Today’s Music: Squeeze – Goodbye Girl
Days Til Spring: 55
SNOWPOCALYPSE!!!! (Sorry, we’re still in negotiations with Cato. Apparently he won’t appear until we promise to spell his name correctly or something.) Anyway, what can you do when the fluff is flying and you’re out of whipped cream for your hot chocolate (true story!)? Why, read blogs of course!
Here are some great posts I saw this week. Jazzy Beat Chick posted a beautiful ode to her father.The Waiting had a hilarious grade school run-in with beer (though she handled it completely differently than I would have). And Kina Diaz wrote a fantastic post about seeing herself from a completely different perspective
And Spreading Crazy Smiles nominated me for a Shout Out Award! (Possibly because of my catcalling during Chris Christie’s inauguration…) Anyway, I hope you check out her site. I’ve spent some time there, and am already enjoying the hell out of myself.
Thanks to them, and everyone else for giving me great stuff to read this week!
But the question this week is actually the question from last week, or last week’s poll, which asked what does the cow say?. And wow, were your cows talkative! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are grain fed in italics.)
“what does the fox say? ” what? its curious..oh did you say COW? damn LizzieC
(Cow hopes curiosity doesn’t do to him what it did to the cat.)
It’s not what it says, it’s what it wears! (Stacy)
(Cow has a leather fetish.)
baa when he’s trying to pass for a sheep.
(Cow looks like a young William Shatner with that perm.)
you just squeezed my tit..sexual harassment! (SnB)
(Whew! I was afraid I was milking the boy cow!))
What does the fox say?
(The fox says Ylvis should be slapped vigorously about the jowls.)
(The blogger says WHY DID YOU MAKE ME LISTEN TO THIS???)
Chocolate Fondue. ~Maddie Cochere
(The cow wishes he had something to dip besides grass.)
Something really droll in a British accent –The Waiting
(Cow says we are very a-moo-sed.)
That farmer has a fetish for stools, and grabbing my teets… Andro
(Better then the farmer grabbing the cows…stool…)
Stop pulling my tits you great oaf 😦 Andro
(Cow prefers drinks and whispered sweet nothings first. Perhaps some lemongrass…)
To milk is human; to grill bovine. – Hotspur
(I really don’t want to know what Cow is cooking over there.)
go ahead, audition for jersey shore. I dairy ya! polysyllabicprofundities
(GTL, BABY! (Grass, thatch, lawn.))
Your hands are cold. Red.
(The better to stiffen the udders!)
You’re not touching me with those cold hands! Benzeknees
(It’ll hurt you more than it hurts Cow.)
(Seriously.)
(He kicks.)
“For ‘Moo’ Press 2. For ‘Moo Moo’ Press 3. For ‘woof’ Press 4” – calahan
(MAD COW DEMANDS A LIVE OPERATOR IMMEDIATELY!!!)
“Sanjay–I am your father!”
(Darth Holstein? Is that you?)
Isosceles triangle or, failing that, moo. Linda Vernon
(Cow studies hyperbolic arcs because moons are difficult to jump.)
take the batteries out of this damn thing before your mother loses her mind.Maggie O.C.
(Cows’s aunt will be giving calf a drum set this year.)
Jack! Jack! I’m safer than a beanstalk! Elyse 54.5
(Jack should have just gone to Grandma’s house…)
I told you not to bother me when I’m jumping over the Moon! Elyse 54.5
(But Cow!!! That’s my laundry bag, not a parachute!!!)
My poop is full of nutrients. In 62 days, you can put some in your garden.
(Cow says his doesn’t stink.)
brickhousechick says: “Why buy me when you get my udders for free!”
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
I bet I taste freaking fantastic. thematticuskingdom
(Cow is known for his good…taste.)
ting tang walla walla bing bang. thematticuskingdom
(Cow says he loves you. And chipmunks.)
The cow says you keyed my car. Is that true? Ross Murray
(Cow is lashing out because he’s still jealous I stole his girlfriend in high school.)
Would you like a fresh pie? (Frank)
(Cow definitely belongs on the menu instead of serving it.)
Get your hand off my nipples! Twindaddy
(Cow appreciates warm hands.)
