Monthly Archives: February 2014

Traveling Man: Would You Like Some Snow With Your Snow?


Today’s Music: Lyle Lovett – Here I Am21
Days Til Spring: 21

(After you’ve read this, check out the great thing Zoe is doing for Merbear. If you can help out, even by just spreading the word, that would be fantastic!)

When last we left our intrepid idiot (and his much smarter wife, they had left the cold winter of Montreal for…well…the cold winter of Ottawa.

We took this trip without renting a car. We walked all over, and used public transportation when we needed it. To get from Montreal to Ottowa, we took a Greyhound. Not too expensive, free wifi, and plenty of legroom. I slept through the ride down grey bleary highways.
So how did I know we actually arrived in Ottawa when we disembarked? Because only the big city bus terminals have this in the mens room:

Would a smaller city have such nice accouterments?

Would a smaller city have such nice accouterments?

Having established our location, it was time to get our winter on!
Actually, it was time for that whether we wanted it or not. On the cab ride from the bus depot to the hotel, the driver flew over slush and snow filled roads at normal driving speeds. I was terrified, but he was moving normally in traffic.

Like Montreal, Ottawa also celebrates the snow with its own Winter Festival. In a park across the street from us, there was a snow carving competition. Some of the entries were simply breathtaking.

Ice bowlers are HUGE in Canada!

Ice bowlers are HUGE in Canada!

Wheeee!!!!

Wheeee!!!!

Under The Reef.

Under The Reef.

This is my desktop background now.

This is my desktop background now.

Having gotten our bearings, we wandered over to Byward Market for lunch. The Market is a huge open air mall/flea market. Vendors sell prepared food, produce, trinkets, and there are street performers everywhere. We went into a seafood restaurant.
A couple getting up as we were leaving said they were headed home to Montreal (small world!) and gave us the rest of their gift card.

Because Canadians really are that nice.

The next day bloomed bright and sunny. After a quick breakfast (without Canadian bacon – because seriously, that isn’t bacon), we set out on the day’s adventures.
My wife had one thing on her mind. I had one thing on my mind.
Despite them being two different things, we were lucky that we could do them both in the same place: The Rideau Canal.
The Canal cuts through Ottawa, and is used these days mostly for pleasure boats. Except in winter when it freezes.
And is opened for Ice Skating!!!

Only graceful skaters in this pic. So no, not me.

Only graceful skaters in this pic.
So no, not me.

We’d heard about this on a summer trip up to Ottawa to meet Charles DeLint, and it had been on our list ever since.
Check!
And something my wife discovered that she soon introduced me to – Beaver Tails!
BeaverTweet
These delicious flat, long pastries can only be described as…well…delicious. And sticky.
Grab as many napkins as you can, it still won’t be enough. But the mess will be worth it!

So simple. So delicious. So Canadian.

So simple. So delicious. So Canadian.

With that out of the way, we were off to the highlight of the trip – John Hiatt and Lyle Lovett on stage together!
The two of them have been doing this tour for years. 2 guys, 2 acoustic guitars. On several songs, they backed each other up, both singing and playing. In between songs, they told stories, explained the songs, even played with the audience a bit.

The pale blob on the right is John. The paler blob is Lyle.

The pale blob on the right is John. The paler blob is Lyle.

We’ve seen them both separately and loved them, but together was even better. There were no revelations during the show or transcendental moments, but watching two old pros slip on their songs like comfortable old bathrobes was easily worth the ticket.

This is from a show they did at the end of last year, but it gives the feel of the show.

So after a long weekend of freezing cold, lots of snow, strange food and great music, it was tie to go home. Or so we thought.
Returning to the hotel after breakfast the next day to get to the airport hours early for an international flight, it turns out the flight was cancelled.
Because of snow.
In New York.

Yes, the hotel staff laughed at us.
But they also had room for us to stay the extra night, gave us the numbers we needed to call to find a flight for the next day, and told us where to go for an excellent dinner.
And then laughed at us some more.

So we caught a 6 am flight and landed back in NYC. I was at my desk my ten am, and asleep in my chair by two pm.
My boss let me go home at 4 pm.

And I went promptly to sleep, to dream of gravy, pastry, music and sooo much snow.

Thank you Canada. I had a blast. Can’t wait to see you again!

Canada always makes me feel right at home.

Canada always makes me feel right at home.

Save a house, Save a home.


