Monthly Archives: May 2013

Friday Foolishness – Susie Strong Edition


Today’s Music: Joan Jett – Bad Reputation

HI THERE!!! So I got an angry email from the storage unit that the smell of brrraaaaiiinnnnsss was starting to drive off the other customers, Which I guess means it’s time to dust off the Friday Foolishness. And it’s a special edition, too!
But for now, lets just dive right in, shall we?
Last time we did this, we asked what you’d want on a desert island. And judging from your answers, a therapist wouldn’t have been out of place! Here’s what you said. (As always, my comments are tanning in italics.)

An island of delicious in a sea of dance floor!


some company…Lorre (Articles of Absurdity)
(Wouldn’t that defeat the purpose?)
…for it to be that island Gilligan landed on. They had everything! – Brian
(Except a boat…)
a bridge to the mainland (Stacy)
(Would that be one of those “bridge to nowhere” thingies?)
A never-ending supply of naughty female natives 🙂 Andro
(Careful – naughty might mean they eat you with the wrong fork!)
hmm. i didn’t know deserts had islands.
(Yes, in the stream. That is what they are.)
(Anyone? Anyone?)

BOOBIES! – Revis
(I think the tropical heat is causing hallucinations…)
Desert island or deserted island? I would still like dessert. sandylikeabeach
(Does a viennese table count as an island?)
Butterscotch. It’s not dessert without butterscotch. SilkPurseProductions
(Whipped Cream is appalled at your faithlesness.)
Is this like Life of Pi, but with chocolate bunnies instead of a tiger?
(Melted chocolate bunnies are much scarier than tigers.)
How about a helicopter? Benzeknees
(Then you’d need one of those hot air force pilo- Ohhhh…)
Being deserted would be enough. – Hotspur
(WE HAVE A WINNER!!!)
A Tardis ~Miss R
(Would the chameleon circuit make it look like a cabana?)
My kids to be in civilization. At least it will be quiet then. (UndercoverL)
(If you bring them, there’d be nothing but the sounds of you burping after a good meal.)
PMAO says; my penis… this is my answer for all of these from now on.
(If you were going to go with “penis”, shouldn’t you have added “sunscreen”?)
A bunch of smokin’ hot guys to be stranded with. And don’t hurry with the boat. Madam Weebles
(The boat will be speeding there. With their wives.)
A volley ball friend and movie written about it. –Lily In Canada
(But does Keanau Reeves have the emotional range to play a volleyball?)
The super power of teleportation. Carrie Rubin
(It would be very super! Until they expected you to use it to get to work sooner…)
A round king-sized bed. No hospital corners-Gobs of man pillows+a huge tub. Red.
(Man Pillow)
The letter S so I could make it a dessert island! Linda Vernon
(There’s probably plenty of S! (cargot.))
Bring it! Married & pregnant. I would LOVE a desert island above all else! Quirky
(Yes, but then where will you get chocolate ice cream covered in pickles?)
a library, Matt Bomer (let’s ignore his sexual orientation) and a goat –Rutabaga
(I think the goat is concerned about his potential orientation…)
Ginger and Mary Ann to join me….SnB
(You realize they’re in their 80’s?)
My wife and access to WordPress (Frank)
(Wouldn’t one take away from the other? Or is that just me?)

Congratulations to Edward Hotspur for this weeks (last weeks? The week before?) winning answer! And from the offered choices the most popular was Umm…I’d just like a boat to send the rest of these crazies off this island so I can enjoy the coconuts. And my goat. Because who doesn’t love a goat? (Where that sort of thing is legal…)

Susie

And so we come to this weeks poll. Not the poll I was planning (you lucky people!), but one that (I hope) will only need to be done now.
I’ve always said I know the coolest people in the sphere. One of the bloggers I followed early on was Susie Lindau, self described Wild Child: Moustachioed Skier, Hiker, , Bon Vivant. Susie has breast cancer. Today she’s getting surgery and a double mastectomy to minimize chances of relapse.
She doesn’t want to be defined as “cancer survivor”, and she still has great things in front of her. So for this weeks poll, I’m asking you all for help for her. Help for her to get through her surgery.
And Metaphorical help in describing exactly how she’s gonna beat cancer.
So that’s this week’s poll.
Answer as often as you like, but answer by 2359 EST on Wed, 5 June. Because that’s when this one ends.
Oh, and if you write in an “other” answer, write in your name too, and I’ll link back to you next week.


