Monthly Archives: March 2014

Stepping Out Of The Box


Today’s Music: The Shook – Window
(Because how often do you hear a banjo on a wah-wah pedal?)
Days Til Spring: TWO!!!!!
And if you can, please help out Merbear.===========================>>>

Tomorrow I’m going to step way out of my comfort zone. I’m going to an orientation for Big Brothers Big Sisters. They are an organization that pairs mentors with children who, for whatever reason, could use one.
It’s not a tremendous time requirement – they ask for four hours every other weekend. They want the mentors (Bigs) to provide support, counsel, friendship, reinforcement and constructive examples.
(Fortunately, I have a whole bag of GOOD LORD, DON’T DO THIS!!! examples.)

Like this. But completely different.

Like this.
But completely different.


I don’t know if I can clearly articulate why I want to do this. I don’t see myself as particularly altruistic, or someone who thinks “I must give every last bit to help everyone else!!!”, and there are those who could probably put forth good arguments that I’m a dick.
I don’t know. I’ve always thought of myself as “just this guy”, and that’s enough for me.

I’ve had my struggles, but overall, my life hasn’t been overly difficult. As a Straight White Male, I live on what John Scalzi calls the easy setting. But I know that’s just because of luck. Spin the wheel in either direction, just a little, and either by birth or consequences of a myriad stupid decisions, my life could have been a lot harder. I don’t begrudge anyone else their success, and I’m not competitive enough to want to keep anyone else down so I can do well.
I think if you do well and I was there to help you out along the way, that’s enough for me. So why not lend a hand to a kid that needs one?

At the orientation, they’ll give us an idea of the kids we might be dealing with, of what we can do with them, and I probably what the boundaries are. They’ll pair me up with someone that shares my interests – hopefully the kid will like science fiction, (good) music, food. Maybe I’ll have something useful to the show the kid.
I have no idea.

But I know that however it goes, it will be worth the effort.
Who knows, maybe he’ll even have a thing for Hawaiian shirts!

Somewhere, Over The Foolishness…


Today’s Music: Slim Harpo – I’m A King Bee
Days Til Spring: SIX!!!
And if you can, please help out Merbear.===========================>>>

Welcome to the last Foolishness before Spring begins. And what a week it was – the warm! The cold! The office shennanigans! How can one survive such madness? Why, by taking refuge in the ‘sphere, of course. Here’s some of what I saw…
Sharp Little Pencil wrote out her Mainfesto (in poetry form, of course). Anja wrote a great freeverse about Ego, and John Phillips put this winter in Perspective

Seriously, if I didn’t get to read them and all the rest of you, I’d have probably run for the hills after this week, so thanks!
Mankini
Last week I asked for a different form of perspective – yours, on how you prepare for bikini season. And while none of you have body issues, that isn’t to say you are issue free. Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are sun-kissed in italics.)

doing yoga and praying – Curvyroads
(I’m praying I don’t have to yoga.)
Drinking, smoking and thinking impure thoughts. (Mollytopia)
(So…nothing special then…)
applying for my bikini hunting license. – calahan
(Remember, it’s “catch and release”. Not “release the clasp”.)
covering up. No one wants to see a monster truck tire on thunder struts. JakLumen
(You should model that in the Deep South…)
Ignoring the bikini mandate and eating lots of pasta. –PLS
(Bowtie pasta is known for its classic hourglass shape.)
Studying for the “Official Inspector” certification exam. BT
(It’s the hands-on inspections that get you in trouble.)
making a Rainbow Loom swimsuit ~whatimeant2say
(Not Fruit of the Loom?)
drinking ALL the beers! (Words & Other Things)
(Too late! *gulp*)
Dreaming of winter! (Stacy)
(Nightmare.)
Going on a liquid-only diet. Beer me! – Erin E.
(Blogger, me!)
hot wax, sunscreen and gin, not necessarily in that order.The Sailor’s Woman
(Wait – you don’t drink them all at once???)
Not eating carbs. (hypothetically)
(There are some fine vegetable liquors. (perhaps…)
Installing a few wicked Apps, I just hope I won’t be late… Andro
(Smartphones can kill?!?)
Slapping a few choice asses, bend over girls… Andro
(Pretty sure they’ll slap back. Hard. Perhaps with shovels.)
Removing as many as I can, when it happens… Andro
(I’m guessing that’s one before the cops show up…)
A million burpees! Amy
(I draw the line at seven hundred fifty thousand and eight.)
completely ignoring it! – Benzeknees
(Ask not for who the bikini bares. It bares for me, not thee.)
wiki searching “bikini.” thematticuskingdom
(Hey, if you have to ask…)
guzzling beer so I’m too drunk to go to the beach. thematticuskingdom
(The Hawaiian Tropic girls will be so disappointed!)
nothing. I live in CA – it’s always bikini season. thematticuskingdom
(I don’t think it counts as a season if it’s all the time…)
buying protective eyewear. (MizYank)
(A sleep mask might be the only way to avoid the horror!)
Bikini? ja,ja,ja! My skirted suit might see the daylight… someday.brickhousechick
(A long swimsuit! Leaving even MORE to the imagination!)
Um, it’s called a Burkini. Maggie
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
finishing this tub of ice cream – Twindaddy
(I don’t think that kind of oil protects from sunburn…)
digging a very deep hole. Elyse 54.5
(Much like me, in these comments.)
Moving to the Arctic for the season.~~Addie
(There are those who say that will be the warmest habitable continent soon…)
Getting ready?!? This body was born ready for the bikini season –Marie Nicole 😉
(They make bikini onesies?)
Consuming prunes and imported Mexican tap water to get to my birth weight
(And it will go through you as fast as baby food did back then!)
shaving my back…sooo hard to reach..(SnB)
(Maybe your barber will give a volume discount?)
collecting yellow polka dots. sandylikeabeach
(Can you fit more than six on that teeny thing?)
There’s a bikini season?! That must be the one warm day we have. Kayjai
(I thought I saw Rob Ford in one the other day.)
shaving my eyebrows off (Rutabaga)
(I’ll just be trimming my ear hair.)

