Today’s Music: Gerry Mulligan – Soft Shoe
“Welcome to the fall season of Beatnik Poetry Slam. As a reminder, please, no cell phone calls during the slam. Though really, when was the last time anyone used a cell phone to make a call? Seriously, of all the features on my phone, the calling one is probably used least next to- What? Oh, sorry…
Anyone, welcome, and we hope you enjoy.”
Luciano Lovetro strides to the stage in his red crushed velvet smoking jacket and takes his place next to the acoustic-electric rainstick.
El Guapo mounts the dais. The smoke from his clove cigarette loops around the twirled ends of his chai-tea scented mustachio. He slides his Ray Ban Wayfarers to the tip of his nose and begins.
Bodies
lie on the battlefield.
*shkkkkkkkk*
The wind
blows over them both.
*shshshshshshsh*
One shivers
naked
unprotected
abandoned.
*shk-k-k-k*
His pale hand reaches out
searching
questing.
*shwiahhhhhhshwwww*
He finds
the edge
the thread
the corner
*shkahshwk*
And
*shhhhwwwwww*
Yanks.
*SHKAW*
The blankets now covers them both.
*shwkshwkshwk*
But the battle has just begun.
*shhhhhhh*
“of all the features on my phone, the calling one is probably used least”—Isn’t that the truth? My phone doesn’t even work unless it’s on speaker (can’t hear it otherwise). So, essentially, my phone does everything but function as a phone…
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Whenever my phone rings, I look around for a minute to figure out who’s it is, then I’m surprised it’s mine.
“Really? A phone call?”
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Someone from Florida keeps calling mine. I know it’s a telemarketer because they never leave a message. They’re very persistent–at least 1 or 2 calls a day. Little do they know I can outlast them forever…
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Ha! They call me during the workday. I get terrible reception at my desk so I answer and am happy to let them listen to static.
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Mr. Number App has a call blocker.
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Ooh, I’ll have to look into that.
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For my purposes, it works well for me … PS: I use a Droid
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Hahaha! This is brilliant!!
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True life makes the best poetry.
Dig it.
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Cool man, cool.
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I like the strange, strange poet photo, though I think the caption hosts a redundancy. Strange and poet, that is. As for the battlefield, I’ve been there. ❤
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We are all brothers-in-arms in this battle.
Except for the blanket thieves.
They know who they are.
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Ray Ban-the official eyewear of hipsters and beatniks worldwide.
*Slow clap, but in a sincere, not sarcastic way*
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It’s actually a little embarrassing how much I love my Wayfarers.
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Hola! How was the trip?? I hope you had a fabulous time. I love this part, “He finds
the edge/the thread/the corner.” You rock!
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It was a great vacation and too short.
I actually managed to be grump-ified again on my first day at work.
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Yaay! Beatnik Poetry Slam! The world is never the same without them.
I never call people either. I let them call me.
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You make the slam NBI.
Coooool.
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Loved your slam, Guapo! One of your best! (the poet looks like the villain in one of those movies where the girl gets tied to the railroad tracks)
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It’s really hard to find a good pic of a twisty mustache.
I should have gone with Rollie Fingers, a pitcher from way back when.
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Like, that’s Cre-a-zazzy, man!
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You dig, Momma!
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Love that poem! I inserted the image of my two Boston Terriers in at the first line and it became even more meaningful.
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The best Slams transcend species.
(Your dogs steal the blankets?)
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One of the Boston Terriers not only steals the blankets but lays across the width of the bed at the head of the bed, leaving me with about 8 inches if I lay on my side.
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I feel slammed!
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Let the poetry move you, man.
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It moved me like a professional wrestler…
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Chai tea and Ray-Bans … I like both! (Does that make me cool or square?)
Wait? Some people still talk on the phone?
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It puts you on the cutting edge of retro.
Isn’t square the new cool?
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I’m like a circle *in* a square living in a triangular world.
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EG, can u hear my fingers snapping? continue…
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The consciousness of the universe resonates with the echoes of those snaps.
Yeeeaaaahhhhhh…
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YES! The battle of the blankets. Or do you mean the battle IN the blankets? 🙂 That strange poet looks like a french Ricky Ricardo.
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Oh, the battle in the blankets is a much more upbeat piece.
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Making phone calls. What’s that?? Do you have an app for that??
*finger snapping* dope poem 🙂
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I think I uninstalled that app to make room for the new angry birds…
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I would USE the cell phone as a phone if I could HEAR anything. They’ve added every doodad, gadget, bell and whistle they could think of, but failed to upgrade the quality of voice transmission or reception. Minor detail. I hate my iPhone. It’s a toy, not a telephone.
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Nice thing about the old iPods – you could install skype and use it as a hone when you had wifi.
Call functionality is an afterthought to manufacturers now.
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I should add my husband used to have a techique that was unbeatable: grab the edge, do a triple roll, wrapping himself like a mummy in all the blankets. Eventually I stopped being nicey nice about it. Hah! Got em!
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That’s a great move!
I may borrow it as the weather gets colder…
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Every word calls to the beat poet in me, or the beat-up poet. I look around wondering who the call is for, too. That’s only happened a time or two cause nobody calls, but I like checking the temperature in Buenos Aires and Dublin that I have programmed in weather.
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I keep Portland and the Caribbean up on mine.
Because that’s where the true beat spirits are.
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I got a new phone about 6 months ago. To this day I have never made an actual call on it. How does that even work?
Loved the Beatnik slam. Go again?
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These usually come out when I’m unjustifiably upset with my wife. Then she reads them and we both laugh.
