Monthly Archives: October 2013

Friday Foolishness – Turquoise Edition


Today’s Music: Julie Ruin – Stay Monkey
Note on Today’s Music: Because it has the word “monkey”, I have to ask you to check out the great new home of Words For The Weekend.
It’s a contractual thing.
Don’t ask.

Sun rises, sun sets. 7 times, in fact, since the last time we did one of these. And in that week, I had a lot of fun bouncing around reading blogs. Here’s some of what I saw.
Momshieb dialed it down. Cayman Thorn and his son discussed Fenway Park, and GingerFightBack did something about institutionalized bullying.
Oh, and LifeConfusions gave me a Versatile Blogger Award! (She really deserved it. I got it from her because of tithing. She has a great site, and I hope you guys check her out.)

Thanks to them and everyone else for some time well spent reading this week!
CalendarPages-XS
Oh what I could have read if I were immortal. But what would you have done? That’s what we asked in last weeks poll. And now, your answers are burned into my brain forever. Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are eternal in italics.)

see Hangover 13: We Promise, Last One sometime.
(Some things just don’t improve with age.)
piss on the front steps of several politicians, then knock the door.
(If you were a politician, it would be knock on the door, then piss on whoever answered.)
Sleep some. Then some more. Then maybe a nap. butimbeautiful
(Even immortality wouldn’t give me enough time for all the beauty sleep I need.)
…try to kill myself around the age of 120.
(Is that thousand or million?)
Amass enough wealth to visit all my blogging friends – Benzeknees
(At my current income, I’ll be dead by then.)
I would learn to tap dance without falling in the sink… Andro
(Maybe you should learn to tap dance outside the kitchen…)
Live a very long time 🙂 Andro
(You call this living?)
…guide humanity towards greatness. – Hotspur
(At last! Hot dogs and buns in the same size packages!)
probably commit suicide – calahan
(I don’t think you understand how this works…)
Grow a ZZ Top beard (Frank)
(I’m already doing that with my ear hair!)
brickhousechick says, eat as many mac n cheese burgers as possible
(Immortality means you’ll be able to live with the indigestion. For a long long time.)
read every book ever written (I’d be an immortal nerd) Stacy!!
(Because of a similar mindset, WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
Start my diet in 6,999 years…zannyro
(What’s the rush?)
Eat poison straight from the jar. Linda Vernon
(80s music comes in jars?)
show up at Vera Farmiga’s door with flowers every night until she said yes
(You realize she isn’t immortal, right?)
want to die.
(Umm…it’s good to have goals?)
Try one of those convenience store hot dogs, till then – forget it – Alex A
(Half the great taste comes from the risk of death!?)
Have more time to write stuff clever enough to get posted here… PMAO
(Wait – clever stuff gets posted here?!?)
Take a nap. If I’m going to be around that long I want to be at my best. (SPP)
(Just outlive anyone who says you don’t look great. Suckers!)
Have lots of sex with strangers… wait IMMORTAL or IMMORAL? (UndercoverL)
(If you’re having sex with them, they probably aren’t strangers anymore.)
does that mean that you are not? (SnB)
(Ask me in one thousand years.)
Spend more time on this answer than what I just have. Kayjai
(I’d probably still not spend any time coming up with these answers.)
Continue to avoid Dostoyevsky.~~Addie
(Crap! Is he immortal too???)
Still not bother reading depressing Russian lit. Elyse 54.5
(Ah, so you’ll be reading Chekov instead)
finally win at blogging. thematticuskingdom
(That’s just crazy talk. Next you’ll want to win these polls.)
hide away from the world so as not to be studied like a lab rat. thematticuskingdom
(*puts away cameras and hides cheese*)
hate reinventing myself every generation. thematticuskingdom
(You could just join the Rolling Stones.)
take some heads while saying “there can be only one.” thematticuskingdom
(Where would you hide your sword when you’re naked?)
I would BASE jump off the roof of my house- Susie Lindau
(More rewarding than laying second BASE for the Rockies!)
be immoral. Rutabaga
(I was supposed to wait to be immortal for that?!?)
Start rock climbing and conquer “impossible” climbs. Immortal means you bounce?
(Sounds like you’re planning less on “climbing” and more on “falling”…)

Congratulations to Stacy for an excellent use of immortality! And from the offered choices, the most popular were I don’t know. But I could afford to do it sloooowwwwwly… and DO THESE POLLS FOREVER!!!!!!. So congratulations to all of you who take your time answering these. I really do appreciate it.

