Today’s Music: Def Leppard – Pour Some Sugar On Me
I read a lot. Voraciously even. I’ve mentally consumed thousands if not millions of pages on topics as varied as wave mechanics and quantum physics to Encyclopedia Brown and Bloom County. And I’ve loved almost all of them.
So when the fine folks at Trifecta posed the challenge of retelling a favorite book in just 33 words, my head almost exploded. I mean, how could I pick just one book? And how could I condense the brilliance within to just 33 words?
So I pondered, and thought, mused and ruminated, considered and mulled. And so, with sincere apologies to the Trifecta judges, who do an incredible job developing and judging these challenges (and are occasionally forced to read stuff like this), and to my readers, who I sincerely hope and pray don’t lynch for what I’m about to do, and finally to Joe Hoover, who will probably approve of this one, I present my response to the Trifecta Writing Challenge:
Butter, butter, butter, butter, sugar, sugar, butter, sugar, bacon, sugar, butter, pork, butter, sugar, sugar, sugar, butter, butter, lard, butter, butter, cream cheese, butter, pork, butter, sugar, sugar, butter, bacon, drippings, diabetes.
Butter!
Have a great weekend y’all, and love and best dishes from Paula’s kitchen to yuuuurs!
This post has also been approved by me
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Thank you, my fellow gourmand.
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Hey!!! How did you get my Grandmother’s secret recipe?!?
You are hilarious! Thanks for the hearty laugh. 😉
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Your grandmother?
Oh my goodness-we’re related!!!
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Did your grandmother use bacon?
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Alas, WG, it wasn’t until later that I discovered the joy of that fine food.
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I’ve got a friend called Poopus who might enjoy reading this. Her grandmother didn’t use bacon either but she did like butter.
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Brilliant! I’m calling it – you win!
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I hope all the serious entrants take this in the same vein, Libby.
Thanks!
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My cholesterol just jumped 300 points. My doctor and Lipitor both thank you. LOVE IT!
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I think we should get some sort of payoff from them for this kind of thin, Jennifer…
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Ha!
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An ingenious summation. Now get outta my head please!
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As soon as I adapt your scrumptious sugar/bacon/sausage/drippings muffin recipe, L&L. Then I promise, I’ll leave
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Oh! You had me at ‘butter, butter, butter, butter’!
And at ‘bacon’.
Mmmmmmmm, baaaacon.
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If I had known bacon was all it took… 😉
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Actually, what I really meant to say was ‘you had me at handsome New Yorker wearing a yellow lederhosen whilst frying bacon’.
Mmmmmmm, baaaacon.
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Good one 🙂
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Why thank you, Ruby
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I think my arteries just got clogged reading your retelling of “Celebrate” by Paula Deen. Thanks a lot. : )
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Have some butter – it will slick everything up so it slides easier, Lisa!
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Sadly, you were limited by 33 words. I fear you may have missed a few buttery bacon dripping recipes in your review, but otherwise, a most excellent buttery review and a most appropriate song choice. Sweet!
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Thank you! I was just going to print some lines from a recipe that called for 33 cups of butter and 3 cups of bacon, but I didn’t know if that actually fit the rules of this one, sandylikeabeach…
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When you mentioned both Bloom County and Encyclopedia Brown I knew instantly that you had good taste. But then you pull the rug out from under me with Paula ‘The Human Heart Attack’ Dean!
Of course, that’s the fun of being a reading omnivore–you never know where your next meal will come from.
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I still read my Bloom County books, Smak. I’m hoping they release a compendium, like The Far Side and Calvin and Hobbes did.
And I hope you don’t mind if I use the phrase “reading omnivore”. It’s a perfect description!
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I was rereading this post and saw this comment.
Updated – they did release the complete bloom County, and I did reread the whole damn run.
It still stands up.
Ack. Thpt.
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oh, I think you should win!!!!!! very very clever!!!!
best,
MOV
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Thanks so much, MOV – but I think yours is a much higher caliber, and I encourage everyone to check out your Goldilocks retelling!
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Hahah I love Paula! She’s literally insane. I wanted to go on her diet until she got diabetes. Have you ever heard her say olive oil? It’s so weird….
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Actually, I think she once did olive oil-cinnamon sugar lollipops once, Lily.
I believe there was a roux involved.
And butter.
Also,as a diabetic, I still love her stuff. Some of it is really good, and so rich you don;t need to eat again for a week.
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Hi,
Oh that was good, I am still laughing, well done. 😀
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Thanks so much,Magsx2. I’m glad Paula has international stature for this to translate across the seas.
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Best. Post. Ever.
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And also – butter.
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I think we should start a Paula Deen meetup group, fem.
Where we can all discuss the joys of butter.
And butter.
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A buttery empire, if you will.
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oh, myyyyy – Ms. Paula Dean is hubbymoose’s FAVORITE author by far. He would def. agree with your pick. (I laughed very much when reading this – THANK you!)
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Thanks so much Barbara! My girl is also a big fan of hers. Whenever we’re cooking a recipe that calls for sticks of butter, we talk to each other in sugary southern accents.
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AAAAAAAAAhahahahahahahahaha. That really is perfect!!
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Thanks, Madame Weebles. I was trying to catch her buttery essence, but I was worried it may have slipped away.
HAHAHAH-
sorry.
