Frankly my dear, I don’t give a Foolishness.

Today’s Music: JD McPherson – North Side Gal
Days Til Spring: 34

Snow. Rain. More snow. Sleet. Oh yeah, freezing temps. How to survive a winter gone mad? Why, read blogs of course! Here’s some of what I saw… GingerFightBack blew me away with The Norton. Brickhouse Chick used a very scientific sample of one for her survey on What Women Want, and Exploring Pixie wrote a strong post about women and Google Suggestions.

They, and all of you, were in great form this week!

But last week, there was foolishness, in the form of asking the stupidest question yet (probably), who should be the next antihero? And wow, were your heroes…anti. Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are apathetic in italics.)

A fat bloke in a pink and lime green thong… Andro
(Or as I like to call it, my college years.)
Chris of Wombania… Andro
(The wine gums keep him surly.)
Dog the Bounty Hunter’s Aunt Freda… Andro
(She trained Dog well. Except for the slobber.)
The Soup Nazi. Hey, Seinfeld is making a comeback. (or King Kong) ~ RoS
(He uses croutons to pelt his enemies into submission!)
(And no monkeys!!!)
the last great hero flipped inside out? butimbeautiful
(Wouldn’t that be “the first average meh”?)
Beiber after Miley frees him from the clutches of Selena Gomez. ~merlinspielen
(Pay no attention to the Lindsey Lohan behind the curtain.)
devilishly handsome and unbelievably sexy.
(Hmm…never thought of myself as an antihero…)
Peter Parker’s Aunt May – John Phillips
(Behind every great superhero is an aunt who wishes he’d clean his room.)
Walgreens, for continuing to sell tobacco products next to the vitamins.
(That’s got to be the silliest thing I’ve ever heard! Who would ever suggest that???)
Did the Walgreens comment go through? That was mine! Erin E.
(Oh…um…HI THERE!)
To the muncher in the 4×4 behind me who is honking because i refuse to ice dance 1 Jaded 1
(You were their only hope to beat the North Koreans at Sochi.)
Ron Paul~~Addie
(Able to bring government to a grinding halt! It’s Two First Names Man!)
Dennis Rodman.
(Or as he’s know in North Korea, Tall Annoying Man.)
PMAO… Dick Cheney
(Dick Cheney is a wonderful man. HEAR THAT, NSA???)
Any govt official who gets to decide who gets benefits & who doesn’t – Benzeknees
(I thought those were all former DMV agents?)
Death. As in The Angel Of. I hear he’s on Match.com GO DEATH!
(When did he break up with Taxes?)
Death. I get so excited I forget to reveal myself – Marie (cyber house rules)
(But you look so good in the intimidating black robe with the hood…)
Hipster-man. He solved that crime before you even heard it happened. BT
(If only he looked as cool in his fedora as Kojak.)
Effervescent Banana Man —Linda Vernon
(He…peels his opponents apart and defeats them while they’re…split.)
Men who slide naked over bars. (Carrie Rubin)
(Oh, like anyone ever does that.)
Olivia Pope. I couldn’t help myself. I love her. Deanna from MMV
(Versus her mortal enemy: Nielsen Ratings Man.)
Rush Limbaugh – Twindaddy
(Anti “hero”, not anti “Christ”.)
Obama. He’s already the anti-Christ, right? Elyse 54.5
(Obama and Limbaugh are the same person??? So much is clear now…)
Toting beer and bacon..obviously a Canuck! Kayjai
(It’s Canadian Bacon. DARN YOU, EVIL WIZARD!!!)
Theses guys

(But can they get out persistent stains?) (Full disclosure: My comment stolen shamelessly from something Rutabaga said last week.)
Pull my finger, and I’ll tell ya… come on, do it – Rutabaga
(Sure, but…why are you wearing a gas mask?)

