Today’s Music: PJ Harvey – One Time Too Many
Thank. God. I thought I’d never make it this far into the week. Ridiculously busy at work! Rough commute! It snowed!!! Sheesh! Good thing I had blogs to get me through. Here’s some of what I saw…
Susie Lindau Smooshed Her Boobs. DJ Matticus’ Prince fought a Great Battle! And WhiteladyInTheHood had a run-in with…well… Bunny Tails. Sort of.
Thanks to them and everyone else for a whole lot of great reading this week!
But last week, sex was on everyones minds. Especially when we asked about turning into the opposite sex. And wow, did you people have some interesting thoughts on the subject. (Seriously, get help!) Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are androgynous in italics.)
Figure out if it’s really all that hard to aim into the BOWL (Samara)
(Of course it isn’t. Sinks are wide! Oh..waitaminute..)
Words can’t describe the assault I would lay siege to my new apparatus (Samara)
(For that, grunts are better than words.)
Say feck loudly and in a deep voice, while scratching my balls :-\ Indecisive Eejit
(RuPaul? Is that you?)
make sure the snozberries still tasted like snozberries. thematticuskingdom
(That’s the last time I’m checking Urban Dictionary for definitions.)
immediately steal The Queen’s title. thematticuskingdom
check the calendar to see if it was some sort of Freaky Friday. thematticuskingdom
(Doublecheck that it isn’t 1976.)
Poke someone… Yes of course with my finger 😉 lol Andro
(Whew! Because you can take someone’s eye out with those other things!)
Flirt a lot more than usual, hey I’m kidding 🙂 Andro
(What is more than an “infinite” amount?)
Slap myself twenty times… Shouting get me out of here – Andro
(Two men enter. One man…umm…nevermind)
prove that men can have multiple orgasms. Aussa Lorens
(We don’t because of the dehydration risks.)
Finally be able to kill my own spiders. The Sailor’s Woman
(Well that’s not taking very good care of your pets…)
become a militant feminist and chide my former self for intense dumbness (Trent)
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
Fart and blame it on the dog, yell at the TV and pretend to fix stuff. Kayjai
(Even better if you don’t own a dog!)
Listen to the song “If I were a boy” by Beyonce? #WeirdIKnow
(So…bad taste in music regardless of gender?)
Slap myself across the face repeatedly just so I could wake up from this horror
(So you’re still into that, regardless of gender?)
take a duckface selfie (Stacy)
(At least you’ll be able to hide it behind facial hair.)
(Like a little girl?)
wear kilts and suits! NBI
(You can get a mankini. Good for any gender!)
have serious balls. (Nadia)
(If you’d grown up with them, they’d probably be more playful…)
Do a pee, leave the seat up and think HARD about WHY I do something so annoying! Miss Lou
(Or revel in doing it the right way!)
Be dumber than I was before I went to sleep Elyse 54.5
(Yes…but you wouldn’t care!)
Scratch myself in public and then spit on the ground in front of myself
(Hmm…not sure which gender you’re changing to…)
get a big set of fake boobs!! SnB
(Oh, I have a pair of those mounted on the wall.)
(Zoe) Wonder why I had a man in my bed
(Because if he were under it, it would lead to a whole lot of questions…)
(Zoe) I would have a new toy to play with.
(Careful it doesn’t go off while you’re cleaning it…)
Be boring as hell! SnaapyG
(We prefer to think of it as “being introspective”.)
Find out which organ I really think with… (Gretchen, drifting through.com)
(No thinking involved.)
(With either of them.)
…be glad to give my brain a break from doing all the thinking. (Miz Yank)
(Or start thinking about important stuff!)
Make my husband, 37, get a sex change — Linda Vernon
(Just don’t let him do it with his own tools!)
In my best Corleone way I would yell out “I GET TO ACT LIKE A MAN” Marie Nicole
(I thought every man acted like a boy?)
play with my new boobies… Twindaddy
(You wouldn’t return them when you changed back, would you.)
earn 20 cents more on the dollar and never again wait in line for a restroom!
(Wait in line? We just pee outside when it’s crowded.)
PMAO… be glad I have long, sexy legs.
(Nono, this is after the sex change.)
still write about my naughty bits – Rutabaga
(What, no video?)
Refuse to answer the question for fear of reprisal. (Frank)
(If these polls have taught me anything, it’s that there are no right answers.)
Enjoy peeing standing up. (Deanna)
(Why not? I often enjoy it then! Or while walking…)
see if scratching my junk is all that it’s cracked up to be. Polysyllabic Profundities
(Once you scratch junk, all else is…bunk!(?))