Today’s Music: The Beatles – Obladi Oblada
Days Til Spring: 24

We don’t actually know each other. We read each others stories, tell each other tales. Sometimes our posts look like we rolled our faces across the keyboard, sometimes our eloquence and wit are astounding.
Something I’ve seen in the time I’ve spent knocking around here is that you people have never failed to come through and help someone when they need it.

This post is a little off for me. What I’m going to ask actually has nothing to do with me. I don’t have the issue described. The problem isn’t mine.

Hell, I don’t even know the person, except by reputation. (I would, except I can be incredibly slow to get around to reading blogs I know I should.) But I was asked by Zoe, a blogger who I know and who I enjoy, whether she’s posting on her site or razzing me in comments elsewhere, to help spread the word about this.
So here goes…

Many of you know Merbear. She blogs about her daily life, her family, living with depression and living with fibromyalgia. Along the way, she’s met a lot of great people online. People that she’s helped through some dark times, and ones that have helped her too.
Now, her condition has gotten worse. It’s gotten to the point where she is at risk of losing her home.
That would suck.

There are a lot of good and worthy causes out there. There are a lot of people asking for money. But if there’s any way you can scrape loose a couple of bucks, Merbear could really use the help and support now.

Like I said, I don’t actually know any of you, outside of three or four I’ve been lucky to meet in real life. But because of my online relationships with most of you, I’d be happy to give you a hand, as I could, if you needed it – maybe some tech guidance or research on something, maybe an ear or a couple of dollars for whatever cause it is that’s important to you.

Since I don’t really like doing “preachy”, and you don’t owe me anything, check out Merbear’s site.
And if you’re inclined, you can donate to help save her house.

If you can, thanks so much!
And if you can’t, thanks so much for listening!

To Be Or Not To Be. That Is The Foolishness.


Today’s Music: Paul McCartney – Hope of Deliverance
Days Til Spring: 27!!!

I’m ecstatic! The temperature is above freezing! The weekend is almost here! And I got to read some great stuff this week too. Here’s some of what I saw…Samantha Hines wrote about a porch that was more than just a porch.T. Dawn gave a great fiction piece about being someone else, and this one’s a little old, but Quirky put up quite possibly the most hilariously disturbing food post I’ve been lucky to read. It has donuts. That’s all I’m going to say.
A great week of reading, from them and everyone else, so thanks for that!

Oh, and TwinDaddy at Stuphblog is highlighting me on Feature Friday! Probably because he’s trying to lose followers. But I hope y’all pop over to check him out and follow. He’s a great voice in the cloud.

Einstein
But one particular time when it doesn’t seem like anyone was reading was Valentine’s Day. In last week’s poll, we asked how, instead of doing the traditional things, you’d be celebrating. And I don’t think Hallmark makes cards for all your ideas. Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are dressed skimpily in italics

Catching up on all the foolishness… It is Friday after all (Kanerva)
(So…watching couples fight for parking at overcrowded restaurants?)
Hybernating until spring. Kayjai
(That’s barely a one month nap. Is it even worth it?)
Celebrating Zombie Day instead 🙂 Don’t ask… Andro
(And Jesus appreciates your devotion!)
Searching the TV Guide in hopes of a new episode of Shark Tank. ~Maddie
(In a stirring Valentine’s episode, the judges make a romantic dinner out of the dreams of hopeful contestants!)
No time for Valentine’s Day–I’ll be trading in my iPhone5 for a new iPhone 5S
(Buy now to get the Date-A-Hipster app free!)
Party Hearty on Mardi Gras! (Stacy)
(I thought King Baby came 9 months after Valentine’s Day?)
We went to a SF/fantasy/gaming convention! jaklumen
(Yeah, my wife needs extraordinary circumstances to dress up like Slave Princess Leia too.)
Roadtripping!!! Kanerva
(Better than icesliding!)
Washing my hair (Elyse 54.5)
(You were doing it in slo-mo, with that head flick, right?)
Hunting around in the yard for Cupid’s arrow, since it missed me and my house.
(Doesn’t having a diaper clad sniper in the neighborhood make the real estate values go down?)
to donate my heart, which is like a trampoline- stomped on and resilient. Samara
(It’s the Timex of organs!)
Celebrating National Organ Donor Day, which also falls on Feb 14. Samara
(I wonder how many overused livers they reject on the 15th…)
Hoping none of my friends catch the VD… 1 Jaded 1
(As long as they didn’t sit on a toilet seat…)
Canceling my plans and vomiting all weekend, huzzaaahhhugh –Aussa Lorens
(Funny, those usually are my plans…)
Drinking heavily.
(So…nothing special for Valentines Day.)
Trying to remember what romance was like before children. And drinking. Deanna
(For many of us, it’s the drinking while being romantic that leads to children.)
I will be offering group Commando weekends, well if it’s warm enough 🙂 Andro
(I really don’t want to hear about disassembling the rifles for cleaning.)
Enjoying a Saturday night in alone, strike that idea I want some fun 🙂 Andro
(How about organising an orgy?)
organising an orgy for something else, hopefully 🙂 Andro
(Sure, steal my idea…)
shoveling snow…sigh SnB
(Hey, it’s better than how the elephant tender at the zoo is spending his Valentine’s Day!)
Trying to figure out why my old Christmas tree is stuck to my balcony.
(That holiday spirit is year round!)
Celebrating St. Patrick’s Day early. – Hotspur
(I thought the early partying for that started March 18th?)
Cooking a beautiful dinner for me and the lovely Mr S. Valentine’s rules okay r
(Wait – the rules are she has to cook for him???)
I think instead of celebrating I will be going to the doctor to clear up that annoying rash left over from the last romantic holiday I celebrated…… PMAO
(No one celebrates groundhog day like you!)
(Thank goodness.)

