And Goodnight, Mrs. Foolishness, Wherever You Are!

Today’s Music: Brody Dalle – Don’t Mess With Me

Once more, unto the weekend! Last weekend, I had my Big Brothers/Big Sisters interview, which was an awful lot of questions. Presumably I’ll hear back from them soon. Also spent a great day knocking about with TMWGITU – always fun! Throw in a little live music, and it wasn’t too bad of a week.
Oh, and I got to read blogs! Here’s some of what I saw:
Lance Burson wrote about Changing Music. Dawn posted about facing down Shame, and Linda Vernon gave us the biblical origins of Goat Hotcakes.
All in all, a very satisfying week of reading, from them and all of you.
But last week, we asked you for the most satisfying thing on TV – the next great reality show. And wow, are your realities stranger than fiction! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are getting their fifteen minutes in italics.)
The Farmwives of Hot Coffee, MS~~Addie
(Watch as they consider moving to the sunny side of Two Eggs, FL)
My Cat Meme Addiction (Nadia)
(While you google them, you can haz cheezburger!)
Housewives of Whoville – Linda Vernon
(On a heartwarming episode, they all adopt Horton.)
Are You My Brother/Sister? Amy R.
(You’re going to put Maury Povich out of a job…)
Gene Pool: Make Your Own Baby Amy R.
(Watch as these artisans hand-create what the rest of us just order online.)
brickhousechick: “Naked & Fried” follow the life of a naked tan man…
(Now I know why that camera van is stalking me…)
Stacy’s Living Room Revelations (Stacy) ha!
(On the Thanksgiving episode, Norm realizes he can carve the turkey from the couch!)
experienced by turning off the TV. sandylikeabeach
How I Learned to Play the Harmonica with my Nose
(With very special guest, Stevie “The Shnoz” Wonder.)
Duckface Dynasty
(Tonight, Darlene cleans the bathroom before snapping a selfie in the mirror!)
Life With The Hotspurs
(Hotspur and wife both dress up as Miyavi. But who’s prettier?)
Confessions of the Chick-Fil-A Cow – Curvyroads
(The truth will turn all four of your stomachs.)
Real Red(State)Necks of North Georgia – Curvyroads
(In the episode that changes everything, Dwayne’s “Mom” tattoo is misspelled right before he starts his run for Senate.)
Bloggers Reveal How to Keep Yourself from Growing Onto Your Computer – Benzeknees
(On the season finale, Benze catches a virus from her PC.)
“DYIs: Hipsters On the Loose” KBerrios
(Hipsters go dumpster-diving, then redecorate one lucky person’s house!)
Or, the actual un-dislexic version, “DIY: Hipsters on the Loose.” KBerrios
(Hey, they were misspelling on teh internet be4 it was kewl.)
a show about me… trying to get on this blog… PMAO
(Watch as PMAO’s account is shut down for spam.)

Pork Dynasty: Swamp Pigs
(Bringing home the bacon. One bucket of mud at a time.)
Your question implies there was a 1st “great” reality show. Elyse 54.5
Real Bloggers At Home (SilkPurseProductions)
(Wait – bloggers are real people???)
Zoe:How the rest of the world survives Hawaiian Shirts
(Spoiler Alert: There’s a lot of rum involved.)
The Life and Times of Guap. (thematticuskingdom)
(That’s better suited for a PBS slot in the early am hours.)
(When everyone is asleep.)

My Child Thinks They are a Vampire. (thematticuskingdom)
(Wow, that…sucks.)
Following a $20.00 bill as it changes hands and opens doors.
(Isn’t that the entire schedule of Fox Business News?)
Mine was the $20.00 reality show – Susie Lindau Duh!
(And here I was expecting the $1,000,000 idea.)
Stop! Or my mom will shoot. (thematticuskingdom)
(Settle down there, Palin jr.)
Turning Brony: A trip deep inside the bowels of Bronyism. *NancyTex
(Those colorful, colorful bowels.)
The Secret Lives of GIF Makers
(Feel the drama – one flashing frame at a time!)
Real Villains of Gotham City – Thing Two aliceatwonderland
(Doesn’t our gov’t get enough media coverage already?)
IBS Unleashed – Rutabaga
(On tonights episode, Bill…toots…his own horn!)
Buckaroo’d! A show about zoophiliacs ditched at the alter by their horses – Joe Hoover
(I’d like to think that show has a small audience. But it’s probably huge…)
I Peed My Pants While Watching Sex Sent Me To The ER – Twindaddy
(Sponsored by Depends Undergarments.)
Twilight Sent Me to the ER- “Thing One” aliceatwonderland
(Spinoff of “50 Shades sent me to the Proctologist”.)

