Some things I’m wondering about…


Today’s Music: VV Brown

The week is over. The sun is down, and the first cool nips of autumn are strolling through the neighborhood. So I thought I’d share the questions that are ricocheting off the inside of my head as I sit back to enjoy a(nother) bottle of Blue Moon.

Who names a color “Puce”?
What is the purpose of Earlobes?
If I get hit in the back, will my face really get stuck with this expression?
Who the hell is Niblik?
If River Phoenix married Joan Rivers, would he be River Rivers?
How many people wear digital watches because they can’t read analog watches?
Why, of all the classes I took in high school, is typing the only that is useful on a daily basis in the real world?
Why are there only 13 episodes of Doctor Who (plus one special) per year?
Who cares what any Kardashian is up to?
Why don’t fish have ears?
Does “All the tea in China” include the tea in Taiwan?
Can I sue Smokey the Bear for the therapy I’ll need for thinking I should have prevented all those forest fires?
Who moved my cheese?
Who’s thong is hanging from the lampshade, and will they be cold without it?

You’re welcome.

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15 responses to “Some things I’m wondering about…

  1. Those are really good questions, and I’ll be thinking hard about some of them. (Others, I just say, “Yeah. We’ll never know.”)

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  2. After 13 minutes of exhaustive research, I’ve come up with some answers for you:

    Bruce.
    Where else are you gonna put earrings? Duh.
    Only until you’re 9 years old or you stop believing in Santa Claus, whichever comes first.
    Never heard of her.
    If he’s a feminist, yes, he must take her name, but he has the option of hyphenating, going by River Phoenix-Rivers. Of course, that would be silly. The real problem is that in California it’s illegal (in most cases) to marry a dead person. River Phoenix isn’t alive, and I’m not sure about Joan Rivers.
    According to my calculator watch, 71.8% of them.
    It is a conspiracy involving the Dept. of Education and NATMaRR (the National Association of Typewriter Manufacturers, Retailers, & Repairmen).
    In the dimension where they produce the show, there are actually 26 episodes, but that translates to only 14 here.
    Around these parts, absolutely no one. (Although, I heard of this PR genius named Jose Martinez who is sure that everyone will want to know what kind of pantyhose they wear.)
    It wouldn’t be fair, because we don’t have gills. I mean, why should one animal get ALL the cool stuff?
    No, that tea is counted separately, but ever since 1997 the tea in Hong Kong is included.
    No. In fact, you owe us big time, because only you could have prevented them. Way to drop the ball, doofus. (We give you one simple job…)
    Yours too? Someone takes mine every time I’ve almost reached it!
    Certainly not mine, and the cold is probably the least of her worries right now.

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    • I’m humbled that you spent more time coming up with answers than I did coming up with questions.
      Though to be fair, some of these have been on my mind for years.

      I was going to give you extra points for invoking Jose Martinez (though we all know how that ends), but you lost a whole bunch for Niblik. Niblik was Alan Swanns climbing guide from the Himalayas. The Him-a-lay-as.
      If you haven’t seen My Favorite Year with Peter O’Toole, watch it.
      If you have seen it, watch it again.

      Also, I went back and rewatched the old Smokey the Bear interviews, and am pretty sure he was referring to you. Way to pass the buck.
      (Doofus indeed. Hmph).

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  3. It’s only one letter off from puke and already exists in nature as mauve. Let’s strike it from the color palette.

    Since we’re now piercing anything that remotely protrudes from our bodies, I think they’ve lost their significance.

    You’re likely to make a pretty goofy face if struck in the back so you’re screwed either way.

    Don’t know. And too lazy to google.

    I think that this union would send up far greater red flags to me than naming issues.

    I’ve always thought so. Digitals are ugly on women but if I didn’t have my trusty cell phone to timekeep for me, I’d likely consider one. But it would be shoved deep in my pocket.

    Holy shit. I didn’t even TAKE typing. What does this say about MY world preparedness???

    I will answer that question with another question. Why did they cancel Arrested Development???

    I thinking Mrs. Kardashian and possibly also Bruce Jenner who, per Brian’s answers above, may or may not have invented, discovered and/or named the color puce.

    We have them and we can’t hear shit underwater with them anyway. What would be the point?

    I think “All the grains of rice in China” would have made a much stronger statement. Tea is hard to quantify. Do they mean leaves, bags, cups? Grains of rice? SO easy to count. And plentiful. Isn’t that the whole point really?

    No. You can’t. It’s in his contract. He’s a very savvy bear and took care of himself on the front end with a really good legal team. S-M-R-T!!!

    I did. I’m sorry. But you left it there for nearly an hour. I have made no secret of my love affair with cheese. And it seemed wasteful to just leave it sitting there. I’m sorry but, in truth, I will very likely do it again.

    If you have thongs hanging from your lampshade, I am very surprised you are blogging right now. That said, no level of comfort or warmth can be garnered by these items, no doubt created from the same people who created stiletto heels and Spanx.

    I’m curious. Did you two fools know each before ODNT?

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    • As per the sealed court papers, I’m forced to say
      “I’m sorry Senator, I’ve never met that Brian character before, have never seen him in Chinatown, and didn’t know who he was until after that unfortunate incident with the puppies at the YMCA pool.”

      He stopped by Guapola a while ago and introduced himself. I’ve since checked out his excellent blog, as well as others I’ve found through his links.
      I thought he was a nice guy until he called me a doofus. Hmph.

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      • Hey! I thought we agreed never to talk about those puppies.

        Thanks for your kind words, but don’t pay too much attention to the blogs I have linked at “Unintimidated.” Some of them truly are my favorites, but others just ended up in the list for reasons of… well, it’s a long story. Some are written by friends who I’m glad to see are really trying. (I know, that didn’t even make sense.)

        I apologize for the doofus comment. It was uncalled for, but you really should do more to prevent forest fires. Smokey clearly said only YOU, not me…

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    • OldDog, we’ve never met in the real world and only got acquainted in the blogosphere a few weeks ago. I’m not sure if we found each other first through The Bloggess or your wonderful boob blog. Regardless, we were destined to become good buddies because brilliant minds always gravitate toward one another.

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  4. I don’t know whether all the tea in China includes all the tea in Taiwan, but either way, that’s got to be a lot of tea. Who would want that much tea? Where would you put it? You’d have to keep it in a cool, dry place to prevent it from going bad. And even then, tea doesn’t last forever, so you’d either be serving tea 24 hours a day (when the Chinese are sending you all their tea, you should get them to throw in a few teapots) or giving it away, possibly to all those people in China who found themselves suddenly without tea. It just seems like more trouble than it’s worth.

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  5. Gosh, I can’t believe I missed this one. And kudos to Brian the Kwyjibo and OldDog for their attempts to answer. You are both very clever, however, being that I have the only copy of the correct answer guide, I can say neither of you scored a 100%. I can also say that some people have too much free time on their hands. Wish I could count myself among you.

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    • Thanks, but I’m pretty sure that answer key is out of date, as it still includes questions 17, 9b, and 3.14
      I’m sorry you don’t have any free time. I can only imagine how busy you must be commenting on all these blogs…

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  6. Yours is the only one, you lucky bastard.

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Ahem *best Ricky Ricardo voice* Babble-OOOoooo!!!

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