
Andro
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Thanks Andro. I figure if I get a reaction from my girl, they’re weird enough to post!
Looking forward to your return, and have a great weekend.
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Yes well I definitely like your style, as does everyone else that frequents your fine Space so please continue doing exactly what you are doing now, adding a variety that everyone wants 🙂
I will be back more often soon my
great friend and I hope that your weekend
rocks too 🙂
Andro
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Guap, I can just picture you with one of those little hats on with a clove cigarette. I had no idea it was called a porkpie hat! Ah, the front door. There’s always something to forget.
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I’ve been known to go back several times to check the front door is locked.
Not sure why once isn’t enough…
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Cute post, Guapo! You always get folks talking! I have an award for you, the Shine On Award. http://wp.me/p2jC53-1D5 Please accept it as my gratitude for the pleasure of blogging and babbling with you. 🙂 Marsha 🙂
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Why thank you!
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You are most welcome! 🙂
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Completely not me. I so rarely lock the thing it matters not to me. It is certainly not something to turn around to check. Now, to get the things I left on the end table I walked by on my way out the door so I would not forget them? Those are horses of a completely different color.
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I’m worse about forgetting things that I actually need on a trip.
Like insulin.
Yes, that happened once.
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Scary.
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oh no! I am not alone in asking if I locked the door long after we got to our destination. It’s maddening.
When I was still in Manila, I used to waste my time going back again and again to my apartment (or the office – whenever I worked alone and had to lock the doors) just to check (again and again) if I locked the door. Oh, the many worries and time I wasted.
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Oh, I’m right there with you! I think we should attach a light to the door that changes colors for whether it’s locked or not.
Of course, then I’d forget what each color meant.
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