Congratulations to sandylikeabeach and Elyse 54.5 for this weeks winning answers! (Catch the behind the scenes action of their acceptance on “Accepting Inane Awards“, this week on TLC!). And from the offered choices, the most popular was I Wore The Foam Burger Suit at McDonalds. So congratulations to everyone self confident enough to admit they did that.
Strip Poll
This week, spring is very much in the air, including the birds! And the bees! So obviously, it’s time for a sex-related poll. And you don’t even have to worry about catching a disease from this one! (Carefeul, Benze.)
Answer often, but answer soon, because this one closes at 2359 EDT on Tuesday, 15 April. Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.

And since the poll wasn’t really about sex, enjoy this video that isn’t quite about sex either.

Have a great week everyone!

Friday Fictioneers: Magic

Today’s Music: Edwin Star – War

And if you can, please help out Merbear. Just click The “Save A…” link on the left..

Every week, Rochelle Wisoff Fields posts a photo, and challenges her readers to write 100 words (ish) inspired by the picture. This week’s picture is from D. Lovering at 40 Again, and it’s followed by a story exactly 100 words long, with a beginning, a middle and an end.
(I figured since it’s my first time, I should follow the rules.)
Click over to her site to read some other great entries, and maybe leave your own!

They entered the canopy and the air smelled cleaner, the laughter of children around the square louder and more vibrant.
The man in the suit turned to their guide.
“Odd decoration for the entrance to a missile defense, isn’t it?”
The guide smiled. “No entrance. This is it.” He whipped out a handgun, pointing it at the man, who barely had time to cringe before the trigger was pulled.
The bullet dribbled from the barrel, bouncing harmlessly off the pavement.
“H-how…?” sputtered the man in the suit.
“The magic of the Maypole”, answered the guide. “Don’t you believe in magic?

All criticism is welcome. Hell, since you’re reading, it’s in your interest to help me write better. ;)

Spam. A Love Story.

Today’s Music: Israel Kamakawiwo’ole – Somewhere over the Rainbow asdf
*Note on Today’s Music: Song picked by NancyTex, who was suspiciously keen on me posting this.
*Note on today’s post: All the links are safe. Sort of.

I have never denied being a sappy romantic at heart. Sometimes, as I’m deleting my spam comments, I like to wonder, what if these people met? Would Ray Bans Wholesale enjoy the company of the Christian Dating Site? Could Webmaster SEO and Fancy Cat Pictures ever make a go of it? Do BabelFish and Google Translate ever find a common language (since neither of them seem to speak English)?
Let’s sit in on one of their dates, told in their native language and see what happens…

It's a spicy kind of love...

It’s a spicy kind of love…

Am I to be meeting him above the street upon which the light shines down. Noticeable at first is the way hair upon his eyes covers. The hand offered to me? I take it.
“Greetings”, spoke him his words. “The felicitations and announcements to joy upon our reconnaissance are truly of mine”.
I could not help but be swooned at the playerness of his strong welcome. The dapperity of his appearance did speak to me, from his Ray Ban Wholesale Online sunglasses to the Fine Italian Leather of his toe garments.
He did the speaking again “I am Tjhke90587fuyhn^*%jk, but you can call me &*8/”. Enrapturous as the encounter was, I knew this was to be more thereof.
“Acquaintanced of you, I am” was my cautionary reply. “Please to call me Sheila, as I am called Sheila.”
We were too strolling forwards near the restaurant of foods mouthwatering and good-smelling when at once, we were accosted by people from sales with finest delights!
Rolex Watches!
Laptop Cases!
Premium Electronics!
&*8/ was for the purchasing of these exquisitness one red rose that placed he fetchingly above the brow which is my forehead, and we sat the both of us for eating.