Oi – I’m good with horseradish sour cream. Rutabaga
(Cow just wants to bathe in a Calgon demiglace before she’s taken away. To the dinner table.)
how now but only if it’s not brown.
(Is there a Brown Chicken to go with that Brown Cow?)
(Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?)
Lets all go to the mooovies. Yeah that’s all I got. Kayjai
(And enjoy our popcow! Yeah, right there with ya…)
“Moo. Milk my teats. Harder…harder..YES! Moo.” Not A Punk Rocker
(Umm…I’m not sure that’s milk coming out…)
Congratulations to brickhousechick for this weeks winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was I’m the subject of a poll??? That’s udderly ridiculous! So it…behooves me to congratulate all you merry punsters!
Sadly, I spend a lot of time at my desk. And sometimes, I get frustrated with my coworkers or need to get their attention, so I flick a rubber band to catch their eye.
But that got me thinking…what else could I throw at them? Well, that’s this weeks poll. Answer as often as you like, and other answers up to three times. You even have extra time this week, as I will be out in the real world, and offline next weekend. So get your answers in by Monday, 3 Feb, at 2359 EST. Because that’s when this one closes. Oh, and if you leave an “other” answer, leave an ID if you like, or a mention of it in the comments, and I’ll link back to you next week.
And in parting, enjoy this.
I really don’t drink this much anymore. And I probably wasn’t near as funny when I did…
Have a fantastic weekend, y’all!
(The Foolishness will return in two weeks.)
Heck of a winter we’re having, eh?
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I really wish it were over already.
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Cannot through anything over to my coworker, since my throwing and catching skills are very poor.
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Actually, if you can’t throw straight, maybe the target it eventually hits will never know where it came from!
hehehe
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My throwing skills are actually so bad that I might end up hitting myself…
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In that case, there’d be plenty to talk about ’round the water cooler!
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What the hell was I drinking when I answered last week’s poll? White russians?
There is a difference between what I can throw and what I want to throw most days at my co-worker.
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I knew a guy who kept a drawer full of junk toys, just so he had a steady supply of things to wing at people.
I’m just not that dedicated.
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My junk toys are for me to play with during long conference calls, but now I wonder how well a slinky will do flying through the air…
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I might actually pay good money to see that.
From afar.
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Moo
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QUACK!
(I discovered a few years ago that angry squirrels quack. That’s a little disorienting when you hear it nowhere near water.)
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Utka (утка)! That’s duck in Russian. Which has nothing to do with cows or squirrels – but is an interesting thing to call a duck.
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Sadly, the only Russian I recall involves being intimate with a sheep.
Since I don;t remember which word is sheep and which word is…the other thing, I just won’t write anything.
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ovtsa
секс
Those are the words 🙂
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Great take on drinking games. BTW … here’s a song that came to my mind earlier this week.
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A classic!
I actually prefer the recorded version – the opening until the drums kick in gets me every time – that smoky dark wood bar sound…
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Agree! … thanks for the throwback.
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El Guapo,
You honor me. Thank you. Enjoy your IRL break!
Blessings,
Kina
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Thanks Kina.
It was a great read. I hope people check it out.
Have a great weekend!
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Spring is coming! Yay.
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Not near soon enough…
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See, well that answers my question… bad weather = people catching up on blogs 😉
ps. London still seems to be behind with winter.
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If that means London is warm, then don’t say anything and hope the evil weather gods don’t notice!
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Cows are best when they just STFU and jump on the grill…
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Nope. They’re best when they leave the grill and enter my stomach.
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I stand corrected.
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The first thing I thought of when I saw Goodbye Girl was NOT the Squeeze chestnut but, rather, the theme song from the 1977 Neil Simon movie of the same name sung by dreary mope-meister David Gates from Bread. Why, I ask? What brought that on? WHY!?
Re: Cato vs. Kato. As I’m sure you’ve already noted, I never let a little thing like correct spelling stop me. You should let it get in your way, either.
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I saw the Goodbye Girl with Richard Dreyfus again the other night. That movie gets better every time I see it.
You’d think Kato would take any boost he could get.