Relish having one thought at a time. Bliss! – Sandy Mitchell
I would never reduce myself to a single orgasm entity. – Sandy Mitchell
(There’s an amoeba joke in there somewhere…)
Congratulations to Trent for this weeks winning answer! (And we hope he uses his prize to work out his issues.) And from the offered choices, the most popular was still look great. So congratulations on all the self confidence!
This week, Easter is coming right before Passover leaves. But instead the end of the weekend, this poll is about what happens at the beginning. Good Friday! What could be better than that.
Well, that’s what we’d like to know.
Answer often, but answer soon, because this one closes at 2359 EDT on Tuesday, 22 April. Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.
And since the new Captain America is out (good flick. Stay til the end of the credits.), enjoy this as we head into the weekend.
See you…out there.
Yay, Trent. White Lady’s post was excellent. Thanks for a proper link. Have a great weekend!
Oh yeah, and there ain’t enough bleach to unsee that! Eeew.
I don’t think I’ve ever read a bad post from Whitelady. She’s always great!
Hope the warm weather finds you this weekend.
I LOVE your Friday posts. Sorry you had such a crazy week. Hope you have a looooong, lazy weekend!
(PS: I will SO join in one of these polls…as soon as I figure out how to answer in the little “other” space. I’m a good mama, but a technically challenged chica)
Just type in the box, and add mama Mick at the end do I know it’s you.
OMG…feeling so stupid. That’s what I thought, but knew it couldn’t be THAT easy.
If I were a guy for day, that’s what I would do. I’d figure all sorts of sh%*($ out!!
Thanks El G!
If you were a real guy, you’d break stuff even more, say it was fixed, then go out and buy a new one when no one was looking.
A HA! That would explain the time I saw my husband run the mower into the pond?
I knew that mower looked a little too shiny after that incident.
What? No Madness for you music dejour??? http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=HPhQZWQmTPc
P.S. I need more charcters available in my free-responses in these polls. Don’t they know I’m word-a-licious???
HAHAHA! I have corraled your wordiness!
Just refresh and you should be able to enter another answer. Leave a 1, 2, etc with your name so I know they’re linked.
I can’t believe I didn’t think of Madness for this.
That’s why I’m here – to lend a musical hand 🙂 but I believe you have a much WIDER circle of bands than I, so it makes sense.
Oh, Guap. You’re a clever one… and you make me giggle.
Get some rest.
I’m so far behind on so many things, I don’t think I’ll get rest until I retire.
Hopefully that will be soon.
(But I doubt it.)
Oh, PJ Harvey! Love, love, love!
Heard that song again the other day, couldn’t not share it.
Wow, who knew there were so many ball-scratcher boob-twirler fantasies harboring in this crowd! You attract only the best, Guap. Happy Easter!
Ha! I expected nothing less from this crowd!
(I noticed you were conspicuously absent in your declarations of self-molestation. Hmm…) 😉
Obviously, I was on a self-molestation fast in preparation for Holy Week. Now that it’s almost past, I’ll feel free to expose myself with abandon. Literarily speaking.
Every Friday is a ‘good’ Friday, but on this Friday I’m only 2 days away from CHOCOLATE! Hopefully that’s enough time to completely delete the swimwear guy’s image from my brain…
I think you should have the chocolate early to prop the brain up as it struggles with that image…
Chocolate AND coffee??!! Oh, this IS a GOOD Friday!
Toasting Trent for the big honor! … but now he faces the pressure of trying to repeat. Meanwhile, the opening pic is a good reason to support censorship.
I have faith in Trent. He has a singular talent with words.
I just use that pic to make sure I have everyone’s attention. 😉
He’s quite the talent!
Happy Good Friday to you!
Thanks so much for the inclusion and the linkage. The girls are “beaming!”
It was FPd and will be up today, so it’s a REALLY Good Friday for me!
That’s fantastic! Great post to get the nod.
(Though honestly, I look forward to all your posts.)
Awwww! That is so sweet Guap! You made my day on top of a very Good Friday!
Oooh–snow just before Easter? I feel for you. But on the bright side, bad weather means the guy in the bathing sling won’t be wandering through your neighbourhood anytime soon.
I’m not sure bathing sling guy would even notice the snow.
I mean, once you get to the point where you’re wearing that…
“Seriously, get help” Ha,ha,ha!! That about sums up what we all need to do. Those were some crazy answers! So glad you survived this horrible week, Guapisimo! Happy Easter to you and may next week be filled with less FOOLISHNESS!