To wit of the many undertakings of conversationalisms, there was much of verbage to passing twixt us both, as though the speakage must continue. For job, of which he said there was a lots of pursuant to the makings of bucks, and the various things to selling, including
Adidas cheaper than wholesale!
Premier Spanish Handbags!
Women seeking mates in your area!
Though as concluding, I felt forced to remind him that as webmaster, his SEO usage was costing him page views, which I would dearly love to speak with him about to provide him much better placement within search engine results.
Worried need I have been not, for it was as though collaborations were with my own heart!
After all consumption had concluded and we returned insofar as going back to the place which in this country for many years my bed has been, he attempted the nicely to put kiss upon me. Truly, in lust of brightness, I did wrap arms under him and squeeze as though the first beginnings had started.

Together we have been of since, as for much time.

I hope sincerest my tale will be of inspirement to you, and to know that if you click now, all my story will be as though it were told by my cousin who only knows me as well as to relate this.

You Can’t Always Get What You Foolishness

Today’s Music: The Whigs – Waiting

Why hello there. Welcome to Friday. Hope you all had a good trip. My days this week were at turns productive, frustrating and filled with ennui. Fortunately, there were some plenty of blog posts to keep me company on the way. Here’s some of what I read…
Rollergiraffe told a great story about how her extended family deals with Autism. DHonour wrote a beautiful piece to about her second son on his Sixth Birthday, and KBerrios explained Expressing Yourself to a young boy.

Great stuff all around, from them and everyone else!
Last week, the polls were a’flutter with the question “what do you do with your extra stuff“? And judging from your answers, you’ve hoarded a lot of thoughts on this topic. Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are a messy pile of italics.)

A charity dedicated to helping stars of the show Hoarders – Curvyroads
(Maybe it can be administered by U-Haul?)
My hips, apparently. That’s gotta be why they tripled in size. (Miz Yank)
(My hips don’t lie. They would honestly like another slice of pizza.)
Maybe be like grandparents. Hoard until dead and let others deal. Quirky
(It’s all those meals you wouldn’t let them feed you…)
A company that will recycle it into Hawaiian shirts!! Polysyllabic Profundities
The attic. And I don’t have to deal with it until all falls through the ceiling.
(I hope you didn’t just jinx it…)
…”all falls through the ceiling.” (List of X)
(Should have hoarded some load-bearing beams….)
flea market – cha-ching! (Stacy)
(Careful – fleas are renowned for their haggling.)
The Human Fund. The Sailor’s Woman
(If you give them even a scrap, they’ll follow you around forever.)
There’s a hidden vortex on my lawn. I put my stuff out, and it’s gone by noon.
(You’ve been dumping freezing cold in that vortex, haven’t you.)
(I can tell you where it’s been going.)

Using it to hide from zombies sounds good. At last a reason! Elyse 54.5
(If you make the zombies dig through that stuff, it’ll cost you an arm and a leg.)
To needy sexy people!
(But I don’t want it!!!)
Extra???I have nothing as EXTRA!(Although my mom seems to disagree)Life Confusions
(Oh, Mama Confusions, where did you go wrong???)
ME of course, who else? Puft! Life Confusions
(I’m not sure you understood the question…)
nobody. I hoard, hoard, hoard. jaklumen
(Maybe donate it, to the lord, lord, lord?)
(Or throw it in the river, near the fjord, fjord, fjord!)

It joins the missing socks from the laundry-(Zoe)
(Why are you stashing your stuff in the washing machine???)
Zoe-I eat some,pack some, wear some,sleep in some,mow the lawn,bbq,clean up poop
(Wow, that’s versatile! Is all your stuff a Swiss Army Knife?)
Let’s trade. You take mine. I’ll take yours. –Penny Lane Seriously
(UPS (United Psychology Service) wants hazard pay to transport my stuff.)
my hips, where else? Benzeknees
(I really don’t think there’s a safe way for me to reply to this…)
You spelled stuph wrong… Twindaddy
(Sorry – my speak n spell was buried under the old betamax tapes.)
The dumpster my husband keeps threatening/promising to rent. Susie Lindau
(Mine are only used for the bodies…)
that depends on what your definition of “extra” is. thematticuskingdom
(I DID NOT HAVE RELATIONS WITH THAT WOMAN!!! Sorry, what was the question?)
my local black hole: the attic. thematticuskingdom
(Your attic is Congress???)
flowers, long time passing. thematticuskingdom
(Sounds like you’ve sown the seeds of discontent.)
I don’t have extra stuff, or much stuff at all. Send it my way!
(What, and ruin your Zen groove?)
Uranus….or someone’s anus – Rutabaga
(Is that storage charged by weight or volume?)
… the previous polls muffin (Frank)
(At this point, it’s probably a crouton.)

