I’m an Ass…but Glittery!


Today’s Music: Queen – Fat Bottomed Girls
Days Til Spring: 41

Okay, I’ve gotten a few awards. I’m terrible at acknowledging them, for several reasons.
– They are an awful lot of work to justify
– There’s an awful lot of linking to blogs of others you like.
– I have to say things about myself that even I don’t find interesting
– Someone gets left out
– Typing up the 15 to 72 links gets really tiring

But then, this was bestowed upon me, by the ever so sparkly-assed Kayjai.
And I couldn’t refuse.
Because beneath that polite Canadian exterior, I’m pretty sure there’s a madwoman who would throttle me without a second thought.

And, like all awards, this one has rules:
1 – I have to name 5 things that I do that would make people want to kill me (or just hate me) (a lot).
– Even though I don’t do it here, in the real world I curse like a ^&%)(&*@*()#&(#%R&%*$*%(@&$). All the *(&^)#$@ time.
– I smoke like a chimney. And am unrepentant.
– However, if you do something…questionable in public, I will point and yell “REPENT, SINNER” as loud as I can.
– I am a music snob.
– I wear Hawaiian shirts whenever I can. Proudly.

Would a Hawaiian shirt go with this?


2 – List 5 things that I would stick up my ass if forced to. (Because that is the only way it’s going up there).
– My keys. Because whenever I’m out with friends and I ask where they’ve gone, someone invariably responds “did you check up your ass?”
– This. Because many times people have asked “Alright Guap. How are you going to pull this out of your ass?” Stick around, Spanky.
– A wireless speaker connected to a microphone. So I can, in fact, talk out of my ass.
– The complete encyclopedia Britannica. To whip out when someone falsely accuses me of talking out of my ass during an argument
– Handi Wipes. Just sayin…
B – Run across a freeway blindfolded
Already done this blind drunk. In Annapolis, MD. Close enough…
3 – Pick a Prom Court.
I have no idea what the hell this means. But that never stopped me before:
LizzieCracked – A little because she’s given me 20? 30? awards that I’ve never acknowledged, but mostly because she has a unique perspective, is one of my hands down coolest online friends, and I’d love to see what she does with this.
A Frank Angle – Because he is probably one of the nicest people I’ve met online, and can’t think of how would possibly respond to this. (Sorry, did I mention innapropriate?)
Alex Autin – Because in addition to great pictures and adventures, She can hold her own with the raunchiest of ’em.
Red – Because she will turn it into something deep and meaningful and hilarious and make me hurt myself laughing while she does it.
John Phillips – because he comes up with great bands I’ve never heard of (they’re Canadian), and I think he’d get a kick out this too.
– And finally (because like I said, all the link embedding gets tiring), Lily – I’m pretty sure she will put together a much more entertaining rant than I managed to.

So, thank you very much, this Glitter’s for you!

If I wear these, everyone can see the glitter!

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79 responses to “I’m an Ass…but Glittery!

  1. I’m forever saying things like, “I have no idea how to fix this. I’ll have to pull something out of my ass.” In my world, sh*t cures all.

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  2. LOVE IT!! Nice job…love the pics. Especially the last one…nice ass.

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  3. PMSL. Thanks for picking up my Thursday 😉

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  4. Oh for fuck’s sake….
    1 – What the hell do you mean ‘raunchiest’?
    2 – Does this require some action on my part?!! I’m SO gonna be late for work.
    3 – Amazingly funny post, btw. And no, a Hawaiian shirt would not go with that….nothing would ‘go’ with that.

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    • 1 – Maybe not the perfect word, can you can hold your own with the silliest of us
      2 – Entirely up to you. I was just laughing myself silly over the award, so I put this up. A response is totally optional. Unless you really want to advertise what you would stick up your ass. If forced, of cousre…
      3 – maybe if it was a very loooong Hawaiian shirt…

      Like

  5. Those five things don’t make me hate you… They actually make me like you more!!! Especially the Hawaiin shirt. If you’re gonna wear a uniform, that’s the one to wear.

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  6. Your countdown to spring is keeping me going …

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  7. Forgot to mention the Queen selection, “Fat Bottomed Girls.” One of my faves. Maybe even my anthem? ha ha!

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  8. whiteladyinthehood

    Well…I just loved this lil glittery post! Awesomely witty things to have stuck up your ass (only when forced, of course) – Congratulations on this prestigious award…I have no doubt you fully deserved it! 😉
    And – Oh my GAWD – I new that was DLR’s ass in that last pic…I have seen Van Halen in concert…

    Like

    • Well, if you’re forced to put them in your ass, it’s really not as bad, whiteladyinthehood. Or so I’ve heard…
      I’m seeing Van Halen in a few weeks in Indiana. Fortunately, when I saw them last year, DLR mercifully didn’t wear the assless chaps…

      Like

      • whiteladyinthehood

        That is too cool! Flick a bic for me! I loved him back in my runnin’ with the devil days…I had a massive poster of him on my bedroom wall that my mother hated with a passion….lol

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  9. Congratulations on a well-inserted award.

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  10. Yesterday for the first time I had a look at some of Robert Mapplethorpe’s work. Then today came this. Could it be that this week’s theme is “body parts”.

    Congratulations on the award. It couldn’t have gone to a more deserving guy. When you’re called onstage to accept, please make sure your ass is appropriately visible. And don’t forget to shave.

