Today’s Music: Israel Kamakawiwo’ole – Somewhere over the Rainbow asdf
*Note on Today’s Music: Song picked by NancyTex, who was suspiciously keen on me posting this.
*Note on today’s post: All the links are safe. Sort of.
I have never denied being a sappy romantic at heart. Sometimes, as I’m deleting my spam comments, I like to wonder, what if these people met? Would Ray Bans Wholesale enjoy the company of the Christian Dating Site? Could Webmaster SEO and Fancy Cat Pictures ever make a go of it? Do BabelFish and Google Translate ever find a common language (since neither of them seem to speak English)?
Let’s sit in on one of their dates, told in their native language and see what happens…
Am I to be meeting him above the street upon which the light shines down. Noticeable at first is the way hair upon his eyes covers. The hand offered to me? I take it.
“Greetings”, spoke him his words. “The felicitations and announcements to joy upon our reconnaissance are truly of mine”.
I could not help but be swooned at the playerness of his strong welcome. The dapperity of his appearance did speak to me, from his Ray Ban Wholesale Online sunglasses to the Fine Italian Leather of his toe garments.
He did the speaking again “I am Tjhke90587fuyhn^*%jk, but you can call me &*8/”. Enrapturous as the encounter was, I knew this was to be more thereof.
“Acquaintanced of you, I am” was my cautionary reply. “Please to call me Sheila, as I am called Sheila.”
We were too strolling forwards near the restaurant of foods mouthwatering and good-smelling when at once, we were accosted by people from sales with finest delights!
Rolex Watches!
Laptop Cases!
Premium Electronics!
&*8/ was for the purchasing of these exquisitness one red rose that placed he fetchingly above the brow which is my forehead, and we sat the both of us for eating.
To wit of the many undertakings of conversationalisms, there was much of verbage to passing twixt us both, as though the speakage must continue. For job, of which he said there was a lots of pursuant to the makings of bucks, and the various things to selling, including
Adidas cheaper than wholesale!
Premier Spanish Handbags!
Women seeking mates in your area!
Though as concluding, I felt forced to remind him that as webmaster, his SEO usage was costing him page views, which I would dearly love to speak with him about to provide him much better placement within search engine results.
Worried need I have been not, for it was as though collaborations were with my own heart!
After all consumption had concluded and we returned insofar as going back to the place which in this country for many years my bed has been, he attempted the nicely to put kiss upon me. Truly, in lust of brightness, I did wrap arms under him and squeeze as though the first beginnings had started.
Together we have been of since, as for much time.
I hope sincerest my tale will be of inspirement to you, and to know that if you click now, all my story will be as though it were told by my cousin who only knows me as well as to relate this.
May your lust always be brightful, &*8/ (ampersteightslash?)
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Please, call him Amperst.
He would like to thank you by inviting you to SHOP NOW FOR DEALS FOR YOUR EYES ONLY!!!
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awwwww Spam and Hawaii are inseparable. 🙂
Maybe we should all approve our spam comments and create more conversations in the blogging world?
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Sure, we’d create more conversations, but would any of us know what we were talking about???
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Love cannot be held back. *sniff*
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Fortunately, it can be quarantined by akismet.
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Hahaha…
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Way to spin gold from straw. Or Spam.
Can I admit in an open forum that I actually kind of enjoy a nice plate of Spam n’ eggs for breakfast? Do you think less of me? Will you still meet for a beer now and then or did that change things between us?
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I think I might think less of you for this. Unless I can have the spam with the beer. Or beer made of spam. I’m easy.
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You’re making me sick to my stomach. Do not disrespect some deliciouso fried Spam by throwing common beer on top of it. What’s wrong with you, anyway?
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What if it’s craft beer, made by soul-patched virgin hipsters?
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Well, you didn’t say that. I thought you were talking shitty Coors Light.
Coors Light—the beer for those who find the taste of regular Coors too bold.
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It’s not near as refreshing as Pabst.