Maybe it’s his agent holding out for more…
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Happy Friday, Guap! And hope you got over the “Lets all go to the movies” playing over and over and over…like a bad nightmare only worse! You. Are. Welcome.
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Now I see dancing concessions when the song pops in my head.
Twizzlers have moves!
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I had so much fun reading through the responses and your responses to the responses. Epic foolishness this week!
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Thanks so much, Carrie!
I had a blast reading this set and trying to come up with things to even approach the clever standard of the write-ins.
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You’re making me miss being in the workforce with all this talk of throwing things at coworkers. I just can’t get that level of entertainment as a stay-home mom!
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I was thinking the same thing! I’m a SAHM too so unfortunately the only person who can get away with throwing thing around here is my toddler.
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Totally unfair work conditions, aren’t they? We should get to throw things too!
Of course then we’d have more to clean up … so maybe not!
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I’d happily give a seminar in retaliatory peanut butter flinging.
And my wife would gladly give a seminar in disciplining retaliatory peanut butter flingers.
No, wait….maybe not.
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Trust me, some days, I would much rather have kids to be at home with instead.
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Thanks for the shoutout, Guap! Still waiting for your drinking story. (See what I did there? “Waiting”? Sorry, ignore me, it’s early.)
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Ha! I’m working on the final entry in my naked bar opus.
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Mooooooochas Gracias, Guapo! I am a winner???? I knew waiting ’till my husband “bought me” prior to me giving him some of my milk – would pay off someday! My mama was right! 🙂
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Each time I read through the write-ins, I kept laughing at the visual image I got.
And you’re always a winner. Hopefully, being named here doesn’t take away from that! 😉
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Two weeks?? Hope you are getting out of the snow!!
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I’ll have a couple of other posts (probably). But leading in to Friday, I’m going to be a bit jammed up, and these are more fun when I don’t have to rush.
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Enjoying all the comments and answers and replies. BTW, Jethro Tull isn’t exactly “my cup of tea,” but how’s about some Mangione?
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Wow! I can’t remember the last time I heard this track!
Ah 70’s…the age that gave us the combo track/leisure suit…
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Holy Flashback Batman! Saw Chuckles live on several occasions. Gonna break out the vinyl today
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Off topic. Waaaaaay off topic.
There’s an op-ed piece in today’s The New York Times criticizing Dieudonné M’Bala M’Bala’s views on the Holocaust. What shocked me–what made me grip my armrests–was the title in the print version:
A French Clown’s Hateful Gesture
Sacré bleu!
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I only hope we can soon go back to loving (or hating) clowns for all the right reasons.
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I tried to think of a good response for someone who doesn’t have any coworkers. Haha. Happy Friday Guap! I loved your comment on my blog today! Made me giggle!
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Mockery of those of us who have to commute would be a perfect response.
Because we agree with you.
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Oh, stay warm Guapo. Spring will be here before we know it although I’d swear it’s already spring out here. Poor me. So, do you and Exile talk in real life now? That whole thing just fascinates me. Blog post! Blog post!
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Not yet. We’re circling each other like two combatants in the octagon. He did (wisely) take me up on a recommendation for a burger joint here in the city.
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And the chili cheese fries were delicious.
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Hey, if you go kayaking, dunk the paddle once for me, would ya?
So far, we’ve just been pinging each others blogs from different floors of the same building.
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That’s hilarious! You guys haven’t gone out for coffee or a beer? Lunch?
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Nope. I think he’s actually an office mole, spying me me online.One more work hours tweet and I’m doomed!
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Enjoy your time away!
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Hey! You’re not getting rid of me that easy!
Mwahahahah!!!
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🙂
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There are icicles hanging from the eves of my home in San Antonio this morning, Guapo, and that’s just wrong in every sense of the word ‘wrong’! I can only imagine what it’s like for you guys up north. Thanks for warming my morning up with Jim Jefferies! Have you watched the entire show? Hilarious!!
Have a great weekend 🙂
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I saw Texas was getting an arctic blast. At least we’re used to it.
Hope you’re back to your warm weather hiking soon!
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I did not make the cut again… I am going back to typing the answers in the little poll box…
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Gah! Sincere apologies.
I saw you starting to write one in the poll, so I’ll remember to check the comments for the whole thing.
