Monthly Archives: August 2013

Friday Foolishness – Lowest Common Denominator Edition

Today’s Music: Peggy Lee – Fever

For the first time in a long time, this week went fast! Life zips along when you don’t sleep at all. (I especially enjoy the exhaustion hallucinations.)
But you know what I didn’t hallucinate? Blogs! Here’s some of what I read…
Christopher De Voss put blooging on tv. Undercover L had some very strong thoughts on parenting, and No Blog Intended looked at her life through the lens of The beige pants.

Thanks all around, for an interesting week of reads.

All the worlds a bakery,'s delicious!

All the worlds a bakery, and…it’s delicious!

But there was one other burning question last week. Well, more like a toasting question. It was last weeks poll where we asked What could be better than sliced bread? Here’s what you said.
(As always, my comments are sandwiched in italics. With the crusts cut off.)

my little camera – I love it! MBT
(You can take instagram pictures of your sandwich!)
Sex! I think I remember . . . Benzeknees
(Wait til you try sex with sliced bread!)
(Use extra mayo.)
(Trust me.)

I don’t know what’s better, but Wonder Bread was the first ever sliced and that’s where your phrase came from! Thanks WonderBread! live clay
(Much better than the usual sources of the things I say!)
Chocolates 🙂 Andro
(On biscuits.)
loafing around of course 🙂 Andro
(Is that good for the buns?)
A night in with Elvira 😉 Andro
(She gets stale faster…)
Caviar on Crackers… In the cleavage perhaps? 😉 Andro
(Wait – there’s cleavage and you’re thinking about BREAD???)
Unsliced bread and having a minion to do the slicing for you. – rossmurray1
(Are minions trustworthy enough to have knives in your presence?)
Sharp Little Pencil says, Shredded Chocolate.
(Shredded for cake? Chocolate cake is a form of bread, you know.)
(A delicious form…)

Sipping pina coladas and getting caught in the (g)rain? (UndercoverL)
(*sung with (a) flour in her hair*)
Bacon, duh – BrainRants
(Hey, if it weren’t for bread, we wouldn’t have bacon pizza!)
A nice MLT–they’re so perky, I love that!(Addie)
(Just wait 30 minutes after eating it…)
Damn!! I didn’t see option two on my first read!! (Addie the blind)
(Oh my god! It’s true! It does make you go blind…)
Well-bred sliced bread – Calahan
(Sounds like it’s got a lot of dough…)
bread covered with moose meat and mayo (SnB)
(Tastes just as good on the way up as it does on the way down…)
Everything bagels. The Waiting
(Something lox)
Me… naked on a blue plate… PMAO
(I’ve just sworn off eating. Forever.)
Diced Chapacabra con Pollo — Linda Vernon
(So much better on Mexican bread. Like a burrito.)
Pork Butt – Rutabaga
(What about cow? What about sheep? You’re such a Butt-ist.)
Those Hawaiian sweet rolls. Still conveniently sized too! Or Oreos. –Quirky
(That’s just the pregnancy talking…)
Sex! Or so I have heard…(Not A Punk Rocker)
(Sorry. We’ll have them soundproof the walls next week.)
Unsliced fresh from the Oven bread. Elyse 54.5
(Only amateurs bake their bread before they slice it.)
pre-grated processed cheese product – Alex Autin
(Even better on white bread with mayonnaise!)
I got nothing, so I’ll just say some good, dirty sex. – Twindaddy
(Aren’t those adjectives redundant?)
Beer. GingerSnaapper
(A good sourdough makes an excellent sponge for the condensation.)
Music by Rocco Flamefart & the Ultimate Death Trip Chinese Icebox Jug Band (Frank)
(They were legendary for turning “proofing box”into a sexual metaphor)

Alas, no winning answer this week. Because the correct answer was NOTHING! NOTHING IS BETTER THAN SLICED BREAD!!!. (It was a trick question.) And from the offered choices, the most popular was Loaves! and Fishes! and Water! and Wine!. Which is probably about as close to religion as I’ll get around here…
I know that many of you come just for the brilliance of the polls, considering their socio-political implications, and how they help define the role of mankind in the cosmos.
And when considering deep, ponderous qquestions such as these, the old saw comes to mind, “there are no stupid questions”. But what if there were?
Well, that’s this weeks poll. But there’s no question that this one will close at 2359 EDT on 4 Sept, so vote by then! (And if you leave an “Other” answer, leave a way to identify you, and I’ll link back next week.)