Spending time on C4C with lonely blogging buddies – Benzeknees
(Look, if you’re going to say stuff like that, it’s very hard to mock you.)
(Which doesn’t mean I won’t try.)

But I like Valentine’s Day…dammit, so much for my clever answer.
(Don’t feel bad. I never have clever answers.)
Shoving Cupid’s arrows up his keister, gently of course. polysyllabic profundities
(Downtown, they usually charge extra for gentle.)
Celebrating Valentoons Day watching a PePe Lepu Marathon-Linda Vernon
(Umm…those are episodes of TLC’s Strange Love: Skunks…)
Seeing a flemish bluegrass arthouse flick about cancer. For real (rollergiraffe)
(Sometimes the jokes just write themselves.)
Celebrating all the 50% off Chocolate sales after V-Day! –RoS
(But acne cleanser goes up to 150%.)
I’m french. I am valentines day ya fucker. (Marie Nicole)
(And now I see how “pardon my french” became a thing.)
silly. Same thing I do every day. thematticuskingdom
(But if you marry Punky Brewster, what will the children look like?)
trying to take over the world. Same thing I do every day. thematticuskingdom
(Wait – are you the one that’s the genius, or the one that’s insane?)
stalking people through their blogs. same thing I do every day. thematticuskingdom
(Only then will you prove your mousey worth!)
At Duane Reade, buying Easter decorations. BT
(Better hurry before the xmas decorations crowd them off the shelves.)
Trying to think of something that rhymes with ‘Politically Correct’.
(All I can think of is “erect”. Because apparently, I’m twelve.)
Shoveling snow. Walking the dog in the snow. Building a snow cupid. SNNOOOWWW!!!
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
drinking, big time. Alex A.
(Being single means never having to share teh Valentines booze!)
Trying to convince Al Roker to shovel your place. (Frank)
(He’s too busy shoveling crap on the NYC mayor.)
Buying a box of Valentine’s Day cards and having a bonfire with them – Twindaddy
(Ah, fanning the flames of love…)
working on the other kind of VD – you know the STD kind… Rutabaga
(One Standard Valentines Day, coming up.)
Prepping for my colonoscopy.
(Dinner and drinks with the proctologist first?)
Packing for my holidays! YAY!!
(I hope your suitcase is big enough to fit the whole class.)

Congratulations to the anonymous patron for this weeks winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was a tie between Coming down from the post-Olympics high. (Curling is intense!) and Sending Ben & Jerry’s stock through the roof. (Loneliness never tasted so good.). So congratulations to all you Olympic level ice cream eaters out there!

Much more appropriate than that Thinker guy...

