Category Archives: Limerick

A Literary Limerick (and Haiku!) – Star Wars: A New Hope


Today’s Music: Meco – Star Wars Theme/Cantina
Note on today’s music: If you’ve never heard this disco version, you should click the link.

Continuing in the tradition of disrespect for the classics, El Guapo is proud to present his latest invitation to be sued by the copyright holders of great works.
Today, we turn our literary Tourette’s on the Star Wars saga.
(There was a novelization of the movie I owned as boy. So there.)

This one is actually based on a request. Love & Lunchmeat asked if Star Wars could be done. Possibly in Haiku.
As we are ecstatic that anyone pays any attention to these at all, we are happy to oblige.

A note on Haiku: it is a venerated Japanese art form. The traditional structure is 17 “on“. On are not the same as syllables. I have no idea what they are, so I don’t feel bad about the meter here at all.

One other note on this series: This will be episodes 4, 5 and 6. Not 1, 2 or 3.
Star Wars. Not Star Wars: The Quest To Cash In.

A battle of good versus evil.

A son inherits more than a lightsaber.

Dude, don’t kiss you sister.


Star Wars
A New Hope
He grew up fast, in confusion and blur.
“For luck” she said as he kissed her.
In the trench he shot true
No more Death Star for you!

But dude, you just kissed your sister!!!

And just to cleanse your palate, here’s Bill Murray’s lyrics from an old old Saturday Night Live skit.

A Literary Limerick – The Harry Potter Saga


Today’s Music: Nina Simone – I Put A Spell On You

As promised (threatened?) here is the Harry Potter Limerick Omnibus! (Sounds so much more dignified than it really is…)
None of the limericks have been edited, except for the titles to make them more consistent.
Enjoy!

Book One: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer’s Stone

A young boy with a scar on his head
His parents, both sadly were dead
When he reached age eleven,
thought he’d been admitted to heaven

But had to fight the “2 headed” teacher instead.

Book Two: Harry Potter and the Chamber of Secrets

Everyone said that it was a secret
But Harry’s interest was piqued
Guilderoy was no help –
At his own shadow he yelped.

But with a phoenix, the basilisk was beated.

Book Three: Harry Potter and The Prisoner of Azkaban

The dog in the bushes was mysterious.
Harry though that he might be delirious
There were a wolf and a mouse
In a very haunted house

but the hero, in the end, was Sirius

Book Four: Harry Potter and The Goblet Of Fire

For Harry, the competition was grim
When it got down to Cedric and him.
They went from the maze
to a field full of graves

Soon-to-be-sparkly Diggory died on a whim…

Book Five: Harry Potter and The Order Of The Phoenix

The fighting was close and intense
Splinters and dust clouds so dense
Sirius turned quite pale
As he went through the veil.

Wait a minute – Love is Harry’s defense?!?


Book Six: Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince

Sirius had gone through the veil.
In Dark Arts, Snape threatened Harry with “Fail”
But Harry did more
Hangin’ with Dumbledore.

If only he’d built the balcony a rail


Book Seven: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part One

Find the Horcruxii was what Harry must do.
Set off with friends to defeat You Know Who…
But just like the flick –
though it might make you sick –

this limerick will be split into two.


Book Seven: Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows – Part Two

Poor Dobby, he laid down his life.
And Ron pissed off his soon-to-be wife
but Harry stood tall,
one (ring) Wand to rule them all

The epilogue: Harry, with happiness, was rife.

A Literary Limerick – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2


Today’s Music: Europe – The Final Countdown

Well, we’ve finally made it. Today, July 31st, is Harry Potter’s birthday. What better time to end our Iliad-ish saga through the Harry Potter epic in limerick form?
(Yes, yes, the day after it started (or even the day before) would have been a better time.)

But since we’ve all (Some of us? None of us? Just me?) made it this far, lets finish it with a bang, shall we? (if you haven’t read the rest yet, and are into that kind of torture, click the Limerick tab above the banner.)

The story thus far:
Two headed teacher, nifty phoenix, useless teachers, good teachers, great teachers, mistaken identity, slugs, potions, wickedness, sparkly vampi- (sorry, got confused there), anger, angst, whining, angst, willow, vuvuzela, treacle tart.
Oh, and noseless bad guy.

All caught up? Then, with a robust HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY! and a sincere DON’T SUE ME JK!, we now conclude our limerickian tribute to Harry Potter.

Book Seven – Part Two

Poor Dobby, he laid down his life.
And Ron pissed off his soon-to-be wife
but Harry stood tall,
one (ring) Wand to rule them all

The epilogue: Harry, with happiness, was rife.

Thank you all for coming along for the ride!

Tomorrow, as requested, I will post all eight limericks on one page(!!!)
I’ll understand if the hit count is low.

A Literary Limerick – Deathly Hallows, Part One


Today’s Music: Blind Faith – Can’t Find My Way Home

Well, here we are, rapidly closing in on the finish. Almost all the adult authority figures that are going to die importantly already have. And so, the final journey begins.
After much walking and walking and running and walking, Sam and Frodo Harry and Hermione (and Ron) finally end up with a proper plan that they hope will work.

So let us begin the limericky bastardization of book seven of JK Rowlings magnificent Opus! (Not the penguin.)

Book Seven – Part One

Find the Horcruxii was what Harry must do.
Set off with friends to defeat You Know Who…
But just like the flick –
though it might make you sick –

this limerick will be split into two.

*Apologies to Elyse for following the movies (not the books) to get in that extra limerick, and Lisa, who might actually dislike limericks.

For those of you with calendars (or a low tolerance for pain), we will wrap this up on 31 July, Harry Potter’s Birthday.
So you may want to steer clear until after that…
hehehe

A Literary Limerick – Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince


Today’s Music: John Fogerty – Fortunate Son
Note On Today’s Music: Great tune, great performance. The end of the video is just an awful lot of clapping though (about a minute).

We’re nearing the end!!! (Yeah yeah,keep your cheers down. Sheesh.)
July 31st is Harry Potter’s birthday, so I thought that would make a fitting day to finish this Limer-ep-ick

For those who haven’t been keeping up, I applaud your restraint and good judgement. For those of you who have been following this from the beginning, this limerick marks the retelling of the sixth book of the Harry Potter series.

Oh, the woe! The angst! The humanity!
Harry, nearing the end of his educational career, is thrust into a more responsible role as a fighter against he who has no nose.
If you’ve read the books, this will make no sense to you at all.
If you haven’t read the books, this will make no sense to you at all.

If you haven’t read the limericks, go to the Limerick tab above the banner. At your own risk.
hehehe

And now…

Book Six

Sirius had gone through the veil.
In Dark Arts, Snape threatened Harry with “Fail”
But Harry did more
Hangin’ with Dumbledore.

If only he’d built the balcony a rail…

Only two more to go!