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Hey, I can’t put pressure on you… not on your blog… but being left out is like being stood up for the prom… just so you know… sob…
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I’m too hungover to focus on being clever. That video nailed it. That’s the game I played last night. *dies*
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Funny, that’s exactly how I feel when I write these!
(Except I’m not hungover, and I feel that way all the time.) 😉
Beer pong? I used to just toss the ball over my shoulder and enjoy the beer.
What?
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dammit… I don’t think it fit, so I am typing it here too:
I like to throw myself at my coworkers… wait… I don’t have coworkers… can I sue myself for sexual harassment?
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Got it.
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phew
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Don’t worry about Kato/Cato, Guap. From what I recall of him, he wasn’t bright enough to recall which was correct, either. Whatevs.
Have a great weekend wherever you are!
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But doesn’t that make him the perfect Foolishness mascot?
Thanks, and you too!
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Absolutely. Perhaps a new gravitar is in order … (Just kidding — I love looking at yours and it is sooooo confusing when folks change them.)
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Ha! That’s part of the reason I keep mine. Thought about a skiing wipeout for winter, but then it would be like starting all over.
I like yours. Very tranquil.
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Yup. Mine is just like my personality, right?
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Have a great weekend off! Hope you are doing something really exciting!
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Me too! I wonder where I’m going…
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Okay, you’re winter is just getting silly now. And we’re officially in a drought in CA. I think a drought is more convenient, though, at least for the time being. Try to have some fun in the real world, Guap. I hear things behave by the laws of physics — what a snooze — but you’ll liven things up! You always do!
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Maybe snowpocalypse and drought could meet in the middle, and we could enjoy some nice springlike rain…
(Physics are overrated.)
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Aw man, sorry I missed the cow poll. I must have been busy with Spot or with my crazy cow herd.
And THIS is what my cows say:

(Wasn’t sure how to add a photo. My cows have potty mouths, so you are welcome to edit if needed.)
Have a great week!

[Ed. Note – Ha! Never! And here’s the pic]
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I’m just glad I didn’t ask what the monkey said!
I put your pic up. Thank you, it’s hilarious!
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Holy crapola, there are links everywhere. This is not good for my ADHD OCD WTF. Brain frying.
I about died laughing on the cow poster.
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I’m thinking about using the cow pic as my work wallpaper.
hehehe.
Everyone brave enough to be associated with their write in answers gets linked back. That used to take hours until my wife suggested I just put them in a doc.
Thank god she’s smarter than me.
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You too!
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Thanks!
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What? I didn’t win? Rude! The cow commenting on his own tastiness was pure gold!! Gold I tell you!! 😛
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Ah, jokes like that are…rare. 😉
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Oh those rare jokes are just pure bull 🙂
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Hah! Well, rare is certainly better than over done.
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It is NOT suppose to be this cold down here.
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Right???
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Left???
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Middle with a tendency to curve!
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LMAO
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Our work here is done.
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This is cold. Blizzards are a way of life – now we’re just hoping they happen during the week instead of ON MY TIME.
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I’m racking my brain, and I can’t think of a good time for this much snow.
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Forts, skiing, sledding, or staying indoors…
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Sorry – this much snow, and the cold that seems to have come to stay with it.
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Just the staying indoors thing, then.
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Going outside for a cigarette is killing me.
Well, more then the way the cigarette on its own is.
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A good time to quit, no?
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Working on it.
I’ll cut down even more once the wife sees I’m smoking all of hers.
But for today, I’ll have smoked about half my usual intake. It’s a start.
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Congrats. Whoa, you’re halfway there.
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We’ll see what tomorrow brings…
The biggest problem is, as much as I hate smoking, I also like smoking.
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I’d say ‘one day at a time’ if I hadn’t quit cold turkey 13 years ago.
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Nice! I can stop for about 6 hours before I get very edgy.
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It helped that I really didn’t like it.
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Well, that can’t be totally true since I smoked for about 10 years, but I could go all day without one.
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I throw non sequiturs like there is no tomorrow. Usually on a friday after I’ve gotten up and had my cereal. What were we talking about again?
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I have barnacles on my potatoes.
Friday and saturday are the only days with legitimate tomorrows.