We can’t name the winner, because antiheroes shun the spotlight. But they’re out there… And from the offered choices, the most popular was the guy who writes these polls. Thanks!…I think…

This week, love is in the air. At least, that’s what Hallmark and the jewelry companies would have us believe.
But for those of us that don’t buy into that, what can we do? Well, that’s this weeks poll. Answer often, but answer soon. Because while love is timeless, this poll closes Wednesday, 19 Feb at 2359. Please don’t go over 3 write-in answers, and if you like, leave a name on your write-ins, and I’ll link back to you next week.

And as we head into a (probably not any) warmer weekend, enjoy this – greatest product ever!

Have a great week, everyone.

Able Was I, Ere I Saw Foolishness

Today’s Music: The Feelies – Crazy Rhythms
Days Til Spring: 41

Another long week, but we made it to Friday! And how did we get here? By reading blogs, of course! Here’s some of what I saw… Ericka Clay posted a great piece of fiction that takes place in Brooklyn. Sandy Mitchell wrote the perfect Surfing Metaphor that also works for the rest of life, and Same Burn, Different Flame wrote about the importance of silencing the Little Voices.

Thanks to them, and everyone else for great reading while I was stuck in Canada and all week long.

To be fair, there was no one to stop him when he threw things…

Something I didn’t get to see in Canada were the answers to last weeks poll, where we asked what you should throw at coworkers. And wow, looking at the answers now, I’m amazed any work ever gets done! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are on a coffee break in italics.)

Duck! throw it yell it and you warned em so all good Lizzie C
(It’s like confit-ti!)
a brick. works and you have a moment of daze to duck. Lizzie C
(I should have mentioned I work in a rubber room…)
I say flick boogers. x, Becca (LON)
(HR is going to ask the CDC how to quarantine that.)
snappy comebacks – That One Guy
(Coworkers provide such good source material…)
I throw my voice so he doesn’t know it’s me telling him off. The Sailor’s Woman
(That fern is going to get a bad reputation…)
grenades
(I can see why Bruno Mars broke up with you.)
Why would you need their attention? (Stacy)
(Someone has to know to wake me if the boss comes by.)
some really good one-liners….moments of pure brilliance! polysyllabic profundities
(Brilliance has no place in the workplace!!!)
If I throw something at Cimmy, “Nice catch!” should be what I say next.
(Preferably over your shoulder. While running away.)
I don’t have a coworker. I’m a homesteader.
(Showoff.)
My boss – John Phillips
(Don’t hurt your back lifting his ego.)
Nothing. I send emails. Accountants are to introverted for human interaction.
(How about adding lolcatz to “reply alls”?)
Slingshot balls of flarp. Red.
(I like to do bank shots with flubber.)
death stares. It appears I’m good at that. Or else, mosquitos (alive)! NBI
(Just don’t practice the stare in the mirror…)
Bag ‘O Badgers (pat. pending) and my resignation letter ~Miss R
(That’ll teach the Den of Weasels©!)
Flue virus – that should give a few days of rest for both me and them. (List of X)
(Wait – people use sick days when they’re sick???)
A paperclip that hit her in the eye. I stopped after that. Quirky
(Best to go out on a win!)
I throw non sequiturs like there is no tomorrow
(The bananas are effervescent this morning.)
Awesome super-effective original ideas that will nevertheless be ignored. – Hotspur
(I think I’ve worked in that office…)
foolishness. of course. thematticuskingdom
(Scientists are working hard on an aerodynamic foolishness that does not fall flat. Unlike mine.))
Me? Nothing. The kingdom wizard throws curses at them for me. thematticuskingdom
(I hide behind Betsy from Payroll.)
baseball bat. might be hard to smuggle in library. – aliceatwonderland
(Tell them you’re making Malamud’s The Natural come alive!)
fun facts and trivia that can be shared at parties – calahan
(I like to give minutiae on photocopying body parts.)
“up” Linda Vernon
(It’s all fun and games until it lands…)
From the dust on your keyboard, you could flick a dustball – Benzeknees
(If you mean that one creepy guy in Records, I don’t think that’s dust…)
A curve ball (Elyse 54.5 again)
(SEXUAL HARASSMENT!!!)
Popcorn if you know nobody’s packing heat (Elyse 54.5)
(Or socks! If you know no one is packing bags.)
PMAO says; I like to throw myself at my coworkers… wait… I don’t have coworkers
(So much is clear now…)
Glances which state clearly I’m not you’re team-building-activity buddy – Alex A
(I find not catching them during the falling exercise is much more effective than “glances”.
A paper clip shower. The Bumble Files
(With styrofoam conditioner!)
Deodorant. That dude smells really ripe.
(No, that’s just the hopelessness radiating off him.)
All of my coworkers died in a freak office related “accident” –Lily In Canada
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
another co-worker…so many aerodynamic specimens to choose from…Weenie Girl
(Any excuse to use this picture!)

