Today’s Music: Oingo Boingo – Dead Man’s Party
Figured I’d jump into this weeks Trifecta Challenge.
This week it’s the third definition of Observe:
3: to celebrate or solemnize (as a ceremony or festival) in a customary or accepted way
Most of this story is not true. But I did see a guy pull off the stunt at the end, to mass laughter of everyone else there. And the victim took it well, making a god-awful eye pun.
No it wasn’t me.
Oh, and I’m not dead. But if I was, this is exactly how I’d like to be remembered.
Memorial
Pandemonium reigned over the bar.
Jack dodged a flying banana, his toga flying outward as he whirled out of the missile’s path.
Reaching into his fanny pack, he withdrew a rubber toy car and a foam penguin snout with elastic. He looked through the crowd from his crouched position, picked two likely targets and crept forward before leaping into the fray.
“SPOOOOOONNN!!!” he bellowed lustily. His right arm snapped downward, hurtling the rubber car towards Tommy’s head. It bounced off, landing in Michelle’s Fuzzy Navel with a splash. While everyone turned towards Tommy’s cry of surprise, Jake landed behind Scotty, and deftly snapped the penguin beak over his face.
He didn’t see Karen and Bill sneaking up alongside him, but still wasn’t surprised when they jammed lit cigarettes into each of his nostrils (butt side first).
The bartender rang the bell and yelled over the boisterous crowd
“Scotty dead by beaking! One point!” He shouted. “Made Michelle spill some of her drink. Two points! And,” he added, “bad form for spilled booze – minus 10 points for you Michelle. Sorry honey”.
She stuck her tongue out at him before raising her glass in a toast, rubber car still swirling in her drink.
“Jake, dead by cigarettes. I knew those things would get you eventually, buddy.”
Jake inhaled through his nose, blowing the smoke in thin streams out either side of his mouth. He flipped up the back of his toga and mooned the crowd.
“Eloquent as always, Jake” roared the bartender over the crowds cheers.
Jake thought he’d been in pretty good position to win before he’d been eliminated.
But that was before John slipped his glass eye into Donal’s Bushmills, effectively outdoing every other trickster in the joint.
That Monday at the water cooler, someone asked Jake how he spent the weekend.
“Oh, I went to observe El Guapo day at the bar we used to hang out in. 12 years since he’s been there, but believe me, his spirit lives on.”
Fuzzy Navel. That reminds me of a girl who attended the same Information Tech program I did. She had her bellybutton pierced, and she liked to show it off, but she had hair around her bellybutton, thus gaining the nickname ‘Fuzzy Navel’…funny how things like this stay with you
LikeLike
Thanks, SnB. I think I just threw up a bit in my mouth…
LikeLike
Hey, it was only a bit of hair, and it was blonde…lol
LikeLike
And you worry about me…
LikeLike
No worry needed here, Hobs. this is all in fun.
LikeLike
It hardly seems like a proper El Guapo Day unless somebody is dancing nekked.
LikeLike
Sadly, I was up to 600+ words, and had to gut the story to fit, Ginger.
But there is a mooning, that has to count for something…
LikeLike
Mooning is just so ‘half assed’….
I expected full frontal views, but it’s still a great story, even if it is a little bit cheeky.
LikeLike
Uh, yeah I was about to say the same as GingerSnaap. Naked bar dancing is a pre req. to Official El Guapo day….but, loved the story! 🙂
LikeLike
Hmm…maybe they retired the naked bar dance in my memory, kayjai?
LikeLike
Yeah, and decided to go skydiving instead. I would accept that one…
LikeLike
What a fitting imagined ending! It’s times like this I wish I had a glass eye to slip in my Bushmills. Here’s to a fantastic story, Guap! “Cheers!” (Clink, gulp . . . ah!)
LikeLike
The eye part of it is true, and I laughed myself silly the first time I saw him put it in someone’s drink, Linda
Ok, every time he did that…
LikeLike
Ha! Talk about turning a negative into a hilarious positive! 🙂
LikeLike
Butt Butt… great story…I got scared for a second when you said bellowed lustliy that you were gonna break out the romance writing and I would get all hot and bothered…. very funny…but I kinda got sad at the end… and I agree with Ginger naked bar dancing if it El Guapo day…I know sometimes you got to cut out the best stuff huh? …
LikeLike
Hmm…I wonder how many points you’d lose for romance writing on El Guapo day, lizzied… Probably more than you could win back! 😉
LikeLike
Besides no naked dancing, I still stunned by the image of a guy wearing a toga and a fanny pack that carries a rubber toy. But hey – a tip of the cap to you for having a day named after you at a bar!
LikeLike
Here’s a true story for you, Frank – a long time ago, I did a naked snow angel outside a bar. My socks from that night were nailed to the wall for several years, and everytime I wandered in and someone said my name, someone else would say “Wait – you’re that guy??? Cool!”
LikeLike
Now that defines classic!