And to send you all out to what will hopefully be a delightful weekend, enjoy this disturbing, yet entertaining clip!
Lesbians! Talking about porn! Stolen from I Saw Bob Dylan In A Speedo!
(You’ll never look at shoes the same way again.)

Have a great week everyone. And you too Susie!

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Why I Started a Blog: Raisins and Beans (Translated from the French!)


Today’s Music: Stevie Ray Vaughn and Double Trouble – If The House Is A’Rockin

Dude, “raison d’etre” translates loosely to “reason for being”, not “raisins and beans”.
Umm…no one likes the French.
Jackass.
quill-and-parchment
It seemed simple enough when I started. John Scalzi had his blog about 10 years and was a best selling author. Jenny, the Bloggess, had been online for a while and had a book deal, as well as being an in-demand speaker. The lady that cooked all of Julia Child’s recipes got a book and movie deal.
That was how it worked, I thought. Go online. Be brilliant. Make money. Live your dream.

Or not…

Let me be clear here, the money is not at all the dream. I have no interest in having money as an end to itself. I’d just like to have enough money to not have to worry about money. It’s been a long time since I took a job just for the money, instead of the opportunity to learn and do something interesting.
But that isn’t the dream either.
dollars
So, I figured, start a blog. Post fun stories about adventures. Find a sponsor.
Do the dream.

Jet ski across the Atlantic Ocean.

(I’ll wait wile you stop laughing.)
(Hey, it wasn’t that funny.)
(Don’t hurt yourself.)
(Breathe.)
(BREATHE!)

(All better now? Ok.)

Think about it – a guy who ran under a truck. A guy whose last words as he jumped off a bridge were “I WANT A PONY!!!)
A guy who would pick his friends up at 10 am for lunch because he was taking them to PA for philly cheese steaks.
Who better to pull off one of the stupidest stunts ever (short of running for elected office)?

I don’t have a death wish. The exact opposite in fact.
The thing I’ve done that I’ve enjoyed most is probably rock climbing. There are moments where your fate literally is in your hands. Where will your hand go? Which way will you lean?
The equipment doesn’t matter. It’s acknowledged, then dismissed.
No, I wouldn’t climb without a safety line or without a belayer who understood what they were doing. But that gets dismissed from thought.
And up there in the air, or hanging from the cliff face, for me, is the purest expression of “What can I do?”. What are my mind and body capable of when they are completely focused on one thing, to the exclusion of all else?
To me, that’s living.
Not the adrenaline high. Not the stories afterwards. Not being part of a small club that knows exactly what you mean when you describe grabbing a bomber hold, or stepping out of a plane, or pearling off a surfboard.

Just that one moment of focus and complete calm as you go for the next move.

And beyond that, what can be done? What is possible?

I think jet skiing across the Atlantic falls into that last question. Is it possible? to take a few pounds of fiberglass, an engine and a lunatic across 3000 miles of ocean? Some of it piled up 40 feet or higher?
Damned if I know.
But I’d love to find out.
JetSki
So I started to blog. I’ve told some stories that give a pretty good idea of who I am.
I’ve met some great people. I’ve been turned on to a whole universe here in the sphere.

Still no sponsors. But I’ve met a ton of great people.
People that will listen to the stories (and the music), maybe say something funny, or wise, or thought provoking.
And I’ve enjoyed their stories, and the back and forth in the comments as we meet on other sites.
And that’s worth even more than getting a book deal and a movie contract.

So listen up, sponsors. When you come by to set me up with the gear I need, you’re going to have to kick in a little extra for paint. Because the avatars of all the people I read and that stop by here are going on the side of the ski.

Wouldn’t be any point otherwise…

I’m Back.


Today’s Music: Hello – Back In A New York Groove

(The other bookend from my break begun here.)
FADE IN

Interior – A STUDIO is a hive of activity. Stats, plug-ins, links scroll over large HD monitors mounted on the walls. Several ENGINEERS fiddle with switches and slides on their starship-like consoles.
A TECH moves to a microphone

Tech: Sibilance. Sibilance. Check. One two three. Sibilance
Engineer: Hold on Tommy. George! Check out the cabling on mic 1. Something ain’t right.

