Today’s Music: Serena Ryder Stompa
It’s not quite 9 am as I write this.
Here is a list of things I managed not to say to people today. I admire my restraint.
But it’s early, so I’m pretty sure that will fade as the day goes on.
Do you know how much restraint I’m using to not open it and let it all out?!?
“Then you’ll look like a piece of pink Swiss cheese.”
“What’s that smel-… Oh, it’s you, isn’t it.”
“Do your parents know you ate lead paint as a child??”
“Hey, you’d get a great price for me on Ebay!”
“Explain to me again why getting out of bed this morning was a good idea.”
“You didn’t pay for that haircut, did you???”
“How is that my problem, and why should I care?”
“You’ve been listening to Reason and Logic? Is that a band? Because I know you’re not talking about the company.”
“You don’t expect me to actually do that, do you?”
I expect my inner voice will get loud enough break through as the day goes on. Fortunately, my boss is laid back, and as long as I keep actually doing work, I should be fine.
And to restrain myself, I just keep reminding me that come Saturday I’ll be away and offline totally for a week.
Ok, off to write Friday’s poll!
Guapola 
So funny. I can hear myself saying the same exact things — but only in my head. Good way to start the morning. Thanks for the giggle.
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Oh, I hear my inner voice loud and clear!
I guess my skull is thick enough to keep it contained…
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Man! You are sharp in the morning. Those are great one-liners even if you only thought them…
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Not sharp as much as very very grumpy.
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I admire your restraint….but I’m pretty sure you should do a follow up piece at about 3:00 pm to see how the day unfolded! 🙂
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Ha! If I let these out, the day would unfold in the HR office!
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See, I am thinking if you just said all those things, it would be far cheaper. I say those things routinely. My doctor misses me.
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I’d definitely feel better, but I doubt it would cheer up teh unemployment officer who got my case…
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I salute your capacity to keep those thoughts to yourself, even if it’s for a couple of hours only.
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I’m just glad I have a blog to let it out on.
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Sometimes my inner voice takes over the outer voice and I can’t control it. People know this in advance though, so I don’t seem like a total asshole to them…only to strangers and small animals. The week is half over, or something, so Friday will be here soon!
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I just want to train everyone in the office to not talk to me. Which is kind of hard since I’m the IT guy.
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Are the repressed thoughts/verbosity all work-related? If so, I’m getting a better picture of Guap in the Round… the Man, The Mystery, The Tech Guy with Everloving Self Control. Well done!
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Yeah, all of these (except for the smell one) are work related.
The smell line is from the morning subway commute.
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umm… you mean we aren’t supposed to say those things out loud???
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Oh no, I don’t mean that at all.
But a couple of these were directed at the higher-ups, and that rarely ends well when they’re actually said.
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You may be on to something there. Still wish you had mentioned this earlier…
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Verbal restraint doesn’t count if you hit anything/anyone. Just sayin’
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Actually, I’ve been told to not break anymore phone handsets by smacking them against the desk.
That’s why I deal with Gmail support by email now, and not phone.
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I miss the days when a good swift kick on a machine fixed whatever was wrong with it. It was so satisfying.
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Amen. Now with everything being electronic, that kick is usually just expensive.
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but still worth it sometimes.
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You can say them. Just don’t say them where you can be heard. Every so often, I go out to my car and just scream obscenities until I feel better. It usually doesn’t help, but what do you expect? The word ‘obscenities’ doesn’t really release anything.
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One thing I miss about working in restaurants is having a walk in freezer to holler in.
It came in handy more than once.
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Yeah.
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for putting one’s foot firmly in mouth how about “so how many months are you?” 🙂 continue…
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Ha! I can honestly say I’ve never actually used that one.
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“How is that my problem, and why should I care?” <– haha that's my favorite! It works in so many situations.
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It’s so useful (and true) that I’m worried most about that one slipping out one day.
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Good trick …. print it here as a subliminal reminder not to say it …. and all in the name of being a great humanitarian.
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If the company knew what went through my head in the office on a daily basis, they’d “encourage” me to use the mental health portion of my medical insurance.
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Why not try?
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OH wait … .you can’t go … Next week is the next act of Time: The Musical! (officially announcing on Friday)
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I’m going to be spending a full week on an island with (from what i hear) really bad internet service.
I’m looking forward to being totally dark!
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You can email tunes if you want … brevity is the theme … minutes, seconds, ticks, moments, etc
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From what I hear, I won’t be online at all – $15 a day for an awful internet feed.
The perfect excuse for spending a week offline with my girl!
(But I may emal a few early.)
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It’s great to be away from online .. so enjoy. But you can email me before you leave if you get a chance.
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I’m sure my inner monologue is fairly entertaining, too. I have a low tolerance for stupidity.
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Sadly, in my office, stupidity = people.
And no, I’m not exempting myself from that either.
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I have my moments. Just this morning I tried to turn on a computer without plugging it in OR connecting the video cable. In my defense, I hadn’t had my coffee yet…
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This is a good reason for keeping to myself. I won’t blurt out these things that are so tempting to say…
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I like the challenge of controlling myself.