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very nicely done – I thought I might have you lost in a thousand Sundays but you managed to get back on track like a snowplow after a sudden blizzard.
I wonder why cabbage is used for making rolls?
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I’m like a bad penny – I always turn up!
Noxzema is a pretty good food topping if you can get past the smell.
(Actual high school yearbook quote from a friend way back when.)
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This is why in Canada we got rid of the penny. It also means that no one can throw in their 2-cents anymore – they have to be in for a nickel or simply stay silent.
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How do you weed out the Loons?
*high fives self for demonstrating knowledge of other cultures while making truly awful pun*
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We match the loonies to the appropriate toonies and watch them march out the door…
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Well played!
This round is yours. But I shall return!!!
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We’re officially snowed in up here. It’s awesome. I get to stay inside. Forever.
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I keep willing the days until spring to go faster.
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Me too. This winter has gone on long enough. But I fear that we haven’t even had the olympics yet… sigh.
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Brrrrr…..
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Makes me say Grrr….
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I love winters but not as cold as this!! OMG!!! The cars are almost covered by snow! That’s scary! I want Summer back!
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Amen! Or at least some warmth.
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Buzz(words), you got me smiling, as usual. Was compelled to hum Goodbye Girl while reading your post. Now I’m listening to ‘The Singles 45 and Under.’ Music soothes the wild Blogger ‘ya know.
Great links to check out, a pink flamingo (have a large economy sized version in storage; a must-have for any erudite home decorator),reminders of why I’m back in Cali (brrrr) and a funny. You got it all babe.
As for office exercise? I used to keep a rubber gun, which fired rubber suction cup tipped foam darts, in my desk. At appropriate, probably inappropriate, times it would be used as a wake-up call to upper management. Used to sell these babies by the case in my old retail store. May have one left for YOU.
Nothing says ‘Hey I need more staff and a fucking raise’ like peppering the glass walls of a VP’s office with a few of these babies.
Have no idea why I no longer work for Warner Brothers. Perhaps they were jealous of the move up from rubber bands. Farging Bastages.
Don’t poke my head up often these days… but the sand under your feet is always a wondrous and silly place to do so, Muah!
xoxo
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Ha! I think in todays environment, Homeland Security would want some words with me, even for a nerf gun.
Glad to see you, whenever you turn up!
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I still can’t get over the winter the US is having while I’m over here in Germany and barely need a coat?! I like these kinds of posts…..looking forward to Fridays. 🙂
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I love the clever mayhem people bring to these posts!
No coat? Makes me want to emigrate.
To the tropics.
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That top pic is HARSH looking! Stay warm friend! (it’s about 12 degrees here)
The poll was super funny! Still laughing. Have a great weekend!
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Glad you liked it! We got another inch today. It’s not the snow that’s getting me, so much as those single digit temperatures.
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Snowfree Belgium at the moment. I assume we’ll get our part in March.
By the way, though possibly inappropriate, I really laughed at the title of this psot :).
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March??? Is that usually your snowy season?
I think I’m going to try to go with titles like this instead of the old “Editions” for a while.
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It didn’t use to be… But last year we had snow around January I believe, and then in March we had our first week of smashing good weather. But the week after that there was snow again… So I’m preparing myself mentally for the same thing again…
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If Spring doesn’t come in on a blaze of warm breeze, I will be very very grumpy.
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Me too…
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You’re so welcome to all that snow. My son got a puncture in the middle of a snow storm. Not a great way to end his working day. Henry and Flo look quite harmless, but I would find their presence on my desk, a tad disconcerting. 🙂 Have a great weekend, and try to keep warm.
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Flo was a gift from another blogger, and Henry just amuses me with his scowl.
Thanks!
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Enjoy your break. I am so in need of one. YHNI. Hug up on TMWGITU.
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Thanks Red. Just taking a few days for some (hopefully) great music!
TMWGITU says hi.
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And I hope you get some downtime soon!
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I am on vaca ATM. I desperately needed it before I go in for test results and having options thrown at me with the caveat “There really is only one choice and we want you to hurry up and make it because we have vaca plans for April.”
