Today’s Music: Marah – Out in Style
The weekend challenge from those most enlightened souls ever at Trifecta is to demonstrate hyperbole in 33 words.
Since it’s all about going over the top, I thought I’d try it not once, not twice, but three, yes, three magically wonderful spectacular times!!!!
(Good lord, now I can’t stop.)
One thing on the last piece – I actually did ask myself that question.
My gesticulating, however, was mild.
I’d Give My Left Arm To Tell Stories Like This…
“If we don’t finish this now, the world will end!” he shouted.
“Whatever”, I answered. “I’m going to sit down and take a break.”
I made it five steps before the planet exploded…
I’d Give My Right Arm To Tell A Story Like This!!!
My grandpa used to tell me incredible stories about how hard it was to complete the trifextra challenges. But he did it.
Walking uphill.
In the snow.
Barefoot.
In the dark.
Both ways.
THIS STORY WAS WRITTEN WITH NO ARMS!!!!!!
“Can it be called hyperbole if you are accurately describing the thing you’re talking about?” he asked, gesticulating wildly.
His friend paused.
He turned.
He spoke.
“That’s the stupidest thing I’ve ever heard.”
Thank you, and please consider this my formal apology for inflicting this on you.
no idea. At all. But happy Saturday!
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Welcome to *my* world, Laura.
And you to! Hope you get to enjoy a long weekend.
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The is the best blog I’ve ever read.
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That’s the most profound comment ever, twin!
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Evidently I typed this while I was enhanced last night. I have no idea what I was trying to say.
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Funny, that’s what happens every time I post.
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Ha!
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I enjoyed all three thoroughly. Well done. Sorry you lost your arms in the process, Guap! Please be careful.
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Thanks Bumble!
Oh, the price I pay for my art…
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Wait, have I been drinking again?
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Only if you were thirsty, Ginger… 😉
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Perhaps, tighten the bolts on your arms before gesticulating so wildly. On an up note, the loss of both arms does qualify you for SSDI. IJS
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SSDI is the second greatest acronym ever, Red.
(Behind RTFS/RTFM)
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Wait a minute…I thought STFU was…
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Nah, that one needs to be spoken completely. The acronym just isn’t enough.
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That post literally blew my mind!
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Thanks Sam.
But you should turn down the hairdryer when you read these…
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oh god oh god oh god that is like the i mean THE most amazingly awesome piece of classic tolstoyan high literature i have ever and i mean EVER read in my entire life or in fact ANY of them including the one where I was cleopatra and couldn’t find a single thing to read that wasn’t as heavy as king tut’s pyramid..
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That comment has made me so happy, I’m bouncing off the walls, beautiful!
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top notch, Handsome One. 🙂
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Your radiance has illuminated my entire blog, Charon!
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These are, literally, over the top, the bomb and beyond the galaxy. Love the cartoon too!!
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Thanks Lumdog! Your comment has lifted me into the universe from having my heart shriveled into a tiny prune.
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OH. MY. GOD. I read this and fireworks went off in my head and I heard choirs of angels. Your gift is otherworldly. Excuse me while I weep.
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I read your comment, Libby, and I felt the earth move in its orbit!
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This will be no surprise, Guapo, but I type with my forehead also. I feel your pain.
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Thanks Rants.
On the bright side, after the 37th face-keyboard smack, I’m really not feeling much of anything…
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Treat that with beer.
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I’m voting for #2. It is the most amazing bit of work I’ve read since The Oxford Dictionary.
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Thanks Addie!
That’s the best thing I heard since finding out David Hasselhoff was no longer on the air!
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Greatttt! The titles just nailed it. Awesome job, and I can’t choose one of them.
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Thanks NBI!
I bet the judges will say they can’t pick one too.
For completely different reasons…
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Ah, I do love the way your mind works!! Always a pleasure to read. 🙂
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Thanks Susan!
(I’m going to think that comment wasn’t hyperbole.) 😉
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Haha….never!! 😀
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Brilliant as always 🙂
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Thanks Lisa! You’re too kind.