No matter how often I fail.
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Is this a case of “it’s the thought that counts?”.
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Ha! There are occasions I could definitely add that line to things better left unsaid!
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My what lovely teeth you have.
I’m really curious about the person who looked like pink Swiss Cheese, but I have a feeling I don’t want to know.
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It’s in my best interests to not let that one out in public. For many reasons.
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The Reason and Logic one (killer!)
Things I did say out loud BEFORE 9:00 a.m. :
“Is the mouse guy coming today? There’s something rustling around in the closet and I’m NOT opening it!”
“Yes, Dear, the nurse says you DO have pink eye… why don’t you look over there in the closet and see if we have some Lysol …”
lol.
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I also think you surround yourself with a better class of people in the morning than I do!
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I’m beginning to think we should trade blogs. You have a lot of pent up “whatimeant2say’s”.
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Ha! No, I very deliberately did not mean to say these out loud.
But if you’d like to do a guest post here, you’re more than welcome!
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I would never do that to your readers!
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Your restraint is amazing. You do realize that we’re on the cusp of inserting computer chips in our brains that will let people into our innermost thoughts? That’s going to make things a little awkward since I’m mostly thinking “shut the fuck up” whenever anyone is addressing me.
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I’m just going to rewire the chip to access the cable networks.
So all my thoughts will pretty much be “people paid for this???”.
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Oh my God, this is awesome. Not to mention timely. Not to mention awesome. And yes, I know I said awesome twice but hey . . . chalk it up to the things I DID say, and with good reason.
If I had one super power, it would be to enlist George Carlin’s words to my thoughts in public settings. Sure, I wouldn’t be able to hold a job to save my life. But really, would I need one with all the talk show bookings I would be collecting?
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I think Carlin’s advantage was he didn’t feel teh need to hold back at all.
Lucky bastard.
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I want to go to a party where everyone agrees to let it all out, as insulting as it may be or not-politically correct, it would be a blast!! Are you hosting? Where will next week take you and how will we survive without Guap? 🙂
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I’d love to host!
But everything will be served in paper cups. Glass hurts.
I’m going to the tropics for a week to grab a condensed summer. Really looking forward to it.
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Sounds heavenly!!!!!! Happy for you and can’t wait to hear all about it. 🙂
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Guap, I love your inner voice. It speaks the truth – and then some. Fave was “eat lead paint as a child.” Falling off my chair laughing…! Amy
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Alas, one day I think my inner voice is going to get my outer body into a whole lot of trouble.
It will be entertaining though…
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So for the “You don’t expect me to actually do that, do you?” thought. What did he/she want you to do? 😉
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I think that was a user asking me to get to a website for something they personally needed.
It would have meant disabling some security software on their pc.
I didn’t, but it wasn’t urgent for them, just inconvenient.
(If it had been urgent and they convinced me they needed it, I’d have lent them a machine on an outside network.)
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I hope you took your inner voice outside for some fresh air –those thoughts deserved to see daylight! Hilarious.
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My inner voice gets to go out for cigarette breaks.
Not exactly fresh air, but it comes down a bit when there’s no oxygen going to my brain…
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Serena Ryder’s playing at our local bar in December. That’s all I have to say.
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If you see her, let me know if she’s any good.
And you deserve a fun night out.
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The first one is hands down my favorite.
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Mine too! It was actually that thought that led me to write the post.
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Give me one good reason not to say those things out loud. I mean it. You’re fucking genious!
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Sadly, I meay need a favor from one of the people that inspired these one day.
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Tragic! But at least you can tell us. It’s not much, but it’s something… (And I would not exaggerate if I said I’d love to know you in real life 😀 )
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The feeling is mutual!
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can’t wait to get polled, tomorrow
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At last! Tomorrow has come!
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Those are pretty good. I can think of a few of those comments I’d like to borrow.
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Feel free to use them with abandon. 😉
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It would have been me you would have asked if I’d paid for the haircut. At least your brain was working well.
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I’m in dire need of a haircut eleven months out of twelve, so I should really be the last one to say anything.
Doesn’t stop me though…
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Reason and logic are SO over rated
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Yes! More passion and turnips, I say!
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As Russell Crowe warbled in Gladiator “Strength and Turnips”
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So you are taking a sabbatical are you?:) Well okay then just a week off to regenerate the cells and excite the senses, or is it a busman’s holiday, Halloween get together, early winter skinny dipping extravaganza, shopping with the wife or perhaps a bit of you know what with a harem of naughty nymphomaniacs? 😉 I know which one I would choose but I certainly hope that you have fun whatever your vices are 🙂 lmao
Andro
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The eBay one is the best.
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It’s a little scary how often I can use that one in conversation.
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I didn’t say those things either, Guap. Most of the time my filter works well. ❤
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One of favorite sayings: “How is that my problem, and why should I care?”. Another one of my favorites: “Lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”
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I can think of no one who could not speak with more eloquence… : )
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I think you should just say it. I would laugh. All the best people will. The rest were definitely eating lead paint.
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Sadly, the targets are rarely amused.
No matter how accurate the comments are.
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