This is not madness. THIS. IS. FOOLISHNESS!!!

Today’s Music: PJ Harvey – One Time Too Many

Thank. God. I thought I’d never make it this far into the week. Ridiculously busy at work! Rough commute! It snowed!!! Sheesh! Good thing I had blogs to get me through. Here’s some of what I saw…
Susie Lindau Smooshed Her Boobs. DJ Matticus’ Prince fought a Great Battle! And WhiteladyInTheHood had a run-in with…well… Bunny Tails. Sort of.

Thanks to them and everyone else for a whole lot of great reading this week!

Wrong. For ANY gender.

But last week, sex was on everyones minds. Especially when we asked about turning into the opposite sex. And wow, did you people have some interesting thoughts on the subject. (Seriously, get help!) Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are androgynous in italics.)
Figure out if it’s really all that hard to aim into the BOWL (Samara)
(Of course it isn’t. Sinks are wide! Oh..waitaminute..)
Words can’t describe the assault I would lay siege to my new apparatus (Samara)
(For that, grunts are better than words.)
Say feck loudly and in a deep voice, while scratching my balls :-\ Indecisive Eejit
(RuPaul? Is that you?)
make sure the snozberries still tasted like snozberries. thematticuskingdom
(That’s the last time I’m checking Urban Dictionary for definitions.)
immediately steal The Queen’s title. thematticuskingdom
(CATFIGHT!!!)
check the calendar to see if it was some sort of Freaky Friday. thematticuskingdom
(Doublecheck that it isn’t 1976.)
Poke someone… Yes of course with my finger 😉 lol Andro
(Whew! Because you can take someone’s eye out with those other things!)
Flirt a lot more than usual, hey I’m kidding 🙂 Andro
(What is more than an “infinite” amount?)
Slap myself twenty times… Shouting get me out of here – Andro
(Two men enter. One man…umm…nevermind)
prove that men can have multiple orgasms. Aussa Lorens
(We don’t because of the dehydration risks.)
Finally be able to kill my own spiders. The Sailor’s Woman
(Well that’s not taking very good care of your pets…)
become a militant feminist and chide my former self for intense dumbness (Trent)
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
Fart and blame it on the dog, yell at the TV and pretend to fix stuff. Kayjai
(Even better if you don’t own a dog!)
Listen to the song “If I were a boy” by Beyonce? #WeirdIKnow
(So…bad taste in music regardless of gender?)
Slap myself across the face repeatedly just so I could wake up from this horror
(So you’re still into that, regardless of gender?)
take a duckface selfie (Stacy)
(At least you’ll be able to hide it behind facial hair.)
scream
(Like a little girl?)
wear kilts and suits! NBI
(You can get a mankini. Good for any gender!)
have serious balls. (Nadia)
(If you’d grown up with them, they’d probably be more playful…)
Do a pee, leave the seat up and think HARD about WHY I do something so annoying! Miss Lou
(Or revel in doing it the right way!)
Be dumber than I was before I went to sleep Elyse 54.5
(Yes…but you wouldn’t care!)
Scratch myself in public and then spit on the ground in front of myself
(Hmm…not sure which gender you’re changing to…)
get a big set of fake boobs!! SnB
(Oh, I have a pair of those mounted on the wall.)
(Zoe) Wonder why I had a man in my bed
(Because if he were under it, it would lead to a whole lot of questions…)
(Zoe) I would have a new toy to play with.
(Careful it doesn’t go off while you’re cleaning it…)
Be boring as hell! SnaapyG
(We prefer to think of it as “being introspective”.)
Find out which organ I really think with… (Gretchen, drifting through.com)
(No thinking involved.)
(With either of them.)
…be glad to give my brain a break from doing all the thinking. (Miz Yank)
(Or start thinking about important stuff!)
Make my husband, 37, get a sex change — Linda Vernon
(Just don’t let him do it with his own tools!)
In my best Corleone way I would yell out “I GET TO ACT LIKE A MAN” Marie Nicole
(I thought every man acted like a boy?)
play with my new boobies… Twindaddy
(You wouldn’t return them when you changed back, would you.)
earn 20 cents more on the dollar and never again wait in line for a restroom!
(Wait in line? We just pee outside when it’s crowded.)
PMAO… be glad I have long, sexy legs.
(Nono, this is after the sex change.)
still write about my naughty bits – Rutabaga
(What, no video?)
Refuse to answer the question for fear of reprisal. (Frank)
(If these polls have taught me anything, it’s that there are no right answers.)
Enjoy peeing standing up. (Deanna)
(Why not? I often enjoy it then! Or while walking…)
see if scratching my junk is all that it’s cracked up to be. Polysyllabic Profundities
(Once you scratch junk, all else is…bunk!(?))
Relish having one thought at a time. Bliss! – Sandy Mitchell
(Mmm…relish…)
I would never reduce myself to a single orgasm entity. – Sandy Mitchell
(There’s an amoeba joke in there somewhere…)