superballs. ummm, that came out sounding weird. – speedo
(And yet, so effective…)
brickhousechick: a confetti of vegan/organic quinoa drenched in pork fat
(The Food Network would like to hire you after you’re fired from that job.)
A collected volume of your blogs~Addie
(Woah! We just want to startle them, not kill them!)
Jelly babies! I know he doesn’t like them so I would get them back! MBT
(Hope he picks off the industrial carpet fibers first…)
Poop. We all need to channel our inner monkey once in awhile. – The Waiting
(*buys raincoat for office*)
My Diet Coke can. Full or empty depends on the amount of rage. Kayjai
(Funny, my tequila bottle has a scale to measure that right on the side.)
Insults – Twindaddy
(Those are best hurled, not thrown.)
gobbets of diseased flesh via catapult – The (Medieval) Mercenary Researcher
(Don’t the other lunch ladies get upset when you throw the meals around?)
Definitely BRRRAAIIIINNNNSSSS (Frank)
(What, and waste mine at work???)
Throw ’em a bone to go with those braiiins!
(…and that’s how caveman baseball was invented!)
Passive aggressive remarks-Not A Punk Rocker
(I suppose if that’s what you think is best…)

Congratulations to Lily In Canada for this week’s winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was BRRRRAAIIIIINNNSSS!!! (Hey! It works!) So glad to see we’re all using brains at work for something.

We loved Walter White. We cheered on Dexter.We wept at the trials of that guy in those viagra commercials.
They all have some things in common: they’re distant. Emotionally unavailable. Ratings getters. Which made those wacky pollsters in Guapberg wonder, who will be the next antihero? Well, that’s this weeks poll.
Answer soon, answer often – but answer by 2359 EST on Wednesday, 12 Feb, because that’s when this one ends. Please don’t go over 3 write-in answers, and if you like, leave an name on your write-ins, and I’ll link back next week.

And before we go back to the daily grind, enjoy this…

Have a great week everyone!

Is that a Foolishness in your pocket or- oh, never mind, I see it. It’s a Foolishness.

Today’s Music: Squeeze – Goodbye Girl
Days Til Spring: 55

Janus is displeased with the commuters.

SNOWPOCALYPSE!!!! (Sorry, we’re still in negotiations with Cato. Apparently he won’t appear until we promise to spell his name correctly or something.) Anyway, what can you do when the fluff is flying and you’re out of whipped cream for your hot chocolate (true story!)? Why, read blogs of course!
Here are some great posts I saw this week. Jazzy Beat Chick posted a beautiful ode to her father.The Waiting had a hilarious grade school run-in with beer (though she handled it completely differently than I would have). And Kina Diaz wrote a fantastic post about seeing herself from a completely different perspective

And Spreading Crazy Smiles nominated me for a Shout Out Award! (Possibly because of my catcalling during Chris Christie’s inauguration…) Anyway, I hope you check out her site. I’ve spent some time there, and am already enjoying the hell out of myself.

Thanks to them, and everyone else for giving me great stuff to read this week!

But the question this week is actually the question from last week, or last week’s poll, which asked what does the cow say?. And wow, were your cows talkative! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are grain fed in italics.)