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PBR!
Beer with training wheels.
The good old days.
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If by “good old days” you mean “days when that’s all we could afford”…
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Momentarily lack of rational thought there… comparing beer to spam and vice versa. I’m going to go ferment some spam right now (does it actually ferment?) and lick off the juices. Whether this is in contrition or out of sheer stupidity…
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Actually, even more than contrition or stupidity, it sounds like a violation of the health code…
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Canadians are notorious for lax health codes. We don’t even have a requirement to wash hands after handling beavers. Good thing I don’t come from here, these weirdo colonials are off-side.
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BEAVER TAILS!!!
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Oh sorry, I didn’t add “tails”. I forgot, you likely had one on the canal or something. Tequila sunrise maybe?
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Good Lord. Then I suppose handwashing after road kill is also iffy. Well then. That certainly explains a lot.
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Excuse me as the country tucks its head in shame…
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‘Tis ok. I’m from the hand, which is nearly Canada anyhow…… 😀
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What’s that mean ‘from the hand’? I’m now dying to know.
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But while I’m at it, despite the lack of hand washing, you might appreciate this, if the mobile link pastes in : http://m.youtube.com/results?q=opossum%20massage&sm=1
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I just went over there… dear lord. There are many things in life I don’t understand. Opossum massage is something that intrigues me a bit too much to not follow up on. But it is really weird.
And I was kidding about Canadian hand-washing habits! I was kidding, Canada!
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😆
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I have no problem with it, but I’d probably need the beer before the spam.
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I’d rather chase the spam with the beer. And then a half gallon of turpentine.
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I think I’d just like a salad please.
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You had me at “beer”.
I don’t think I’ve ever actually eaten spam. Though I’m not a fan of ham in general.
Bacon, on the other hand…
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What??!? Daddy-o, you’ve got to try some fried Spam. It’s a closer relation to bacon than it is ham. Do you like eggs?
Isn’t it great that you can be as old as you are and life still has some surprises in store for you?
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I’ve never had root canal without anesthetic. Not all challenges need to be met.
That being said, i would try spam, but I’m not optimistic about liking it.
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Well, not with that attitude, you won’t. Fry it in a little butter until it’s crispy brown. Christ. I’m making myself hungry just talking about it.
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Hey! I’m not that old.
Yet.
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“old” in its metaphorical use only. As in, “wise.”
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Oh, in that case, I’m definitely not old.
WHEEEE!
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I always appreciate a good bit of Astley in the morning.
So basically what you’re saying is that there is a secret genius/code embedded in spam comments, and if someone but takes the time to decipher this code and arrange the words in proper order, all will be revealed. I should have known. Please pass the Astley.
Is this really all spam that you’ve received? How much spam do you get man????
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I probably get 100 or so a week. I only check it irregularly.
I most enjoy the ones that say the post helped the spammer unlock the mysteries of life. Usually on one of the friday foolishness posts.
Who knew polls were so profound?
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You gotta take your wisdom where you can find it. 100 a week? I don’t actually know where to find the spam, but will look it up. I think you’ve inspired me to locate the spam and see if it can make me more bugnuts, if at all possible.
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on the left of the dashboard, click Comments. At the top, one of the options is Spam.
I go in and clear it all out every so often, and make sure nothing legitimate got snagged.
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*heaved at the the sight of those spam cans* laughing now.
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Spam is like that – revulsion followed by ridiculousness.
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“And they lived happily, until they got old and were deleted”.
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It’s good to know they had a good relationship, with manymanymanymany descendants.
Who all have my blog address.
Sigh.
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This was in my spam folder…
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I have achieved greatness!!!!
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Indeed.
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Genious. GENIOUS. I too, as a webmaster, am losing page views… I feel their pain! 😀
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I think *(&/’s cousin can help you out with your SEO keywords.
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My antihistamine-fuelled brain just exploded with happiness. I’m exhausted…spent, even… but filled with joy. Spam on my friend.
