I’m Back.


Today’s Music: Hello – Back In A New York Groove

(The other bookend from my break begun here.)
FADE IN

Interior – A STUDIO is a hive of activity. Stats, plug-ins, links scroll over large HD monitors mounted on the walls. Several ENGINEERS fiddle with switches and slides on their starship-like consoles.
A TECH moves to a microphone

Tech: Sibilance. Sibilance. Check. One two three. Sibilance
Engineer: Hold on Tommy. George! Check out the cabling on mic 1. Something ain’t right.

GEORGE picks a cable off the floor and traces it thorugh it’s connections. He stops, unplugs and reseats a connection, giving a thumbs up to the engineer.

Engineer: K, try it again.
Tech: Sibilance. Sibilance. One two three.
Engineer: Sounds good. Where’s Guap?
George: In his dressing room, I think.

“DAMMIT!!!!”
All heads turn to the dressing room door. It flings outward, a terrified INTERN rushing from the room.
EL GUAPO exits, resplendent in a freshly ironed Hawaiian shirt, of the finest polyester, his boats shoes scuffed and bent in the way only the most comfortable shoes become.
El Guapo: I said halfcafdoublespresstriplefrappvanillachino with skim milk. THIS IS ONE PERCENT!!!
He hurls the offending cup where it splatters iridescently against the wall.

Engineer: Uh, Guap…we gotta record the blog promo. WordPress expects us back on the air soon.
El Guapo: Effin corporate overlords.
He strides to the mic. Pausing only to slick back his hair and adjust his imitation plastic Ray Bans, he begins speaking as Today’s Music swells on the speakers behind him

“Hi there! Remember me? Well, I’m back! Nanny nanny boo boo!”

Dude, this makes you look like a pezhead. You’re an idiot, not a pezhead.
But…
Seriously dude. Redo it.

FADE IN

EXTERIOR – a rundown roadside inn at night, in the rain. A flash of night shows us several horses hitched to the railing post in front as the camera moves through the swinging door to the INTERIOR. The patrons cower in a corner. three outlaws watch the crowd over the barrels of their guns.
their LEADER paces back an forth in front of them.
Leader: I don’t understand this misplaced affection you have for him. He abandoned you. How can you defend him now?
Patron: He didn’t abandon us. He just took a short break.
Leader (scoffing) Just tell us where he is.

A sound comes from the bar. The leader and his men whirl. There sits EL GUAPO, his brown leather outback hat dripping rain water, a tall glass of tequila in front of him.
El Guapo: This blog ain’t big enough for the both of us, Overlord.
He stands up.
The LEADER faces him.
Leader: Ok then. *his hand moves toward his holster* POST!
A flash of light and noise, bits blazing across the ether. El Guapo holds up his tablet and presses Post.
Leader’s hand clutches his chest and he falls to the floor
Leader: Always knew the…Poetry Slam…would…get me…
Leader dies.
Patron: You’ve saved us!
Comely Buxom Patron:How about a naked bar dance, Guap?
El Guapo turns to the camera and waggles his eyebrows.

Waggles his eyebrows? Dude, this is even worse. You’re gonna lose followers.
Sigh.
Yeah yeah, just do it again.And be straight with em.

FADE IN
INTERIOR – El Guapo sits back, laptop in…well…his lap. He types the following and posts.

I’m back! Still fighting the corporate overlords, but it’s too much fun here to stay away. See y’all later this week, and the first round’s on me.

FADE OUT

Goofy

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112 responses to “I’m Back.

  1. Guapoooooooo . . . is dat really choo? I almost didn’t recognize you it’s been so long. I’ve been missing you like crazy. Welcome back!

    Like

  2. Poetry slam? Now that’s just nasty!

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  3. Sweet! Pass me a tequila. I am a far better judge after a handful of tequilas. Cheers! I have one right this minute 😉

    Like

  4. Nice! I think it’s time I did a blog promo video – I have The Engineer at least!

    Great to see you again 🙂

    Like

  5. Is dat really choo? Ha ha…Welcome back! I’ve missed you, Gaup. So entertaining! It’s the not same without you!

    Like

  6. Wow! You’ve escaped from the corporate overlords and returned to us, opening with a nanny nanny boo boo, no less. Welcome back!

    Nice portrait, by the way, and a tidy new layout for the blog. I LIKE.

    Now please tell us more about this comely buxom bar patron.

    Like

    • Thanks Brian. I like this theme too.
      The comely bar patron is the kind of girl you look at, then talk to, then tell yourself that one day you’ll marry her.
      So I did. 😉

      Like

  7. Weenie Girl

    Nice pic, dude. Where’s the slicked slicked back hair you mention? WHERE are the fake Ray Bans?!!?