“what does the fox say? ” what? its curious..oh did you say COW? damn LizzieC
(Cow hopes curiosity doesn’t do to him what it did to the cat.)
It’s not what it says, it’s what it wears! (Stacy)
(Cow has a leather fetish.)
baa when he’s trying to pass for a sheep.
(Cow looks like a young William Shatner with that perm.)
you just squeezed my tit..sexual harassment! (SnB)
(Whew! I was afraid I was milking the boy cow!))
What does the fox say?
(The fox says Ylvis should be slapped vigorously about the jowls.)
(The blogger says WHY DID YOU MAKE ME LISTEN TO THIS???)
Chocolate Fondue. ~Maddie Cochere
(The cow wishes he had something to dip besides grass.)
Something really droll in a British accent –The Waiting
(Cow says we are very a-moo-sed.)
That farmer has a fetish for stools, and grabbing my teets… Andro
(Better then the farmer grabbing the cows…stool…)
Stop pulling my tits you great oaf 😦 Andro
(Cow prefers drinks and whispered sweet nothings first. Perhaps some lemongrass…)
To milk is human; to grill bovine. – Hotspur
(I really don’t want to know what Cow is cooking over there.)
go ahead, audition for jersey shore. I dairy ya! polysyllabicprofundities
(GTL, BABY! (Grass, thatch, lawn.))
Your hands are cold. Red.
(The better to stiffen the udders!)
You’re not touching me with those cold hands! Benzeknees
(It’ll hurt you more than it hurts Cow.)
(Seriously.)
(He kicks.)
“For ‘Moo’ Press 2. For ‘Moo Moo’ Press 3. For ‘woof’ Press 4” – calahan
(MAD COW DEMANDS A LIVE OPERATOR IMMEDIATELY!!!)
“Sanjay–I am your father!”
(Darth Holstein? Is that you?)
Isosceles triangle or, failing that, moo. Linda Vernon
(Cow studies hyperbolic arcs because moons are difficult to jump.)
take the batteries out of this damn thing before your mother loses her mind.Maggie O.C.
(Cows’s aunt will be giving calf a drum set this year.)
Jack! Jack! I’m safer than a beanstalk! Elyse 54.5
(Jack should have just gone to Grandma’s house…)
I told you not to bother me when I’m jumping over the Moon! Elyse 54.5
(But Cow!!! That’s my laundry bag, not a parachute!!!)
My poop is full of nutrients. In 62 days, you can put some in your garden.
(Cow says his doesn’t stink.)
brickhousechick says: “Why buy me when you get my udders for free!”
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
I bet I taste freaking fantastic. thematticuskingdom
(Cow is known for his good…taste.)
ting tang walla walla bing bang. thematticuskingdom
(Cow says he loves you. And chipmunks.)
The cow says you keyed my car. Is that true? Ross Murray
(Cow is lashing out because he’s still jealous I stole his girlfriend in high school.)
Would you like a fresh pie? (Frank)
(Cow definitely belongs on the menu instead of serving it.)
Get your hand off my nipples! Twindaddy
(Cow appreciates warm hands.)
Oi – I’m good with horseradish sour cream. Rutabaga
(Cow just wants to bathe in a Calgon demiglace before she’s taken away. To the dinner table.)
how now but only if it’s not brown.
(Is there a Brown Chicken to go with that Brown Cow?)
(Anyone? Anyone? Bueller?)
Lets all go to the mooovies. Yeah that’s all I got. Kayjai
(And enjoy our popcow! Yeah, right there with ya…)
“Moo. Milk my teats. Harder…harder..YES! Moo.” Not A Punk Rocker
(Umm…I’m not sure that’s milk coming out…)

Congratulations to brickhousechick for this weeks winning answer! And from the offered choices, the most popular was I’m the subject of a poll??? That’s udderly ridiculous! So it…behooves me to congratulate all you merry punsters!