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As long as they keep sending it to me!
(And I’m pretty sure they will…)
Have you tried putting tequila drops in your nose? It’s a homeopathic cure! 😉
Hope you have an easy trip.
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My ears were screaming the entire flight but it’s not so bad now. Quick drive from LGA to midtown and I’m golden.
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I didn’t know there was such a thing as a “quick ride from LGA to Manhattan” while the sun was up…
And Welcome!
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Aside from that the fact that you have WAYYYYYYYYYYY too much free time on your hands, I love it. Or rather, the liking of which I feel for this written you thus composed is upon my good favor. Many gratefulness, my friend.
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You have a great future on the internet!
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Only you could have turned spam into an emotional tale.
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It was the only way to release some of the emotions all the spam makes me feel.
But with less cursing.
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… and with tons of creativity.
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Spamtastic!
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The sequel should introduce eggs too.
And maybe designer knockoff fendi bags…
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This should win some “Creative Uses of Spam” contest!
I had never heard of IZ or his version of “Somewhere Over the Rainbow” until someone posted the video on my blog last summer and I fell in love with it. I literally cried. Because love makes me cry. What am I talking about???
Anyway, ever since then, I’ve heard it in several movie soundtracks and ThoughtsAppear played it as part of her wedding procession (groovy idea).
All of this to say that I approve of that choice and also I am on pain meds.
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I first heard the song at the end of finding Forrester, and have heard it lots of places since then. Fortunately, it’s a great song.
Looks like those pain meds are working well! 😉
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Clever, clever approach to this topic. McSweeneys-esque!
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Thanks! Some of the mental jumps to write in google-translate English had me laughing in horror at myself.
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Spam is kind of like Canadian bacon. Don’t you agree?
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No.
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I knew you’d say that. I totally baited you.
Which reminds me…we used to use Spam for bait. For real. If it’s good enough for Lake Erie walleye, it’s good enough for me. And you.
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In fact, you nearly had me at a rant but I reined it in.
Eh?
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Canadian bacon is a thing unto itself.
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You’re hilarious. Thank you for giving these bots some personality. They didn’t deserve it, however. I wish they would all get together but then they might spawn some more evil botlets. Hey, I adore Rick Astley! LOVE his music!
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My wife doesn’t blog, so she isn’t as familiar with all the spam comments we get, but she was very amused that all the links led back to an ongoing Rick-Roll..
Further proof I married the right girl!
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If you let the Love Story theme tune roll through your head as you read this it gives the whole story a lot more meaning
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I think that should read that it gives the story any meaning at all.
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Niiiiiiice! I now feel sad for all the spam I’ve deleted, and all the potential love, not to mention ‘better than wholesale’ bargains, I’ve flushed away in the process.
Your brilliance is showing, Guapo. 😉
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*Bows humbly*
thanks Alex!
(I’m sure new deals will pop up any moment now…)
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I got a little misty-eyed when Sheila did wrap arms under him and squeeze as though the first beginnings had started! I think this is the start of something beautiful!
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Truly, there are no beginnings like first beginnings.
Glad this resonated with you! And a little scared… 😉
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Somehow, Rayban spammers made it to the top of Twitter the other day. The filter didn’t nab them in time!
I was told by a Happiness Engineer not to delete spam since WP does it for you. It leaks through more easily. Dang spammers!
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WP has “Happiness Engineers”? Now if that doesn’t sound like a spammer title…
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And to think, I could have turned my spam mailbox into a dating site. Probably would’ve made millions. Sadly, another opportunity lost. *sigh*
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I wonder – would getting spam on a spam dating site be a plus?
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It would have to, wouldn’t it? Multiplication, Addition, and all that, ya know.
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“Aw, this was a honestly nice post. In idea I would like to put in writing like this moreover – taking time and actual effort to create a particularly beneficial article?- but what can I say?- I procrastinate alot and by no indicates seem to obtain some thing performed.”