I'm on a quest!

I’m on a quest!


Next week, I’m going to disappear. Not in a David Copperfield “where’s the elephant” kind of way. My girl and I are going to make up for a crappy summer by condensing ours into one week in the Caribbean. And the internet where well be is apparently so bad that I’ll be completely offline until we return.
Fortunately, The Most Wonderful Girl In The Universe and I won’t be leaving til after this post goes up, so you have plenty of time to make suggestions!
And just to give you something to do, this one will be open late than usual, until Tuesday, 5 November, 2359 EST.
(And if you leave an “Other” answer, leave a way to identify you, and I’ll link back to you next week.)

And until we meet again, enjoy these.
In honor of Apple releasing yet more iStuff:

And I was reminded of this while reading the latest post from Lily In Canada. Because the classics never die.

For those in the US, don’t forget to change your clocks on the 2nd. Revel in that extra hour, and have fun until we meet again!

Things I Didn’t Say


Today’s Music: Serena Ryder Stompa

It’s not quite 9 am as I write this.
Here is a list of things I managed not to say to people today. I admire my restraint.
But it’s early, so I’m pretty sure that will fade as the day goes on.

Do you know how much restraint I'm using to not open it and let it all out?!?

Do you know how much restraint I’m using to not open it and let it all out?!?


“Then you’ll look like a piece of pink Swiss cheese.”

“What’s that smel-… Oh, it’s you, isn’t it.”

“Do your parents know you ate lead paint as a child??”

“Hey, you’d get a great price for me on Ebay!”

“Explain to me again why getting out of bed this morning was a good idea.”

“You didn’t pay for that haircut, did you???”

“How is that my problem, and why should I care?”

“You’ve been listening to Reason and Logic? Is that a band? Because I know you’re not talking about the company.”

“You don’t expect me to actually do that, do you?”

I expect my inner voice will get loud enough break through as the day goes on. Fortunately, my boss is laid back, and as long as I keep actually doing work, I should be fine.
And to restrain myself, I just keep reminding me that come Saturday I’ll be away and offline totally for a week.

Ok, off to write Friday’s poll!

Friday Foolishness – Prolonged Edition


Today’s Music: ZZ Top – La Grange

Finally, the week is almost over! I’ve been waiting for this since…well, Monday morning. How did I get through the week? By reading blogs! Here’s some of what I saw…
Aussa Lorens posted tips about recognizing and dealing with a stalker. Giggles McJill turned up, and Mike wrote a fantastic reinterpretation of Goldilocks.
Great stuff, from them and all of you.
Regret2
Last week left us looking back at some of the more foolish things we’ve done, and what, in fact, we regretted. And wow, do some of you have some sad tales! here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are remorseful in italics.)

Not wearing leotards in the winter when I was a teenager – Benzeknees
(I don’t regret wearing the leotard. I regret not wearing anything over it.)
Farting without a gas mask 😦 Andro
(If only you had learned from previous mistakes…)
Not calling in sooner… again 😦 Andro
(I regret not calling out sooner.)
Shouldn’t have broken the Multimedia projector in my uni&ran away(Lifeconfusions)
(You ruined the lesson on the socio-militaristic implications of SpongeBob…)
Dating a Man Twice My Age (Aussa Lorens)
(As long as the next one doesn’t have just half your IQ.)
sleeping with kato kaelin. but since this will never see the light of day…..
(I regret knowing who kato was.)
Taking off a slip before gym class. Finding it on class flag pole after. ~Maddie Cochere
(I’d have just given gym class the slip.)
Watching the Dexter finale. ~~Addie
(Spoiler alert: Walter White did it.)
A song by the Gazette! Yeah! Hotspur

