Trifecta – Observe


Today’s Music: Oingo Boingo – Dead Man’s Party

Figured I’d jump into this weeks Trifecta Challenge.
This week it’s the third definition of Observe:
3: to celebrate or solemnize (as a ceremony or festival) in a customary or accepted way

Most of this story is not true. But I did see a guy pull off the stunt at the end, to mass laughter of everyone else there. And the victim took it well, making a god-awful eye pun.
No it wasn’t me.
Oh, and I’m not dead. But if I was, this is exactly how I’d like to be remembered.

Memorial
Pandemonium reigned over the bar.
Jack dodged a flying banana, his toga flying outward as he whirled out of the missile’s path.
Reaching into his fanny pack, he withdrew a rubber toy car and a foam penguin snout with elastic. He looked through the crowd from his crouched position, picked two likely targets and crept forward before leaping into the fray.
“SPOOOOOONNN!!!” he bellowed lustily. His right arm snapped downward, hurtling the rubber car towards Tommy’s head. It bounced off, landing in Michelle’s Fuzzy Navel with a splash. While everyone turned towards Tommy’s cry of surprise, Jake landed behind Scotty, and deftly snapped the penguin beak over his face.
He didn’t see Karen and Bill sneaking up alongside him, but still wasn’t surprised when they jammed lit cigarettes into each of his nostrils (butt side first).
The bartender rang the bell and yelled over the boisterous crowd
“Scotty dead by beaking! One point!” He shouted. “Made Michelle spill some of her drink. Two points! And,” he added, “bad form for spilled booze – minus 10 points for you Michelle. Sorry honey”.
She stuck her tongue out at him before raising her glass in a toast, rubber car still swirling in her drink.
“Jake, dead by cigarettes. I knew those things would get you eventually, buddy.”
Jake inhaled through his nose, blowing the smoke in thin streams out either side of his mouth. He flipped up the back of his toga and mooned the crowd.
“Eloquent as always, Jake” roared the bartender over the crowds cheers.

Jake thought he’d been in pretty good position to win before he’d been eliminated.
But that was before John slipped his glass eye into Donal’s Bushmills, effectively outdoing every other trickster in the joint.

That Monday at the water cooler, someone asked Jake how he spent the weekend.
“Oh, I went to observe El Guapo day at the bar we used to hang out in. 12 years since he’s been there, but believe me, his spirit lives on.”

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98 responses to “Trifecta – Observe

  1. Fuzzy Navel. That reminds me of a girl who attended the same Information Tech program I did. She had her bellybutton pierced, and she liked to show it off, but she had hair around her bellybutton, thus gaining the nickname ‘Fuzzy Navel’…funny how things like this stay with you

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  2. And you worry about me…

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  3. It hardly seems like a proper El Guapo Day unless somebody is dancing nekked.

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  4. Uh, yeah I was about to say the same as GingerSnaap. Naked bar dancing is a pre req. to Official El Guapo day….but, loved the story! 🙂

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  5. What a fitting imagined ending! It’s times like this I wish I had a glass eye to slip in my Bushmills. Here’s to a fantastic story, Guap! “Cheers!” (Clink, gulp . . . ah!)

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  6. Butt Butt… great story…I got scared for a second when you said bellowed lustliy that you were gonna break out the romance writing and I would get all hot and bothered…. very funny…but I kinda got sad at the end… and I agree with Ginger naked bar dancing if it El Guapo day…I know sometimes you got to cut out the best stuff huh? …

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  7. Besides no naked dancing, I still stunned by the image of a guy wearing a toga and a fanny pack that carries a rubber toy. But hey – a tip of the cap to you for having a day named after you at a bar!

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  8. Drinking stores are so awesome.

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  9. Why do I feel like this is not only true but that it also happened to you last night? Ha! If this is “Customary or Accepted” then I gotta get out more.

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  10. Hi,
    Wow the visions I have from your story just hilarious. sounds like an awfully fun bar to go to, but the ending I did have a good laugh. 😀

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  11. Your imagery is spectacular. I wish I was there in that bar. Glad the ending was not true.:) Great story.

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  12. Going with kayjai.. WHAT? NO naked bar EG bar dance?
    Wonderful entry, and as always you f’ing crack me up.
    Loved the eyeball in the Bushmill’s hehehehehe. Will refrain from a Peter Falk joke since he’s well, dead. -grin-

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    • Is that all I am to you and kayjai, Rachael? Just a naked man on a bartop?
      I HAVE ACHIEVED MY DREAMS!!!