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Ha! I’ve never gotten that particular message.
But it is to for of excellent that i shall above all recommending these in my group of likemindedness.
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So funny! I love it. You’re not going to lose a soul — smart & funny. Damn bots! But now you’ve put a great twist on it all. I may have more respect for my spammers. I may even read a few… Great creative stuff. And really fun. Oh, and I love this version of somewhere over the rainbow — nice way to start. Happy sweet day my friend. And thank you for the fun!
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Thanks Carmen – glad you enjoyed, especially the song!
Sadly, after a few hundred, even the twisted English messages get boring. It’s more fun to see which posts they get sent to.
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This is the finest weblog I telling my cousin most time about. Do you create you html or is this one made just for you because I be liking it a lot.
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Before answering this fine questions, as I am new to blogging, please tell if you designed this site yourself, and where i can go for finding similar as much?
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not before (you or they) visit (my or their) website at http://www.rolexarecrazy.com
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These are exactly the wantings to which I have been searching of!
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WHERE do you come up with this stuff ?! =)
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If I knew, I could probably make the psychiatry industry a lot of money. 😉
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Or just write a book… you’d be a millionaire before you know it, and could wear those awesome Hawaiian when you do interviews on daytime telly ! =)
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Maybe all these Spam peeps will meet while attending the University of Pheonix! 🙂 Very clever Guapisimo! Tu lapiz es muy verde!
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Oddly, I have never gotten spam for a pencil sharpener.
On an unrelated note, there are some very odd sex sites out there that send very boring spam.
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Isn’t spam dog food?
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Ha! No argument from me.
Spam is the legendary SPiced hAM, canned for generations!
There are even Spam caring contests at county fairs around the country, and if you go to the factory, they’ll give you a tour and samples!
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Okay okay enough! Gag reflex is working well here. Yuuuuck!
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Ha, Guap, you are a creative and funny bot (or not). 🙂
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“Bot Not For Me” by George Gershwin’s unknown brother, Carl.
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I liked Pin Bot…
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Tee hee
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Thanks, I think.
(My circuits aren’t sure how to interpret that…) 😉
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Best way possible circuits should interpret it.
Ok, now you’ve got me doing it. 😉
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Once again you have rocked my world, taking spam where no one has dared to take spam before…
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I will break the barriers of the strongest filters!
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Is that like farting a whole right through your pants???
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I’m going to hope that “whole” is a typo…
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me too…
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You wrote this too well. I’m starting to suspect that you are actually behind all the spam accounts…
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Hey, these bills are must to be paid. Though this comment here explained much that my searchings of the webs for three day are at last at an end.
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I’m sorry to hear that.
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Spam and Hawaii… I love that.
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Like peas in a pod!
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Two great tastes…
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Do you remember Rick Astley?
He had a big fat hit that was ghastly.
He said I’m never gonna give you up or let you down.
Well I’m here to tell ya that Dick’s a clown
Though he was just a boy when he made that vow.
I’d bet it all that he knows by now.
All Men are liars.
Their words ain’t worth no more than worn out tires.
Hey Girls, bring rusty pliers to pull this tooth.
All men are liars and that’s the truth.
All Men Are Liars
Nick Lowe
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Sorry, limericks are down the hall, third doors on your left.
(Next to the rumpus room.)
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Do you know Nick Lowe? He’s great (in my world).
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Not a big fan, but he’s alright.
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You know who he is. That’s a step in the right direction.
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I wonder if he and Joe Jackson would be any good on a double bill.
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Fur shizzle. Saw Joe Jackson a few times. Once, at the beginning of a show, he yelled at the audience because they wouldn’t settle down and let him start. He had quite a temper.
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Saw him once at the old Bottom Line. He was just a strange in person as I thought he’d be.
I have Johnny Clegg, and Red Baraat this week (different nights).
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Where is Johnny Clegg playing?!?!