Much more appropriate than that Thinker guy…


This week finds the Greater Republic of Guapola in a ponderous mood. Philosophical even! But instead of Socrates famous “Like the sands through the hourglass…” (mostly because sand makes me think of chafing in awkward areas) we focus instead on Descartes “I think, therefore I am”. So this weeks question is What do you think?
Answer often, and take your time to ponder, because this one closes in ten days, on Monday 3 March, at 2359 EST. (My brain will need the extra week to recover from all this thinking, so no foolishness next friday. It’s also possible I’ll just be hibernating.)
Try and limit your write ins to four answers, and if you like, leave a name on your write-ins, and I’ll link back to you next week.

And as we had into the weekend, enjoy these!
First, here’s a clever falling domino set up. Turn your speakers down a bit, because the music is electronica.
Unless you like electronica, in which case I forgive you.

And finally, a brilliant ode to the Spiderman Musical. With flying!
(I think the audience member is Exile on Pain Street.)

And until we meet again, have a great weekend, and a thorough foolishness!

Travelin’ Man – Stupid Is More Than Just A Word


Today’s Music: Christopher Cross – Ride Like The Wind
Days Til Spring: 30

It started with an innocent conversation between me and my wife (The Most Wonderful Girl In The Universe).
Me: Hey honey, want to go to Canada in February?
TMWGITU: *thinks* Who’s playing?
(She knows me so well! And we’ve had this conversation before. A lot.)
Me: John Hiatt and Lyle Lovett. Acoustic! On stage at the same time!
TMWGITU: *sighing* Ok.

So my wife (who rarely thinks just a concert is reason enough for crossing an international border) planned a long weekend for us in Canada – two days in Montreal, two in Ottawa. Fortunately, when it was time for the trip, NYC was on the verge of a heat wave – 40 Fahrenheit! – so, in fine stupid fashion, off we went to Canada!

Montreal in winter was stunning! After checking into our room, we walked over to Old Montreal to get our very first (so we thought) Poutine.
Poutine is a local delicacy of french fries smothered in gravy and cheese curd. One of the options at the place we went was to get it with smoked meat.

The French on the soda bottle is how you know I'm in Montreal.

The French on the soda bottle is how you know I’m in Montreal.


We were in time for their Fête des Neiges, an annual celebration of snow, held on a small island in the Saint Lawrence river. We took the subway to get there, and I added yet another rail pass to the collection (which sadly consists of only New York, London and Montreal).

The festival was a massive party – Ferris wheel, zip line from the museum, live child foozball.
Yes, you read that right.

At last! A use for kids I approve of!

At last! A use for kids I approve of!

After that (and a great night’s sleep), we headed out the next morning to the top of Montreal to get bagels.
Back near the beginning of the twentieth century, Old World Jews migrated to Canada. Among the traditions, rituals and foods they brought with them were bagels.
I’m from NYC, born and bred. So after my wife told me how famous Montreal bagels were, and people around the hotel raved about them, I had to check them out. The big difference between Montreal bagels and real bagels (yeah, I said it) is that Montreal bagels are boiled in water with honey added. If I hadn’t known it was honey, I wouldn’t quite have been able to identify what was wrong with them. Lucky me.

It kinda looks like a bagel.  But the resemblance ends there.

It kinda looks like a bagel.
But the resemblance ends there.


To be fair, we did go to the two oldest, most famous bakeries to try the bagels.
I’ll stick with an NYC. Preferably with a schmear.

Part two will cover Ottawa, because otherwise, this post would be very long.
So until then, enjoy this view of a ferris wheel rising from the snow.
Ferris Wheel
And some random guys playing hockey on a rink in the projects. Because Canada.
20140131_200908

Frankly my dear, I don’t give a Foolishness.


Today’s Music: JD McPherson – North Side Gal
Days Til Spring: 34

Snow. Rain. More snow. Sleet. Oh yeah, freezing temps. How to survive a winter gone mad? Why, read blogs of course! Here’s some of what I saw… GingerFightBack blew me away with The Norton. Brickhouse Chick used a very scientific sample of one for her survey on What Women Want, and Exploring Pixie wrote a strong post about women and Google Suggestions.

They, and all of you, were in great form this week!

Antihero
But last week, there was foolishness, in the form of asking the stupidest question yet (probably), who should be the next antihero? And wow, were your heroes…anti. Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are apathetic in italics.)