And what do you say we go out the way we came in – with a much…different…form of fever.

Beatnik Poetry Slam – Rise Inside

Today’s Music: Ben Webster – Solitude

If he was La Guapa, El Guapo would look like this. But with a goatee.

If he was La Guapa, El Guapo would look like this.
But with a goatee.

The swirl of steam escapes the triple espressos,mingling with the wisps of smoke from lavender cigarettes, the waves parting as El Guapo saunters to the stage of the dimly lit room. His black felt beret matching his black wool suit matching his (mostly) black goatee matching his black Ray Ban sungla-
El Guapo turns his tripping into a smooth “I meant to do that” hop and twirl, removing his sunglasses and hopping on stage.
He nods to Sufjiannan Eisenberg on the electric glockenspiel, and takes his place in front of the mic.
A pinpoint spotlight lifts him out of the dark, slowly expanding to illuminate his presence on the stage…

I thrust in my arm as you close around me.
You clench.
I clench.
You open, parting with a whisper as you swallow me whole.
Gently, I press against your button.
You sigh, then rush
With me
*pling plink*
Together we ride
I feel it coming…
There it is-
You shudder, then come

I step off the elevator.


Friday Foolishness – Grainy Edition

Today’s Music: The Cult – Sanctuary
Note on Today’s Music: Saw tehm last night. They did all of Electric, then another hour. Good show. The opening band, White Hills, SUCKED!!! and did over an hour. fMeh.

I day, you day, because all day, it’s Friday!!! Yeah, I didn’t get enough sleep this week. Because I was too busy reading blogs! Here’s some of what I saw…
Rarasaur told us about bedtime stories. GingerFightBack returned to the early days of train travel (tales).
And moreissuesthantimemagazine gave me a Sunshine Award! (Maybe because I’m trying to invent cold fusion using Cheerios and Scotch.) You should check her out. I’ve really been enjoying her posts!

Looks exactly like it did last week...

Looks exactly like it did last week…

But before you do that, let’s consider what made up last weeks poll, which asked us to consider what made up the blue plate special. Here’s what you said.
(As always, my comments are smothered in italics.)

Making a comeback 🙂 Andro
(I think we’d prefer if it made a “go away”.)
A laxative in disguise, eat wisely or else? 😦 Andro
(Is that a laxitive in a disguise, or a laxative “after” picture???)
The hobo meal of the day, bet you are soooo pleased? 🙂 Andro
(Meal made from hobos makes me gassy…)
It always tastes like chicken
(You didn’t actually eat it, did you???)
Neeps with a side of’s a real thing….zannyro
(A disgusting meal poll and you don’t mention MacNiven’s haggis?)
I don’t work blue… plate… PMAO
(The thought of you naked on a plate made me lose my appetite.)
AKA The Daily Surprise (Frank)
(The surprise comes later, in the bathroom)
pina coladas and getting caught in the rain, or worse: him, him, him (Stacy)
(If those are my choices, I’m safer with the mystery meat…)
Sharp Little Pencil says: Carp left over last night, in a casserole with cheese
(Guap’s stomach says “rumblerumblerumble”.)
for a limited time only, served on a red plate. – Revis
(Wouldn’t a green plate hide the vomit better?)
Garnished with it… shhhhh 🙂 Andro
(Parsely never tasted so good…)
Being stolen at this very minute, oy come back or else? Andro
(My stomach picks “or else”.)
A big warm bun and a huge hunk of meat. (Goes with your shirt!) RoS
(There are those who think it should go on my Hawaiian shirt. With a few layers of opaque heinz 57 on top.)
Blue Waffles. – Hotspur
(Wasn’t that a big hit for Elvis?)
All the shit that’s going bad. Duh! –KBar3
(By the time it’s shit, hasn’t it already gone bad?)
what he gets when she is on the red light special (UndercoverL)
just the White Plate Special, but kind of depressed. – calahan
(Sprinkle a little xanax on it, we’ll all feel better about what’s on that plate.)
Recipes if you knew the ingredients you wouldn’t put it in your mouth. Red.
(Yeah! What’ in those “vegetables” anyway???)
Something the cook made too much of yesterday – Benzeknees
(No, that goes in the casserole.)
Odetta’s forspecial madness. thematticuskingdom
(Not better than Hot Tuna. Just different.)
green eggs, ham, and blue food coloring. thematticuskingdom
(I will not eat them on a dare. I think they’re filled with feet and hair.)
Some “Da Ba Dee” curtesy of Eiffel 65. thematticuskingdom
(Eep Opp Ork Ah Ah, courtesy of the blue robot from the Jetsons.)
blue dog. thematticuskingdom
(pink elephant?)
The $2 options at the sushi-go-round up the street. Quirky
Chupacabra Con Pollo — Linda Vernon
(It’s the Bigfoot shavings that make the dish come alive.)
pink fluffy unicorns, you know, dancing on rainbows. Alex Autin
(They just doctored the stray animal to make it look like a unicorn.)
brickhousechick says, the week’s leftover chewed once – food
(That meal is for the birds.)
from a dinner in Kmart. Rutabaga
(Toilet sales go up when they sell that!)
blue balls lightly tossed in “you’ll never get to finish” sauce – Twindaddy
(It’s as popular as Ramen Noodles wih the college crowd!)
french fries covered with dressing and gravy, aka Trucker’s special (SnB)
(My favorite breakfast as a blue plate special?)
Made for somebody else. Elyse 54.5.
(Soylent green is- Oh, thought you said “from” somebody else…)
Better not be a unicorn 😦 Anja
(No, that’s the soup du jour.)