Henry and Flo
My daily desk companions

Sadly, I spend a lot of time at my desk. And sometimes, I get frustrated with my coworkers or need to get their attention, so I flick a rubber band to catch their eye.
But that got me thinking…what else could I throw at them? Well, that’s this weeks poll. Answer as often as you like, and other answers up to three times. You even have extra time this week, as I will be out in the real world, and offline next weekend. So get your answers in by Monday, 3 Feb, at 2359 EST. Because that’s when this one closes. Oh, and if you leave an “other” answer, leave an ID if you like, or a mention of it in the comments, and I’ll link back to you next week.

And in parting, enjoy this.
I really don’t drink this much anymore. And I probably wasn’t near as funny when I did…

Have a fantastic weekend, y’all!
(The Foolishness will return in two weeks.)

Friday Friday Fo Foolish, Banana Fana So Soolish, Me My Mo Moolish…Foolish!

Today’s Music: Dana Fuchs – Keep On Walkin’
Note On Today’s Music: I was going to go with Starship – Nothngs Gonna Stop Us Now after a twitter conversation with Aussa Lorens, but I’m just not a big enough fan of their music. It brings back too many memories of a thankfully gone era. (Settle own, RoS.) You should check out her blog though! (And RoS too.)
Days Til Spring: 62

RELEASE THE KRAKEN!!!! Surprise!! The Kraken is this weeks Foolishness mascot! (Cato Kaelin wanted too much money.)
And what wasn’t a surprise this week? Why, the great blog posts of course! Here‘s some of what I saw…
In a classic case of “better him than me”, Brain Rants researched the types of people who poop. Benzeknees started taking an online class, and AFrankAngle put up a great piece On Compassion.
Thanks to them and all of you for more spectacular reading!

And then there was the question of last time’s poll. Or rather, last time’s poll question, where we asked How will you celebrate Tuesday’s? And wow, the party never stops with you guys! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are wearing a lampshade in italics.)

Reading Benzeknees! Elyse 54.5
(I recommend starting with her palms, moving to her aura, then the bumps on her head…)
I, King Julian – oh wait Im not King Julian..that could be a problem.. LizzieC
(Or it could be the solution!!!)
All of the above, naturally (Kanerva)
(A pity this answer wasn’t before the Computer Sex one below.)
not killing anyone.
(Then what will we eat for the celebratory meal?)
By having a hamburger and paying you next tuesday – John Phillips
(You’re such a sweet pea!)
With copious amounts of the sweet, sweet cheeba!
(Sonny Chiba?)

by not forgetting to celebrate every Tuesday. Here’s to Tuesdays! 🙂
(Wait – Every Tuesday??? We’re gonna need more chips…)
Visiting every business that is closed on Monday. SilkPurseProductions
(Please tell me you didn’t eat at Fridays.)
You know I’ll be knitting, so I have checked that one. Ha! (Stacy)
(And here I was thinking it was my comments that had people in stitches…)
By reminding myself it’s only 3 days til Friday! SnaaapALongG
(Friday’s are boring. TUESDAY!!!!)
a celebratory nap! hang on I have one of those very day..butimbeautiful
(You’re going to need a nap to recover from all those naps!)
Help Guap build Guapolianville for his model train Linda Vernon
(In 1:86 scale, I think their daylong celebration is about 17 minutes…)
having sex on the keyboard and posting the results on my blog? Wife optional.
(I thought the keyboard liked to be on top?)
Thinking “why the fuck am I celebrating on a school night!” Elyse 54.5
(Because what’s going to school without a hangover?)
(Please tell me that wasn’t just me…)
Preparing for that damn camel and his hump~Addie
(It’s always the quiet ones…)
Having a drink with hopes for Tuesday Foolishness (Frank)
(Have a few more, and believe me, the Foolishness will happen.)
Eating tacos and drinking Tequila. I’m practicing for Tuesday tonight! ~Maddie
(Like they say, Live every day like it’s Tuesday.)
Make every tuesday FAT tuesday. Maggie O.C.
(Wouldn’t that make every Wednesday through Monday Lent?)
Tickle Me Tuesday, of course! –Benzeknees
(Oh god! It’s like the office xmas party all over again!)
Performing my morning ablutions at my office desk; floss, moisturize, nose hair.
(I use pomegranate juice to moisturize my nose hair. But I’ve never flossed it.)
With a keg, as is right and proper for every celebration. (thematticuskingdom)
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
with a bottle of vodka hiding from the world. Tuesdays suck. (thematticuskingdom)
(Of course it sucks. You’re supposed to be using a keg.)
PMAO… Honestly, I don’t have a job, so I forget what day it is…
(Funny, I have a job and keep forgetting who I am…)
sitting at my computer, drinking, and wondering why I’m still alone – Twindaddy
(Sounds like you’re having two Mondays and moving straight to Wednesday.)
Drinking like it’s Friday, then feeling guilty like it’s Saturday. Kayjai
(Now you can sleep it off at work like it’s Monday!)
Getting fucking drunk. I may even wait until after work! –NotAPunkRocker
(I’ve found meetings to be much more fun when I start drinking early.)

