A Literary Limerick – Order Of The Phoenix

Today’s Music: Dave Edmunds – Crawling FromThe Wreckage

It’s time for the latest installment in the “DEAR GOD WHY IS HE DOING THIS TO US????” limerick interpretation of Harry Potter.
At this point in our story, Harry is whiny, Ron is sullen, and Hermione is…well, Hermione.
Ah, but Cedric is dead and Voldemort is alive.
What can possibly happen next?!?

So join as we…rework…this beloved classic. Into Limerick form!
And if you want to see the rest (because you’re a masochist), just click Limerick above the banner.

The Order Of The Phoenix
Book Five

The fighting was close and intense
Splinters and dust clouds so dense
Sirius turned quite pale
As he went through the veil.
Wait a minute – Love is Harry’s defense?!?

No, these probably won’t get any better as they go on. But on the bright side, only three limericks left!

Let the hate mail begin!

A Literary Limerick – Goblet Of Fire

Today’s Music: the Cranberries – Loud And Clear

Welcome to yet another round of Guap has nothing good to write and is taking it out on you the finest in poetic literary synopsii, where we reduce a quality text to inane drivel.

Today, we turn our eye to the next book in the Harry Potter series, Goblet Of Fire.
If you haven’t seen the rest (or blotted them out of your mind to escape the trauma), I invite you to click Limerick above the banner and experience the horror experience anew!

Goblet of Fire is the heartwarming tale of a boy who struggles through life’s travails in search of the perfect treacle tart. Truly, this book has it all. As well as, after this limerick, the extra credibility of a hack knocking the stuffing out of it.

*One note before reading – I have absolutely no idea what the syllabic requirements of limericks are. And I’m too damn lazy to look it up. But I’m pretty sure this one is even further off than usual. And you’ll have to read in 1/16th notes at the end to keep the meter.
It’s a limerick folks. You’ve been warned.

The Goblet Of Fire

For Harry, the competition was grim
When it got down to Cedric and him.
They went from the maze
to a field full of graves
Soon-to-be-sparkly Diggory died on a whim…

If anyone needs the website of a reputable mental health professional, let me know.
And you’re welcome!