LikeLike
Drinking stores are so awesome.
LikeLike
I go out of my way to hang out in good neighborhood bars, BrainRants!
LikeLike
I’m supposed to believe that? I’ll call you if I’m layed over in Chicago. I expect to go to the worst dive you know.
LikeLike
Give me enough lead time to fly out. I’m in NY, but I know a few great blues dives outside the loop over there.
LikeLike
EG you’d better get on it. Rant is leaving on Friday. If you promise to make it to see him in Chi-town I’ll make sure I’m there too.
SERIOUS SHIT for a ‘po person. Dive bars with Blues? YEAH BABY!
You both are the best. Would sincerely sign up. Fuck the rent on time.
LikeLike
Why do I feel like this is not only true but that it also happened to you last night? Ha! If this is “Customary or Accepted” then I gotta get out more.
LikeLike
With your skill at mischief-commenting, you would supplant the bartender as scorekeeper, Lisa. And he’d appreciate that so he could play too!
LikeLike
Hi,
Wow the visions I have from your story just hilarious. sounds like an awfully fun bar to go to, but the ending I did have a good laugh. 😀
LikeLike
Thanks, Magsx2! It was a fun bar to go to, but alas, times changed…
LikeLike
So true, and not always for the better.
LikeLike
Your imagery is spectacular. I wish I was there in that bar. Glad the ending was not true.:) Great story.
LikeLike
Thank you Mel. That bar was legendary among a pretty wide group way back when…
LikeLike
Going with kayjai.. WHAT? NO naked bar EG bar dance?
Wonderful entry, and as always you f’ing crack me up.
Loved the eyeball in the Bushmill’s hehehehehe. Will refrain from a Peter Falk joke since he’s well, dead. -grin-
LikeLike
Is that all I am to you and kayjai, Rachael? Just a naked man on a bartop?
I HAVE ACHIEVED MY DREAMS!!!
The bit with the guy with the eye is a (mostly)true story. He was quite a character!
LikeLike
That sounded like rousing good fun. I was laughing through the whole scene. A perfect memorial to a fellow partier.
LikeLike
Thanks, Tara! While a lot of it was made up, it really isn’t too far a stretch for those people in that bar.
LikeLike
Have to hand it to you El G, you are, or were, crazier than me. Wild ass sh**.
LikeLike
I’m willing to bet you’ve had your moments, John!
LikeLike
I pick my spots now.
LikeLike
well partied, dude!!!
🙂
janet
LikeLike
I hope they throw my memorial before I die, Janet!
LikeLike
Oh! If they do, I am inviting myself AND I will be the designated driver for everyone! So can I come? Please? Friend? Buddy? Pal? You’re sooooooo shiny….
LikeLike
You just invited yourself. How can I uninvite you now?
Just bring toys to throw at people.
But be creative – seriously, dude popped out his eye!
LikeLike
Eye- Schmeye. I could pop out my teeth or something. Or my moms teeth- that would be funny, right? Yes? No?
LikeLike
Hey, I also know a guy with an artificial arm. Maybe we could take all these spare parts and make a FrankenBar monster!
And popping out your Moms teeth would be hilarious!
LikeLike
Well, this beats my stupid Flash Mob funeral idea.
LikeLike
Wait a minute, whatimenat2say – my drunk friends, your flash mob funeral?
YES!!!
LikeLike
I LOVE that idea! Consider it a plan!
LikeLike
Ok, but not for a long long time.
LikeLike
Agreed.
LikeLike
Hell no! Count me in!
LikeLike
my kind of bar EG. and LOVE Danny Elfman’s Oingo Boingo. continue…
LikeLike
It was a parade of characters every night, Tony.
LikeLike
Forgot to mention my adoration of Danny Elfman until Tony brought it up. Seems we have a very fine (and close) taste in music EG… goes for you too Tony.
Now post that Part II dammit! Hmmmmm does it involve naked skydiving?
LikeLike
Great story Guapo….I loved reading it and I want to be there, but not if you have to die and stuff. ALSO! Extra points for using SPOOOOOONNN!!! I love The Tick! 😉
LikeLike
The more I think about this, the more I’m convinced I need to throw myself a funeral while I’m still there to enjoy it, Alex.
Gonna have to order Hawaiian shirts for the revelers…
hehehe
LikeLike
😀 I want my Guapo-Not-Quite-Dead-Yet Hawaiian shirt!
LikeLike
You did a great job of putting in the bar. My shirt smells like smoke and whiskey.
I love the sensory stuff and you always have a nice funny kick to things. awesome job.
LikeLike
Thanks Lance. There are always easier when you just have to give the truth a little twist…
LikeLike
No one threw up! A successful eve indeed. 🙂
LikeLike
well, I kinda ran out of room, Asplenia. But I’m sure, if I had another 300 words, someone would have.
It was that kind of place…
LikeLike
Glass eye in Bushmills – Brilliant! “Hic”
LikeLike
Thanks GFB. You would have loved the characters in that bar!