Congratulations to Trent for this weeks winning answer! (And we hope he uses his prize to work out his issues.) And from the offered choices, the most popular was still look great. So congratulations on all the self confidence!

This week, Easter is coming right before Passover leaves. But instead the end of the weekend, this poll is about what happens at the beginning. Good Friday! What could be better than that.
Well, that’s what we’d like to know.
Answer often, but answer soon, because this one closes at 2359 EDT on Tuesday, 22 April. Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.

And since the new Captain America is out (good flick. Stay til the end of the credits.), enjoy this as we head into the weekend.

See you…out there.

Freedom

Today’s Music: Paul Simon – Train in the Distance
Note on Today’s Music: The song has nothing to do with the post. I’ve just always found this one kind of calming, and that goes with the post.

There’s a whole lot of things I was going to write about for the “other” post of the week. I’ve been thinking about the freedoms I and my fellow Americans enjoy, and how it looks like they’re being whittled away as we watch, or even cheer for it – NSA surveillance, abortion restrictions (and with it, access to healthcare for women).
At the same time, I’ve watched the repeal of DOMA which gives me some hope that in the end, people will just let others be people.
I’ve been watching the GOP. They have some positions I admire – self sufficiency, independence, compassionate conservatism (which, like communism, might be a great idea in theory, but sucks in practice). But overall, they are very much the party of the older white male. Perception is often reality, especially in politics. And the reality they broadcast is that they act in the name of a god that has absolutely nothing to do with any god I’ve ever read about in any religious text.
Well, there was that one by Scalzi which was pretty good, but that was sci-fi, so I don’t think it counts.

It seems like instead of drawing people together, there are an awful lot of forces pushing to keep us apart. And here’s what I don’t understand the most: how does that help them?
All the bozos (politicians, talking heads, zealots, et al) are all screaming at the top of their lungs trying to get a bigger piece of the pie. Their claim is that their distribution of the pie is the only one that’s right, the only one that matters, the only one that tastes good.
But that pie is big enough for everyone. The screaming, the emotional plays, the demeaning of everyone that disagrees with them, lessens all of us, and just hurts the pie.
Why would you do that to pie?
(Mmm…pie…)
And as I write this rambling pointless post, it occurs to me that here’s what bothers me: the argument is losing its basis in reality. Both far sides of the political spectrum are quite ranty about what they believe in. But they’re so caught up in trying to impress on people how awful/scary/stupid the other side is, that they just scream louder and make up more and more “ficts” (fictional facts) to support their side.

Here’s an idea: speak your peace. You want me to believe abortion is bad? Great. Give me a good reason. Justify how jamming a wand into a vagina (currently occupied by a fetus, thank you) is in anyone’s best interests, or how the state should be over-riding doctors to impose a medical procedure that isn’t on par with inoculations (which, by the way, can be refused ).

You want me to pay more in taxes to support your cause? Fantastic. Why? How does that improve society? How does that make my life better? Because that’s your job as my government – to make the life of every citizen better.
And self defense.

You want me to fund a long term science project? Actually, I have no problem with that. Who should I make the check out to?

Anyway, you have plenty of freedom to scream out whatever you like about whatever you like.

I have the freedom to ignore you.