(I regret not finding out what hair gel that guy(?) uses.)
regressing into regret. – calahan
(At least you weren’t addressing an egret.)
Never really taking a stand on plain or peanut. Linda Vernon
(Where ever you stand, wash your feet after.)
Not entering last week’s poll. Elyse 54.5
(Just when you thought you were out, they pull you back in!)
It’s hard to have regrets when you’re perfect. –Lily In Canada
(I regret my modesty.)
spending five minutes trying to think of something to say here. thematticuskingdom
(I regret my stats don’t incrememnt by the minute.)
not having any regrets. thematticuskingdom
(Showoff.)
Washing down that cheeto burrito with Crystal Pepsi.
(I regret not being closer to the bathroom when I did that.)
not taking that left turn in Albuquerque! sandylikeabeach
(Just don’t go there during wabbit season.)
not changing my name to Guapola and becoming a famous blogger (SnB)
(Crap! Does that guy know I’m using his name???)
my ambition to be 5’9″ will never come to fruition – Rutabaga
(I regret I didn’t stretch myself for that dream…)
This is just an excuse to quote “My Way”, isn’t it? Not A Punk Rocker
(I regret having a Frankie Says shirt with that on it.)
Not being Canadian so I could have won last week’s poll (Frank)
(On the other hand, that means Bieber isn’t your fault.)
(I hope.)

Another winnerless week, so Congratulations to everyone who avoided that stigma! And from the offered choices, the most popular were a tie between trying New Coke. and It was a weekend in Paris. The sun was warm…the wine had nose…the babies were smoking… So congratulations to everyone who can admit those terrible things to themselves!
Bethlehem
I think it’s obvious that I don’t spend a lot of time crafting these polls. But if I had the time, would I? And more importantly, if you had the time, what would you do? That’s what the inquiring minds at Guapo Labs want to know this week. But you don’t have forever to think about it, because this one closes at 2359 EDT, Wednesday, 23 October, so get your answers in by then.

And until net week, because of the general crapiness of the world, it’s noce to be reminded that there are still some of us romantic saps out there.
Enjoy this…

Hope you all have a great week!

Trifecta – Babu to Back


Today’s Music: The Beatles – Nowhere Man

Well, those wacky Trifectans have gotten even wackier!
This week, instead of giving us the third definition of a word, they’ve given us a buffet! Buffet, sadly, does not fall within the alphabetical range of Bab to Bac. But what does?
Why, the 99th page of the Oxford English dictionary!
And to be even wackier, this time they want exactly 99 words!
Oxford99Top
Oxford99Bottom
So even though I’m rarely mentioned for the challenge, I do want to assert myself as wackiest.
so here you go, and enjoy! (And while i’ve used several words in the piece, I did (in an even wackierest twist) actually try and use one correcly!)

Titleless(What? I used all 99 words in the story.)
“I got nothin’”
“What does that mean? You’ve got a whole dictionary page to work with. A whole page!”
“Did you even look at it?” came the rejoinder. “How the hell do I make ‘Babylon’ mean London? And ‘back’ is so amorphous it don’t mean fiddlesticks!”
The first poured himself a Bacardi. The second pulled out a steel shaft, toying with the bacilliform. “Who’s this?” he asked of the armored man under the ‘Merriam-Webster-Trifecta’ banner.
“He’s my bachelor”.
“Woah! I didn’t know you even went that way.”
The first man rolled his eyes. “Did you even read the dictionary?

*Note on today’s post: There’s a much longer version of this which has all the words on the Oxford page, but it was way over 99 so I couldn’t use it. You’re welcome.

Friday Foolishness – Reflective Edition


Today’s Music: Blondie Love At The Pier

I can feel it. Can you feel it? Friday at last! And what a week was the week that was. Here’s some of what I saw…
Bill (Practicing Resurrection) wrote a great thought provoking piece on good and evil, that I’ve been pondering since I read. Tikk Tok told me an important story I haven’t seen at all in the news.
And on a lighter note, Maddie Cochere has returned to the sphere!!! (With a great post on writing too.)
Hope you find as much in their posts as I find in all of yours every week.
Congress
But despite all the sublime wisdom out there, sometimes there still needs to be foolishness. And that was best expressed with last weeks question, What should the fools politicos do for work.
Wow, did your answers make great campaign platforms! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are blather senselessly in italics.)