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Sorry, I was the evil blogger who exposed you to “what does the fox say”. I couldn’t help myself. I also don’t know how to leave my name with my poll response because I’m technologically inept. But I hope we can still be friends despite my shortcomings!
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I watched about 40 seconds of the Ylvis video before my head exploded.
Gah!
Just write your name/handle/blog at the end of your write-in answer. And repeat voting is allowed if your answer won’t fit in one box.
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OMG repeat voting! I feel like we’re back in Florida for the 2000 Presidential Election.
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I honestly think we’d have had a better a better election if the winner was a write in for one of these polls.
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I was scanning the comments and had to stop when I got to your comment about Russian and sheep. I had too many baaa-aaa-aaad thoughts.
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Now I’m not sure I want to know how you stay warm in those back country winters… 😉
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😀
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The week was picking up when it snowed. Then – bleh – it melted. Then….a foolishness in the pocket. Perfect ending. ❤
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I don’t understand how “warm enough to melt snow” is bleh.
Then again, you aren’t having arctic freeze for dinner. Every. single. Night.
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This winter has been one big, fat Ernest Shackleton expedition. And I can’t even blame Al Roker. This really sucks.
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But if it were a Shackleton thing, we’d all have book deals to look forward to!
Except the carpenter. Shackleton shafted him.
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Hi, El Guapo! Your job interview question has been posted on my site today (http://cavegirlmba.com). Thanks again for your contribution, I had lots of fun with it. All the best, C.
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At a work seminar on getting along with coworkers, the speaker relayed the story about a girl who stood up on her desk and aimed a stream of air freshener down into the cubicle of the smelly person next to them. That’s probably the most unique thing I’ve ever heard about being voluntarily “thrown” in an office. I don’t know how the other party responded!
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I’ve worked with that guy.
The sprayee, not the sprayer.
Alas.
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You know, you ought to be careful when trying to catch someone’s attention with a shot rubber band. It’s all fun and games until . . . well, I think you know.
Also, why am I not surprised that so many of the cow answers involved pulling on the poor beast’s teats?
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Hey, my glasses double as protective eyewear. Not my fault they come to work underdressed.
And really, how could you have expected any less?
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Oh, I’ve got some catching up to do! Hoping to make the pollster roster this time around, but you never know….beautiful weather and too many jobs can be an irresistible distraction. Happy week!
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Laura, your answers are a delight whenever they come in.
And barring that, I always enjoy when you stop by. It always makes me throw a smile to the dragonflies around the house.
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Oh, I love that you are so friendly with your little flies, Guap! The most rewarding part of being an artist is knowing that others appreciate your work, and the little bits of your spirit in each piece. Which are like those silvery-ball sprinkles you used to get on your birthday cake as a kid. If you were lucky.
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I really want to come up with something awesome to suggest you throw @ your co worker, but it’s 0536am and I am suffering #Thunderbrain *pouty face*
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I gotta say, I’m enjoying the hashtag laden comments!
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lol #TagAddiction
#SorryNotSorry
*races off*
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Instead of a rubber band, maybe get a Squirt Gun and fill it with Lemon Juice?
Wait. That might get you arrested.
#Disregard
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Sometimes you have to sacrifice yourself for the cause!
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LMAO!
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The reaction would be slightly amusing.
Not Sure I should have admitted that….
#BadBadPerson
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Sorry for being the last to comment Guap
I haven’t been around our blogosphere very
much over the past week… No excuses 😦
Have a superb Thursday and keep warm 🙂
Andro
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Hope all is well, Andro, and that you’re wearing multiple layers of socks.
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I am just about getting rid of the dreaded flu virus, so there will be no excuses for not calling in and making a nuisance of myself over at your place 🙂 lol
Have a fun evening and Monday Guap 🙂
Andro
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Gah! Hope it clears out soon.
Canada for me, ice skating on the Riceau canal tomorrow (I hope)!
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That sounds brilliant Guap 🙂
Do you ever watch that programme
called Ice Road Truckers? Yes useless
information but a great series 🙂 lol
Hope you had lots of skating fun 🙂
Andro
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Pingback: Able Was I, Ere I Saw Foolishness | Guapola
I’m so happy to finally be an aunt so I can buy drum sets for the calf
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