A fat bloke in a pink and lime green thong… Andro
(Or as I like to call it, my college years.)
Chris of Wombania… Andro
(The wine gums keep him surly.)
Dog the Bounty Hunter’s Aunt Freda… Andro
(She trained Dog well. Except for the slobber.)
The Soup Nazi. Hey, Seinfeld is making a comeback. (or King Kong) ~ RoS
(He uses croutons to pelt his enemies into submission!)
(And no monkeys!!!)

the last great hero flipped inside out? butimbeautiful
(Wouldn’t that be “the first average meh”?)
Beiber after Miley frees him from the clutches of Selena Gomez. ~merlinspielen
(Pay no attention to the Lindsey Lohan behind the curtain.)
devilishly handsome and unbelievably sexy.
(Hmm…never thought of myself as an antihero…)
Peter Parker’s Aunt May – John Phillips
(Behind every great superhero is an aunt who wishes he’d clean his room.)
Walgreens, for continuing to sell tobacco products next to the vitamins.
(That’s got to be the silliest thing I’ve ever heard! Who would ever suggest that???)
Did the Walgreens comment go through? That was mine! Erin E.
(Oh…um…HI THERE!)
To the muncher in the 4×4 behind me who is honking because i refuse to ice dance 1 Jaded 1
(You were their only hope to beat the North Koreans at Sochi.)
Ron Paul~~Addie
(Able to bring government to a grinding halt! It’s Two First Names Man!)
Dennis Rodman.
(Or as he’s know in North Korea, Tall Annoying Man.)
PMAO… Dick Cheney
(Dick Cheney is a wonderful man. HEAR THAT, NSA???)
Any govt official who gets to decide who gets benefits & who doesn’t – Benzeknees
(I thought those were all former DMV agents?)
Death. As in The Angel Of. I hear he’s on Match.com GO DEATH!
(When did he break up with Taxes?)
Death. I get so excited I forget to reveal myself – Marie (cyber house rules)
(But you look so good in the intimidating black robe with the hood…)
Hipster-man. He solved that crime before you even heard it happened. BT
(If only he looked as cool in his fedora as Kojak.)
Effervescent Banana Man —Linda Vernon
(He…peels his opponents apart and defeats them while they’re…split.)
Men who slide naked over bars. (Carrie Rubin)
(Oh, like anyone ever does that.)
Olivia Pope. I couldn’t help myself. I love her. Deanna from MMV
(Versus her mortal enemy: Nielsen Ratings Man.)
Rush Limbaugh – Twindaddy
(Anti “hero”, not anti “Christ”.)
Obama. He’s already the anti-Christ, right? Elyse 54.5
(Obama and Limbaugh are the same person??? So much is clear now…)
Toting beer and bacon..obviously a Canuck! Kayjai
(It’s Canadian Bacon. DARN YOU, EVIL WIZARD!!!)
Theses guys

(But can they get out persistent stains?) (Full disclosure: My comment stolen shamelessly from something Rutabaga said last week.)
Pull my finger, and I’ll tell ya… come on, do it – Rutabaga
(Sure, but…why are you wearing a gas mask?)

We can’t name the winner, because antiheroes shun the spotlight. But they’re out there… And from the offered choices, the most popular was the guy who writes these polls. Thanks!…I think…

funny-valentines-day-pictures-17
This week, love is in the air. At least, that’s what Hallmark and the jewelry companies would have us believe.
But for those of us that don’t buy into that, what can we do? Well, that’s this weeks poll. Answer often, but answer soon. Because while love is timeless, this poll closes Wednesday, 19 Feb at 2359. Please don’t go over 3 write-in answers, and if you like, leave a name on your write-ins, and I’ll link back to you next week.


And as we head into a (probably not any) warmer weekend, enjoy this – greatest product ever!

Have a great week, everyone.

Linda’s Brain Peanuts Remembers Soda Pop


Today’s Music: Prisencolinensinainciusol (picked by todday’s author.)
Days Til Spring: 38

It’s no secret that I enjoy both drinking and traveling, and traveling to go drinking.
Today, Linda Vernon has taken time from her busy schedule of cheering up Edgar Allen Poe (He was very unhappy about the Pottery Barn’s intriguing story about him), and bringing us the cutting edge of thoughts that scientists are thinking about, to tell us why it’s so important to keep our traveling in mind when drinking.
(Even if she wants me to switch to Pepsi.)
So read! Enjoy! And stop by Linda’s site and follow!
(It’s the easiest way to get into her will…)

My Brain Peanuts Remembers Soda Pop
by Linda Vernon
Drinking soda in the fifties was a lot different from today. First of all, soda came in a bottle. In Washington state, where I grew up, there was no such thing as drinking a can of soda. No siree!
We drank a bottle of pop or we drank nothing at all.