Congratulations to Quirky for this weeks winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was a tie between these polls, in edible form. and BRRRRAAAIIIINNNSSSS!!!! (Editors note: I always get a kick when this answer fits. Even when it is a little…creepy…). So thanks for equating These Polls and Brains!!!

I enjoy doing these polls. I think they’re better than sliced bread! But that begs the question, what else is better than sliced bread? This week, that’s what we want to know. This one closes at 2359 EDT, 28 Aug, so get your answers in by then. (And if you leave an “Other” answer, leave a way to identify you, and I’ll link back next week.)

Which means that now we’re into the wrap up section.
And to send you on your way with a smile, here’s some Carol Burnett and Vicki Lawrence, doing what they do best – making each other laugh.

Have a great week everyone!

P.S. – I don’t know that this is “funny”, or even all that interesting. But I got a kick out of it, so I figured I’d tuck it in down here.

A Literary Limerick – The Hobbit

Today’s Music: The Dangerous Summer – The Permanent Rain

Today, we return to the playful corruption of great literature, in a piece requested by the much loved (she paid me to say that. Even though it’s true.) Ginger Snaap.
The main story will follow at some point (I should probably reread…nahhhh), but this is the first piece to begin the epic.
(No, The Silmarillion doesn’t count. Because I’ve never read it.)

So pull up a mug of that fine hobbit wine, sharpen the tips of your elven ears, and threaten your neighbors into silence with your Dwarvish axe.

As we limeri-cize…The Hobbit….
The Hobbit
To him, being hungry was the worst.
He stole Precious and made Gollum’s heart burst.
The Dwarves sought to bag him
To help beat the Dragon.
That’s how Bilbo spent his eleventy-first.

You’re welcome.
(You can see all the limericks by clicking Limerick above the banner.)

And as a palate cleanser, please, enjoy this.

Friday Foolishness – Senior Discount Edition

Today’s Music: Cage The Elephant – Ain’t No Rest For The Wicked

I have to say, I was a bit surprised last week by the strength of the reactions to Rupert Holmes timeless opus, “Escape (The Pina Colada Song)”. Don’t worry, I’ll make it up to all of you at the end of this post.
There were also other reactions. To blogs! Here’s some of what I enjoyed…
Thin Spiral Notebook told us about her dialogue with her inner child. Two Wise Gals caught photographic evidence of the cat charger, and Quirky is very very pregnant!

Thanks to them, and everyone else, for the great stuff to read this week.

One more time! (Sorry, I couldn't resist!.)

One more time!
(Sorry, I couldn’t resist!.)

But focusing on last week (as we often do), there were so many questions in the world. And only one that we’re concerned with – last weeks poll – where we asked If you like Pina Coladas, whatdo nyou also like? Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are served with a maraschino cherry on a sword in italics.)

