This piece is sponsored by The Belgian Society for Bored Students and the Belgium Department of Tourism. Author note – I have absolutely no idea what people are named in Belgium.
Dramatis Personae Ervina – A university age girl, spunky, with a variety of piercings Ardralla – A university age girl, neat, straitlaced. She seeks adventure Coralla – A university age girl, relaxed. Actually, she seems kind of bored. Herbert – A professional ear-piercer, who looks like he learned by practicing on himself.
(The late winter Belgium sun shines through a glass plate, emblazoned with “Herbert’s Belgian Ear Piercing And Waffle Emporium”. Three girls sit at a table, talking across their plates laden with waffles and chocolate.
A waiter brings them another round of Belgian beer.) Ardralla: Of course I’m going to do it. One little prick. How bad can it be? (She faces Ervina) you have plenty of them. Do they hurt? Ervina: All of my piercings are significant. (She runs her hand across her face, fingering piercings as she speaks.) These were for the first men I loved. (She touches another) And this was for the first woman I loved. (She touches a Belgian Flag stud pierced through her lower lip. She turns full-on to the audience, with a glowing smile.)
And this is the flag of our beloved Belgium – a great place to live, a great place to visit! (Her teeth sparkle) Coralla: (Yawning) Yawn. Ardralla: (sighing) You’re so dramatic. You should post that little story. Ervina: (grinning) Well, no blog intended, but my piercings tell the story of me and my life. (She flicks a gold waffle earring hanging from her ear and grins again.) And of course, our beloved Belgium, where we make over 800 different beers! (Her teeth sparkle.) Ardralla: (Looking out to the audience) Why do you keep doing that? Besides, I thought we were talking about me. Do you think Olaf Olafsoen will like me with an earring? Ervina: (Smirking) Oh, Olaf loves the girls with earrings! Coralla: (Yawning) Yawn. Ardralla: (Rising angrily) Ervina, how could you? You know I like him! (Ardralla reaches for the Belgian pastry, a gozette (delicious!) and prepares to throw it at Ervina.
Her arm is grabbed by HERBERT, the tattooed and pierced professional whose shop this is.) Herbert:(His voice comes out as a lisp, a side effect of the 72 tongue piercings he has, and nerve damage to his face from the Belgian flag tattooed on his cheek.) It would be a shame to waste that turnover, my dear. (He turns to the audience) The gozette is one of our local delicacies, renowned for its deliciousness! (turning back to Ardralla) I understand you’re here for a piercing? Coralla: (Yawning) Yawn. Exit stage right
Interior, Piercing/Tattoo parlor. (Herbert finishes another Belgian made beer and exhales, satisfied. The mug joins many others on a crowded table. Ardralla watches him from the chair.) Herbert: Ok, let’s get this done. (He reaches for his tools and turns to Ardralla, just as Ervina rushes in.) Ervina: Wait- I love Olaf! (Ardralla shrieks as Herbert stumbles. The lights fade. Ardralla shrieks again.)
Exterior (The girls are sitting on a bench in front of the famous Little Boy Peeing fountain. Ervina’s mascara has run from crying. Ardralla has a large bump on her shoulder under her shirt. Corvalla looks bored.) Ervina: I’m so so sorry… Ardralla: I have to wait three weeks to take this off so it doesn’t get infected! I can’t believe you thought drunken Herbert was a great piercing artist! Ervina: Well it doesn’t look that bad. Can I see? Ardralla: (Ripping her shirt open) HE PIERCED MY SHOULDER! (She turns to the audience, gesturing at the stud.) But it is a tasteful representation of Tintin, one of Belgiums most famous characters! (Her teeth sparkle.) Coralla: (Yawning) Yawn.
Instead of the usual highlighting of great blogs in this space, I’m going to keep it for me for a short serious moment before the foolishness: You. All. Rock.
The comments you left after my last post left me with smiles, warm fuzzies, and reinforcement in the belief that the people I’ve met online are the coolest people in the world.
And for that, and just being around, thank you! from the bottom of my heart.
But the show goes on, and these polls are such a delight for me that pushing on with them is therapy.
Last week’s poll asked What the next form of transportation should be. As always, y’all do not disappoint! Here’s what you said (My answers move along in italics.) 1981 DeLorean DMC-12. Naturally (Kanerva) (Sure, until some crazy old scientist decides to turn it into a time machine. Seriously, who turns a Delorean into a time machine?!?) a hearse…c’mon…it fits the theme (WG) (Yeah,but that’s kind of a one way trip…) Telekinesis. Afraid those w cranial concavity would call discrimination-Red (I doubt they’d be able to understand it well enough to know they’re being discriminated against…) The Transporter from Star Trek (SnB) (It’s all fun and games until you’re destroyed by a plot device.) A soul train, where we leave our bodies behind – Benzeknees (Bring in ‘da Noise, Bring in ‘da Funk (Google it)) Sprout wings and fly!! Michelle at Motley News (I believe Red Bull will be contacting you shortly.) Warp Drive! Seriously – I read a thing on Yahoo about it. – Hotspur (If it’s on the internet it must be true!) Your back….you should really carry me around…Becca (I’d love to, but the monkey on my back is heavy enought) Wormholes but not the kind of holes worms go through – sandylikeabeach (How about Pot holes? hehehe) Fold arms and blink eyes (like Genie) (Stacy Lyn) (I love travelling into a bottle!) I vote for a bicycle with an easy chair for a seat. (Those tiny seats are awful!) Asplenia (I’d rather just have the easy chair and stay in place…) mental transport! Just thinking should be enough! NBI (That eliminates 95% of the population.) Otherwise something free and dry and comfy. NBI (Travel by bed. I like it!) Magic Carpets Stay Abnormal (Ok, but you’ll need a flying broomstick to clean it…) Magic Carpet. What can I say? I’m a romantic. ~flame (So I’m guessing your carpet is “shag”.) Pneumatic tube. Carrie Cannibalistic Nerd (WE HAVE A WINNER!!!) Elephants! We need this in the Western world! – Emily@ the Waiting (I don’t know how to get on one, but they sure are easy to get off!) Portals seem pretty classy – 25tofly (The cake is a lie. (Google it.)) Piggybacking on dwarves. Joe Hoover (Wouldn’t your feet drag along the ground?) Portkey like in Harry Potter. I’m not using a toilet though. KJ (Nono, you should use the toilet before you travel…) Mental … just think about it and you’re transported! (Frank) (Is a York Peppermint Patty the trigger?) urban ziplines (At last! A form of mass transit I’ll get a seat on!)
Congratulations to Carrie Cannibalistic Nerd
for this weeks winning answer! And from the available choices, the most popular was Jetpack. We really should have those by now. Hell. Yes. And congratulations to everyone who picked that too.
So here we are at this week. For me, rough week. Not impossible, just difficult. Since my mother did go through a long period of decline, her passing was not unexpected, which made it a little easier to process. And the relief that she is no longer suffering really does make it easier to take.
Fortunately, I also have a bent sense of humor. Which means that after she’s been interred, I’m left thinking about today’s question: When the time comes, what do I want done with my body?
Yeah, sometimes I think my sense of humor is the only thing that keeps me from going insane. Or keeps me insane. One of the two…
So here’s the poll. If you write an “other”, leave a way to identify you, and I’ll link back in next week’s post. Answer early, answer often. But answer by 2359 EST, 4 Oct. Because that’s when this one closes.
And in parting for the week, a clip including two things my mother loved: Muppets and Star Wars.
Hope you all enjoy it too.