A Literary Limerick – Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows, Part 2

Today’s Music: Europe – The Final Countdown

Well, we’ve finally made it. Today, July 31st, is Harry Potter’s birthday. What better time to end our Iliad-ish saga through the Harry Potter epic in limerick form?
(Yes, yes, the day after it started (or even the day before) would have been a better time.)

But since we’ve all (Some of us? None of us? Just me?) made it this far, lets finish it with a bang, shall we? (if you haven’t read the rest yet, and are into that kind of torture, click the Limerick tab above the banner.)

The story thus far:
Two headed teacher, nifty phoenix, useless teachers, good teachers, great teachers, mistaken identity, slugs, potions, wickedness, sparkly vampi- (sorry, got confused there), anger, angst, whining, angst, willow, vuvuzela, treacle tart.
Oh, and noseless bad guy.

All caught up? Then, with a robust HAPPY BIRTHDAY HARRY! and a sincere DON’T SUE ME JK!, we now conclude our limerickian tribute to Harry Potter.

Book Seven – Part Two

Poor Dobby, he laid down his life.
And Ron pissed off his soon-to-be wife
but Harry stood tall,
one (ring) Wand to rule them all

The epilogue: Harry, with happiness, was rife.

Thank you all for coming along for the ride!

Tomorrow, as requested, I will post all eight limericks on one page(!!!)
I’ll understand if the hit count is low.

A Literary Limerick – Deathly Hallows, Part One

Today’s Music: Blind Faith – Can’t Find My Way Home

Well, here we are, rapidly closing in on the finish. Almost all the adult authority figures that are going to die importantly already have. And so, the final journey begins.
After much walking and walking and running and walking, Sam and Frodo Harry and Hermione (and Ron) finally end up with a proper plan that they hope will work.

So let us begin the limericky bastardization of book seven of JK Rowlings magnificent Opus! (Not the penguin.)

Book Seven – Part One

Find the Horcruxii was what Harry must do.
Set off with friends to defeat You Know Who…
But just like the flick –
though it might make you sick –
this limerick will be split into two.

*Apologies to Elyse for following the movies (not the books) to get in that extra limerick, and Lisa, who might actually dislike limericks.

For those of you with calendars (or a low tolerance for pain), we will wrap this up on 31 July, Harry Potter’s Birthday.
So you may want to steer clear until after that…
hehehe

A Literary Limerick – Goblet Of Fire

Today’s Music: the Cranberries – Loud And Clear

Welcome to yet another round of Guap has nothing good to write and is taking it out on you the finest in poetic literary synopsii, where we reduce a quality text to inane drivel.

Today, we turn our eye to the next book in the Harry Potter series, Goblet Of Fire.
If you haven’t seen the rest (or blotted them out of your mind to escape the trauma), I invite you to click Limerick above the banner and experience the horror experience anew!

Goblet of Fire is the heartwarming tale of a boy who struggles through life’s travails in search of the perfect treacle tart. Truly, this book has it all. As well as, after this limerick, the extra credibility of a hack knocking the stuffing out of it.

*One note before reading – I have absolutely no idea what the syllabic requirements of limericks are. And I’m too damn lazy to look it up. But I’m pretty sure this one is even further off than usual. And you’ll have to read in 1/16th notes at the end to keep the meter.
It’s a limerick folks. You’ve been warned.

The Goblet Of Fire

For Harry, the competition was grim
When it got down to Cedric and him.
They went from the maze
to a field full of graves
Soon-to-be-sparkly Diggory died on a whim…

If anyone needs the website of a reputable mental health professional, let me know.
And you’re welcome!

A Literary Limerick – The Hitchikers Guide to the Galaxy, Douglas Adams

Today’s music: Dire Straits

Again, not my fault. After this, where I wrote a limerick inspired by @captsingh on twitter, I guess whatever crazed bug that causes someone to want to write limericks bit me. Hard.
So here I am again, trashing another (beloved) novel, just because I can’t seem to stop myself.
But wait – it’s worse! Not only have I come up with a way to disgust and apall you all, but today you’re getting 2 – yes, 2 horrible limericks! All for the same book!
(yes, there are two, no, you don’t want to see the ones that didn’t make the cut!)

If you’ve never read The Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy, then please go out and do so.
Otherwise you won’t have any idea what I’m babbling about.

If your have read the novel, I hope you loved it. And you still won’t have any idea what I’m babbling about. Douglas Adams would approve.

Just know, dear readers, that I don’t hate you, despite what you might think of my inflicting this on you…

On the worst Thursday ever there was.
The Vogons blew up Earth, just because.
With Ford, Trillian and Zaphod, Arthur jumped in a spacepod.
Their adventures set the universe abuzz.

and

Arthur Dent didn’t know what to do
Mud on his robe, mud on his shoe
So he questioned friend Ford
Am I going out of my gourd?
But the answer was just forty-two

There are some countries in the world I could be shot for these. Fortunately, this isn’t one of them.

Feel free to do worse in the comments!