Suck at pole dancing… Andro
(In that context, I'm not sure if sucking is good or bad…)
Wear wellies at luncheons… Andro
(Better than spats for supper.)
Sting like a butterfly and float like a bee… Andro
(Ah, I see you’ve tried it with tequila.)
Like sniffing ripe ones… Andro
(Who doesn't enjoy the scent of ripe pineapp- ohhhh…)
Have the breath of a farting goat… Andro
(I don’t think you’re using the right mixers in your drink…)
Don’t like drinking with Herman… Andro
(That’s because Herman eats all the bar snacks.)
Crap your pants a lot… Andro
(Nono, those are the Bran Coladas.)
Drink with tramps, or is that vagrants? Andro
(Either way, my kind of people!)
Smell of Tuna…Andro
(Time to get fresh garnishes.)
haven’t tried a nice Vampire…Andro
(Do they stir their Bloody Marys with celery??)
Fell of the wagon for some, I mean a bit…Andro
(It’s not the falling. It’s the landing.)
like Magnum or perhaps just a six pack – Andro
(I thought you’d be focused on his short-shorts.)
Haven’t been allowed to drink for 9 months and no longer discriminate. –Quirky
(Oh, the unappreciated sacrifices we make for our kids…)
won’t enjoy our local microbrewery. Sharp Little Pencil
(On a serious note – PINA COLADA BEER?!?)
have vomited them up in Nogales and need chiclets for your breath – Rutabaga
(Consider yourself plugged.)
get drunk a lot. Duh…. – Revis
(Is there some version other than “a lot”?)
You probably drank your way through the 80s (SilkPurseProductions)
(Was there any other way to survive them? Leg warmers. Bleagh.)
Is there pinapple juice in that? Mel at According to Mags
(Yes! Pineapple! No rum at all. hehehe)
don’t know that guy’s greatest song “Him, Him, Him” (Stacy)
(That’s just the rum talking.)
part pirate – John Phillips
(…because fruit juice is a great way to relieve scurvy…)
Haven’t tried gin and tonic. Or margaritas. Or…dd
(Once you go pina colada, you only…..umm….want more, but a lot a…?)
you hail from planet Douchebagian. Linda Vernon
(Our planet is SOOOOOO much cooler than yours.)
(Spoken like someone who confused Rupert Holmes for John holmes and saw something he really didn’t expect.)
have a romantic bone in your body – Benzeknees
have good taste! (my fav!) Benzeknees
(After 23 of those, my tastebuds are shot.)
you might like to put the lime in the coconut. sandylikeabeach
(Hey, my doctor said the same thing!)
Will drink anything. Elyse 54.5
(To be fair, we were thirsty.)
have never fractured your skull on a door after having too many. (UndercoverL)
(The frozen pina colada makes an excellent clotting agent.)
music! ll I thought was drinks with umbrellas.
(Unbrellas are only for when the guy upstairs is a sloppy drunk.)
like to mix it up. thematticuskingdom
(Personally, I prefer my liquor undiluted. In short glasses.)
put the lime int he coconut. thematticuskingdom
are a big Rupert Holmes fan…Who? Who the hell is Rupert Holmes? (SnB)
(Mrs. Holmes asks that question twice a day.)
are in favor of eugenics to produce a cocoapple-pine nut already exists. Red.
(I’m just looking for a tequila bush.)
brickhousechicksays, then you obviously like my big coconuts!
(El Guapo backs away from that one. Slooooowly…)
have no business drinking in a bar. Kayjai
(Alcohol is best enjoyed in solitude. In a basement.)
…need to attend AA meetings. Twindaddy
(I hear the most knowledgeable drinkers are there.)
are living in the seventees! with something something and plastic trees! butimbeautiful
(Thank you for leaving out leisure suits!)

Congratulations to Benzeknees for this weeks winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was like getting caught in the rain! (this is a continuation of the climate change poll, right?). So congrats to everyone who is as confused as I am!

I don't care how drunk I get, I'm not eating that.  Probably.

I don’t care how drunk I get, I’m not eating that.

This week, The Guapolian mind turns to food. Because writing these polls makes me hungry.
We’ve all heard of it. Some of us have even eaten it. But all of us want to know: What exactly is in the Blue Plate Special? So that’s this weeks poll.
Get your your answers in by 2359 EDT on Wed, 21 Aug, because that’s when this one ends.
(And if you leave an “Other” answer, leave a way to identify you, and I’ll link back next week.)

Which, I guess, brings us to the end of the post. But before we head off into the weekend, enjoy these:
First off, Woody Allen and his moose hunting adventures.

And finally, I promised above that this would make up for the Pina Colada song last week.
Well, if this doesn’t make that look good, I don’t know what else to do.
(By the way, I was turned on to this by Blogs of a Bookaholic, so stop by and thank her after you’ve enjoyed it.)

Have a great week, y’all!