    A man with an internet connection late at night is a scary thing.

    Like

  8. Funny, that’s just how I’ve always pictured your life, Guap! Welcome back.

    Like

  9. Welcome back, Guapy!!! You have been missed. My Fridays will be normal? (normal is over rated) again ?! Yay!!!

    Like

  10. Welcome back, guap!!

    Like

  11. Guap it is soooooooooooooooo great to see you back and in triumphant style also, okay so the script needs a tweak here and there but get dressed first as that Zombie Vixen over by the stripping pole seems to be giving you the eye, if it were anything else you would have known about it by now but she certainly has the hots for you so watch out for that one, oh and she likes it rough too so keep hold of your nuts 😦 I was only saying 🙂 lol

    On a kinder note the naked bar dance is going along rather brilliantly with everyone in the niff and one lady with a striking figure shaking her booty, or similar sounding word that has you licking your lips like a Hound Dog in Phoenix but hell she’s dead gorgeous so you will most certainly enjoy her. Okay enough of the wickedness Guap, but let me just say that I am looking forward to Friday’s where your brand of wickedness really shines and brings out the best in everyone, well some of the worst in everyone too but who’s nit picking? 🙂 lol

    The main thing here is that you are back and that is all that we can ask for, well apart from lots of those halfcafdoublespresstriplefrappvanillachino with skimmed milk but you can make those later, just get blogging and we will let you off 🙂 🙂

    It is fingerlickingzombieslayingghouliechasingskeletonboningbrilliant that you are back here again so grab some fun El Guapo and join the rest of us loons, I mean it’s bound to be a hoot with you around so how cool is that? 🙂

    By the way –
    No Zombies were hurt in this comment so there 🙂 lol

    Andro

    Like

  12. Guapo’s back, Guapo’s back!! And with an very nice bit of writing too!!

    Now about that first round – margarita, on the rocks, and of course a salted glass. 😉

    Like

  13. you are my sunshine…my only sunshine
    you make me happy when?
    skies are gray or bright or just….

    Like

  14. Welcome back,
    Your dreams were your ticket out.

    Welcome back,
    To that same old place that you laughed about.

    Well the names have all changed since you hung around,
    But those dreams have remained and they’re turned around.

    Who’d have thought they’d lead ya (Who’d have thought they’d lead ya)
    Here where we need ya (Here where we need ya)

    Yeah we tease him a lot cause we’ve hot him on the spot, welcome back,
    Welcome back, welcome back, welcome bac

    Like

  15. Oh my! You hair, where is the magnificent hair??! But really, I’m glad to know your silly faces are still fresh and clean as ever, even without a dragonfly on the nose. Great intro to your epic return, Guap! I have abandonment issues!!!! 🙂

    Like

    • There’s still plenty of hair,Laura. I think my ears and nose are getting jealous of the ponytail and trying to match it.
      (We still have dragonflies all over the house, Love em!)

      Like

  16. Hooo-ray! Just what my hangover needed, Guap.

    Like

  17. Now that is an entrance worthy of El Guapo (both of them). So here’s the thing – being a pezhead is a good thing. At least it is in my book.

    Welcome back!!! ❤

    Like

  18. Saddles up to the bar…”I’ll have a shot of Fireball whiskey. And this seat is taken.’ *seatsavedforGuapwithshotonbar*

    Like

    • *Slips into seat, toasts Speedo with shot, and they pick up where they left off, begins trading stories*

      Like

      • *Speedo recants her evening spent having a full on conversation with a dog before passing out on the couch of a friends*

        Like

        • But was it a good night?

          *Toasts Speedo’s story, and responds with the one about my friends old cat Stu – not sure if it was short for Stew (because that’s what we were going to make of him), or Stupid, (because that’s what he was0*

          Like

          • *Laughs so hard Speedo has to excuse herself to the restroom. Comes back to order more beers and shots and tells Guap about that time she got in a fight in a bar in New York City and the bouncer carried her out wherein she thanked him for picking her up as she had no clue what she was going to do after that first punch was ninja blocked. He said that’s why he picked her up. They exchanged phone numbers after that.* *Highfives*

            Like

  19. I accepted your absence at ‘glass of tequila’–why bother with only a shot? So happy to see you back in the ‘hood, good sir. Did you bring us souvenirs?