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  11. Hi,
    You have made my morning. 😀
    Had a very good laugh,(I have to make myself a new cup of coffee now. 🙂 ) Love the post, but I have to say that last photo is like WOW.

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  12. Congrats on the award and excellent song choice to accompany your acceptance speech. I think you have one of the best top five things to put in your ass list.

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    • Thank you! And the list was completely off the op of my head.
      Because I don’t think about what to put in my ass.
      Ever. Except for that-
      Nope.
      Never.

      And your pictures were much better than mine!

      Like

  13. 😀 hee heeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee 😀 whooooo hooooo

    Hang on a second …I can’t say anything…,.I have been waiting all day to read this – really it was right there taunting me from my inbox but I was terribly behind…still am soooo behind… 🙂 and a i had to do it!

    And I am not disappointed (well that’s no big surprise) Fat bottomed girls has gotta be one of the coolest songs and uh yeah……
    Fin! Noggin! Duuuuuddddde You so totally Rock! Your 5 things – I am guilty of um 1, 2, ….3….. kinda 4 wowwww Yay! Yay! and yaysy yay yay what a cool award i am honored ,humbled,and see I am still behind but I am awarded and you bet your (glittery) ass I am gonna be deserving of it. 🙂 thanks, sincerely. I got warm fuzzies. I’m off to pull something worthy outta my own ass. You just made my day 4 reallies …Look I got a shit eating grin 😀

    Like

    • Really glad you liked it, lizziec! And I don’t want to know about your relationships with 1, 2, 3
      and 4. But the handi wipes are on me!
      Let me just…get..them..out…

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      • um – which list did you think I was talking about? NOT the … um just I was talking about the 5 things you said people hate? I am guilty of 4 of them….
        you are giving me a hard time right? 🙄

        I actually brought my own wipes – I just…um I can’t reach them…?
        LMAO geez look at the time

        Like

  14. I’m spilling a gut reading all the recipients posts on here, secretly hoping i won’t have to pull a post out of my ass and you go and nominate me. And you are correct sir, I am getting a kick out of this. Gotta run, have to exercise my brain.

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  15. LOL! I’m so behind on my blog reading, it’s not even funny…….so glad I didn’t miss this one though! Love me a bit of Queen any time. And that award is just ridiculous!

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  16. “5 things you’d put up your ass” sounds like a challenging intellectual exercise. i pass. as usual, funny post EG. continue…

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  17. I would say I’m over the moon with joy over your winning this award, but after reading what you would put up your ass, if forced, I’m not only over the moon, I’m over Uranus!

    And good choice nominating my bbff Lizzie Cracked but not broken! We are going to have so much fun seeing what she does with it!

    Like

  18. Congrats mi amigo! Sounds like you’re a full on manly man. Smokin, swearin, and all that jazz. Being a music snob is a great thing! You have good taste!

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  19. Omg I just noticed my name up there! I’m honored Guap! I’m great at ranting, but it helps to know I’ve got an appreciative audience like you!

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  20. Uh, hello?? It’s Friday??? Have you forgotten the foolishness?? *sigh* Okay…I’ll wait………………………………………………………………………………..

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  21. Between the photo and shock from receiving my second Glitter E Yanyus nomination this week, I’m stunned, speechless, traumatized, and about to seek psychiatrist counseling.

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  22. Oh, you sneaky minx! I will have to work on this tomorrow afternoon when I get home. I already have the list of ass components, but I may have to think about who will populate my Court.

    And I need to find a good song for theme music. Hmm.

    *Curtsies sweetly* This is going to be fun!
    Red.

    Like

  23. OK, just so you know, I have to wonder about someone with that much back hair and not a single one on his ass. Am I sensing some sort of submissiveness here? Not that I mind submissiveness (wicked, wicked grin).

    Red.

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  24. So funny…as far as the running across the freeway… you can’t do that… I’m sorry, but none of my blog friends are allowed to die. Didn’t you get the memmo?

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  25. 4. post the glittery ass.

    it’s part of the rule.

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  26. Oh! ***cover my eyes*** 😀

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  27. I better hear about coffee on your screen and wet underoos, bucko. The post goes live 0800 EDT. *Wicked, evil grin*
    Red.

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  28. Pingback: A glittery what? « Momma's Money Matters

  29. Wow….I love the requirements for this one. Congrats to you.

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  30. Goes to show, all that glitters is not gold… This post is hilarious!

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  31. Congrats on the award and I might have learned more about you from this post than I ever needed to 😉
    Andrea xx

    Like

  32. Pingback: Things I Never Thought I’d Say – I’m A Glitter E. Yaynus « Is It Possible To See It All

  33. Pingback: Well Spank my Ass and Call me Lizzie!(use glitter too, I like it like that.) « Running Naked With Scissors

  34. Yay! Yay! Yay! Yaynus!
    Nice acceptance.

    Like

  35. Pingback: A glittery what? | Momma's Money Matters

  36. LOL! You’re not as goody-goody as I thought. I think I like you even better now. 😉

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    • Wow, I think that’s the first time I’ve ever been called a goody goody, Lilly.
      On the top of the left side column is a search box.
      Type in Naked Bar Dance.
      Pretty sure I won’t need to worry about you thinking too highly about me after that… 😉

      Like

      • That was my initial impression. I haven’t dug through all your stuff yet. For clarification, I meant a GOOD goody goody, not a bad one. Does that even make sense outside of my head?

        Like

Ahem *best Ricky Ricardo voice* Babble-OOOoooo!!!

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