Back then, when you bought a bottle of pop, the pop was yours to drink — but you had to give back the bottle because you were merely renting it. After all, you had to pay a 2-cent deposit on it, for crying out loud, and not taking it back for a refund could seriously affect the budget.

So everyone always returned their pop bottles to get their two-cents back because two-cents in the fifties would buy enough gas to get you to Canada from anywhere in the United States.

The only people who drank out of a can were beer drinkers. But beer cans were worthless so beer drinkers didn’t worry about getting their deposit back. They would simply chuck the empties out of the window of whatever speeding vehicle they happened to be drunkenly swerving down the highway in.

Today, we would consider this drunk driving but in those days we simply considered it littering. And in the 1950’s, littering was America’s favorite pastime — as much a way of life as Polio, onesie gym clothes, and radio-active cleansing cream.

But whether you were drinking out of a bottle or drinking out of a can, you would have died of thirst in the 1950’s if you didn’t have one of these.

It was a combination bottle/can opener, and it was a wonderful little gadget. One end would pry off the caps of Debby and Bobby’s pop bottles while the other end would puncture a hole in Mom and Dad’s beer cans. (The only thing this can opener wouldn’t do is open a bottle of wine, but this wasn’t a problem because in the 50’s only Europeans drank wine.)

I think it’s fair to say that the bottle opener was as much a part of the foundation upon which the togetherness of the fifties family was built as smearing butch wax on crew cuts, stenciling on eyebrows or hiding under desks together to survive atomic blasts.

I remember my grandparents only drank Pepsi which they always referred to as Peps. Pepsi was for those who think young. Not only did my grandparents think young, they were young. When I was five, my grandmother was only 44. (Back then people started families way younger so they could get it out of the way quicker and have more time to drink Peps.)

Now let’s say you only drank half the Peps in that rented bottle of yours. What would you do? Well, instead of pouring it down the drain, you would save the remainder of the Peps by utilizing another ingenious type of gadget that people just referred to as that bottle thingy.

That bottle “thingy” I’m referring to was a rubber gasket that went into the top of the bottle to seal in the carbonation as well as that delicious Peps refreshing flavor. After all, you spent a whole dime for that bottle of Pepsi, and you wouldn’t want it to go to waste.

Not if you were ever going to afford that trip to Canada!

Able Was I, Ere I Saw Foolishness


Today’s Music: The Feelies – Crazy Rhythms
Days Til Spring: 41

Another long week, but we made it to Friday! And how did we get here? By reading blogs, of course! Here’s some of what I saw… Ericka Clay posted a great piece of fiction that takes place in Brooklyn. Sandy Mitchell wrote the perfect Surfing Metaphor that also works for the rest of life, and Same Burn, Different Flame wrote about the importance of silencing the Little Voices.

Thanks to them, and everyone else for great reading while I was stuck in Canada and all week long.

To be fair, there was no one to stop him when he threw things...

To be fair, there was no one to stop him when he threw things…


Something I didn’t get to see in Canada were the answers to last weeks poll, where we asked what you should throw at coworkers. And wow, looking at the answers now, I’m amazed any work ever gets done! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are on a coffee break in italics.)

