Category Archives: Guapo Playhouse

Guapo Playhouse Presents: Can You Hear Me Now?

Today’s Music: The Kids – Groenplaats
This piece is sponsored by The Belgian Society for Bored Students and the Belgium Department of Tourism.
Author note – I have absolutely no idea what people are named in Belgium.

Dramatis Personae
Ervina – A university age girl, spunky, with a variety of piercings
Ardralla – A university age girl, neat, straitlaced. She seeks adventure
Coralla – A university age girl, relaxed. Actually, she seems kind of bored.
Herbert – A professional ear-piercer, who looks like he learned by practicing on himself.

(The late winter Belgium sun shines through a glass plate, emblazoned with “Herbert’s Belgian Ear Piercing And Waffle Emporium”. Three girls sit at a table, talking across their plates laden with waffles and chocolate.
A waiter brings them another round of Belgian beer.)

Ardralla: Of course I’m going to do it. One little prick. How bad can it be? (She faces Ervina) you have plenty of them. Do they hurt?
Ervina: All of my piercings are significant. (She runs her hand across her face, fingering piercings as she speaks.) These were for the first men I loved. (She touches another) And this was for the first woman I loved.
(She touches a Belgian Flag stud pierced through her lower lip. She turns full-on to the audience, with a glowing smile.)
And this is the flag of our beloved Belgium – a great place to live, a great place to visit!
(Her teeth sparkle)
Coralla: (Yawning) Yawn.
Ardralla: (sighing) You’re so dramatic. You should post that little story.
Ervina: (grinning) Well, no blog intended, but my piercings tell the story of me and my life. (She flicks a gold waffle earring hanging from her ear and grins again.) And of course, our beloved Belgium, where we make over 800 different beers!
(Her teeth sparkle.)
Ardralla: (Looking out to the audience) Why do you keep doing that? Besides, I thought we were talking about me. Do you think Olaf Olafsoen will like me with an earring?
Ervina: (Smirking) Oh, Olaf loves the girls with earrings!
Coralla: (Yawning) Yawn.
Ardralla: (Rising angrily) Ervina, how could you? You know I like him!
(Ardralla reaches for the Belgian pastry, a gozette (delicious!) and prepares to throw it at Ervina.
Her arm is grabbed by HERBERT, the tattooed and pierced professional whose shop this is.)

Herbert:(His voice comes out as a lisp, a side effect of the 72 tongue piercings he has, and nerve damage to his face from the Belgian flag tattooed on his cheek.) It would be a shame to waste that turnover, my dear. (He turns to the audience) The gozette is one of our local delicacies, renowned for its deliciousness! (turning back to Ardralla) I understand you’re here for a piercing?
Coralla: (Yawning) Yawn.
Exit stage right

Interior, Piercing/Tattoo parlor.
(Herbert finishes another Belgian made beer and exhales, satisfied. The mug joins many others on a crowded table. Ardralla watches him from the chair.)
Herbert: Ok, let’s get this done.
(He reaches for his tools and turns to Ardralla, just as Ervina rushes in.)
Ervina: Wait- I love Olaf!
(Ardralla shrieks as Herbert stumbles. The lights fade. Ardralla shrieks again.)

(The girls are sitting on a bench in front of the famous Little Boy Peeing fountain. Ervina’s mascara has run from crying. Ardralla has a large bump on her shoulder under her shirt. Corvalla looks bored.)
Ervina: I’m so so sorry…
Ardralla: I have to wait three weeks to take this off so it doesn’t get infected! I can’t believe you thought drunken Herbert was a great piercing artist!
Ervina: Well it doesn’t look that bad. Can I see?
Ardralla: (Ripping her shirt open) HE PIERCED MY SHOULDER! (She turns to the audience, gesturing at the stud.) But it is a tasteful representation of Tintin, one of Belgiums most famous characters!
(Her teeth sparkle.)
Coralla: (Yawning) Yawn.

The curtain falls.