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That’s why she adds a lot of cheese to things—it reduces the friction from the butter.
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That’s why she adds a lot of cheese to things—it reduces the slipperiness from the butter.
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Well, at least there’s a reason. I thought she just did that when she’d lost total control of herself and just started throwing things together – I mean, granulated, light brown, dark brown and confectioners sugar all in one dish?
Is it brilliance? Or madness?
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Hahaha!! Love it!!
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Thank you, Amelia!
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Oh, this is good. Very creative and clever. Love it!!
Butter! (Yum.)
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Thanks, Janna! Oddly, it was the only thing I could think of for the challenge…
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It reminds me of Peanuts butter! ^=^ yummi
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Paula Deen thanks you for that, ristinw, and suggests you deep fry it. In butter.
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hahahahaha. Peanut butter and bacon, fried on white bread, with fries dredged in mayo. I’m amazed she’d still walking. Great answer to the prompt, and funny as hell. Peace, Amy
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Gah – I forgot mayo!
Your bible retelling was brilliant, Amy.
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As a vegetarian, I must object to the use of pork and bacon in this retelling. Also, their removal makes room for more butter, This was hilarious. Thanks for the laugh. Be sure to come back tomorrow for the special 33rd challenge. It’s going to be fun!
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Alas, I don’t think Paula does anything without some kind of animal product, Trifecta.
I’m still not convinced the bacon sundae wasn’t her idea…
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Great piece of writing – concise, brave and to the point.
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Thanks GfB! When i reread it, it went down like warm…well…butter.
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Now that’s funny … thus many laughs for me in early morning. Bravo! … and bon apetite.
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Glad you enjoyed it, Frank, and thank you!
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One question! Do I liquidize that before or after cooking and would it be ok to have ice cream with it?
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The answer to that would be YES!!!, Roly. 😉
Enjoy!
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hahaha, that does sum it up pretty well!
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Thanks Renada. She definitely found her niche
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Ha! That was funny! I went to one of her shows (she didn’t cook though, I was a little disappointed – she said, “Oh, ya’ll see me cook all the time – let’s just talk..” ) 2 hrs of her talking and people from the audience yelling out ‘BUTTER!’ every five mins….it was hilarious.
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I hope she had a sense of humor about it, whitelady!
Was the conversation interesting?
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She was really cute and a good sport about it. Those southern ladies in the audience were going CRAZY – it was like Elvis had come to town….
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This is so freaking hilarious! This is prefect! Wish I would have thought like this. Wouldn’t have gotten reprimanded by the Trifecta gods for not doing well enough!
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The trifecta gods just want you to be all you can be, Swirls. But I thought yours was pretty good!
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Well thanks, Guapo. I think I’ve got about a 10th grade writing education, if that, so I just write what I please. I need to study up more on the technicalities of writing. But until then, I’ll write what I please!
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Always write what you please, Swirls. It’s the best writing there is!
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Incredible. You managed to consolidate the entire book by simply eliminating the words add, mix, melt and more. Bravo!
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Anything she says that isn’t butter, sugar or deep fried really is superfluous, Rich…
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Thank You for making me laugh today that was very well done. The condensed version was perfect. :+) I’m still chuckling.
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Thank you, Starla – glad it got a laugh!
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Best Laugh of the day so far! :+)
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Love it – the last word in particular!
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Thanks! I think the finishing butter is what brings it all together, whatimeant2say.
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Umm, I never read it but I’m pretty sure that was plagiarism.
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She and I punctuate differently, Cayman.
It’s like Vanilla Ice and the “Tingggg”.
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Hahahahahaha….bacon’s gooooood…
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I should have worked in some booze too, Kayjai. Pretty sure she has some in her kitchen, if not in her recipes…
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Brilliant, even before researching the Butter Queen. Now that I get all the references, truly brilliant!
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Research- that’s what I missed on this writing project! Thank you, Kanerva!
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Love! You are so funny. That’s the perfect summation (and I haven’t even read the book). I smell a winner on my hands… soaked in grease, covered in flour, and deep-fried. Well done, my friend!
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Thank you, Laura. I think you’re smelling the confectioners sugar melting on top.
And the leftover butter.
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Haha! Brilliant! I love the way your mind works almost as much as I love the way Paula Deens’ mind works. Only she’s got buttery sugary bacon dripping Brraaiinnsss!
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Paula Deen, culinary zombie.
Thanks Linda! And I think you’ve just inspired me…
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Oh boy! Can’t wait! 😀
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I think this was the best one I read. Perfect description of the book! 🙂
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Guffaw…. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA LOVE IT!!!!!
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Do you really, or is that just the butter talking? 😉
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Brilliant, indeed!!! a little overused, here, but I’m certain you don’t mind… I’m just wondering how it all tasted when you were done… you DID try it, right!?!!?!?
🙂
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I don’t mind at all, BuddhaKat. And it was deeeeliciooous…
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Haha, great! Go The Deenster!
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Delicious! Would be even better with a pinch of cardiovascular disease.
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She might be saving that for the sequel, beautiful..
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OMG you’re funny. Maybe your butter can go on my honey chicken biscuit.
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Thanks, Rebecca. Paula says wrap the biscuit in the butter and deep fry that sucker!
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Amen to that. You I am in Texas. We are known for frying everything you think of, at least in the state fair.
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