      The bit with the guy with the eye is a (mostly)true story. He was quite a character!

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  13. That sounded like rousing good fun. I was laughing through the whole scene. A perfect memorial to a fellow partier.

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  14. Have to hand it to you El G, you are, or were, crazier than me. Wild ass sh**.

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  15. well partied, dude!!!

    🙂
    janet

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  16. Well, this beats my stupid Flash Mob funeral idea.

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  17. my kind of bar EG. and LOVE Danny Elfman’s Oingo Boingo. continue…

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  18. Great story Guapo….I loved reading it and I want to be there, but not if you have to die and stuff. ALSO! Extra points for using SPOOOOOONNN!!! I love The Tick! 😉

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  19. You did a great job of putting in the bar. My shirt smells like smoke and whiskey.

    I love the sensory stuff and you always have a nice funny kick to things. awesome job.

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  20. No one threw up! A successful eve indeed. 🙂

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  21. Glass eye in Bushmills – Brilliant! “Hic”

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  22. whiteladyinthehood

    That was a cute story, Guapo.
    You did a naked snow angel outside a bar and they nailed your socks to the wall (?) Sorry, I got totally distracted by that comment..’cause I could not stop lmao…

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    • That’s all true, whitelady. Sadly, I think I may have to post that story. I was hoping to let the naked bar dance thing quiet down first, but it doesn’t look like that’ll ever happen… 😉

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  23. Hilarious – Loved the images, most especially of the cigarettes in the nostrils.

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  24. Guapo, this is hilarious, like a Stooges short, only better. The kind of shit we used to pull back in the day. And the glass eye? That’s a story, a true one I have, for another day. Great, vivid images and colorful characters, You crack me up! Peace, Amy
    http://sharplittlepencil.com/2012/04/17/lartiste/

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  25. Thanks Pencil. I hope everyone has at least one of these nights in their history. Can’t wait to hear your glass eye story!

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  26. A little tribute to The Tick, there? You know, I will often yell “SPOOOOON!!!” in crowded areas when I’m having a super hero moment. 🙂 Still the master! I’m not sure why, but somewhere in my head you have become royalty…the King of WordPress. 🙂

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    • The Tick should be honored wherever possible, Lisa!
      And thank you so much – first round is on me (just make sure there’s only booze in the glass before you drink it)!

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  27. This almost sounded, in the beginning, like a wild “Animal House” like story. Nothing like a crazy ass night in a bar. It’s been far, far too long. Just LOVED the eyeball…trumps all the other tricks, IMO!

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  28. Love the action-packed tale.

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  29. 😆 What great friends………… 😀

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  30. 77 comments still takes my breath away. I bow at your feet, Guap. Fun story. So real that I found myself at the bar with everyone. Perhaps literally, as I saw my name listed among your characters. And I’ve decided that it was probably an homage to me so please don’t ruin it by telling me it wasn’t. Oh, and for future reference, I spell it with one L.

    Also, I’m absolutely delighted you’re not dead. You seriously don’t know how many of the real people in my life ask me how El Guapo is doing on a regular basis. You’re a legend around these parts.

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  31. I thought “Jack dodged a flying banana” would be the perfect intro line! (His name goes from Jack to Jake, though that sort of keeps with the spirit of the piece.) I can totally see this as a crazy bar game, and even more than that, I can envision some tired out old fart stopping for a beer on the way home from work walking into the insanity and being COMPLETELY lost!

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    • Thanks Jester Queen. I missed the name change, but since you like it, I’ll leave it.
      We got pretty lucky with folks who wandered in. An awful lot of them became regulars…

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  32. You are a MASTER of observation, my friend! Good work.

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  33. I have not been to a bar – at least in this part of the world. Thank you for the lively description. 🙂 You made it look like a great place for friends to hang out in.

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    • Thanks Imelda! It was a great place to hang out. For yours, when people asked for my number, I gave them my home phone. Followed by “But if you want to get a hold of me” and the bar number.

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  34. Pandemonium is a great word. And aptly describes the goings on at that particular bar. You painted a vibrant picture of a bar scene. I can almost taste the whiskey. Almost.
    Thanks for joining in, come back for the weekend challenge.

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    • Thanks Trifecta. I’m sure if you showed up, they’d have a drink waiting for you. (Just check it to make sure there isn’t anything non-booze in it!)

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  35. You really used to do these scary things!! Wow!

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  36. Just wanted to say hi. I haven’t seen you around as much as usual. So hi.

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Ahem *best Ricky Ricardo voice* Babble-OOOoooo!!!

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