Happy Easter, Brickhouse! Hopefully this week, it will just be the right kind of foolishness.
Wonderful responses as always. We saw Captain America last weekend. Within the first scene, Chris Evan’s fatless form filled the screen. Kind of sucked the enjoyment out of my naughty popcorn…
If it makes you feel better, I think Chris Evans is contractually obligated to avoid all forms of junk food.
Including butter-flavored-spray soaked popcorn.
Well I spent Good Friday shopping with the worlds sexiest husband!! He bought me underwear and a pair of pyjamas pants from the men’s section coz I couldn’t find any I liked in the women’s section. He’s wearing them now. So I’m just leaving that open to get the best comment out of you. Oh and I surfed too. (Did I just say that?)
Wait – just the pyjamas came from the men’s section, right?
After your poll I thought I’d do some experimentation…..
DISCLAIMER: *The authors of Guapola, it’s subdivisions, culinary programs and anti-gravity research department would like to confirm that this is a humor blog only.
Any attempts by any readers to attempt anything mentioned here is acknowledged as a bad idea and we urge the attemptor to seek professional counseling as soon as possible.* 😉
Happy Passover/Easter Guap. I’m scratching my head here, wondering why I’m going meatless today, given I’m eschewing religion. Stockholm Syndrome. Too many years of brainwashing has a lasting effect. 🙂
Religion without the dogma would be much much nicer…
Have a great weekend, with or without religiousness!
Any Friday beats the snot out of any Monday…
Unless it’s a Monday on a three day weekend…
But the Friday comes before a three day weekend…
Do you know what would have been REALLY funny? If you had superimposed your head on the body of that fella wearing the snappy swimsuit. *I* would have liked it!
I think this proves the validity of my “get help” statement in the post.
Stay weird, brother!
Mankini, NO, NO and NOOOOO
I mean can you honestly believe
that any guy would look manly in
one of those soppy looking things 😦
Great post as always Guap, I have had fun
reading your awesome replies and everyone
loves this place 🙂
Happy Easter to You and Yours Guap 🙂
He seems to be pleased with himself in that pic. Seeing as he wasn’t hiding from the camera. 😀
Happy Easter, Andro!
This is not foolishness. THIS. IS. FRIDAY!
Ha! And now my eyes are bleeding.
Congrats Trent but it’s my turn dammit! I do like his answer though but I don’t have to admit it! 😉
Masta Z in the house yo. I’m here to share the glory, but make sure ya keep it real.
Masta Z vs DJ Trent RAP BATTLE!!!
It’s on. Masta Z, present yourself. Only rule is: no Seuss rap. That’s off-side, man.
I have some old gold rope chains from ’86 if you need them.
Any bandanas? Also crucial. Some shades would help too. I don’t know though, we’ll have to see if Masta Z is up to the challenge of a rap-off. My rap is vicious, yo.
We have Paisley, and Pac Man.
(Bandanas and shades!
Is there cake in the glory?
I think rather that the glory’s in the cake, yo. I looooves me da cake, holmes.
yo bro now we shootin da sh#*
der’s notin like cake!
bake and eat
fo life’s sake
if yo not fake
you eat da cake
Masta Z kickin’ rhymes on the mic
No training wheels for her, or a three-wheeled trike.
Big gold tooth shines as she rocks down the street,
All the other homeboys are bowin’ at her feet.
Gold? I’m down wid fat
your rhyme is fatt
hip hoppin wid you is da
icing on da cake
that we ate
to our fate
but don’t be late
oh da tears will
The words flow
and you know
that they go
like the bard
turn the card
What it’s all
in da make
wid it baking
and my mouth
to da flava
of da homeslice
Hip to the hop
cause the cake won’t stop
Icing on your lips and the tips
of your fingers drips
on the floor
cause y’all adore
My brothers and sisters.
and want more
no stoppin here
bro pass me some
Cake is glory.
The gods that decide the winners here are mercurial indeed…
You mean you?! 😉
Thanks for the shout out, Guapo! You’re the best. Happy Easter – enjoy the weekend with your girl!
Loved that post, Whitelady.
Oh, I missed a good poll! Friday are all always the Best Day. Have a great weekend! Happy Easter. Don’t eat too many chocolate bunnies! Or do! Your choice, Guapo.
The holiday will be good as long as there are no Peeps involved.
Have a fun holiday!