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I think my grandma and your grandpa used to be friends. It seems they made the same up hill journey. In the snow. Barefoot. In the dark. Both ways. haha! Well done!!!!!
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Ha! And then they’d tell us that the snows they had as children were real snows, and ours were just a few flakes.
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Nobody does it better, Guap. Nobody. (And I will spare you that ghastly Carly Simon song. You’re welcome)
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Thanks Elyse! I like to think I’m in a class by myself.
And not just because everyone ran away screaming.
(I just hope I’m Not So Vain…)
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Well, I at least hope you never inflict that song on me. Remember I was nice to you!
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Ha! this made me smile…
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Thank you, Deanabo.
That’s worth more to me than winning!
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I literally had to read this a 800 times because it was so good.
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Apparently 800 is now a cohesive unit.
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Oh, I’ve been using an 800 for years, Emily.
And your first comment had me laughing out loud. I had to show it to my wife when she asked what was so funny.
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I know this takes it over the word limit, but I would like to add to grandather’s right-arm story: ON HIS HANDS!!!
[my fav, btw]
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Ha! I’m sorry that didn’t occur to me, KymmInBarcelona – that would have elevated it to a whole different place!
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My eyes exploded from the sheer awesomeness of this post. I’m now dictating this comment to my cat, who is a pretty good typist except when she’s distracted by a toy mouse2GTFRHWgiroa84
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Thanks Draug! I think your cat also writes forms for the DMV…
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Guap,
I’ve “hit” you for a blogging “Tag you must answer all my questions” game (http://fiftyfourandahalf.com/2013/02/17/beats-the-alternative/). You may answer or not, play or not. I won’t judge you.
Elyse
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I was reading yours as you were posting this.
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Karma, Guap. Pure karma. Hopefully good karma.
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Hello harmless one-oops I mean armless one!You bowled me over -three time over -with this spectacular piece:-)
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Thanks atrm61!
Hopefully the prosthetics they give me will let me keep bowling…
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lol,you are so funny:-)
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I have heard of bringing a knife to a gunfight, but you showed up unarmed… HA! You fought the world with no hands… tied behind you back. Awesomesausage once again.
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Alas, PMAO, all I wanted to do was give them the finger…
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You still have one appendage left to point at them…
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The sheer brilliance of your turn of phrase made me laugh until my sides ached. I think I’ve pulled a muscle or broken a rib. You could help me, but your arms are gone. How will you continue with the #SundayNightCookoff ? We will have to rig up a complex machine to help you cook and tweet with your feet because I will die without my weekly foodie fix!
Your words which have kept me alive will be my death!!!
Ugh! Swoon!
Bring on the feinting couch!
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Wow Amy, truly, you are the Goddess of hyperbole!
(And thank you!)
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Hyperbole is one of my favorite writing techniques. I would give my arms and legs to have you write more!
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Thanks, wim2s, but then how would you click the mouse to read it?
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That’s what my nose is for! 🙂
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Exaggeration is under-rated, Guap. You done good. Literally or literarily. ❤
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Ha! Synonymous hyperbole. This round is yours, Stacy. 😉
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Love each of them, but the second one the best.
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Thanks Kelly! 2 seems to be the consensus.
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I came here expecting to giggle but dude… seriously, a triple gut punch?!? I just died LMAO!!!!!!!
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Since I’ve given up all hope of ever winning these, the laugh is all I’m going for, Dana.
Thank you!
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Your stories are so good, and they affected me so greatly, you could have knocked me over with a feather!
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And me without a feather.
Again.
Thanks Maddie!
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Oh.My.Goodness. Guapington, you have some crazy~ass friends…the comments on this one were too damn funny! I can’t think of anything over the top to say, so I’ll just leave with great post – my favorite is #2.
🙂
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Thanks so much, whitelady!
I love the craziness.
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My eyes are aflame with the magnificent circus of wonder this post threw all over me.
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I had a rash once that felt like that, Lance.