GEORGE picks a cable off the floor and traces it thorugh it’s connections. He stops, unplugs and reseats a connection, giving a thumbs up to the engineer.

Engineer: K, try it again.
Tech: Sibilance. Sibilance. One two three.
Engineer: Sounds good. Where’s Guap?
George: In his dressing room, I think.

“DAMMIT!!!!”
All heads turn to the dressing room door. It flings outward, a terrified INTERN rushing from the room.
EL GUAPO exits, resplendent in a freshly ironed Hawaiian shirt, of the finest polyester, his boats shoes scuffed and bent in the way only the most comfortable shoes become.
El Guapo: I said halfcafdoublespresstriplefrappvanillachino with skim milk. THIS IS ONE PERCENT!!!
He hurls the offending cup where it splatters iridescently against the wall.

Engineer: Uh, Guap…we gotta record the blog promo. WordPress expects us back on the air soon.
El Guapo: Effin corporate overlords.
He strides to the mic. Pausing only to slick back his hair and adjust his imitation plastic Ray Bans, he begins speaking as Today’s Music swells on the speakers behind him

“Hi there! Remember me? Well, I’m back! Nanny nanny boo boo!”

Dude, this makes you look like a pezhead. You’re an idiot, not a pezhead.
But…
Seriously dude. Redo it.

FADE IN

EXTERIOR – a rundown roadside inn at night, in the rain. A flash of night shows us several horses hitched to the railing post in front as the camera moves through the swinging door to the INTERIOR. The patrons cower in a corner. three outlaws watch the crowd over the barrels of their guns.
their LEADER paces back an forth in front of them.
Leader: I don’t understand this misplaced affection you have for him. He abandoned you. How can you defend him now?
Patron: He didn’t abandon us. He just took a short break.
Leader (scoffing) Just tell us where he is.

A sound comes from the bar. The leader and his men whirl. There sits EL GUAPO, his brown leather outback hat dripping rain water, a tall glass of tequila in front of him.
El Guapo: This blog ain’t big enough for the both of us, Overlord.
He stands up.
The LEADER faces him.
Leader: Ok then. *his hand moves toward his holster* POST!
A flash of light and noise, bits blazing across the ether. El Guapo holds up his tablet and presses Post.
Leader’s hand clutches his chest and he falls to the floor
Leader: Always knew the…Poetry Slam…would…get me…
Leader dies.
Patron: You’ve saved us!
Comely Buxom Patron:How about a naked bar dance, Guap?
El Guapo turns to the camera and waggles his eyebrows.

Waggles his eyebrows? Dude, this is even worse. You’re gonna lose followers.
Sigh.
Yeah yeah, just do it again.And be straight with em.

FADE IN
INTERIOR – El Guapo sits back, laptop in…well…his lap. He types the following and posts.

I’m back! Still fighting the corporate overlords, but it’s too much fun here to stay away. See y’all later this week, and the first round’s on me.

FADE OUT

Goofy

Please Help Find Nichole


A Message From The Fool Of Fridays


Today’s Music: Sam Cooke – A Change Is Gonna Come

Hi there! Hope y’all are well! Something a bit different this Friday.
I have no italics for last weeks poll. I have no poll for this weeks poll.
In fact, I got nothin’.

Because occasionally, real life sucks. I thought when I started that blogging was a time-suck. Sadly, it turns out working for the corporate overlords is. Yes, it’s good to work, but the satisfaction is in time well spent.
And for that, blogging is great.

Unfortunately, I need to finish a project at work (hopefully in the next week or two), which means that when I get home, I can barely sit at my computer to join you in the sphere, despite how much I enjoy your company.

But this isn’t the end quite yet. There’s still new stories to gather, and old ones to tell.
I haven’t yet told you about the naked bar slide. You haven’t come out to learn to hangglide yet.
And I never even told you why I started blogging in the first place.
(Not to mention all the music we haven’t listened to either!)

So, all of that is still to come. Hey, it’ll come even sooner if the Lottery Agency approves my retirement plan.
Either way, you’re not quite rid of me yet, and I expect I’ll back in just a couple of weeks.
Until then, live well, be brilliant, and rock on.