Congratulations to Maggie for her modesty! And from the offered choices, the most popular, by a wide margin, was Lobbying to bring back the swimsuits of the 30s. The long ones. So congrats to all of you you too. Unless your modesty precludes you from accepting?
snowed-in-car
This week is Winter’s last one on the calendar til the bottom of the year. So, lets send it off in style, feeling good about itself. Offer as many well wishes for Winter as you like, but offer them by 2359 EDT, Tuesday 18 March, because that’s when this one closes.
Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.


And until we meet again, enjoy this…
This one always makes me laugh, so I thought I’d use it again

Have a great week, y’all!

Stir crazy. Possibly fried.


Today’s Music: Calexico – Two Silver Trees
Days Til Spring: NINE!!!

And if you can, please help out Merbear.===========================>>>

(*A note – Seasonal Affective Disorder is a serious malady that effects a lot of people. This isn’t intended to mock those that suffer from it, or to make light of a very real condition.)

The snow is still melting, but the real warm hasn’t shown up yet.
It’s grey outside, threats of rain and snow.
We went to Canada last month, and found an indoor Monster Mini Golf (glow in the dark!) this weekend.

Can you believe the dragon was only a par two???

Can you believe the dragon was only a par two???


And yet, as this interminable cold and gloom continues with no end in sight (except the ticking of the calendar into a new season), I find myself with the less serious version of Seasonal Affective Disorder: the dreaded Cabin Fever.
Soon... (Or else!)

Soon…
(Or else!)


It gets me towards the end of every winter – the knowledge that spring, sun and warmth are coming coupled with the fact that they aren’t here yet has me gnawing at myself for a way to escape.
So in the interest of preserving whatever sanity we still have, here are some (whatever the opposite is of) Sure Fire tips for beating SAD.
PILLOW FORTS!
Defend yourself from the invasion of this dreaded condition! Outside light (especially grey) looks much better when diffused through flannel sheets strung a few feet above the floor.
TELEVISION!
Immerse yourself in stories that take place somewhere else, preferably somewhere warm.
Your insurance may cover a Netflix subscription to stream the Complete Gilligans Island!
BLOG!!!
Look, you know you’re going to do it anyway. Why not use it to repair your mental condition? (That way you can also get a medical waiver to do it at work!
HAWAIIAN SHIRTS
Seriously. They exude spring, summer and warm weather climes. Plus, if it’s a good one, you’ll need to wear your beach sunglasses so you don’t blind yourself.
INDOOR PICNIC!
Who doesn’t love a picnic? Plus, fewer ants!
(If that’s not the case, I don’t want to know.)
(Nor do I want to come over.)
MAKE A LIST OF ALL THE FOOLISH THINGS YOU’LL DO IN THE SPRING AND SUMMER
My old ones are here and here.
My next one will be up next week.

If I last that long…

Size Doesn’t Matter. It’s How You Foolishness that Counts.