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City Winery. He’s doing 3 nights this week –
http://www.citywinery.com/newyork/catalogsearch/result/?q=Johnny+Clegg
You can even buy a bottle of Johnny Clegg Zinfandel!
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I like that place. Shows run too late for me, though. I’ve got Shakespeare on Thursday evening. 7:00 curtain, thank God, or I couldn’t go.
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It’s worse at rooms like Bowery Ballroom or Webster Hall. No telling when the show will actually start.
I’ve seen a few good shows at City Winery. Friday, I’ll be at the Highline Ballroom.
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I’m not one for romance stories, but you really melted my heart with this one. Who would’ve thought those spam messages harbored such amorous feelings? Ah, c’est l’amour.
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I think Spam is the misunderstood love-note of our generation.
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Incidentally, spam *is* the SPAM of advertising: Not particularly “spiced,” just suspiciously sweet, and leading to dire consequences. Also, today’s song happens to be one of my personal happy tunes. Good luck getting
Rolex Watches!
Laptop Cases!
Premium Electronics!
out of my head every time I listen to it in the shower, now.
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Nothing says love like a bootlegged laptop bag or uPhone.
If only there was a Groupon for brain bleach…
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wait…..
you can delete spam?
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I prefer to think of it as setting it free, to find its dreams.
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Bravo! (Imagine me clapping enthusiastically)
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*hands over autographed Spam in thanks*
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Oh mah gah. Hilarious.
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Thanks so much!
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From the photo, looks like they hit it off like a pair of horny rabbits. That’s a ton of baby SPAM! I almost had a panic attack (my mom used to make me eat fried SPAM–ack. I still break out in hives at the sight.)
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Ha! I didn’t even think of that pic as their offspring.
Great, something else I have to answer for… 😉
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Love the Bruddah Iz song. He’s one reason I want to learn to play ukulele. (Ask me how that’s going in about 10 years.)
And I have particular enjoiment for the topic which you discussed in this blog posting. The skill and fashion of writing that you’ve preformed here is admirable, especially to peoples like myself who search for a blogging site that offer such a high quality and humorous thinkings about such matters.
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It is with revelatory appreciations that I am thanks for this commentation.
Truly, it is as if you are of to me.
(Ok. I think I just sprained my brain, Brian.)
Guitar Center gives a free intro ukulele lesson if there’s one by you.
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My emotions are all a twitter. Or among plenty of fish or something.
But Guap, I’m sure there is a treatment for this condition of yours.!
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I asked my doctor, but he refuses to see me anymore.
Alas.
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He is probably safer that way. But I love ya, nevertheless, Guap, in a blog guy way.
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So much to love here! Over the Rainbow (Iz version) was one of my “six songs” because it reminds me of when my kiddos were babies.
AND…sooo clever with the spam conversation. How do you think of this stuff??
I haven’t been doing this very long, so it took me a bit to recognize what was going on with those incoherent posts. I just got another one today…it still feels like someone just needs help…or fried spam and eggs and a hug 🙂
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It really is a great song!
I have no idea where this comes from. But I’ve scheduled electroshock to get rid of it!
After a while, the spam gets to be comprehensible. That’s when you should start worrying.
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Thanks for including the Rick Astley video – it is a running gag between my daughter and I to play it at unexpected moments. Always gets a laugh! 🙂
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I wanted to be able to add all the links that I get in my spam, but I didn’t want to infect anyone.
The solution: Rick Roll!
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Brilliant, Guap. Akismet sounds so romantic so I’m not sure why they keep these generous people who LOVE my posts away from me 😀
My favourite is when I’m told how interesting my post is and that they’ve learned so much from this incredibly interesting subject and will definitely bookmark it for future reference – and it’s my About Me page (of course, how could they resist!) 😀
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Ha! I get those same “you’ve filled my world with insight on this controversial topic” messsages too.
On my friday polls.