2 year olds with temper tantrums (that’s the way they are acting) Benzeknees
(But 2 year olds will grow up and learn.)
They don’t work without a shutdown, so nothing will change for them. – Revis
(Couldn’t they have just called in sick instead?)
they’d be carpenters asking which is better: to cut off your legs at the ankles, knees, or thighs. Oh wait… xxliveclay!
(There’s a Jesus joke in there. Appropriate, considering how close politics and religion seem to be…)
Zombies… A typical day at the office then? 🙂 Andro
(I don’t think politicians would know what to do with brains…)
Lemmings… That’s one way of getting rid of them 🙂 Andro
(Don’t think they’d be able to agree on a cliff to jump off…)
Toilet Cleaners, well it beats talking a load of sh… Andro
(“Cleaning up messes” is not what they’re known for.)
Stand-In-Chimps 🙂 Andro
(Are they intelligent enough for that?)
Magician’s Assistants (It might be fun seeing them cut in half or disappear)
(They already made all the money disappear…)
All of the above! (Stacy)
(Politicians seem to do best on the bottom.)
brickhouse says, All of the above plus cleaning my toilet.
(Gov’t is shutdown and now you want to put Mr. Clean out of work too?!?)
Asphalt pavement. Elyse 54.5
(Giving new meaning to “Dip In Road”.)
Ohio truckers who collect crap from chicken farms. That’s what WE smell from DC!
(You obviously haven’t been letting them lead you down the primrose path…)
appendixes – they already know how to be useless. thematticuskingdom
(I always thought they were more like that thing hanging in the back of your throat.)
tonsils, for the same reason. thematticuskingdom
(Whew, I was worried you were going to stick it to vestigial tails.)
Corn Dog Assemblers because they are so good at sticking it to us Linda Vernon
(They could sell them at the circus. After their shifts in the Freak booths…)
the bags that hang behind horses during parades. thematticuskingdom
(I thought those were Baton Twirlers?)
zombie character actors – they already play the part. thematticuskingdom
(No, zombies eat brains. Politicians discard them.)
janitors – to clean up their own shit. thematticuskingdom
(But they’re so much better at flinging it around.)
Going door-to-door to collect for UNICEF and keeping the money. (UndercoverL)
(When the gov’t reopens, they’ll have a committee study that idea.)
Making a calendar of photos of their dick pics. (UndercoverL)
(Nono, those are called Head Shots.)
Miley Cyrus’ back-up twerkers!- Le Scarp
(YES! I can’t be the only one who wants to see Boehner and Reid in glittery gold lamé onesies!)
(Can I?)
(Guys?)
(GUYS?!?)

TP! (words&otherthings)
(How many sheets does it take to wipe out a country)
Who Cares? I am from Canada SnB
(Well, that’s not very polite – which means WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
Bloviating idiots for hire – Republicans are 2 for 1! Rutabaga
(HEY! What’s that suppo- Oh…thought you said Blog-iating…)
Personal care attendants at hospitals and care units Kayjai
(They prefer the term Bedpan Manipulation Specialist.)

Congratulations to SnB for this week’s winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was Hookers. (They’ve been whoring themselves since their first campaigns). So congratulations to all of you who are familiar with that kind of thing!
Regret
This week, it’s about what you could have done…what you might have done…what you shouldn’t have done…[insert philosophical musing here]. So dig deep, and answer as appropriate. But do it before by Wednesday, 16 October, 2359 EDT, because that’s when this one ends. (And if you leave an “Other” answer, leave a way to identify you, and I’ll link back to you next week.)

As Halloween approaches, I hope you find this Trading Candy guide useful (and if anyone knows whose blog I saw this on, I’d appreciate letting me know so I can credit them with the find.)

And lastly, this is a promo for the remake of Carrie, and it’s kind of funny. Enjoy.

That about wraps it up, until we meet again. Have a great weekend!

Trifextra – Wheerrrrreeee Isssss Ittttt?!?


Today’s Music: KT Tunstall – Suddenly I See

When Trifecta goes topical, they don’t mess around.
The upcoming elections? Nope.
Government shutdown? Uhuh.
They’re channeling Halloween!

And I quote: “You’ve found some old books. On page 3 of one of the books, this illustration appears:
Give us the 33 words that follow this illustration. What happens next?”
Trifextra20131005Challenge
Artist credit: Dan Duford
http://www.poisonedplayground.com

How could I resist?
Hoe you enjoy it.

We all knew that face, that mood, that pathos.
The blood curdling shrieks were familiar. The confusion, terror and anger would hover. He wouldn’t be relaxed again until he found his contact lens.