Her name was Ellen…
(Sorry, I’ve literally all out of hyperbole from the comments.)
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I’m totally gobsmacked 🙂
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Wow! Thank you to you and your gob, Hugger!
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What a read for Monday morning 😉 I will keep pondering them the whole day today, I feel.
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Thank you Pixie!
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Thanks for another great post, Guap. Those three little pieces were the best thing I’ve ever read, and I’m sure they’re a billion times better than anything anyone has ever written in the history of the universe. Your brilliance has literally saved my life.
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Thanks Brian! All in a days work.;)
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LOL Guap!! These were all wonderful no make that stupendous bordering on sublime oh what the hell let’s go ahead and throw sublime in all the way too!
Well Done!! You should enter more often, you’re entries are always so much fun!! 😀
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Thanks Linda!
It’s usually your posts that remind me to check trifecta.
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I’d give up my Chanel handbag and Hello Kitty sneakers to be able to write a post like this.
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Ha! Hold out for more on that trade, Enchanted!
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You can’t fool me…you got six squirrels drunk and let them help you write these…(love them, hehe)!
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Actually, zannyro, they got me drunk and took over!
(And thanks!)
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Hawthorne, Shakespeare, Tolkien, and Koontz have absolutely nothing on you!
My fav hyperbole of all time:
July. Texas. We were all lying or sitting down on covered bleachers awaiting our turn to practice throwing grenades a half mile off. Silence. PFC Vawter declares at the top of his voice, “It’s hotter than three rats effing in a wool sock out here!” Explosive laughter all around. Explosions from down range.
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Great story, Quirky!
I bet Vawter is a multi star general by now.
(And I’ll be using that line come summer.)
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OMG….That was awesome. I sooooooooooo wanted more…more…more. Please do that again sometime. I’ll need a fix soon.
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Thanks Lorrie! Wow, I love your enthusi- waitaminute – is this a put on? 😉
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Are you kidding me? Well…I see why you might be suspicious, BUT….I’m legit. I loved those! I felt like it was word crack. Give me some more.
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if my humble opioin at such a late date counts… this was brilliant..in a weirdly whacko so cool Guapman kinda way (which is brilliant with more words than needed 😉 ) . I loved it!! the last one gave me a bit of thought to the Black knight..And what i did not tease you with on Twitter after your injury.. “it’s just a flesh wound” in fact.. I was aware you might indeed be on pain meds or still in shock that you did not use the line yourself.. and it worries me a little. .bit more than it should maybe but..
take care.. hope the knife looks worse than you? no that probably doesnt help.. feel better soon? eh…stay numb? that might be it..
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Ha! You’re opinion always counts, LizzieC.
I’m actually worried about me too that I didn’t think to say that,
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Loved the flow of the three parts …. plus I wanted to stop by to say HELLO.
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Thanks, and hi Frank!
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You are very good at these El Guapo
and the second one had me giggling
like a school boy, this part…
“Walking uphill.
In the snow.
Barefoot.
In the dark.
Both ways”.
You are too funny my great friend 🙂 🙂
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You’re too kind, Poet!
Glad you liked them.
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Great stuff as usual. But I ask you this: is it possible that the friend in the final story has lived such a sheltered life that his friend’s simple question about hyperbole really IS the stupidest thing he’s ever heard?
And was this reply the stupidest you’ve ever received? Discuss.
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Ell, that goes back to the question of whether hyperbole is still hyperbole id it’s accurate, Smak. (I’m guessing no.)
As for the stupidest comment, that honor belongs to Edna Ferblink, wno in March 1979, on the post “The Nitrates Did Me In. But They Were So Delicious”, asked “You didn’t really eat that, did you?”.
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My friend, you neeed never apologize to me. Ever.
Great post.
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You’re too kind, Hook!
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And yes, I went “e” crazy there. Sorry.
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Don’t you mean you went “crazeeee…”?
bwahahaha!
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Love this post! Ode to the super, amazing and astounding hyperbole! 😉
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That’s the most spectacularly composed comment ever, jeanday!
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