    Like

  20. Well, whaddaya know! You’re back! And your front! And both sides! And … well, we’ll skip that part, this being a family blog and all…… 😉
    Yes, it’s El Guapo, the human boomerang. Throw him out, and he comes right back! (This from the man who’s been tossed out of more places on Earth than there are PLACES! 😀 )

    Like

  21. He’s back! *small vicotry dance*
    And the first round’s on you. I’m in, I’m in, I’m in.
    So that pic – that’s really you? Nice face you’ve got then ;).

    Like

  22. Back? From what? Did you go anywhere? Naaaaaaaa… the world ain’t the same without some Guap and some guac. Ya know?

    Welcome Back Kotter! (where did THAT come from?)

    Like

    • Thanks Marie!
      I may have to use the Kotter theme as Today’s Music at some point…

      Like

      • Just as long as it ends with the solitary dude on his unicycle because that part always made me proud.

        Like

        • My dad went to the high school they showed in the credits.

          (I always wanted a unicycle too.)

          Like

          • I wanted one so much I went out and got me one! Yay me! Wow. Your dad is like a superstar because of his school…

            Like

            • Once rented a trumpet for a month, just because I wanted one.
              Would have been much cooler if I could play it.
              Properly, I mean.

              Like

              • Ha! I have a djembe on my boat. A huge ass djembe. Let’s talk attempts at playing musical instruments for the non musical people. I can listen to it. I can dance to it. I can discover amazing unknown stuff that has everybody asking “who is that? how did you find out about them?” but play the shit?

                Nope. A trumpet. I would have rented a … fuck… I forgot the word for that cool jazzy sounding thing… i hate it when words escape me like if my mouth was alcatraz!

                Like

  23. That picture reminds me of something… You like Star Wars?

    Like

  24. This pleases me greatly.

    Like

  25. IS YOUR PONYTAIL GONE?

    Like

  26. 2:30 a.m. in my neck of the woods, and New York Groove is pouring forth from my speakers, signaling El Guapo is back! Blogging is much more fun than working, isn’t it? Hope you got that project under control!

    Like

    • Blogging is definitely more fun than working, Maddie!
      Everything is set up on the project. Now we just have to execute.
      I’ll use blogging to drown out the complaints everyone will have about the new system.
      hehehe

      Like

  27. YippeeKaiOkaiA!!!! Welcome back Guap … and to a thunderous ovation at that.

    Like

  28. free penny press

    Yeah.. when i saw your footprint on my music post I clapped my hands!!.. tell the corporate folks your wp friends need you every now and then ..
    Love that goofy picture!

    Like

  29. whiteladyinthehood

    Hey Guapo!

    Like

  30. Many a recording session has gone awry in this fashion. Not all of them get it together enough to just be straight. Welcome back.

    Like

  31. Welcome back!
    I’ll a Long Island Iced Tea, you know, to start, then I can mix whatever I want.

    Like

  32. Haha! Love what you wrote!
    This place isn’t the same without you, Guapo. You’ve been missed. xoxo

    Like

  33. I’ve got the right coffee right here… welcome back!! (You can duck out again if you must though, we understand… we will wait!!)

    Like

  34. He’s back!! Huzzah! But that photo of you…why so serious??

    Like

  35. Best news of the weekend! Guap is back with tequila shots, naked bar dances, more music to play and stories to tell! It just doesn’t get much better than this!

    Thanks for keeping the overlords in their place. You are uniquely qualified for the particular brand of overlord ass-kicking that they need. And we need you here making the bloggosphere a better place.

    Happy new week, Guap!
    Peace, love, light, and ponytails,
    -BettyRants

    Like

    • Thanks! Sadly, I don’t think the overlords care a whit for my opinion of their shenannigans.
      Fortunately, that doesn’t stop me from mocking them.

      Like

  36. Wow! very charming pic 😉 I am glad you’re back 🙂

    Like

  37. Don’t ever do that again! I mean leave, that is… or make that face…

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  38. Oh Wonderful One! Have you ANY idea how much sleep I missed while you were gone?
    Thank you El Guapo! Thank you for returning to us, your people.
    The Guapola Naked Bar Dance(TM) has brought the spark of hope back to our island of misfit bloggers.
    May peace reign upon you always! -kneels uncomfortably due to arthritis-

    p.s. still cracking up at your post. truly fine and hysterical writing as always 😉

    Like

  39. Love the western version… I’m going to choose to believe that’s how it really went down. 😉

    Like

  40. Glad to see you back! Sorry it took so long to welcome you, but I’m working a “daily Guap Shift” this week, and I need sympathy.

    Lord, you are a handsome man, but done in by a poetry slam? Toughen up! Think of it as work, you industrious fellow.

    Like

  41. Happy to see you again. Hahaha 😛

    Like

Ahem *best Ricky Ricardo voice* Babble-OOOoooo!!!

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