LikeLike
I think I have been one in my time!
LikeLike
That was a cute story, Guapo.
You did a naked snow angel outside a bar and they nailed your socks to the wall (?) Sorry, I got totally distracted by that comment..’cause I could not stop lmao…
LikeLike
That’s all true, whitelady. Sadly, I think I may have to post that story. I was hoping to let the naked bar dance thing quiet down first, but it doesn’t look like that’ll ever happen… 😉
LikeLike
haha – oh, I’m all in for some naked snow angel story…
LikeLike
Hilarious – Loved the images, most especially of the cigarettes in the nostrils.
LikeLike
Thanks Kelly. You have no idea how hard it is to time that kind of thing so no one gets hurt!
LikeLike
Guapo, this is hilarious, like a Stooges short, only better. The kind of shit we used to pull back in the day. And the glass eye? That’s a story, a true one I have, for another day. Great, vivid images and colorful characters, You crack me up! Peace, Amy
LikeLike
Thanks Pencil. I hope everyone has at least one of these nights in their history. Can’t wait to hear your glass eye story!
LikeLike
A little tribute to The Tick, there? You know, I will often yell “SPOOOOON!!!” in crowded areas when I’m having a super hero moment. 🙂 Still the master! I’m not sure why, but somewhere in my head you have become royalty…the King of WordPress. 🙂
LikeLike
The Tick should be honored wherever possible, Lisa!
And thank you so much – first round is on me (just make sure there’s only booze in the glass before you drink it)!
LikeLike
This almost sounded, in the beginning, like a wild “Animal House” like story. Nothing like a crazy ass night in a bar. It’s been far, far too long. Just LOVED the eyeball…trumps all the other tricks, IMO!
LikeLike
Thanks Gina. The eye gag never gets old.
LikeLike
Love the action-packed tale.
LikeLike
Thank you, Lorre. looking back over it, I’m laughing at how close to real life some of this story is…
LikeLike
😆 What great friends………… 😀
LikeLike
With friends like that, who needs a bar tab, TikkTok?
It was a great group in that place!
LikeLike
77 comments still takes my breath away. I bow at your feet, Guap. Fun story. So real that I found myself at the bar with everyone. Perhaps literally, as I saw my name listed among your characters. And I’ve decided that it was probably an homage to me so please don’t ruin it by telling me it wasn’t. Oh, and for future reference, I spell it with one L.
Also, I’m absolutely delighted you’re not dead. You seriously don’t know how many of the real people in my life ask me how El Guapo is doing on a regular basis. You’re a legend around these parts.
LikeLike
Thanks ODNT!
One “L”. Got it.
You realize now that I’ll have to make it clear(er) when I work you into a story…
That’s very cool. My wife looks forward to when I show her your latest posts.
LikeLike
First of all, I am both excited and flattered about making an appearance in your stories.
Secondly, tell your wife she rocks. I just have a hunch. 🙂
LikeLike
*wheels turning*
hehehe
LikeLike
I knew I heard a rusty squeak somewhere. 🙂
LikeLike
I thought “Jack dodged a flying banana” would be the perfect intro line! (His name goes from Jack to Jake, though that sort of keeps with the spirit of the piece.) I can totally see this as a crazy bar game, and even more than that, I can envision some tired out old fart stopping for a beer on the way home from work walking into the insanity and being COMPLETELY lost!
LikeLike
Thanks Jester Queen. I missed the name change, but since you like it, I’ll leave it.
We got pretty lucky with folks who wandered in. An awful lot of them became regulars…
LikeLike
You are a MASTER of observation, my friend! Good work.
LikeLike
Thank you Hook!
LikeLike
I have not been to a bar – at least in this part of the world. Thank you for the lively description. 🙂 You made it look like a great place for friends to hang out in.
LikeLike
Thanks Imelda! It was a great place to hang out. For yours, when people asked for my number, I gave them my home phone. Followed by “But if you want to get a hold of me” and the bar number.
LikeLike
Pandemonium is a great word. And aptly describes the goings on at that particular bar. You painted a vibrant picture of a bar scene. I can almost taste the whiskey. Almost.
Thanks for joining in, come back for the weekend challenge.
LikeLike
Thanks Trifecta. I’m sure if you showed up, they’d have a drink waiting for you. (Just check it to make sure there isn’t anything non-booze in it!)
LikeLike
You really used to do these scary things!! Wow!
LikeLike
It was that kind of bar, Beautiful. But in fairness, it was more a bunch of silly drunks than anything really scary…
LikeLike
Nothing scarier to a sober person than a silly drunk….
LikeLike
And nothing funnier to a silly drunk than a sober person!
hehehe
LikeLike
SCORE!
LikeLike
Just wanted to say hi. I haven’t seen you around as much as usual. So hi.
LikeLike
Hey there Hobs!
LikeLike