(Author’s note – I should probably stay off the blog when watching political news. Oops.)

The Obligatory Valentines Day Post

Today’s Music: Matthew Sweet – Girlfriend

“Buy roses.”
“Buy Chocolate!”
“SHE WON’T BELIEVE YOU LOVE HER UNLESS YOU BUY A LOAD OF CRAP!!!”

Meh.

Things I really don’t like about Valentines Day:
– Anyone that ever grew a flower for money
– Some of the music that is repurposed. Fiona Apple transcribed for harp and clarinet does not give me the warm fuzzies
– The franticicity. In all sincerity, love should be celebrated.
Every. Single. Day. I don’t understand why there’s such freneticness around a manufactured holiday. Seriously, stuff starts showing up now the day after Christmas.
– Hallmark. The perfect words for that special someone. One point eight million special someones. Stop monetizing my emotions.
And they’re never stacked with the right size envelopes.

Things I love about Valentines Day:
– I cherish and adore The Most Wonderful Girl In The Universe. All the time.
Valentines Day is when my behavior looks absolutely normal.
(Actually, it’s the only day my behavior looks absolutely normal.)
(Except for Dia De Los Muertos, but that’s a different post…)
– With a little bit of cleverness, it’s easy to avoid all the other crazies.

I’ll try to leave work on time tonight. That should get me home a little before TMWGITU. I’ll have time to spread the blanket in the living room, set up some other effects (she reads this blog, so I can’t be too specific), and get ready for our mid-winter picnic.
I’ll get in the kitchen and start cooking. We have fresh mozzarella, creme fraiche, salmon and cherry tomatoes.
It will be delicious.
While the salmon is in the oven, I’ll make the whipped cream. It will have a smidge of vanila and a dash of sugar.
All of that will fit nicely in the desert pastry shells.
She’ll get home, and I’ll help her out of her coat, give her a kiss and a long hug.
I’ll tell her that I love her, several times, even though she already knows. It’s written on my face and everything I do.
Maybe I’ll pour her a drink, maybe just a soda.
We’ll sit on the blanket and share a meal prepared with love, and eaten with love.
I’ll tell her I love her a bunch more times.
At some point, I’ll slide in behind her and give her a back rub.

After that, who can say
(We both have to work Friday, so probably just go to sleep next to each other and wake up next to each other)
(She’ll probably steal the blankets.)
(Again.)

The only difference between tomorrow and a regular day will probably be that tomorrow, everyone is in a tizzy of love, instead of just us…

Friday Foolishness – Purposeful Edition

Today’s Music: American Bang – Move To The Music

A busy week – Angels! Christmas! Santa! Blogs!
Here’s a few of the great posts I read:
The Bumble Files took “drivin’ the road to christmas” to a new (and hilarious) extreme! Adair You showed us (with instructions) why she is the Queen of Napping, and in a more serious post, and Flies Over Nebraska put up one about fishing that isn’t really about fishing. But is a great, thoughtful read.

Thanks to them, and all of you, for a week of fun reading, on xmas stuff and so much more!

Last week, we asked about something it sounded like many would have enjoyed this past week – Naps! And there were some very strong (and occasionaly disturbing) thoughts about them. Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are snuggled in italics.)