Duck! throw it yell it and you warned em so all good Lizzie C
(It’s like confit-ti!)
a brick. works and you have a moment of daze to duck. Lizzie C
(I should have mentioned I work in a rubber room…)
I say flick boogers. x, Becca (LON)
(HR is going to ask the CDC how to quarantine that.)
snappy comebacks – That One Guy
(Coworkers provide such good source material…)
I throw my voice so he doesn’t know it’s me telling him off. The Sailor’s Woman
(That fern is going to get a bad reputation…)
grenades
(I can see why Bruno Mars broke up with you.)
Why would you need their attention? (Stacy)
(Someone has to know to wake me if the boss comes by.)
some really good one-liners….moments of pure brilliance! polysyllabic profundities
(Brilliance has no place in the workplace!!!)
If I throw something at Cimmy, “Nice catch!” should be what I say next.
(Preferably over your shoulder. While running away.)
I don’t have a coworker. I’m a homesteader.
(Showoff.)
My boss – John Phillips
(Don’t hurt your back lifting his ego.)
Nothing. I send emails. Accountants are to introverted for human interaction.
(How about adding lolcatz to “reply alls”?)
Slingshot balls of flarp. Red.
(I like to do bank shots with flubber.)
death stares. It appears I’m good at that. Or else, mosquitos (alive)! NBI
(Just don’t practice the stare in the mirror…)
Bag ‘O Badgers (pat. pending) and my resignation letter ~Miss R
(That’ll teach the Den of Weasels©!)
Flue virus – that should give a few days of rest for both me and them. (List of X)
(Wait – people use sick days when they’re sick???)
A paperclip that hit her in the eye. I stopped after that. Quirky
(Best to go out on a win!)
I throw non sequiturs like there is no tomorrow
(The bananas are effervescent this morning.)
Awesome super-effective original ideas that will nevertheless be ignored. – Hotspur
(I think I’ve worked in that office…)
foolishness. of course. thematticuskingdom
(Scientists are working hard on an aerodynamic foolishness that does not fall flat. Unlike mine.))
Me? Nothing. The kingdom wizard throws curses at them for me. thematticuskingdom
(I hide behind Betsy from Payroll.)
baseball bat. might be hard to smuggle in library. – aliceatwonderland
(Tell them you’re making Malamud’s The Natural come alive!)
fun facts and trivia that can be shared at parties – calahan
(I like to give minutiae on photocopying body parts.)
“up” Linda Vernon
(It’s all fun and games until it lands…)
From the dust on your keyboard, you could flick a dustball – Benzeknees
(If you mean that one creepy guy in Records, I don’t think that’s dust…)
A curve ball (Elyse 54.5 again)
(SEXUAL HARASSMENT!!!)
Popcorn if you know nobody’s packing heat (Elyse 54.5)
(Or socks! If you know no one is packing bags.)
PMAO says; I like to throw myself at my coworkers… wait… I don’t have coworkers
(So much is clear now…)
Glances which state clearly I’m not you’re team-building-activity buddy – Alex A
(I find not catching them during the falling exercise is much more effective than “glances”.
A paper clip shower. The Bumble Files
(With styrofoam conditioner!)
Deodorant. That dude smells really ripe.
(No, that’s just the hopelessness radiating off him.)
All of my coworkers died in a freak office related “accident” –Lily In Canada
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
another co-worker…so many aerodynamic specimens to choose from…Weenie Girl
(Any excuse to use this picture!)
ill-beat-a-mother
superballs. ummm, that came out sounding weird. – speedo
(And yet, so effective…)
brickhousechick: a confetti of vegan/organic quinoa drenched in pork fat
(The Food Network would like to hire you after you’re fired from that job.)
A collected volume of your blogs~Addie
(Woah! We just want to startle them, not kill them!)
Jelly babies! I know he doesn’t like them so I would get them back! MBT
(Hope he picks off the industrial carpet fibers first…)
Poop. We all need to channel our inner monkey once in awhile. – The Waiting
(*buys raincoat for office*)
My Diet Coke can. Full or empty depends on the amount of rage. Kayjai
(Funny, my tequila bottle has a scale to measure that right on the side.)
Insults – Twindaddy
(Those are best hurled, not thrown.)
gobbets of diseased flesh via catapult – The (Medieval) Mercenary Researcher
(Don’t the other lunch ladies get upset when you throw the meals around?)
Definitely BRRRAAIIIINNNNSSSS (Frank)
(What, and waste mine at work???)
Throw ’em a bone to go with those braiiins!
(…and that’s how caveman baseball was invented!)
Passive aggressive remarks-Not A Punk Rocker
(I suppose if that’s what you think is best…)

Congratulations to Lily In Canada for this week’s winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was BRRRRAAIIIIINNNSSS!!! (Hey! It works!) So glad to see we’re all using brains at work for something.
Antihero
We loved Walter White. We cheered on Dexter.We wept at the trials of that guy in those viagra commercials.
They all have some things in common: they’re distant. Emotionally unavailable. Ratings getters. Which made those wacky pollsters in Guapberg wonder, who will be the next antihero? Well, that’s this weeks poll.
Answer soon, answer often – but answer by 2359 EST on Wednesday, 12 Feb, because that’s when this one ends. Please don’t go over 3 write-in answers, and if you like, leave an name on your write-ins, and I’ll link back next week.

And before we go back to the daily grind, enjoy this…

Have a great week everyone!