An Iconic Birthday! (Bigger than Arbor Day, Even!)

Today’s Music: Godsmack – Voodoo

El Guapo: No dammit! It’s a party. And we’re all going to harmoniously sing happy birthday. Or else!
Easter Wallaby(EW): Or else what? You’re gonna call me a bunny? Listen buddy, I’m used to that from you people.
EG: Settle down, fuzzy britches. And keep that tail where I can see it this time too. *Grabs the bottle of chocolate liquer from her hand* Let’s not make this any harder than it has to be.
*EW grabs back the bottle*
GroundHog(GH): Hey! No cracks about fuzziness. *to EW* You’re looking good, baby. Can I get a hit of that? *Tips the bottle*
EW: *leans in close* How’d they rope you into this?
GH: I thought there’d be a Kardashian here. Not a bunch of second rate holiday icons. *Leers at her* Present company excluded of course.
Captain Kirk(CK) (standing next to Picard(CP)): People! We have to…settledown…be…ORganized…Thisconfusion…andbickering…iswhatthey…want…fromUS
CP: Oh, shut up you windbag. *drinks tea*
Abe Lincoln(AL) (moving away from the other presidents): Tea! A fine choice, sir. *Claps CP on his back*
Teddy Roosevelt(TR): *whispering conspiratorially* I have a bully accompaniment for that! *pours a liberal slug of whiskey in*
EG: *Wrestling Tom Turkey(TT) to the ground* Roosevelt, if you turn this into another Panama Canal, I will personally send you back up the Amazon with out a paddle! *Jumps back into the fray*
AL: Theodore, you need another drink like I need-
TR: Another hole in the head? BWAHAH-
*Abe Lincoln crams his stovepipe hat onto Roosevelts head, temporarily blinding him, and smacks him about the jowls.
TT has broken free from EG and is now under the refreshments table pecking at the St. Patricks Day Leprechaun. EW and GH are on top of a bookcase, slowly taki- OHGOODLORD! Let’s just say they’re…busy, and leave it at that.

A loud crash freezes everyone.
A cloud of dust and debris floats around the remains of the front door, which has been mostly replaced by the nose of a classic red Cadillac. in the back seat, Lipschitz, Otis, Bown Shugga and Mrs. Claus choke in the fumes, as Santa Claus bounds from the front seat.

SC: HO HO HO!!!! Why so cheeeerless, everyone? We’re here for a very festive occasion!
EG (*dusting the fallout from his lederhosen*): Thank you Kris! Now as I was saying before, we are going to sing a joyful Happy Birthday to a wonderful (wo)man. A (wo)man who has touched us all deeply, whether by collecting travel pictures for charming young lady who’s battling cancer, or bringing us weird pictures of Invisible Man fellatio.
A (wo)man who has stuck to her dream to publish – not one, not two, but three!!! books, with the promise of more to come!
A (wo)man who I am proud to call a friend.

And HE would apprecia-
SC *head snapping around*: Who? Who’d you say, boy?
EG: HE is the (wo)man we should all be proud- no, privileged- nay, HONORED! to sing happy birthday to, to wish H.E. Ellis the best birthday EVER!
*EG realizes he’s been shouting into a suddenly still room. He opens his eyes slowly from his fervor to see that he is now surrounded by a whole bunch of not-so-festive looking holiday icons, all of them victims of HE Ellis’ sharp and delightful wit.* Um…maybe we’ll just send her a card! *Runs off*

HAPPY BIRTHDAY, H.E.!!!

Sincerely, from me, and all your blogtastic friends!
Edward Hotspur
Ginger Snaap
Cheeky Diva
LizzieC
Rogue Blogger
SandyLikeABeach
Trask Avenue

A Literary Limerick – Reapers With Issues

Today’s Music: Kings X – Black Flag

I’ve been going pretty strong with the limericks lately. Mostly, they’re a fun way to poke fun at cultural icons. Out of all of them though, there has been one so far that I actually wanted to work well.
It was for a blogger I like, and I wanted to convey some of the fun and story of the book she’d written.

Well, she’s written another. And it’s hilarious.
She’ll tell you straight up, it isn’t for the dogmatic. It pokes fun at Jesus. It pokes (maybe bludgeons would be a better word?) at god and at the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
About the only character in this ensemble that comes off like I would expect is Lucifer. Except for the track suit. Too hellish even for him.

I’m not even going to try and explain this one. Think of it as a view of quite possibly the worst middle management situation under…well, under heaven and earth.

Everyone that stops by here has a great sense of humor, and y’all have been able to take some of the most inane jokes. I think you would enjoy reading through the book.

At the very least, you’ll be able to understand the limericks!
The first actually holds to the plot. the second…well, reread it after you’ve read the book. It’ll make sense then.
And possibly make you feel a bit ill while you laugh…

Reapers With Issues
Reapers known as the Apocalyptic Four,
overworked, downtrodden and sore
Lucifer trapped Jesus and his pup.
Managed to gum almost everything up!
But Grim, on his horse, settled the score

Reapers With Issues (for those who’ve read it!)
Each Reaper had a favorite meat-suit
For acting in ill-repute
Jesus would have none of it
While Lucifer made fun of it.
Oh, and Genghis thought the doggie was cute.

And I hope you go check out H.E. Ellis and her Reaper cohorts

A Literary Limerick – Gods of Asphalt

Today’s Music: Willie Nelson – On The Road Again

Those of you that have been around some of the blogs on my blogroll have already heard of H.E. Ellis first book, Gods of Asphalt, Book 1 (or availablehere)

There have been several reviews around the net, all of them good (as they should be). There have been many accolades from other bloggers to H.E. (as there should be).

However, in all my Googling, I have not found a single limerick tribute.
That’s just wrong folks. Or rather, the limerick I am about to present is just wrong.

Those of you who have read the book can see how this fits. Those of you who haven’t should go read the book, then come back and read the limerick (cause I want the site hits). (And the book is pretty damn good.)
Just so you know, H.E. knew nothing about the posting of the limerick. If she had
– It would have been much better
– I would be in traction from massive damage from her running me over in her Jeep. Even though I’m on the 16th floor here.

And so, with no further apologies (since I really can’t make enough of them for this travesty), the Gods of Asphalt limerick:

Playing ball was Sawyers dream in this world
Confronted his dad in a big ugly whirl.
At Gus’ place he learned
How the road twisted and turned.
Drove off with dad to serenade the girl

Really, I don;t know how you people read these limericks. I think I hit a new low. In the head. With a brick.
Sigh.

Anyway, go check out the book. It will do wonders towwards cleaning out the bad taste in your brain from this.
You’re welcome.