Not a Peeps fan?! It’s just a little sugar, Guap. Okay, a lot of sugar!! Have a great one!
That PJ Harvey song is one awesome track from an album I just about wore out by blasting it throughout the time of my divorce. Awesome!
Her music is great, especially when you’re in a bad mood.
I cannot believe it snowed! It alerted down here Tuesday night. I had to make an emergency batch of soup! Also I love all the poll responses. Hubs and I are now discussing what we’d do in that scenario…talk about an interesting start to the weekend.
The foolishness is all about starting a conversation on the deeper topics.
(No, couldn’t say that with a straight face.)
DUDE! Cool! I won something! Well, wicked, and my thanks yo. Now I gotta up the ante and come up with some good lines, yeah?
Well deserved! I had no idea what to do with that answer, so obviously, it had to be the winner.
Ha! So that is the trick of it, is it?
I will never reveal the grading criteria in the selection of winners for these polls!
Mostly because there isn’t any.
That pic of the man in that ridiculous swimsuit/ man suite, what the hell was that!!!!!
He is the paragon to which we all aspire!
(Or is that just me?) 😉
Oh, those poor Easter bunnies! I always used to start on the ears first. 🙂
Me too! But I always felt a little guilty about it.
Haha, you nailed it, as you do every week! Loved the blog posts you recommended…how am I ever going to read everything???
And the poll and your responses, hilarious! Have a wonderful weekend, Guap!
If you figure out how to do all the reading, please please please let me know.
It is absolutely NOT possible. Unless you’re Aussa…
Lucy you have a lot of splainin’ to do. What a great blog. Need (notice I did not say want) to follow.
Thanks so much, John.
Looking forward to reading your stuff as well.
And haikus! Woohoo!
That guy woke up and said to himself . .”Yeah, the two piece is killer, I’m rocking it.” Wow.
One piece. It’s one piece! Uh oh . . . that was a Freudian slip, methinks. Hmmm, I wonder if my therapist is away for the weekend….
Sadly, my doctor won’t see me anymore…
It was fun while it lasted, I bet.
Thank goodness the first week with the new overlords didn’t get in the way of your great recs or the foolishness. Whew! “Androgynous italics” is my new favorite phrase.
I understand the fashion magazines are big proponents of androgynous italics…
Guap! It’s been a while since I’ve defiled your comment section. How are you?!
I was all over this edition like a dog on heat on a free leg.
Good to see you, Nadia!
Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to wash my blog’s pants… 😉
You have great taste. In music and writers 🙂
Thanks so much, Hyper!
The best thing about this was I didn’t have to scroll though all the comments – I just had to read Nadia’s. And laugh my ass off.
I love this girl. Where has she been all my life?
Trent’s answer made me laugh out loud. He’s gonna win, every week, cause he’s funny like that! Keep him OUT! No fair to the rest of us!
I like to think of the friday foolishness as an alligator pit of responsive cleverness.
Besides, there’s no rhyme or reason to how winners are picked for these.
Well, maybe there is
But I sure ain’t telling.
An alligator pit? More like falling down the rabbit hole!
It’s my favorite place to be on Friday. Even if I don’t make it til Saturday.
Hi there…I’m new to the blogosphere, so when I voted in the poll I didn’t know to identify myself before posting. I wrote in about BFF.
Also, coincidentally (must be something in the air) I just posted a humor piece in which I also talk about wishing I could pee like a man and write my name in the snow. Now I will read the links above, thanks for posting them 🙂
Nice to meet you, Jessica, and welcome to the party!
I’ve added your name to your answer (Which was quite good!), so it will be linked come Friday.
And now off to say hi on your pages!
Guap! Sorry I have been absent, and thanks for your sentiments about Riley’s friend Nina… long two weeks. I have two transgender friends; one is in transition, and I am helping her create her new look, and the other has been a woman for so many years, it’s simply not an issue.
Having said that, those answers were a freaking scream. And the pic of Vladimir Putin in his suspendered Speedo? Priceless. This is but one reason why I love you!! Amy
That’s a great thing you’re doing for your friends!
And it’s a pleasure to see you, whenever you come around.
Hope Riley is doing well, and remembering Nina as she moves on.
(I should have gotten a shot of Mankini boy on a horse!)
I missed this whole poll! Sorry! But I did make it in time for next week, just not a great answer.
I always enjoy your write-ins, Benze!
Now I just have to figure out how to respond to it… 😉
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In case you come back, I moved… there was a security breach. Hope that mad head of yours is doing good 🙂