Congratulations to DJ Matticus for this weeks winning answer, an answer after my own heart. And from the offered choices, the most popular was a tie between Thanking everything it’s not Monday and Pre-humpday knitting party!!!. So congratulations to all of you that I clearly don’t understand.

This week, we continue to enjoy the new year in all its youth. Something else that reminds us of youth is that childhood classic, the See and Say. But it’s a very old toy, and some of the entries could probably do with an update. Well, that’s this weeks poll.
Answer as often as you like, up to 3 Other answers. This one closes ate 2359 EST, on Wednesday, 22 Jan. Because I’m going to try and put the next one up next Friday. And if you do leave an Other answer, leave a way to ID you and I’ll link back next week.

Well, that brings us to the almost end. But before we get tot the very end, I’ll leave you with these…
First, how about a little Muppets?.

And finally, MUPPETS!!!

And that’s the end, but I hope your own Foolishness lives on. Have a great week everyone!

The Return Of The Son Of The Cousin Of That Guy Who’s Sister Briefly Dated The Friday Foolishness!!!

Today’s Music: The Fratellis – Flathead
Days Til Spring: 77

It’s almost as cool as this guy!

There! In the distance, arising like a golden sore on the face of all that is sane! Do you see it? Can you feel it? Does it smell good? (Only it’s body-hair-sculptor knows for sure.)
What can it be??? Why…why…it’s the Friday Foolishness!!!

Here’s how this works. I ask the stupidest question I can think of (because lets face it, there really are such things as stupid questions), and you guys either pick an answer, or write in your own in the Other field. If you do, leave your handle, and I’ll link back to you when I post the answers ahead of the next poll, on alternating Fridays (or random tuesdays, when the mood strikes me). Someone might even win!

There will be some fun, a couple of videos that amused me, and of course, a song. But there’s always a song, so never mind that.
Oh, and I’ll babble a bit. As I tend to do.
I think in the 100+ polls I’ve ran, I’ve deleted a handful of answers, so feel free to say just about anything you want. Just remember, it’s a family blog. So leave your brother alone. He’s a little sensitive. But keep it under 4 answers, so it doesn’t look like we’re in cahoots. (I’m 17 years cahoots free!)

We’ve all just celebrated the new year. But New Years Eve fell on a tuesday this year. Which got me thinking, Tuesday is a pretty good day for a celebration, so lets keep it up all year!
But how will we celebrate it? Well, that’s this weeks poll. Get your answers in by 2359 EST, Friday, 10 Jan.
You’ve got 8 days, so no excuses.

And while you all ponder that, I’ll leave you with these.
First, that marvel of technology, the washing machine!

And finally, what the hell, let’s stick with bears. An oldie but a goodie.
(It’s a bit potty mouth)

Have a great weekend everyone!