My blankie to hold against my cheek so I have sweet dreams! Benzeknees
(Blankie..? Wait – that was you on the bus?!?)
An orgy of course 😉 Androgoth
(In that case, you’ll want a nap first!)
Being a salaried sleeper. Red.
(Ah, so a gov’t job for you?)
A night of wickedness with Elvira Mistress of the Dark… Androgoth
(Are naps long enough to have nightmares?)
Sex, bacon, and sex involving bacon. And wine. – Hotspur
(If you’re like most guys, that’s just a prelude to the nap. And a BLT.)
Nutella. GiggsMcGill Jill
(Don’t you mean Napella, the dreamy stuff from which dreams are made? Or is that bourbon?)
Hanging from the chandelier crazy monkey sex. x, Becca
(I’d go crazy too having sex hanging from a chandelier. Nothing to brace yourself against…)
Sex with bacon flavored lube – Stuphblog
(Wouldn’t your pecker get caught in the top of the bottle?)
…and we have a winner! (haha I cheated)
(Everyone wins at Camp Guapola!
(Yeah, I said it.)
(hehehe…)
A nap followed by cookies! And apparently, I’m four years old. L&L
(You really should ask an adult for permission before coming here. And turn in any adult that gives it to you.)
Strong pain meds! (JohnE– Chicago Ballot Stuffer)
(I bet you need painkillers after stuffing yourself in a ballot box!)
Strong pain meds! (John E– Chicago Ballot Stuffer)
(Meds that apparently affect short term memory…)
Strong pain meds! (John E– Chicago Ballot Stuffer)
(Ok big fella, I think you’ve had enough!)
REALLY strong pain meds! All the dreams in a fourth the time! (John E)
(Exactly how strong are those meds , anyway?)
one that has sassy one-liners. “Oh nap!” – calahan
(That about (flannel) covers it.)
Two naps (Carrie Rubin)
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
A Hillary Clinton Coma of Convenience Linda Vernon
(I think the rest of gov’t will be adopting that strategy…)
The afternoon wine that precedes the nap. Elyse 54.5
(Start with morning wine. Trust me on this.)
Napping while cuddling a Panda – Becca 25tofly
(So that explains those bamboo pajamas…)
naps are for saps
(Hey, that’s MR. Sap to you!)
a nap with my kitty & my man ❤ (words&otherthings)
(Are you sure you’re thinking of naps when you’re all in bed together??
(What? Cats like attention.)
Come on, Guap! There is ONE thing….(Stacy)
(I thought we agreed to never speak of our affection for Andy Griffith…)
a nap in a hammock, someplace tropical. Alex: )
(In the Caribbean, I can get us a good deal on a hammock made of local…weeds…)
A second nap! KJ
(Wow, WE HAVE ANOTHER WINNER!!!)
Taking Guapo and his girl to Skyline Chili. (Frank)
(Do they have pillow on the menu?)

Congratulations to Carrie Rubin)\and KJ for what is honestly the perfect answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was Is that a serious question???. God, I love you people!

And here we are at this week. The last foolishness of the year, the foolishness where we take all that has gone before, and tie up the loose ends in a nice little bow to bring it all to a head!
Or, we could just ask a stupid question.
Yeah, lets go with that!
In a few days, you all (possibly while drinking too much champagne) will shout out, as the calendar ticks over, your new years resolution.
Last year we asked What you resolved. And I think we all know how that turned out.
So this year, how about a “day after” question about those resolutions in the new year.
So resolve to answeroften, resolve to answer wisely (or not). But resolve to answer by 2359, 3 Jan, 2013, because that’s when this one ends.

So, I have no idea if I’ll post again before the end of the year. If I don’t, I’d like to take a moment to thank everyone for your company and friendship this year, and I hope every last one of you, all of you and yours, get everything you hope for in 2013!

And just in case you’re worried that I’m getting all maudlin and sappy, I leave you with these:
I think everyone should be able to marry, as long as their partner (of whatever race, creed, religion or gender) is willing. But for those of you who aren’t sure, this should be incentive enough.

Friday Foolishness – On and on and on and… Edition

Today’s Music: Warren Zevon – Werewolves of London

On a serious note before we start – to all those affected by the hurricane this week, I hope you all weathered it with your usual style and panache, and that normalcy is returning to your part of the world.
For those interested, the Red Cross is collecting to help those that were devastated by the storm.
And if there’s anything you can think of I can do to help you out, just let me know.
And away we go…

That last kit-kat did me in…

Oh, that was fun. Trees bending, tunnels filling with water. Beaches being washed away, Trumps hair seething in the rain, and all of the MTA closed for a few days.
How does one weather a hurricane? Why, by reading blogs, of course!
Here’s some of what I saw.
butimbeautiful gave us her instructions on finding happiness
Mike Calahan shared his younger selfs’ adventures in movie making, and Hasty Words wrote a great poem about coworkers.
You and everyone else made this week a little easier to get through!

