A Literary Limerick – The Hobbit

Today’s Music: The Dangerous Summer – The Permanent Rain

Today, we return to the playful corruption of great literature, in a piece requested by the much loved (she paid me to say that. Even though it’s true.) Ginger Snaap.
The main story will follow at some point (I should probably reread…nahhhh), but this is the first piece to begin the epic.
(No, The Silmarillion doesn’t count. Because I’ve never read it.)

So pull up a mug of that fine hobbit wine, sharpen the tips of your elven ears, and threaten your neighbors into silence with your Dwarvish axe.

As we limeri-cize…The Hobbit….

The Hobbit
To him, being hungry was the worst.
He stole Precious and made Gollum’s heart burst.
The Dwarves sought to bag him
To help beat the Dragon.
That’s how Bilbo spent his eleventy-first.

You’re welcome.
(You can see all the limericks by clicking Limerick above the banner.)

And as a palate cleanser, please, enjoy this.

A Literary Limerick (and Haiku!) – Star Wars: A New Hope

Today’s Music: Meco – Star Wars Theme/Cantina
Note on today’s music: If you’ve never heard this disco version, you should click the link.

Continuing in the tradition of disrespect for the classics, El Guapo is proud to present his latest invitation to be sued by the copyright holders of great works.
Today, we turn our literary Tourette’s on the Star Wars saga.
(There was a novelization of the movie I owned as boy. So there.)

This one is actually based on a request. Love & Lunchmeat asked if Star Wars could be done. Possibly in Haiku.
As we are ecstatic that anyone pays any attention to these at all, we are happy to oblige.

A note on Haiku: it is a venerated Japanese art form. The traditional structure is 17 “on“. On are not the same as syllables. I have no idea what they are, so I don’t feel bad about the meter here at all.

One other note on this series: This will be episodes 4, 5 and 6. Not 1, 2 or 3.
Star Wars. Not Star Wars: The Quest To Cash In.

A battle of good versus evil.

A son inherits more than a lightsaber.

Dude, don’t kiss you sister.

Star Wars
A New Hope
He grew up fast, in confusion and blur.
“For luck” she said as he kissed her.
In the trench he shot true
No more Death Star for you!
But dude, you just kissed your sister!!!

And just to cleanse your palate, here’s Bill Murray’s lyrics from an old old Saturday Night Live skit.

A Literary Limerick – Deathly Hallows, Part One

Today’s Music: Blind Faith – Can’t Find My Way Home

Well, here we are, rapidly closing in on the finish. Almost all the adult authority figures that are going to die importantly already have. And so, the final journey begins.
After much walking and walking and running and walking, Sam and Frodo Harry and Hermione (and Ron) finally end up with a proper plan that they hope will work.

So let us begin the limericky bastardization of book seven of JK Rowlings magnificent Opus! (Not the penguin.)

Book Seven – Part One

Find the Horcruxii was what Harry must do.
Set off with friends to defeat You Know Who…
But just like the flick –
though it might make you sick –
this limerick will be split into two.

*Apologies to Elyse for following the movies (not the books) to get in that extra limerick, and Lisa, who might actually dislike limericks.

For those of you with calendars (or a low tolerance for pain), we will wrap this up on 31 July, Harry Potter’s Birthday.
So you may want to steer clear until after that…
hehehe

A Literary Limerick – Order Of The Phoenix

Today’s Music: Dave Edmunds – Crawling FromThe Wreckage

It’s time for the latest installment in the “DEAR GOD WHY IS HE DOING THIS TO US????” limerick interpretation of Harry Potter.
At this point in our story, Harry is whiny, Ron is sullen, and Hermione is…well, Hermione.
Ah, but Cedric is dead and Voldemort is alive.
What can possibly happen next?!?

So join as we…rework…this beloved classic. Into Limerick form!
And if you want to see the rest (because you’re a masochist), just click Limerick above the banner.

The Order Of The Phoenix
Book Five

The fighting was close and intense
Splinters and dust clouds so dense
Sirius turned quite pale
As he went through the veil.
Wait a minute – Love is Harry’s defense?!?

No, these probably won’t get any better as they go on. But on the bright side, only three limericks left!

Let the hate mail begin!

A Literary Limerick – Gods of Asphalt

Today’s Music: Willie Nelson – On The Road Again

Those of you that have been around some of the blogs on my blogroll have already heard of H.E. Ellis first book, Gods of Asphalt, Book 1 (or availablehere)

There have been several reviews around the net, all of them good (as they should be). There have been many accolades from other bloggers to H.E. (as there should be).

However, in all my Googling, I have not found a single limerick tribute.
That’s just wrong folks. Or rather, the limerick I am about to present is just wrong.

Those of you who have read the book can see how this fits. Those of you who haven’t should go read the book, then come back and read the limerick (cause I want the site hits). (And the book is pretty damn good.)
Just so you know, H.E. knew nothing about the posting of the limerick. If she had
– It would have been much better
– I would be in traction from massive damage from her running me over in her Jeep. Even though I’m on the 16th floor here.

And so, with no further apologies (since I really can’t make enough of them for this travesty), the Gods of Asphalt limerick:

Playing ball was Sawyers dream in this world
Confronted his dad in a big ugly whirl.
At Gus’ place he learned
How the road twisted and turned.
Drove off with dad to serenade the girl

Really, I don;t know how you people read these limericks. I think I hit a new low. In the head. With a brick.
Sigh.

Anyway, go check out the book. It will do wonders towwards cleaning out the bad taste in your brain from this.
You’re welcome.