Congratulations to Polysyllabic Profundities for this weeks winning answer, and thinking outside the (storage) box! And from the offered choices, the most popular was NOWHERE! IT’S MINE, DO YOU HEAR ME?!?! MINE!!!!!!, so congrats to all of you who really need to cut down on the caffeine.
This week, the unbridled polling collective stands in solidarity with Alice At Wonderland in her battle against the forces of Big GIF. Beknownst to all, Alice is a huge TLC Reality Show addict – Sex Sent Me To The ER, My Crazy Obsession, Untold Stories of the ER. But sometimes it’s not enough.
So this time around, we’re asking what the next great reality show should be.
Answer often, but answer soon, because this one closes at 2359 EDT on Tuesday, 8 April. Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.

And until next time, enjoy something bizarrely awkward.

Have a great week, y’all!

A Literary Limerick: The Seneca Scourge

Today’s Music: Glenn Morisson ft. Islove – Goodbye
*Note on today’s music: Song picked by today’s Limerickee*

Carrie Rubin’s – Doctor, Mother, Chronicler of all things offal – published her first novel a while ago, The Seneca Scourge, combining medicine, science fiction, a bit of romance and more into a great storyline.
The heroine, Dr. Sydney McKnight has to juggle a viral outbreak, pressure from her boss, and a new co-worker who she really doesn’t trust. Carrie brings all these threads together in a delightful read that I really enjoyed. At no point did the medical jargon throw me out of the story, and from the way she wrote it, I didn’t expect the twist at all. I don’t want to give it away (because Carrie may beat me up), but it was brought together in a way that served the story and brought it all to a satisfying conclusion.

Look Inside!

Look Inside!

And it’s my pleasure (burden?) to present The Seneca Scourge in Limerick form.
(Please don’t let the horror of my wordplay reflect on the book at all, and I hope you all grab a copy of her book and enjoy!)

The Seneca Scourge
Two doctors both seeking a cure.
But is one of his motives impure?
His secret she finds,
Leaves her of two minds.
But can they find peace in the…fu-ture?

Trust me, the book is definitely better than the limerick.
So go say hi to Carrie, and then go read her book!

I don’t know where I’m going…

Today’s Music: AC/DC – Thunderstruck

…But I know where I am right now – over at Running On Sober with Michael from Good2BeGone doing Life In 6 Songs for Christy, CK Hope and Mama Mick.

Check it out, and you can even submit your own playlist!
(And comment over there too!)

Into The Valley Of Foolishness Rode The Six Hundred…

Today’s Music: Cowboy Mouth – Jenny Says

The wheel has gone around and once again landed on Friday! Another successful week in which I kept my opinions of office goings-on mostly to myself, thereby ensuring my continued employment.
And how did I distract myself from the banality? Why. by reading blogs, of course! Here’s some of what I saw…
REDdog told the story of his First Tattoo. Girl Seule wrote about the joys of Crowd Funded Breasts!, and DJ Matticus and co-authors are giving away copies of Fauxpocalypse, so grab a copy of what I hear is a great book!

Oh, and Helena Hann Basquiat bestowed a Liebster Award (because of my crushed velevet smoking jacket), and That’s Ron To You gave me a Versatile Blogger Award. Probably because I type all my posts with my toes. (Yes, I’m that versatile!)
I hope y’all check them both out. They really have great sites!

But before you head over to them, let’s talk about last week’s poll. We asked about English Muffins, and what was going on with those nooks and crannies. From your answers, it’s clear they’re not big enough to contain your cleverness! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are toasted in italics.)