Today’s Music: Har Mar Superstar – Lady You Shot Me
Days Til Spring: 13!!!
And if you can, please help out Merbear.===========================>>>

As I write this, I’m hearing that today will be a delightful, sunny, pre-spring day with temps in the low to mid forties. The hope that the weatherman is right is what’s keeping me going. Along, of course, with blogs! Here’s some of what I’ve read…
Trent Lewin had some strong words about Manliness. Quornstar talked about Body Image, and Jots From a Small Apartment had a beautiful painting to go with a Difficult Question.

Thanks to them, and everyone else, for all the great reading. Seriously, I could have listed a few dozen posts above and not even scratched the surface.

Oh, and American Injustica honored me with a Liebster Award! Nothing better than a nice steamed Liebster! Or something. Anyway, she has a great site, and I love her Ink photos right along with her writing. Hope you check her out!

No...no, I think I prefer vanilla. Maybe. Hold on...

No…no, I think I prefer vanilla. Maybe. Hold on…


Last time, many of you checked out the poll, wherein we asked to take a look inside the churning maelstrom of your minds by asking you to finish the phrase I think…, and the view was spectacular! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are reconsidered in italics.)

I just killed my last brain cell…1 Jaded 1
(My last was a suicide.)
therefore my brain cramps (Curvyroads)
(Maybe start with the easier suduko puzzles?)
I’ll respond to this poll. – Carrie Cannibalistic Nerd
(Are you sure you don’t want to rethink that?)
terrible things and then I blog about them. –Aussa Lorens
(Or you could act them out on a reality show!)
you probably shouldn’t have squeezed that.
(But the Charmin is soooo soft.)
This blog makes my butt look fat..zannyro
(I knew i should have gone with the vertical stripe theme!)
therefore I am (thawed out)
(What a chilling thought.)
people suck more often than not.
(Thus explaining the prevalence of porn on the internet…)
Fred Flintstone invented thongs… But can’t sing for toffee… Andro
(But he’ll do a mean lodge handshake for a brontosaurus burger.)
About purple, blue and red, but then blondes are fun too… Andro
(What, no pink?)
Another orgy is called for… Andro
(Not til you finish the last one we gave you.)
0443 is a terrible time to wake up on a Sunday morning in a strange city
(No. That’t a terrible time to wake up in any city.)
that was me in the strange city – Kanerva
(I’m not sure it’s just the city that was strange…)
that Starbucks has a lot to answer for – Kanerva
(And they will answer. At the top of their lungs. Whether the place is full or not.)
the interwebs are overrated – Kanerva
(1.9 billion facebook users would disagree. And then show you pictures of their cats.)
I need another chance to think about this – Benzeknees
(Don’t think of it as a chance to think about these polls. Think of it as a chance to escape them!)
(And take me with you!!!))

therefore I BRRRRAAAIIIINNNNSSSS!!! (I’m pulling out the stops for the win!) Linda Vernon
(NOOOO- That last stop was for the drain in the trophy bin.)
(Oops.)

you’re misinformed if you think I think. – Revis
(But…but I read it on the internet.)
…therefore I thinking that I thought. merlinspielen
(And did you ponder the cogitation?)
I think someone should convert phlegm into a biofuel.
(Umm…it’s the thought that counts?)
I think there should be a law against brain freeze. ~Maddie
(The Ice Cream lobby will take it under advisement.)
I’ve just about had it with all this fucking snow and winter shit – Hotspur
(Sorry. I’ll ask the snowmen to tone it down.)
Therefore I write. If I didn’t blog about it, it didn’t happen. (Dawn @ TFTM)
(My lawyer told me the security footage was proof enough.)
I work with idiots when one actually declared “ugh, I just hate thinking”
(We work for the same boss???)
Then, I forget what I was thinking. ~~Addie
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
Therefore I nap. – Lily In Canada
(What happened that you need to think about that???)
therefore I am a Democrat. Elyse 54.5
(I think we’ve established that there’s no thinking in politics!)
“What can I say about this Elixir? Rutabaga (an answer re-use!)
(That it will turn you into a great googly moogly.)
therefore I will be silly. thematticuskingdom
(Did you think you could avoid it?)
I’ll have some whiskey, 3 fingers, neat. thematticuskingdom
(Whatever happened to garnishing with just olives?)
it tastes nothing like butter. thematticuskingdom
(I CAN’T BELIEVE IT!)
therefore I have BRRRAAAIIIIINNNNNSSSSS!!!! Red.
(Participating in these polls disproves that.)
I think my thinker broke. – aliceatwonderland
(Try duct tape. And tequila.)
I think too much
(Not if you’re participating in these polls…)
If you succeed to fail is a confusing concept… (Dogging the Wag)
(I think you should lay off the fortune cookies…)
I think I’m awesome. Deanna
(You’re not sure?!?)
That Friday is my most favoritist of days! Kayjai
(This is why Monday hates you.)
assless chaps will be the new Uggs.
(I thought shame and regret were the new Uggs?)
I forgot to put my name to the assless chaps–Speaker 7
(Well, it’s not like they’re so widespread that someone would confuse yours for their- Ohh, you meant for the poll…)
Zorro …. no Sasquatch … Confused … yes (Frank)
(Just ask Leonard Nimoy. He already went In Search Of those.)
that rash ain’t gonna go away by itself. Time to head to the doctor.-Twindaddy
(How will you explain the rash got there by itself?)
in technicolor ! =)
(I see in 3D!)
only of hollow, timber surfboards. And it’s all YOUR fault!
(Better than hollow-timber thoughts!)
Can someone else just tell me what to think? Not A Punk Rocker
(Reading the answers this week, I’m pretty sure no one here knows…)