(Makes me think someone needs to reprogram their spambots…)
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And now you have the distinction of making art out of spam. 🙂
Thanks for the laugh. 🙂
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I could have this post etched in spam and enter it at a county fair!
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I shall never look at my spam the same way again. I usually trash it without reading. How heartless am I? 😦
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Nono – change it to “I shall never look at spam again”, and I think you have it right! 😉
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Right you are. 🙂
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Wow, you get all the classy spam… I also get a bunch on my post about the band Skid Row that are soooo long and loosely coherent that I actually think it may be real. Long rants about a woman who is supposedly the singer’s ex-wife.
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I’m almost afraid to ask what she’s selling…
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This almost makes me want to look into my spam folder. I haven’t looked at it in ages. Might I find some Rolex watches or Laptop Cases and kissing, too? Too funny, Guapo. I think you and Mark need to go out for a beer. Something tells me. Cheers!
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Careful – once the rolex and case hit it off, there’s no telling how many Loboutin shoe links you’ll end up with!
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Pingback: What To Read | No Blog Intended
And the award for best use of Spam in a love story goes to (opening envelope) El Guapo!
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Thank goodness Jethro Tull didn’t put out a spam album this year!
(Please tell me you get that reference.)
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This was one of my favorites! A bobble-head Spam doll adorns my desk and Spam follows me on twitter, but I have only eaten it once in my life. The occasion? A White Trash party I hosted in the treehouse at my first house. We served triscuits, cheez whiz, Spam and Franzia, chased by the worst hangover known to mankind.
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Good lord!
I need to go to a white trash cocktail party.
(Would you recommend a box of wine or that, or a jug?
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great video – no not rick -you’re spamming me with 80’s stuff! say ‘sawubona’ to johnny clegg for me. (gees the guys still going, hope he’s made up something new since the 80’s – give us feedback from the concert!)
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I saw him a few years ago. I think he’s put out one or two albums since then, but lets face it, we all just want to hear him do all the hit, along with the crazy dance.
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Yup. You’re right. Poor guy. Stuck in the 80’s. He he he.
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On the subject. Have to share this video with you. It cracks me up. (An ‘ou’ is a guy) http://youtu.be/vOOCQiKlZ8w
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Ha! I watched the version with subtitles, and I still have no idea what was going on there!
but so help me, that beat is now stuck in my head.
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Eish, white ou! Too much cultural complexity to explain. Just sing along!
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I don’t know which I like more, your posts or the comments section! You may have the wittiest followers ever… or do you bring that out in people?
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That’s a great question. I have no idea. Maybe like minds? I’d like to think that people are comfortable typing whatever they like, serious or inane, here.
I do know that I’ve got some of the best readers and commenters in the ‘sphere!
(Including you.)
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Laughed all the way through, Guapo! This was hilarious!
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Why thank you, Whitelady. That’s exactly what I was going for!
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I’ve often thought some of my spam comments sound like Shakespeare without the “forsooths.” And you totally showed that, yeah verily.
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Oddly, I’ve received no spam for Shakespeare performances.
I wonder if that’s a line the English manglers just won’t cross…
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Did you know there is a connection between Spam and Hawaiian shirts?
Oh yes.
Hawaiians love Spam. Also Elvis impersonators.
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I think the Elvis impersonators would be there whtether they were loved or not. 😉
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Oh, they love them. I’ve at least been to Oahu and seen it for myself.
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You should start one of those matchmaking reality t.v shows, I’m giving you the idea for its name “Match Made In Heaven” #CopyrightImplied
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Ha! I don’t know that spam is quite “heavenly”.
Though there are those that say the taste of it is…
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Actually that is more intelligible than the blind date I had who was so nervous that his hands sweated continuously and he kept disappearing to smoke (I don’t smoke). Needless to say, it was a first and last date. Unlike your happy ending.
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Egad! I wonder why he even showed up for it!
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This made my heart swell with love. I think I may have strained something… : )
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Hold on – I think I have 72 comments pushing a pill for that!
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