Which brings us full circle to last week. The poll asked What is your Halloween costume?
And regardless of how you’re dressed on the outside, you all are hilariously outlandish on the inside!
Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are searching for candy in italics.)

Mitt Romney, now that is definitely scary… Androgoth
(But his hair is perfect. (Anyone? Anyone?))
I loathe Halloween
(That’s the spirit! Now just add moaning and a clanking chain.)
Usual night out clothes. Serial killers look like regular folks –Miss R
(You could pop your collar. That scares the crap out of me.)
Lily Munster, cause I don’t have to get changed-butimbeautiful
(You need a Herman, so you can rest your drink on his head.)
Stepping on giant spider gave me costume idea: (slutty)spider buster! –asplenia
(And your sidekick, (Slutty) Dustbuster Guy!)
Someone pretending to care that it’s Halloween.–Lily in Canada
(*Someone pretending to write a pithy response*)
A famous, published author – me! Benzeknees
(Go as a spray painter. Everyone will see your work!)
Dick Whitington, but the Cat can naff off… Androgoth
(I think Dick was just a mouthpiece for the cat.)
Well it won’t be anything like Frankenstein’s tart, she is on the next bus 😦 Androgoth
(No wearing the other revelers, Andro. hehehe…)
Myself, that is definitely scary enough I think? 🙂 Androgoth
(Aww, that’s so cute!)
The girl who’s not good at making costumes… (jillianlevi)
(Go as the Charlie Brown swiss cheese/ghost?)
A Happy Zombie (better than a depressed human) (Stacy)
(I bet the guy whose face you just ate doesn’t think so!)
A squirrel in a pink tutu..awindowintothewoods
(Beats those pink elephants I see after my morning tequila coffee…)
If Hotspur would show his face, I’ll go as HIM! – words&otherthings
(EEEEEK!!!)
BUTTON cracked button 😉 LizzieC
(How about Red Buttons?)
a big cracked butt ..LizzieC
(So a plumber then?…)
Group costume. Making life sized binders, full of women & blow up dolls. –Quirky
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
Someone who’s had too much candy. Carrie Cannibalistic Nerd
(I won’t even have to buy a new outfit for that!)
Sawed in half/ badly reattached half Romney (left side) Obama (right) –B_T
(Since it’s a political costume, you should stress the “disjointed”.)
Mother Nature (my daughter picked it)
(Next year, bring the treats, leave the tricks. And you owe us a new tree.)
Roadkill (sandylikeabeach)
(Often confused on Halloween with “buffet”…)
El Guapo in a Flying Suit with Jets (Frank)
(Leading to next years costume,El Guapo with a big grin in a full body cast!)
Noncommitted (Kanerva)
(Wait – does that mean no straitjacket?)
Donald Trump — my hair’s a mess (Elyse 54.5)
(If you’re Donald Trump, the hair is the least of your problems!)
I can’t tell you,it’s a secret but I’ll post pics. KJ
(You’re the “Where’s Waldo” of Halloweeners.)
A bored suburban housewife from Ohio. SnaapyG
(Mix it up a little. Go as a bored housewife from New Jersey.)
a person who no longer gives a fuck – Rodney Dangerfield
(Rodney Dangerfield is dead. Go as his zombie version!)

Congratulations to Quirky for this weeks winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was Slutty Chewbacca. RooaAWwwrrRRrr!

So here we are at this week. Big news here is the elections. I’m voting Obama, and I hope you do the same. As Androgoth noted, Mitt Romney is scary.
But that’s not the poll.
This week is falls between the anniversary of the very first poll, and the first time it was called Friday Foolishness.
Which means that, after a year of doing these, it’s all about you. that’s right folks. We’re asking what you’ve learned from these polls!
Pour out your life lessons, and pour as often as you like, but pour them before 2359 EST on 8 Nov, because that’s when this one closes.

And until we meet again, I leave you with these.
Before he was Mr. Bean, Rowan Atkinson was a stand up comedian.
The first clip has stuck with me for years. Rowan Atkinson as a priest:

And Rowan Atkinson as the Devil:

Have a great week everyone. See you on the flipside…