Congratulations to Addie for this weeks winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular were therefore I am confused and I’ll have the chicken…. So congrats to all of you who can cogitate while you masticate!
(Whoohoo! I’ve been waiting forever to use that phrase!!!)

Oh, this old thing? Just some thing I poured on...

Oh, this old thing? Just some thing I poured on…


This week, with Spring less than two weeks away, we turn to the biggest thing on everyones minds: Bikini Season! So we’re asking, how will you get ready for this important time period? Answer often, but answer soon, because this one ends Tuesday, 11 March, 2359 EDT (Daylight Savings starts Sunday). Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.

And to finish up, I thought I’d go with some incredible(y stupid) warm weather stunts.
First, I used this a long time ago and had forgotten it, but Dianne Gray reminded me about it on Tuesday’s post.

And this one I was probably introduced to by Frank

Have a great week everyone. See y’all around the sphere!

Live every day (every so often) like a lunatic.


Today’s Music: The Allman Brothers Band – Jessica
*Note on Today’s Music: I absolutely love this song. Hope you enjoy it too.
Days Til Spring: 16!!!

And if you can, please help out Merbear.===========================>>>

Live every day like it’s your last!
I’m not a big fan of that phrase. To me it always meant “Go out and accomplish every dream you have NOW!!!!”
Don’t get me wrong, I’m all for accomplishing dreams (the more inane the better!), but do you have any idea how exhausting that would be???
I took a vacation once. Spent a day sailing on the Caribbean, two days scuba diving, drinking and wandering every night, then came home with just enough time to pick up a pair of tickets from someone and drive out to the beach for a concert.
Went back to work the next day, and called in sick the next day because I was beat. Plum tuckered out.
I needed a vacation to recover from my vacation.

I personally couldn’t imagine doing everything I want to do every single day.
But there’s one stunt that I could do say once a month.

Go rock climbing.
In scuba gear.
No, wait, stay with me here.
Strap the flippers to my back, and wear extra padding under the scuba tank. Which would be under the parachute. (If you’ve been reading me for a while, you know where this is going.)
Do a nice six or seven hundred foot climb up a cliff face. Drink a lot of water on the way (wetsuits are ridiculously warm). Get to the top, step away from the edge and enjoy the view.
Step a few feet further back from the edge.
Then run like hell…and…LEAP!!!

Like this, but from a cliff. In a wetsuit.

Like this, but from a cliff.
In a wetsuit.


Sail off the cliff cackling with only the piece of mind that barely-functional insanity can provide!
Clear the cliff and toss the pilot chute up, dragging the main chute out. (Do it fast. It takes four hundred feet for the canopy to open.)
At ten feet off the water, pull all of the chute harness’ quick release pulls. Arms crossed over the chest (still holding the flippers. You didn’t drop them, did you?), point your toes because you’re still moving pretty fast, and…SPLOOSH!
Fit on the mask and the flippers.
Swim at a leisurely pace underwater to the nearest unattended jetski.
Ditch the tank and vest (flippers too), climb on, and throttle up towards the nearest tropical beach.
Find one not too busy, with a thatched roof bar restaurant visible from the water.
Crank the throttle and ride that puppy right on to the beach. Extra points if there’s a boat ramp and you leap that sucker with a flying dismount towards the bar.
I can see the jail from here!

I can see the jail from here!


Pull the Hawaiian shirt out of your bag, put on the shades, and order the lobster for dinner. And a drink. With a lot of rum.

Could you imagine trying to do that daily???
But just once, wow, would it make a hell of a day!

And how are you spending your tuesday?