Things I Didn’t Say

Today’s Music: Serena Ryder Stompa

It’s not quite 9 am as I write this.
Here is a list of things I managed not to say to people today. I admire my restraint.
But it’s early, so I’m pretty sure that will fade as the day goes on.

Do you know how much restraint I'm using to not open it and let it all out?!?

Do you know how much restraint I’m using to not open it and let it all out?!?

“Then you’ll look like a piece of pink Swiss cheese.”

“What’s that smel-… Oh, it’s you, isn’t it.”

“Do your parents know you ate lead paint as a child??”

“Hey, you’d get a great price for me on Ebay!”

“Explain to me again why getting out of bed this morning was a good idea.”

“You didn’t pay for that haircut, did you???”

“How is that my problem, and why should I care?”

“You’ve been listening to Reason and Logic? Is that a band? Because I know you’re not talking about the company.”

“You don’t expect me to actually do that, do you?”

I expect my inner voice will get loud enough break through as the day goes on. Fortunately, my boss is laid back, and as long as I keep actually doing work, I should be fine.
And to restrain myself, I just keep reminding me that come Saturday I’ll be away and offline totally for a week.

Ok, off to write Friday’s poll!

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89 responses to “Things I Didn’t Say

  1. So funny. I can hear myself saying the same exact things — but only in my head. Good way to start the morning. Thanks for the giggle.

  2. Man! You are sharp in the morning. Those are great one-liners even if you only thought them…

  3. I admire your restraint….but I’m pretty sure you should do a follow up piece at about 3:00 pm to see how the day unfolded! :)

  4. See, I am thinking if you just said all those things, it would be far cheaper. I say those things routinely. My doctor misses me.

  5. I salute your capacity to keep those thoughts to yourself, even if it’s for a couple of hours only.

  6. Sometimes my inner voice takes over the outer voice and I can’t control it. People know this in advance though, so I don’t seem like a total asshole to them…only to strangers and small animals. The week is half over, or something, so Friday will be here soon!

  7. Are the repressed thoughts/verbosity all work-related? If so, I’m getting a better picture of Guap in the Round… the Man, The Mystery, The Tech Guy with Everloving Self Control. Well done!

  8. umm… you mean we aren’t supposed to say those things out loud???

  9. Verbal restraint doesn’t count if you hit anything/anyone. Just sayin’

  10. You can say them. Just don’t say them where you can be heard. Every so often, I go out to my car and just scream obscenities until I feel better. It usually doesn’t help, but what do you expect? The word ‘obscenities’ doesn’t really release anything.

  11. for putting one’s foot firmly in mouth how about “so how many months are you?” :-) continue…

  12. “How is that my problem, and why should I care?” <– haha that's my favorite! It works in so many situations.

  13. Good trick …. print it here as a subliminal reminder not to say it …. and all in the name of being a great humanitarian.

  14. I’m sure my inner monologue is fairly entertaining, too. I have a low tolerance for stupidity.

  15. This is a good reason for keeping to myself. I won’t blurt out these things that are so tempting to say…

  16. Is this a case of “it’s the thought that counts?”.

  17. My what lovely teeth you have.

    I’m really curious about the person who looked like pink Swiss Cheese, but I have a feeling I don’t want to know.

  18. The Reason and Logic one (killer!)
    Things I did say out loud BEFORE 9:00 a.m. :
    “Is the mouse guy coming today? There’s something rustling around in the closet and I’m NOT opening it!”
    “Yes, Dear, the nurse says you DO have pink eye… why don’t you look over there in the closet and see if we have some Lysol …”

  19. I’m beginning to think we should trade blogs. You have a lot of pent up “whatimeant2say’s”.

  20. Your restraint is amazing. You do realize that we’re on the cusp of inserting computer chips in our brains that will let people into our innermost thoughts? That’s going to make things a little awkward since I’m mostly thinking “shut the fuck up” whenever anyone is addressing me.

  21. Oh my God, this is awesome. Not to mention timely. Not to mention awesome. And yes, I know I said awesome twice but hey . . . chalk it up to the things I DID say, and with good reason.
    If I had one super power, it would be to enlist George Carlin’s words to my thoughts in public settings. Sure, I wouldn’t be able to hold a job to save my life. But really, would I need one with all the talk show bookings I would be collecting?

  22. I want to go to a party where everyone agrees to let it all out, as insulting as it may be or not-politically correct, it would be a blast!! Are you hosting? Where will next week take you and how will we survive without Guap? :)

  23. Guap, I love your inner voice. It speaks the truth – and then some. Fave was “eat lead paint as a child.” Falling off my chair laughing…! Amy

  24. So for the “You don’t expect me to actually do that, do you?” thought. What did he/she want you to do? ;)

    • I think that was a user asking me to get to a website for something they personally needed.
      It would have meant disabling some security software on their pc.
      I didn’t, but it wasn’t urgent for them, just inconvenient.
      (If it had been urgent and they convinced me they needed it, I’d have lent them a machine on an outside network.)

  25. I hope you took your inner voice outside for some fresh air –those thoughts deserved to see daylight! Hilarious.

  26. Serena Ryder’s playing at our local bar in December. That’s all I have to say.

  27. The first one is hands down my favorite.

  28. Give me one good reason not to say those things out loud. I mean it. You’re fucking genious!

  29. can’t wait to get polled, tomorrow

  30. Those are pretty good. I can think of a few of those comments I’d like to borrow.

  31. It would have been me you would have asked if I’d paid for the haircut. At least your brain was working well.

  32. Reason and logic are SO over rated

  33. So you are taking a sabbatical are you?:) Well okay then just a week off to regenerate the cells and excite the senses, or is it a busman’s holiday, Halloween get together, early winter skinny dipping extravaganza, shopping with the wife or perhaps a bit of you know what with a harem of naughty nymphomaniacs? ;) I know which one I would choose but I certainly hope that you have fun whatever your vices are :) lmao


  34. The eBay one is the best.

  35. I didn’t say those things either, Guap. Most of the time my filter works well. <3

  36. One of favorite sayings: “How is that my problem, and why should I care?”. Another one of my favorites: “Lack of preparation on your part does not constitute an emergency on my part.”

  37. I can think of no one who could not speak with more eloquence… : )

  38. I think you should just say it. I would laugh. All the best people will. The rest were definitely eating lead paint.

Ahem *best Ricky Ricardo voice* Babble-OOOoooo!!!

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