Wormholes left by Ancient Astronauts ~ Stephen Hawking (of Reno)
(That’s why the taste is out of this world!)
just air because some nitwit whipped them too much – Benzeknees
(Arthur Muffin the Fourteenth says it’s not so easy to program those machines correctly.)
Crumpets are for the night after the midnight picnic… Not as juicy though… Andro
(And crumbs in bed for the morning after that…)
I always enjoy a bit of crumpet, actually I prefer lots… Andro
(Gee, I prefer strumpets.)
Yes Crumpets that man and remember that okay, rant over… Andro
(So…I’m thinking you mean…crumpets?)
Air. Nothing clever. Just air. (Stacy)
(English Muffins are know for their dry…wit.)
wanna be donut holes –Linda Vernon
(Who knows what dreams lie in the hearts of baked goods? The butter knows!)
A place to stash my diary in which I curse everyone I know-Life Confusions
(bitter anger never tasted so good!)
Sweet lakes of butter, for me to lap up, and they butter up my muffin tops! Dawn @ TFTM
(You’re going to get me re-ranked as an explicit blog.)
Little bread elves take bites out of your muffins while you sleep. Amy R
(So…good drugs then?)
The Catholic Church’s explanation Elyse 54.5
(The Slather, the Bun and the Holy Toast?)
crabby old women who finally discovered e-readers. JakLumen
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!! Seriously, I rarely hit such surreal heights as this.)
We can’t tell you. It is a state secret. Merlinspielen
(In Russia, the English muffins YOU!)
just dyslexic crooks and nannies. – calahan
(Oh for dog’s sake.)
Places to stick your ABC gum. Kayjai
(Younger me is glad it’s no longer stuck in my hair.)
the sexiest part of a woman’s body (SnB)
(A balanced part of a complete breakfast!)
to hold the masses of peanut butter and honey, YUM! – Curvyroads
(I thought jelly was the opiate of the masses?)
addictive little pockets of crack cocaine. thematticuskingdom
(You mean those aren’t deliciously healthy nubs of fiber?!?)
Zoe here…Nooks are the creators cheaping out on a full piece of circle.
(Sounds like the beginning of a great story…arc.)
Zoe here again:Crannies are the filler, to make you think you’re full.
(Filler…like seasons two through five of Lost?)
how should I know? I’m a writer not a scientist! thematticuskingdom
(Michio Kaku says “why not be both?”.)
(And “buy my books”. He says that a lot too. )

a typo. It was supposed to be crooks and nannies. thematticuskingdom
(It was also a typo that left them stranded with a warehouse full of puffins.)
crooks and grannies-inventors of the Eng. muffin. The Sailor’s Woman
(I prefer books and jammies – anchors of the bedtime routine.)
PMAO. We call them ‘freedom muffins’.
(the only meaningful contribution of Congress to society in the last twenty years.)
I’m not sure, but he can spread butter on my toast any day! Susie Lindau
(Umm…what kind of muffins are we talking about here?)
The cellulite in my thighs. brickhousechick
(I can’t believe it’s not butter!)
places to hide more alcohol! Twindaddy
(I like to leave the alcohol out in the open. On muffin coasters.)
peanut butter holders – Rutabaga
(Just like that automatic tray on my computer!)

Congratulations to JakLumen for this weeks winning answer!!!, proving once again that polls are stranger than fiction. And from the offered choices, the most popular was They’re called “crumpets”, you bloody Yank!. So congratulations to all you English xenophobes out there too!
This week, My girl and I have been closing up an estate. There was a ton of packing and sorting and arranging before donating it to a variety of charities that will hopefully hand the stuff off to people who could use it.
It got me to thinking about all the stuff I have and, of course, all the stuff you have. So This weeks question is what do you do with it all??? Let us know as often as you like, but let us know by Tuesday, 1 April, 2359 EDT, because that’s when this one ends.
Try and keep yourself to three Other answers if you do write-ins, and if you do leave an Other, add a way to recognize you at the end, and I’ll link back to you next week.

And til next time, enjoy a quick behind the scenes view of every sitcom casting session ever,

Have a great weekend, everyone!