Friday Foolishness – Sausage Edition


Today’s Music: Lake Street Dive – Elijah

Did you see it? On your calendar? Yes! It’s Friday! At last. And as we say goodbye to the week, here’s a quick look back on some of what I saw…
The Tina once bought a house. Brain Rants had some…interesting words for Congress“.
And since this month is Domestic Violence Awareness Month, here are the blogs of two women that have escaped abusive pasts. Nicole Warner and Behind the Mask of Abuse have both moved beyond difficult situations and gone on to thrive. Check out their sites for some great writing, and if you or anyone you know is a victim of Domestic Violence, there is help and support, and no reason you should have to endure that.

I'll take "Mustache Wax vs Chest Hair" for $1.99, Alex.

I’ll take “Mustache Wax vs Chest Hair” for $1.99, Alex.


On a lighter note, there was last week’s poll. Then, we didn’t ask anything. Instead we left it up to you. And as I’ve come to expect, you didn’t disappoint. Here’s what you asked. (As always, my comments are inquisitive in italics.)

Why do the clergy insist on making bacon? Andro
(The grease is an excellent lubricant.)
Why is your pet ostrich so interested in that camel toe? Andro
(Because it makes good shelter from flung monkey poop.)
Why do hobo’s eat sausages out of dumpsters? Andro
(Because no one leaves sausages in their waterbeds anymore. Sadly.)
Why does your girlfriend hold the banana that way? Andro
(It’s not a banana. She’s just happy to see me.)
What brains instead of avocados in the aspic, what gives Mother Teresa?Linda Vernon
(It gives Mother Theresa gas, that’s what.)
If nobody cares, why did Jimmy crack corn? (Frank)
(For the same reasons Froggy went a’ courtin’…)
A sphincter says what? (Who said that?) (Is that two questions?) (Stacy)
(I’d have to check the Congressional Record to find out exactly.)
(And no more Wayne and Garth for you.)

Why are the best tasting foods always the worst for us? –Lily In Canada
(Or in the immortal words of Socrates “This is delicious. Hemlock you say?”)
Why did your accomplice stick that knife in your cake?
(It was self defense, Your Honor. He backed into the knife 72 times.)
Why
(Not)
Mommy, where do babies come from? (UndercoverL)
(Walmart.)
Does a bear s**t in the woods? (UndercoverL)
(Is that a euphemism for our political situation?)
How much wood would a woodchuck chuck, if a woodchuck could chuck wood? Benzeknees
(About as many pickled peppers as Peter Piper picks.)
Why are you laughing? thematticuskingdom
(Because I just watched a Priest, a Rabbi and an Imam walk into a bar!)
Where am I? thematticuskingdom
(More importantly, what is that smell?)
Who are you? thematticuskingdom
(Wait – which me are you addressing?)
What time is it?
(HAMMER TIME!!!!)
(*crosses entry off bucket list*)

pmao asks… mmmm?
(I can’t answer, as I’m not sure what you ate…)
Why? Rutabaga
(42)
What is…I didn’t know she was married, Alex? Twindaddy
(Sadly, that question is a Daily Double.)
Why is the Friday Foolishness Quiz guacamole free? Kanerva
(You obviously can’t see the food bits in my keyboard.)
What was the question? Confused Ginger
(Exactly!)
What the hell? Guap Has Snaapped!
(Nono, just “a” hell…)

Congratulations to you all for confusing the hell out of me this week! Seriously, I pulled out hair working on this one. Ok, it was nose hair. And I used a flowbee. But still…
And from the offered choices, the most popular was a tie between BRRRAAAIIIINNNNSSSSS and Because if I put it in my belly button, I’d have to explain it to my parole officer. Which makes perfect sense…to someone…somewhere.
LegislativeSausage
Well, now that I’ve made it through that round, this week I figured I’d go a different way and tap into U.S. current events. With the government shutdown, lots of things are closed, and lots of people are temporarily unemployed.
Sadly, Congressmen still get paid. but if they didn’t what would they do to make money in the interim? That’s what we’re asking. Get your answers in by Wednesday, 9 October, 2359 EDT, because that’s when this one ends. (And if you leave an “Other” answer, leave a way to identify you, and I’ll link back next week.)


So to send us all into a hopefully fun weekend, enjoy these…
Sometimes, Sesame Street is all you need.

And other times, you need the Muppets.

Have a great week, all!