Much healthier!
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If you like, click the Beatnik Poetry Slam category under the title. I think I have about a dozen of these so far.
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Oh nice. I will!
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Snapping my fingers as well. Smoke is circling and my dog is already hogging the blanket….*sighs*….she always wins!
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The revolution is depending on you!
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She’s too cute – I can’t end the cycle!!
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Welcome back and hope you had a great time. Anxious to read about an adventure moment! The Ray Bans are perfect for the GuapNik!
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Thanks Frank!
Mostly, I think I’m still laying low for a bit though…
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Cellphones are truly handy for that quick shot. 🙂
ah, so many disagreements over that blanket.
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Freedom from the blanket wars would truly set the masses free.
Alas, there seems to be no end in sight.
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I love these posts, Just brilliant!
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Snaps back at ya!
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Awesome little snippet of strange. Thanks, Guap!
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Strange is my middle name.
I always get odd looks when I have to fill that out on a form.
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EG this one on of your best slams. The last line made the poem and totally killed me.hahahaha
xxx
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The battle never ends, Miss B.
And so far, I haven’t been winning.
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We will fight on EG! Fight on in our own special ways. Matter of fact I just took pictures off the iPod which feature my latest naked bar dance. Had some friends take the shots at 4th of Juplaya this year. Just for you! True story.
My evil plan? Insert these eye-bleach shots into your comments section. Only at the most awkward of times naturally. I turn 52 today so get those Ray Bans ready.
Your readers have been warned.
You are an inspiration to us all El Guapo xxx
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HAPPY BIRTHDAY!!!!
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Thanks Babe!
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Hilarious! You have a poetry slam gift. Like so many culturally vital gifts, including yodeling, it’s not lucrative, yet that doesn’t mean it’s unappreciated. (Glad you’re back!)
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I’m trying to start up a business where I recite these while riding a unicycle backwards. That’s where the real money is.
I play weddings, bar-mitzvahs and pet circumcisions.
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This is a familiar battle. One I usually lose. Thank goodness for spare rooms with lots of extra blankets.
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I think my wife and I should have the large comforter, then our own blankets underneath.
But I bet she’d grab those too.
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How fun! I read it aloud and everything. My husband enjoyed it. He’s the one who ends up without blankets in our world. 🙂
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Your husband is my brother in arms!
Seems like it’s usually the women that steal the blankets from us gentle souls…
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Jeepers Creepers…
I like this one a lot Guap 🙂
Andro
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Thanks Andro.
I do well when I let my weird out.
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I will have to try that sometime 🙂 lol
Have a super start to your Monday Guap…
Andro
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So scary, so fraught, so Owen-esque…what are the shhh bits? Sorry, was that my phone?
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The “shh”s are punctuation from the rain stick.
It is a very tense battle for blankets, every night.
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Dig!
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Dug!
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I use my cell phone for talking–and for listening to books. Everything else is for the iPad.
And thank you for addressing the pernicious but under-discussed threat of bed-hogs. They suck so bad!
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I’ve never sat and listened to an audio book, though I do read ebooks on my phone sometimes.
Bed hogs are the scourge of our age!
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You . . kind and dear and passionate sir . . are the Hemingway to my latest post. It’s almost too funny, the coincidence. You rock. Still. Yep . . and always.
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I am humbled, Sir! (In that semi-ironic way of beats everywhere.)
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Have a great rest of evening Guap 🙂
Andro
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And have a great weekend, Andro!
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Thank you Guap, it has been a fine finale to the F1 season 🙂 Of course I am looking forward to March 2014 when it starts all over again 🙂 Have a superb Monday 🙂
Andro
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Ah! There’s nothing like the smell of a chai-tea mustache combined with the scent of a clove cigarette juxtapositioned with riveting words that would make Jack, himself, jealous to get my Friday morning off the the right start! Even if I am about a three weeks late to the reading!
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The slam transcends positions on the calendar!
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*Snap Snap Snap!* nice one. I love stuff like this mainly because I can’t make clever poems that flow nicely. I appreciate those who have the skill. Nice work!
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Why thank you!
*twirls mustache in appreciation*
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What a lovely poem that leaves me with question marks 😀 haha
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Hahaha…..Love your “Sound Effects” in between ! 😀
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It’s been too serious around here lately. Ready for more foolishness. ❤
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You and me both.
I’ll be back at some point. Just enjoying the down time.
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Good for you! I’ve been attempting the “cyber-free” thing this week as well. ❤
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Happy Thanksgiving Guap 🙂
Andro
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Thank you Sir.
Have a great finish to your week!
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Thank you Guap,
I will certainly pull out
all the stops on that
one my great friend 🙂
Andro
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Well done El G. I can think of no better argument for adding sound effects to WordPress! 😀
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Hey, no one can hear you groan on the internet. 😉
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But you have to admit that hearing the effects while reading the poem would be cool! 😀
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Happy Thanksgiving to Guapo and Guapa. 🙂 … and of course, a music treat for the day. http://youtu.be/fYi9Vr8bHJY
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Beautiful! Thank you, Frank, and happy holidays to you and yours.
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Today is Friday. Today is a sad day. Today there’s no Foolishness and Today I miss Guap. Hope you had a great Thanksgiving! See ‘ya around…soon? Maybe? Some day? K…
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Thanks Kayjai.
For now, I’m enjoying reading and other things more than posting (still have one of yours to catch up on.)
But I have the next few poll questions ready, so maybe I’ll be back sooner rather than later…
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Amazing and thank you friend, there are many inspirational articles
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